53. Freya
FREYA
S oft lips press kisses to my face. I blink my eyes open and look up at Eli.
“Merry Christmas, kitten.”
I smile. Technically Christmas was two weeks ago but Jude hated that I missed another one, so we organized our own late Christmas party and invited pretty much all our friends and family. Apart from Jude’s vapid mother.
His brother Landon and his dad got an invite though. As did Eli’s father.
I push myself up to rest against the headboard. “Merry Christmas to you too, Eli.”
He sits down on the edge of the bed. “How many clouds today?”
I think about it for a moment, feeling that familiar weight in my chest and the tiredness dragging at my mind. “Half a sky or so?”
Eli kisses me and when he pulls back, a stocking, packed thick with presents, lies across my lap. “How about now?”
I smile in wonder. “More blue sky.” I pick up one of the presents that’s fallen from the stocking. “This is for me?”
Eli nods. “Wait till you see the tree.”
I laugh, joy bubbling inside of me. “This is already the best Christmas ever.”
The morning gets better when I step out into the hall to the smell of freshly cooked waffles.
We eat breakfast in our pajamas while watching cheesy Christmas movies. I feast on the chocolate spread and whipped cream I topped my waffle with and then quietly open each little present from my stocking.
There’s strawberry lip balm and soft socks. A bookmark which I absolutely know Jude picked out. Popcorn, chocolates, the list goes on. Endless little presents that fill me with pearls of warmth and joy.
Oz goes back and forth to the stove and the oven, getting the big dinner ready for later when the guests arrive. We stay in our pajamas all morning though and Jude puts Christmas music on the speakers as we open the presents under the tree.
Eva came by and took me to the mall last week so I could pick presents out for the guys. Oz grins at the knitted sweater I chose for him, but his jaw drops when he opens the package I got Carmen to send me. It’s her latest hacking invention and will get you past pretty much any firewall in seconds.
For Jude I got a set of pebbles like the ones he keeps in his pockets, except these have quotes on them from all his favorite shows.
Except for one. His eyes shine when he turns the final stone over to see the words ‘I loved you first.’ He tucks the stone in the palm of his hand and mouths ‘I love you too.’
River was hard to buy for. I got him a new watch and a set of whiskey tumblers but it’s the final gift I got made that has me biting my lip as he opens it. He takes out the bracelet. It’s silver like mine but a wide flat cuff instead of round. He turns it over in his fingers.
“It’s a tracker bracelet, like mine,” I say, and when his eyes meet mine I hold his gaze steady. “I’m not letting you go either.”
The hint of a smile graces his lips, and he secures the clasp around his wrist. “I love it.” He runs the pad of his thumb over the metal. “We should get them for the others too. Our job can be dangerous, and I’d rather be safe than sorry.”
I nod, my throat thick with his acceptance. “I’d like that.”
“So um,” Eli looks around the tree for show, “do I get a present?”
I laugh and Jude shakes his head. “And I’m the childish one,” he mutters with a smile.
I had to loop the other guys in for Eli’s present but it’s worth it when I throw him a small box with a set of keys inside. He dangles them from his fingers. “You didn’t?”
I jerk my head towards the door. “Go check the driveway.”
Eli practically skids to the front door, his mouth dropping open at the sleek black Kawasaki four-cylinder sportbike parked on the doorstep of the snow plowed drive. He drops to his knees beside it. “Holy shit.” Reverently, he runs his hand over the surface.
“No more stealing my bike,” I tease, poking him in the back with my socked foot.
I squeal when he whips around and picks me up, twirling me through the air. He sets me down and kisses me silly. “You… are incredible,” he says.
I grin.
Eli’s gaze drifts back to the bike and Jude snags my hand. “Come on, ogle your new ride later, it’s fucking freezing out here.”
I’m pulled back inside, and Eli shuts the cold out behind us. As the others head back to the living area, he dips his head to my ear and whispers, “Imagine how that will feel between your legs.”
My core clenches.
The rest of the morning passes in a wonderful haze. I still get moments where I catch my reflection and see Allie or when my thoughts turn darker and guilt trickles in.
We had a small ceremony for Allie last week, just us, my mother, and my grandparents. My mom cried a lot and I’m pretty sure she hates me, but we buried Allie’s ashes under a new tree in their garden. That way she can be with family.
I kept a lock of her hair for myself. It will go wherever I go so I can keep my promise of never leaving her behind.
Allie was a born protector, no matter how lost she got along the way.
Every day I have to remind myself that I didn’t kill her, that she died to save Harley and that’s what she wanted.
The Allie I held in my arms that day wasn’t the one who kidnapped Oz and helped our father, it was the Allie who used to teach me tricks to distract me while we were locked in the basement.
It was the Allie who took the fall to save me.
It was the girl I know my sister was at heart. A protector. My protector.
Losing Allie will hurt forever but I think that’s okay and today the guys keep me in the present.
Our late Christmas morning is intimate and perfect and later, when all our guests arrive, the house is filled with chatter and laughter.
I’ve never been to a party before, and the guys went all out organizing it.
They even got Carmen to come down from her mountain HQ.
She brought Sam and Rebekah with her, and Rebekah and Layla are already best of friends, no doubt plotting to rob a bank or something equally chaotic.
Carmen, on the other hand, has found herself a people free hideaway.
I join her on the bottom step of the stairs and rest my head on her shoulder. “Thank you for coming,” I say. “I know this isn’t exactly your scene.”
She hums. “Never really did the whole party thing.”
I lift my head to look up at her. “Too busy saving the world, huh?”
“Something like that.” Her smile is wry, but a darkness shadows her eyes.
I sit up and lean against the banister. “You never did tell me how you know Jeremiah.”
Carmen presses on her fingers, cracking her knuckles. “It’s a party Freya.” She forces a grin. “We’re supposed to be celebrating.”
I nudge her leg with my foot. “Carm, what did he want with you?”
She cuts me a sideways glance before letting out a heavy sigh. Her hand goes to her top. After a moment, she pulls the collar down to reveal a burn on her chest. No, not a burn.
A brand.
I stare at the mottled skin, the burn scar forming the image of broken angel wings. Just like the ones on Rebekah’s arm.
“Oh.”
Carmen fixes her shirt and meets my stunned gaze. “It’s a long story.”
I nod. “I’d like to hear it one day. When you’re ready.”
She gives me a sad smile then hooks her arm around me and pulls me in for a hug. “Come here, kid. I like seeing you like this, all happy and in love.”
“You should try it.” I wiggle my eyebrows at her and look over at where Jack and Reaper are standing. How they know Carmen is yet another mystery but neither of them have taken their eyes off her since they arrived.
Carmen scowls their way. “Not in a million years.”
I laugh and she shoves my shoulder as she stands up and strolls away. I stay where I am, taking over her hiding place and looking out at the buzzing party. I’m kind of surprised I know this many people.
Layla and Rebekah are sharing an armchair, scrolling through their phones like actual real-life teenagers. Jude is playing with Sam, the two of them racing the remote-control monster trucks I got Sam for Christmas.
Luke and Josh are here too and they dragged Diaz along with them. The trio are currently on the same team for charades and couldn’t be worse at it if they tried. Eva, Eli, and my grandmother of all people are smashing them.
My mother watches them play, but her face is blank. She’s sitting on the very edge of the chair, her knuckles white where she holds her wine glass.
I shift my gaze, trying not to let it get to me. I, of all people, should understand her grief.
A shuffling to my left tells me my stolen hiding spot has been discovered. My grandfather grunts a little as he lowers himself down next to me at the bottom of the stairs. “Good party. That man of yours sure knows how to cook.”
Oz made a ginormous roast with four different kinds of potato and an endless selection of desserts, but I haven’t managed to bring myself to eat anything yet. My grandfather passes me a slice of chocolate yule log.
“Your mother could never eat when her mind was busy either.”
I don’t know whether I like hearing about the traits we share. I feel like it should make me feel closer to her and then I get angry that it doesn’t. “She hates me,” I find myself saying.
Peter tsks. “She doesn’t hate you.”
“I killed her daughter.”
He plants one hand on the step behind us and twists to face me, a sad, bemused look wrinkling his weathered face. “You’re her daughter too.”
When I don’t say anything, he sighs. “It’s Mary’s birthday next month. Come have dinner with us. Just me, you, your grandmother, and mom.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
Peter’s hand settles on my knee. “It’s hard to love someone you don’t know. Spend some time together. Get to know her. I promise you she wants that because she already loves you.”
Tears push at my eyes, and I look away. My gaze catches on my mother and my heart flips when I find her watching me. She chews her lip and maybe I imagine it but I think her eyes soften ever so slightly.
“Okay. I’ll come.”
Peter leaves me then, going back to talk to Eli’s dad, and I heave in a breath. When Oz appears in front of me, I jump up from the stairs and bury myself in his sweater. His arms circle me, holding me tight.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He presses his lips to the top of my head and when I finally detangle myself from his arms, he takes my hand in his. “Come with me. I have something for you.”
He leads me down the hall and I wait outside while he ducks into River’s office and comes out with a thin jewelry box. “I know we gave you presents earlier, but I wanted to wait till it was just us for this one.” He fiddles with his glasses.
My fingers tremble a little as I take the box from him. I slide the lid off to reveal a thin gold chain with an emerald ring looped onto it. I gasp. The stone is gorgeous, a circular gem set in a gold bracket with two smaller diamonds on either side.
“The ring was my grandmother’s,” Oz says. He picks the necklace up and twirls his finger for me to turn around.
I hold my hair up out of the way as he secures it around my neck.
“One day, when you’re ready, I’ll put this ring on your finger.”
I suck in a sharp breath as the gold chain settles against my skin.
“Until then,” Oz says, “it will rest just here, right above your heart.”
I clasp the ring in my fingers, my love for Oz overwhelming. Family never meant anything other than pain to me until I met Oz, River, Jude, and Eli. But I’ve seen how much Oz’s family means to him. Wearing his grandmother’s ring feels like an incredible honor.
“I love it, Oz.” I go up on tiptoes and kiss him. He tastes of chocolate and eggnog.
“Come on,” he whispers against my lips. “Let’s go join the party.” Oz interlocks his fingers with mine and draws me right into the middle of the game of charades. We sit down on the couch between Eli and Jude while River stands with the timer.
Luke ignores him when he calls time and continues to move in a way I don’t think he even realizes is quite so suggestive until Josh and I are practically on the floor laughing and Rebekah is covering Sam’s eyes with her hands.
“What were you even trying to do?” Diaz asks once Luke finally gives up.
“Charles Dickens!” he exclaims. “Dick-in.” He mimes the coarse gesture again and Josh and I die in a fit of hysterics.
I roll onto my back, my head resting in Jude’s lap as I catch my breath, my cheeks aching from grinning.
Jude smiles down at me, his eyes twinkling.
Everyone around me is laughing and smiling and I have never before been surrounded by so much love and happiness.
I decide right then that I really like Christmas, and I really love my guys for giving me it to me.