CHAPTER 22
“Stop looking at me like that.”
The dark eyes fixed on me didn’t even blink.
“I’m fine. Really.”
Sighing my frustration, I settled back on the couch pillows and closed my eyes so I could no longer see Riku’s penetrating stare. “You’re not the authority on women, you know. You don’t know everything.”
“Oh, I know everything,” he said with a small laugh. “Every little nook and cranny.”
I wrinkled my nose but kept my eyes shut. “Is everything sex with you?”
“Pretty much.”
I sighed again. “Girls are good for more than just sex, you know.”
“I know. I have use for you, and we haven’t had sex yet.”
“Yet?” I jerked my head up to throw a scowl toward the other end of the sectional where he was sprawled. “We’re never having sex, Riku. You’ve been friendzoned, remember?”
His smirk was unapologetic as he interlaced his hands and lifted them behind his head.
The move rode up his tight white t-shirt and exposed a sliver of tanned abdomen, which was definitely intentional.
“Oh, I remember, but never say never, my little doe-eyed fawn. I have a way of charming off even the most tight-laced panties, friends included.”
“Pervert.” I grabbed one of the pillows behind me to throw it at him.
He caught the pillow midair with his magic, barely raising a finger as he smoothly guided it down to his lap. “Maybe, but you’re looking less haunted, so I’ll call that a win.”
I paused at that, realizing what he’d been trying to do.
On the couch back near my head, Comet let out a soft chirp, his close proximity yet another sign that they’d been worried.
Ever since my little episode in the bathroom, one of the guys had been with me at all times, even during my classes.
I’d tried to protest, tried to assure them I was okay, but none of them were buying it.
I hadn’t just been in shock. I’d had a bonafide mental breakdown.
Seeing Sydney’s body that way, touching her, had triggered something deep inside me, something that was still painfully raw and vulnerable like an exposed nerve.
It took me hours afterward to finally realize the gravity of what I’d revealed in that bathroom.
I’d basically admitted to them that I should be the one dead on that floor.
That I deserved to die for what I’d done to Thorne’s sister.
No wonder they’d refused to leave me alone for even a second. They probably all thought I was going to commit suicide next.
After a brief talk with Chancellor Grimshaw about finding Sydney in the bathroom, I’d been allowed to go about my day as normal.
No guidance counselor, no “are you okay?”, no nothing.
The casual reaction to her death had nearly put me into a spiral again.
Hours later, word of the suicide hadn’t even reached the rest of the student body yet.
It felt too much like she’d been erased from existence, like she no longer mattered, and that hit hard.
No one questioned my explanation for how I’d found her, but I could tell the guys weren’t satisfied with it.
My daily routine never took me by that bathroom, so it didn’t make sense that I’d suddenly decided to go there.
They didn’t say anything, though, at least not yet. Not while I was this unstable.
Thorne had been called into the chancellor’s office during dinner, so he’d left me in Oz and Riku’s care, explicitly instructing them to watch me at all times.
Which meant that I couldn’t go back to my dorm.
They’d brought me to theirs, saying that they were just following orders when I demanded they let me go.
That had been hours ago. It was nearing midnight now, and Thorne still hadn’t returned.
Which was why Oz had finally headed out to collect some of my things—and coerced me into telling him my new password.
It was just me and Riku now—and Comet, who was probably giving Thorne a play-by-play of everything I was doing.
At this point, it was too late for me to even make it back to my dorm in time.
It seemed like I was having another sleepover whether I wanted to or not.
Annoyed but also more than a little relieved that I wouldn’t have to be alone all night with my haunted thoughts, I focused on Riku again and said, “So how is mentoring with Alma going?”
He blinked at me as if surprised that I’d asked. See? I’m perfectly fine, my eyes silently told him.
“She’s an avid learner and aims to please,” he slowly replied, watching me closely.
“It’s really hard to keep it in my pants around her, and most days, I don’t know why I even try.
Maybe it’s our pactum holding me in check, but this mentor-student thing we have going on is super hot.
I should just screw her and get it out of my system, you know?
But I don’t think that’s what you asked. ”
“It’s not.” I threw another pillow at him, and he deftly caught that one midair too, lowering it back to the couch with an insufferable smirk.
“You really want to know about Alma? I thought you two were frenemies.”
My expression flattened. “Frenemies? She tried to drown me during our Initiation Trial and nearly filled my lungs with my own fluids in Conjuring class.”
“Exactly. You’ve got this fierce competitive thing going on but also a begrudging respect for each other’s talents. Which is also super hot, by the way.”
“Uh, yeah, no. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t respect anything about me.”
“You’d be surprised, Bambi,” he said, picking at a loose thread on the first pillow I’d tossed at him. “You’ve come a long way in just a few short months. Everyone has noticed.”
“And yet I’m still just a disgraced Mayweather to them. No one will talk to me except you, Oz, and Thorne.”
Riku barked a laugh. “That’s because Thorne has spent the past month glaring at anyone who dares to even look at you.”
“Great,” I muttered, yet something fluttered in my belly at the realization.
The word “possessive” came to mind again, making me think of all sorts of forbidden, confusing things.
Before my brain could jump down that rabbit hole, I blurted, “Alma and I could never be friends, at least not while she’s allied with Blaze.
I still think he placed that curse on my spellbook, and I think he’s responsible for Sydney’s death too. ”
At that, Riku straightened from his relaxed position, his expression sobering. “Whoa, why do you think that? We saw him at dinner earlier, and he was completely unscathed. Which means that he didn’t break his pactum with Sydney by intentionally harming her.”
“I don’t think he forced Sydney to drink that Nox Serum.
I just think he drove her to it.” When Riku continued to stare at me expectantly, I went on, “I personally know how it feels to be bullied by Blaze. He made me walk naked down Jade Wing hall for everyone to see. He’s made countless degrading comments to me both in public and in private, has tried to physically attack me, has spread false rumors, and turned people even more against me, all for the purpose of breaking my spirit. ”
The crestfallen look on Riku’s face made a painful lump form in my throat, but I pushed on, needing to share my theory.
“He might not have done all of those things to Sydney, but I heard he was extra hard on her lately, publicly complaining about her skills as a mentor and saying he wished he’d been paired with someone better.
Those kinds of comments stick with you, even if they aren’t true.
So I can’t help but think that the pressure he put on her—combined with the pressures she already put on herself and the stress of the upcoming trials—tipped her over the edge. ”
With a soft curse, Riku shoved both hands through his hair, making the black strands stick up every which way.
“I think you’re right, Bambi. He probably needed an outlet for all his frustrations, and she was the closest target.
Based on the fact that he walked away unharmed, I bet the bastard didn’t even realize how miserable his accusations were making Sydney. ”
Knowing that Blaze had probably gone after her because he could no longer go after me, guilt closed in once more. Before I knew it, my knees were locked against my chest and my arms tightly wrapped around them.
Something on my face must have clued Riku into the reason for my abrupt posture change, because he gently said, “Wanna talk about it? And before you say no, you should really talk about it.”
I huffed a wry laugh, unused to seeing Riku so serious, so attentive.
I must have really freaked them out earlier.
A slight rustle above my head reminded me that Comet was listening to every word we said, but the need to unburden myself was too great, too tempting.
So, before I could stop myself, I was voicing words I’d never shared before, allowing the Air Elemental a peek into the dark center of my being.
“I’m upset about what happened to Sydney, but I didn’t know her like .
. . like Juliana. I still see and feel her everywhere.
When I look at myself in the mirror, when I feel the sun warming my face, when I dream at night, I think of her.
I swear I can hear her whispering to me sometimes.
She haunts me, Riku, and when I saw Sydney’s body lying on the bathroom floor, I just .
. . That awful day came rushing back to me.
Sydney became Juliana, and I couldn’t stand losing her all over again. Couldn’t bear the guilt.”
When a shuddering sigh left me, Riku silently rose to his feet and approached my end of the couch. Before I knew what was happening, he’d slid his long body between mine and the couch back. With one smooth movement, he had my head pressed to his chest and one of my legs draped over his.
Feeling the hand behind me tug my collared shirt free of my skirt, I started to stiffen. “Riku . . .”