Chapter 62 – Clover
Chapter Sixty-Two
Clover
Kola and Kit enter my bedroom. Thomas and I stand so far apart from each other that it hurts.
I want to be close to him tonight. I want to accept everything he says as the truth and allow myself, for once in my fucking life, to have feelings for someone.
It should be easy. Thomas is hot. I’ve kissed him and touched his body and every time I touch him, I have to suppress this intense desire to let myself go and ruin things between us.
Sex always ruins things. Having sex with a guy guarantees he won’t love you back. We grow up thinking the opposite is true but sex has always exposed the cold hard truth about the men in my life: they only want one thing and once they get it, you become nothing to them.
I want to believe Thomas isn’t like that. I want to believe he’s as gentle and sweet as he seems with me, that those soft, grey eyes are for real. I want to believe that a tattooed giant could be
It's hard that it's him — the boy who hurt me, the boy I know I ought to stay very far away from. At least after everything tonight, I have a minute to breathe, although depending on Kit and Kola's news, that might not last.
"Kola!" I yelp more anxiously than I expected as she enters the room. "Kit said someone attacked you!"
Kola glares at Kit as if he's a grotesque, reptilian creature.
I can't completely blame her, as I've given Kit a few of those looks myself over the course of the year.
Kit isn't bad looking. It's his arrogant attitude and loud mouth that's the problem, not to mention all the weeks he spent torturing me with the crew team when he was all pissed off at me.
Still, he can't be completely horrible if he helped Kola get free from some attacker and if he’s bringing her to us.
Kola, on the other hand, brushes the entire thing off. She wraps her arms and cardigan tighter around her torso. She has her hair all done up for the night, so this is especially weird. It's not like her to leave her dorm room with her hair ready to sleep.
"It's not a big deal," Kola says. "Kit heard something he shouldn't have heard and—
"Come off it," Kit interrupts rudely. "Don't bother standing there lying. Jamal attacked her, touched her up completely, and she refuses to report it."
Kit shakes blond hair out of his face, shrugging as Kola glares daggers.
Thomas finally perks his ears up. "Jamal did what?"
Kola glares at the pair of them now, but she won't meet my gaze.
"I don't need a bunch of white men standing around attacking a black man's character," Kola says. "It was a misunderstanding. I freaked out a little. Kit got in the way and—
Kit doesn't care about Kola's attitude. He interrupts again. "He had her pushed against the wall and she was screaming. I got there just in time. Seriously, she needs to talk to someone. What if he's the one who—
Kola flips out completely. "I don't need you talking about the fact that I got raped!"
She rushes Kit and slaps him across the face harder than I've ever seen anyone get slapped.
When Kit grabs his face and recovers, Kola turns the backhand on him.
I leap at her to stop her from hitting him again, despite my initial pleasure at watching Kit suffer a deeply painful slap.
In this situation, it's clear Kit might not be as crazy as Kola suggests.
When her backhand turns his face, I finally get to her and pull her forearms away.
She's addressing Kit and Thomas, but she won't address me.
There's truth in what Kit's saying, isn't there? And she knows it...
"Kola, is that true? What happened?" I finally chime in.
Her story doesn't add up, but Kit's makes little sense either. I thought Kola and Jamal were close to being an item, or at least Kola wanted them to be an item.
Kola looks really upset, like she's going to cry. Kit's redder than I've ever seen him and mutters a few choice words under his breath.
"Kola?" Thomas asks with that deep, stern voice that could guilt trip an answer out of almost anyone. "What happened?"
She takes a few minutes to describe what happened.
Kit doesn't take his eyes off her as she talks. I’ve seen Kit annoyed, amused, and nearly every other emotion under the sun, but I’ve never seen him outraged.
His dark brows pinch together and there’s not even the slightest hint that he’s enjoying this.
Thomas stands close enough to his best friend to intercept any potential blows as Kola talks.
Kit nods whenever he considers Kola’s story telling on the right track, which doesn’t stop her from throwing him the occasional glare.
I feel sick hearing her speak. Jamal? Really? He didn’t exactly seem like the type.
I didn’t think he was into Kola particularly, or that he was good enough for her, but I definitely didn’t expect him to lure her to the basketball courts and get violent.
Once Kola finishes her story, Kit eagerly interjects, "That's why she slapped me, because I won't let this bastard get away with putting his hands all over her. I’m the bigger feminist here. Does that sound right? Because it doesn’t sound right to me."
"Shut up, Kit," Kola hisses. "Clover, please explain to them that they're overreacting and we can't report the only black guy in our grade over this. He didn't rape me. I'm fine."
"But Kola..." I say to her as gently as possible. "I totally disagree. We need to report him. We have to say something."
Kola's face contorts in a mixture of disgust and surprise. "Are you serious? Ever heard of snitches get stitches?"
Kola doesn't get it. Those days she spent missing, locked up and blindfolded somewhere, some guy having his way with her...
every single one of those days was agony for us.
Thomas and Kola didn't date for real, but he definitely still considers her a friend for her attempts to help him win my heart.
I can't let anyone get away with hurting her and it wouldn't matter if Jamal were the last black man on earth.
What he did was still wrong, and he made a choice to do it.
Thomas makes an incredibly annoying point. "Perhaps after they expel this black man, they can accept another to replace him."
I know he's trying to be helpful, but I can tell Kola wants to smack the teeth out of his mouth. I think I'm the only person on this campus brave or stupid enough to attempt physically harming Thomas Bainbridge.
"This is bullshit," Kola grumbles. "I thought you all would have my back."
"We do," I tell her. "Kola, please. He might not even get in trouble, but maybe this could help them find out who did this to you."
Kola scoffs. "Well, it wasn't Jamal."
Why is she getting all stubborn about this?
"Report him," Kit says. "Please."
"Kola," Thomas says, attempting to be the voice of reason. "We're all saying this because we care about you, not because we want to be racially insensitive."
For once, I can't find any fault with Thomas’ comment about rape.
"What about gender?" I point out to Kola. "He could hurt another girl."
She tightens up and looks away from all of us. "Great. Now I have to repeat the entire thing all over again. You don't understand how much it sucks to keep doing this."
I wrap my arms around her and, to my surprise, Kit crosses the room and wraps his arms around both of us.
I never took him for a hugger, and I definitely remember him smelling a lot worse the last time I was this close to him.
I'm grateful that he smells freshly showered now and apparently remains unperturbed by the harsh slap to his face.
"Kit, ew!" Kola squeals. "Don't join our hug."
Thomas wraps his arms around all of us and he's so much bigger that I get my face right in Thomas' hairy armpit.
"Thomas, ew!" I screech.
"Group hug..." he announces as Kola and I groan, attempting to be free of the much larger and much more annoying boys.
"Promise you'll tell?" I plead with Kola.
"Fine," she says. "But it's not fair that he'll probably get to skip finals."
Ha, a joke. At least she's partially back to her old self. Thomas releases us from the group hug and Kit follows suit. Kit reaches into his pocket for a hand-rolled cigarette and tucks it behind his ear.
"Sorted," he says. "Thomas, want to share this?"
"No thanks," Thomas says. "Clover and I were sort of... discussing something."
Kola's ears perk up and she responds eagerly, "Ooooooooo, discussing what?"
I'm the one to answer this time. "Our relationship."
Just those two words feel like saying yes to Thomas and for once, saying yes to him feels perfect — like nothing could wrong between us, just this once.
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