Chapter 12 #2
‘So you know how it ends, with her at the airport, debating whether or not to come back to the UK and rescue you or to go back to Rafael.’
‘Yeah. But I also read the free sample of chapter one of Book Four online, and it said she chose Rafael. So at least I know where I stand now. She dumped me not once but twice.’
‘She did come back for you, Ivy.’
‘No, she didn’t.’
He walked to the large bookshelf behind the sofa and plucked down two paperbacks from a line of Sweetpea books.
All his shelves were categorised – copies of his own books in one, foreign editions in another, classics in another, poetry in another.
‘These are the last two. Read them in full. You might learn something new about her.’
‘What’s left to learn?’
‘You have no idea what you mean to Rhiannon, do you?’
‘Yeah, right,’ I scoffed, swallowing down another load of tears. ‘She really comes back for me in these?’
‘Come on, let’s go for a walk. We’ll go to that Italian bakery I like. You can lead the way.’
The bakery had a queue a mile long, fortified by the strong aromas of hot coffee (ugh) and warm pastries (yum). Freddie bought me a hot chocolate and a lemon and ricotta sfogliatella, and we walked to the park and sat beneath a tree eating them and getting covered in icing sugar.
‘Are you going to watch the TV interview next month?’ he asked.
‘Nope.’
‘The rest of the country is.’
‘Good for them.’
‘Isn’t there anything else you want to know about her? You’d be hearing it from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.’
‘I’d like to know so many things. And also, why she killed Rafael. I do wonder if she’ll talk about that. She’s supposedly this big hero and he was a decent man, not a predator, and supposedly the love of her life.’ Rain started pattering on the leaf canopy above.
Freddie went to say something then seemed to sigh under his breath. ‘I don’t think she did kill him.’
‘Eh?’
‘It’s just a hunch, based on what I know about her. It’s not her style. But no, I don’t think he’s dead. I think she did something cleverer than that.’
‘Like what?’
‘Well, the news said that the Thai police found a house brick covered in his blood at the place where they’d been staying on the beach.
Rafael’s body wasn’t there and Rhiannon told them she’d hired a skiff and chucked him in the ocean, never to be found, handily.
They searched, found some more of his blood in the skiff, but of his body, not one more trace. ’
‘But I thought the news said she was found at some businessman’s house – Torsten Lange?’
‘Yeah, she was. That’s where she was arrested but it wasn’t where she was living. It was just where she’d been hoarding her kills.’
‘How do you know all this?’
Freddie tapped his nose knowingly which frustrated me no end. ‘Now there’s a rumour – a very credible rumour – that says she pretended to kill Rafael so he’d never be found.’
‘Why would she do that?’
‘To protect him of course. She loved him more than anyone else.’
My heart sank.
‘And to protect their little boy too.’
The world went into sharp focus and something in my chest banged shut like a door. ‘What?’ I cried. ‘They had a child?’
‘Yeah. I don’t know his name but—’
‘An actual kid? Rafael and Rhiannon? And you said “his” name. I have a brother?’
Freddie nodded. ‘It’s all in those final two books. She stopped all contact when she reached Thailand. I had one update about the baby when he was about three months old or so but then, nothing.’
A thought flew into my mind like a bird into a windowpane. ‘Oh God – I had an email from a guy saying he was my brother. I deleted it – I just thought it was spam.’ I pulled my phone out and hurriedly scrolled through my Deleted folder but I couldn’t find it. ‘Do you think that was real?’
‘I mean, she had the baby in 2024 so the best part of eleven years ago. Yeah, it’s a possibility.’
‘Oh my God. I have a brother.’ My chest pounded. My breath caught. A brother and a sort-of dad? ‘You really don’t know where they went?’
Freddie shook his head. ‘If it’s not just a rumour, I thought perhaps Rafael might have gone back to Mexico.’
‘Yeah, his aunt owns an art gallery there, right? Salome? I read about it in Book Three.’ I swigged the last of my hot chocolate and got up to throw my empty cup in a nearby recycling bin.
When I came back, I voiced the thought that had bubbled to the top of my mind.
‘Maybe I could contact her? Salome, I mean. They might be there.’
‘Maybe. There’s another way you could find out for sure though.’
I didn’t need to ask how. The answer was in the twinkle of his eye.
‘You changed her, Ivy. The second she knew she was pregnant, she became something else. Something in her brain chemistry started to alter, for the better.’ He chowed on his sfogliatella and looked pensively out into the green space.
‘She still killed people though.’
‘Yes, she did. That is true. I don’t think a serial killer can ever just stop, and I’ve studied hundreds of them.
It’s just not in their makeup. But she’s a complex character, Ivy – she’s not one hundred per cent pure evil as some commentators would have it.
She was brain damaged as a child, and encouraged to kill by her own father.
I don’t know how a human being can break free of that by themselves.
But I do know that her killings became much more intentional, less erratic, after she gave birth.
And again after she met Rafael. She’d do anything for the people she loves.
In that parallel universe she’s always talking about – the one where she didn’t get brain damage – she’d have been an amazing mother.
Can you think of anyone better to keep you safe? ’
I pretended I had a mouthful of pastry. But then I had to ask. ‘If she loved me so much, then why kill AJ? Why take my dad away from me?’
‘Because he wanted to take you away from her. Listen, Ivy, I’ve written five books about Rhiannon, done years of events where all I talk about is her, for hours on end, all over the world.
I’ve read every article, every book, seen every documentary, and I’ve met her several times – but I still don’t fully understand her.
For what it’s worth it seemed to me like a control thing.
AJ wanted to travel with you and be a family but Rhiannon didn’t.
She wanted to stay in the UK and be with Craig Wilkins, her boyfriend at the time; she wanted to be a family.
When AJ blackmailed her that he was going to tell Craig about their affair, she saw red; it was her default setting.
She had to control him. Later when she gave you to Claudia, that was her decision.
She had the power to decide what was best for you – and I think she was right.
You were better off without her. You read how tough she found it after you’d gone in Book Three – she almost killed herself.
But she knew Claudia would give you the best life possible. ’’
‘So why did she have another kid then? A kid she didn’t give away?’
‘I don’t know. She was in a better place. She had Rafael to count on. From what I understand, he is the best father imaginable. Just because she gave you up it doesn’t mean she didn’t love you though, Ivy. Rhiannon loves you more than she loves herself.’
I finished my pastry and wiped my mouth with my screwed-up serviette. ‘Not anymore she doesn’t. I’ve messaged the prison twice.’
He laughed. ‘She gets about twenty bags of post a week. And that’s just letters. Her messages through the website are off the charts, even now.’
‘How do you know?’
‘I wrote to her to see if she wanted to collaborate with me on some prison diaries. Then I wrote again to see if she needed any commissary. Took her about three months to respond. She’s got people doing her admin for her these days.
In-house Bad Seeds. They protect her too.
I expect they just haven’t got to your messages yet. ’
My mind was filled with sunlight all of a sudden, despite the dark, cloudy day and the pitter-patter of a gentle rain.
I had a mum alive who loved me. I had a brother and a potential dad out there somewhere.
I couldn’t hide my smile and Freddie seemed to sense it.
We sat in silence, watching two small dogs zooming after one another on the green like little black and white bullets.
‘What’s she like? To talk to, I mean,’ I asked him.
‘Funny. Whip smart. Cunning. Manipulative. Kind …’
‘Kind?’
‘Oh yeah. If she was here, that man would be counting his hours.’ I looked out across the green to where a guy in a green jacket was yanking the lead of his black labrador who was taking too long smelling tulips.
‘‘‘Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.’’’
‘What are you on about?’ I laughed.
‘It’s from a Walt Whitman poem. Rhiannon contains multitudes – we all do. It’s the human condition. None of us are black or white. We’re full of contradictions and inconsistencies.’
‘Not many of us are serial killers though.’
‘True,’ said Freddie. ‘That’s not all your mum is though.’
‘She’s not my mum,’ I said, still staring at the man with the dog who were now walking away.
‘She’s your birth mum, whether you like it or not,’ Freddie reminded me. ‘You have the same side profile as her, actually.’
‘Whatever.’
Freddie bit his lip and looked outwards to the green. ‘I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with all this. I know it must be confusing. Perhaps I’m trying too hard to convince you there’s another side to Rhiannon. Plus, you’re still grieving. I’m sorry.’
‘I’m supposed to go to Australia and live with my dad’s family. It was Claudia’s last wish. It’s in her will and everything.’
‘Are you going?’
‘I don’t have any choice, do I?’
‘You’ve got all the choice.’
‘Not until I’m eighteen I don’t. I’m still a kid for the best part of the next two years.’
‘It might be all right, Australia. We spent a bit of time there – the people are wonderful, the weather’s always hot and sunny, the beaches are glorious. You could see where your dad was from – get to know where he hung out, meet his friends perhaps?’
‘I don’t want to do that.’
‘You could go travelling, like he was doing before he died.’
‘I don’t want to fucking travel! I want to stay put and be with my animals.
Nobody listens to me. They just assume I’ll want to go there because of my dad.
Assume I’ll want all this money. I’m not like you – I don’t need flash cars and big houses with ceilings so high you can’t reach them.
I want a house and a garden and a family that stays where it is for five minutes, that’s all. ’
A weird smile crept onto his face.
‘What?’
‘You’re more like Rhiannon than you think. That’s all she wanted too – a house and a garden and a family. You’ve read the first book – even though she didn’t love Craig, she loved the idea of playing house with him.’
‘Do you think she loved AJ?’
He pondered. ‘I think she could have loved AJ. But she wasn’t ready to let him in at that point. She didn’t deserve him.’
That made me feel a shade better, and with a sudden rush of confidence I said, ‘Can I stay with you?’
‘What?’
‘I know you don’t know me but I wouldn’t be any trouble. I’m sorry for shouting then and effing but I’m not normally like that. I’m grieving, as you say. Your house is three storeys, isn’t it? And your kids have moved out …’
‘Ivy, that’s not the answer, is it?’
‘Well, what is the answer then?’
‘You’re panicking.’
‘Of course I’m panicking! I don’t have anyone. Why didn’t she factor that in when she got cancer the first time?’
‘Who?’
‘Claudia. She kept me away from everyone. Estranged me from her family, her friends, just because a couple of them sold pictures of me to the press.’ I folded my arms and sat back on the bench, my eyes landing on a movement behind a tree just along the way. ‘I don’t believe it.’
Freddie followed my gaze to the trees. ‘Who’s that?’
‘He’s been following me. He followed me here.’
‘Who?’
‘That guy in black. At first I thought he was stalking me – another Bad Seed trying to get a piece of me for their sad little collections. But for some reason, he seems to be protecting me. He beat the shit out of my stepdad.’
‘Mitch? Why was that?’
‘Gold-digger,’ I said. Freddie seemed to understand just from that. ‘I know he’s not a threat but I can’t work out what his game is.’
Freddie’s eyes narrowed as we watched the man in black.
‘He looks familiar.’ And without another word, he stood up from the bench and walked towards the guy, like he was trying to get a closer look.
When he came back, he looked at me. ‘I know who that is,’ he said. ‘And he’s most definitely a Bad Seed.’