Chapter 43 #2
Griffin squints, taking in every aspect of my body. Rigid posture, red haze in my eyes, tight jaw. “What happened today, Raven?”
Sarcasm isn’t a good look in times like these, but I need to protect my wounded heart somehow. “I’m so glad you asked. I met a lovely woman today who felt inclined to let me know she’s fucked you both and wanted to compare notes.”
I’m not sure what I was expecting. Frustration? Guilt? But I get neither. The undiluted rage that rolls from them leaves me dumbfounded.
Knox widens his stance and crosses his arms. “First of all, and I speak for Griffin and myself in this, fuck that woman. Not literally. I mean that she can die for all we care.”
A vein pulses at Griffin’s temple. “Second, we had different lives before you. We’re almost forty years old. Did you think that we’ve been celibate that whole time?”
“Of course not,” I return with a little more fervor than I mean to.
“We were going on dates while you were still learning how to walk, a fact I don’t like to dwell on because it makes me feel like a damn predator.” Griffin shakes his head, and Knox winces at his words.
I roll my eyes. “You’re not predators. And I’m an adult. A consenting adult. I know how to say no. Y’all aren’t some evil beasts taking advantage of my innocence. That went out the window a long time ago.”
The pain of that memory is like a knife to the gut.
“That’s exactly my point. You had a life before us, too,” Griffin points out.
Not much of a life.
“I know that.” I cross my arms, not yet willing to let go of the injustice of today.
Griffin makes another point. “You’ve definitely had sex before us. You didn’t arrive in Mystic River as a virgin.”
Not by choice.
Another knife.
“Who was it? The woman,” Knox inquires.
“She said her name was Ruby.”
Griffin rears his head back, and Knox frowns.
“We don’t know anyone named Ruby,” Griffin informs me.
I still can’t let the argument go like a real mature adult would. “Are you sure? You could’ve gotten drunk and taken her home.”
“No way.” Knox shakes his head. “We don’t sleep with the same woman separately. If I go home with her, Griffin avoids her. The only time it’s the same woman is when it’s together, and that isn’t something we do regularly or while drunk. So, we remember their names.”
My pulse picks up at the thought of them in bed with another woman, but I can’t keep lashing out. That’s not fair to them.
Knox tips his head. “Then what’s the problem?”
“I would like some kind of warning, so I’m not blindsided by women wanting to boast about bagging the Montgomery twins.
And you’re right, we all had lives before whatever this is started,” I wave at the space between us, “But if the situation were reversed, you’d probably kill the men who talked to you like that woman talked to me. ”
“That’s true,” Griffin says with a shrug. Neither of them bothers trying to deny it at all. “And as for this,” Griffin makes the same waving motion, “Call it what it is. A relationship. It may be considered unconventional to some, but that’s what we have. We’re building a life together.”
Knox’s expression is open and sincere. “We’re all in, Raven.”
Why do they have to hit me right in the heart every single time? It’s like they know what I need when I need it. My eyes bounce back and forth between them as my throat clogs with emotion.
“Before you two, I’d never…” I trail off, realizing what was about to come out of my mouth, but they won’t let it go.
Griffin steps up next to Knox. “You’d never, what?”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I squeeze my eyes shut. My truth sits on the tip of my tongue, waiting for me to let it free. A part of me wants to keep them in the dark because then they’re more likely to stay. But I know that’s denial whispering sweet nothings in my ear.
They say that the truth sets you free. But what if the truth was never my prison?
My cage was made up of people who sought to control me and use my body for their own profit.
They may be out of my life, but part of me that they hurt is still held in a cage.
Will breaking the lock on that cage help or hurt me more?
I’ve never been able to talk about this with anyone. I have my fellow survivors, but we’ve never discussed it. We lived it together. We don’t need to bring that back into the space between all of us. And Noah is my son. I’m supposed to shield him from things like that.
So, if not Griffin and Knox, then who?
Along with their gift of discernment, it’s like they also have the gift of mind reading or something. They’re always able to look at me and just know.
Griffin picks up on the secrets I’m still holding close to the vest. “There’s something else.”
Do I tell them? What will they think of me?
“Whatever it is, you can tell us. We’re not here to judge. We’re more like the last people who could ever judge someone.” Knox’s solace gifts me with the remaining courage I need.
My heart swells as I realize that I trust them. I trust them with my secrets. I trust them with Noah. I trust them with my heart.
Dropping my arms to my sides, I face them, ready to set this part of my soul free.
“My life in New York wasn’t what you’d imagine it to be.
I didn’t go walk down Saks Fifth Avenue searching for the perfect dress.
I didn’t explore Times Square or take the ferry to the Statue of Liberty.
I never stood at the top of the Empire State Building to admire the beauty of the city lights at night.
My life was full of things no one should ever have to go through. ”
“Well, you had Noah when you were only nineteen. That couldn’t have been easy,” Griffin sympathizes.
If only that were all…
They did the math correctly on that one. That’s usually the first thing people do when they find out I have a son and that I’m only twenty-five.
Blowing out a breath, I respond, “Yes, that was part of it.” I swallow and lay it all on the line. “When I was eighteen, I was kidnapped. My captors took me to New York and forced me into prostitution.”
The temperature in the room goes up as Griffin and Knox start to lose their cool.
I scramble to finish explaining, biting the bullet. “I got pregnant with Noah right away. My captors realized that if they let me have the baby, they could keep him as leverage. Eventually, they found out about my training as a ballerina and moved me to their strip club, Euphoria.”
Griffin’s breath gets heavier as Knox’s fists clench and unclench.
“Almost two months ago, we were all rescued. I grabbed Noah and got out of dodge.” I pause, waiting for them to say something, but they stay quiet. I shuffle my feet. “So, that’s how I ended up here.”
“You were trafficked?” Knox questions.
“Yes,” I clarify. Griffin still doesn’t speak. He walks over to my bed and sits on the edge. He rests his hands in his lap, studying them closely.
Knox poses another question. “Noah was the product of rape?”
“Yes,” I answer again, waiting for all the anger stewing inside them to turn to me, but that doesn’t come. It never comes. I should’ve known better. Griffin and Knox would never do that to me.
Knox furrows his brows. “Were you part of that human trafficking ring that was run by Anthony Cole? It was all over the news.”
“It was Anthony Cole and Pierce Murphy, but Pierce was able to get away in the raid on Euphoria. Law enforcement is still searching for him.”
“So, he’s alive?” Griffin finally chimes in.
I nod. “Yes, but he’s probably not even in the country anymore.” Neither brother is satisfied with that answer. Knox treads back and forth.
“He’s still breathing?” Griffin tilts his head up to look at me.
“Yes, but he’s on the run. He doesn’t control me anymore. It’s okay.” I hold my hands out, palms up in a placating gesture. Knox stops his pacing and looks at me incredulously.
Griffin’s eyes turn fierce. “It’s okay? What about any of this is okay?”
“Everyone else is either dead or in prison awaiting trial. They got what they deserved,” I rush to explain.
Griffin jumps to his feet. “They got what they deserved?” Both brothers stomp toward me with puffed-up chests.
Stumbling a step back, I’m thrown off balance by their temper. But I force myself to hold my ground. “Stop repeating everything I say!”
Griffin throws his hands out at his sides. “I just find it hard to believe that you’re okay with this because I sure as hell am not!”
“Me too,” Knox adds. “These people basically tortured you. They didn’t just facilitate your rape. They treated you like a slave!”
Griffin shakes his head. “I think they’re getting off too easy. Death and prison aren’t enough.”
“I agree.” Knox cracks his knuckles. “Maybe we need to dish out a little justice of our own.”
Griffin tilts his head in agreement. “I’ll look at getting flights. Maybe we can?—”
“Stop!” I interrupt. “No one is going to New York. No one is getting beat up.”
Griffin faces me. “Why aren’t you just as angry about this as we are?”
Something takes over me and unleashes everything.
“You think I don’t get angry about it?” My voice gets louder and louder with each word.
“They took everything from me! I would go months on end without seeing Noah. It’s a miracle he even recognizes me as his mother!
” My shoulders lift and drop with a deep breath.
“But anger doesn’t change anything. Anger doesn’t give me back the years they took from me.
Anger doesn’t make up for all the moments I missed with Noah.
I’m done with being angry at them. It takes too much from me.
I’m not giving them any more than what they’ve already taken from me. ”
When I’m done, all the energy leaves my body. My shoulders sag, and my head bends down.
Griffin steps right up to me as his hands find my face, guiding me to make eye contact with him.
The sweet amber of his eyes opens up to me, allowing me to feel every ounce of his passion.
His fury on my behalf, his despair for the pain I experienced, and his adoration for the woman I turned out to be. My own azure eyes fill with tears.
Griffin’s thumbs sweep across my cheeks. “You’re so strong.” His lips crash down on mine. We move together in perfect synchronicity. My arms wrap around his middle, pulling him closer. This kiss isn’t for release or to get lost in each other’s bodies.
It’s comfort.
It’s home.
Our lips break apart, and Knox steps to my side. I turn to him, and Griffin’s hands drop from my face.
Knox cages me in his arms, sealing our bodies together, and I drape my arms around his neck.
The tug in my chest that nips at me when he’s around settles.
It’s soothed by his touch. His tone is reverent.
“I’m in awe of you. You’ve been through so much, and yet you still get out of bed every day and keep going. You’re amazing.”
Knox dips his head, and our mouths connect in a seamless kiss. His passion pours into me. The pieces of my soul that have broken over the last seven years begin to take shape again.
I know there’s still more I need to tell them, and I will. But first, I need to make sure they won’t be caught in the crossfire of my battles.