Chapter 21
Things That Have Bloody Annoyed Me Today:
Walking barefoot on a crumby kitchen floor.
Our pan cupboard – Melissa doesn’t know what ‘stackable’ means.
The sound of boxes being taped up.
The kitchen door bumping when Larry left it open to do the bins.
My Judas rabbit, Maddox.
Unbeknown to me, Jordy had made some flyers about Maddox being missing as soon as they’d got back from the wake last night, and they’d posted them all on the lampposts up and down the lane.
That morning there had been a call on the answerphone from a woman who lived five houses down, in the thatched cottage, who said she had him and that he was safe, if I wanted to go and pick him up.
As soon as Jordy told me about it, I wasted no time. Jordy insisted on coming with me.
‘In case she’s a mental patient or something.’
‘Why would she be?’ I asked as we walked. I tried to outpace them but Jordy was fitter than I gave them credit for.
‘You never know whose door you’re knocking on, do ya?’
‘You never know who’s knocking,’ I added.
‘I hadn’t thought of that.’
We stood aside for a tractor coming in the other direction. ‘So are you gonna tell me what really happened last night after the wake?’
‘I already said.’
‘Yeah, some crock about three lads and going to a club. Heather said you don’t do clubs. Or boys for that matter. The police said you were bundled into the back of a red car. And that you were possibly spiked.’
‘Leave it,’ I spat. ‘It’s none of your business.’ I continued walking.
‘I brought your handbag back for ya.’
‘Yeah, I saw it on my chair.’
‘Is that your little pig inside it?’
‘You snooped?’
‘Just to check it was yours. That’s when I saw the little pig.’
‘His name is Jon Hamm.’
‘Cool.’
‘Who were the boys then?’
‘Can we just go and get my fucking rabbit, please?’
‘Why are you so angry today?’
‘Because I’m sick of everything. I’m sick of being here.
I’m sick of Melissa and Larry and my mum still being dead.
And her not being my actual mum cos I’m the daughter of a freak.
Everything I love is dead or on its way to being dead.
And soon the house won’t even be my home and I’ll have to fly thousands of miles away with people I don’t even know. It’s not fair.’
‘I know it’s not. I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry, shout back at me. Tell me I’m a spoilt little bitch and that you’re sick to death of my fuckass face.’
‘Why would I? You wanna shout and bawl and fuck your hand up and piss off for an all-nighter, go right ahead. It’s a rite of passage. I know I did it.’
‘Did you?’
‘Of course. It’s normal. When my dog was put to sleep, I didn’t go home for ten days. Camped out in a Woolworths parking lot with a hobo called Shabby Gabby who would shout at infants. I wanted to die.’
‘What brought you back?’
‘Just growing up, I guess. I was about your age. I realised I didn’t have it so bad at home and I just needed time to come to terms with the changes. What’s that kids’ book about the family who goes on the hunt for a bear?’
‘We’re Going on a Bear Hunt?’
‘Yeah. You know the refrain of that book is you can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, you can’t go round it, you just gotta go through it. I knew that’s what I needed to do. Lots of things are changing, Ivy – I know it’s hard. And now with the house being sold and all—’
‘It’s sold?’ I cried.
‘Shit,’ Jordy sighed. ‘I thought Heather told you.’
‘No, she didn’t.’
‘It’s a client of hers. She gave ’em the details and they love it, and they’re cash buyers.’
‘Everything’s just happening so sodding quickly,’ I groaned. ‘There’s no time to think anything through. I wish life would just slow down for a hot minute so I can get a line of thought going.’
Jordy stood aside as I went through the little rickety gate at the end of the path to the pink cottage called Windy Ridge and rattled the brass door knocker.
A voice called out, ‘Round the back’ and I followed the path as it snaked through a leafy arch and opened out into a wide grassy lawn bordered by trees.
I saw Maddox instantly in the centre, chomping on a dandelion leaf.
‘Madd!’ I cried out, slapping the fronts of my thighs for his attention.
‘Maddox! Come here!’ He didn’t even look up from his chomping.
No sign of recognition. No happy skippity hop.
A little brunette in a paisley print dress and dolly bar sandals appeared with a fresh handful of dandelion leaves and crouched down next to him, petting his head.
My heart leapt, then sank. He didn’t even notice me.
Two ancient ladies sat on sun loungers on a patio, one black-haired and olive-skinned; one pale-skinned and hunched over, both drinking what looked like pina coladas.
‘Hello there, can we help you?’ said the black-haired one with an accent.
‘Sorry, that’s my rabbit, Maddox,’ I said. I didn’t know why I was apologising. I watched the little girl and Maddox together. He hopped after her as she trailed dandelion leaves from her fingertips and ran around the grass.
‘Ah wonderful! Our granddaughter Eliza’s been looking after him for you. He follows her everywhere. They’ve really bonded.’
‘That’s nice,’ I said, gazing upon the happy scene, feeling anything but.
‘Eliza? Bring him over here, darling; Maddox is going home now.’
Eliza looked sad. ‘Aww, but he hasn’t finished his dandelions!’ she called back.
‘He’s got to go home now; his owner is here to pick him up.’
The girl’s lower lip jibbed out and she continued to whine. ‘Aww!’
Before the older woman could ease herself out of her sun lounger to address the situation, I stopped her. I knew it was the right thing to do. And like Jordy said, I couldn’t go over or under or round it – I had to go through it. I had to leave soon and I couldn’t take Madd with me.
‘It’s okay. If he likes it here … she can keep him.’
The woman frowned. ‘We can’t do that.’
‘Can I, Ganny? Can I keep him? Pleeeeeease?’ Eliza appealed, tugging on her grandmother’s skirts.
‘I have to go away soon so I’d have to leave him here anyway. I’m going to Australia.’
Jordy gave me a reassuring wink and it finally felt real at that moment, saying I would go.
Not exciting, not some big wonderful new chapter, just something I had to face.
The UK would no longer be my home and Maddox would no longer be my rabbit.
Leaving him behind with this little girl who clearly adored him felt like I was taking a match to one of my last bridges.
I swallowed my grief. ‘I’d rather leave him to someone who wants him. And he seems happy so …’
With some difficulty, Eliza picked Maddox up and brought him over to me. He was still chomping, the leaf disappearing further into his mouth with every chew.
I bent down to talk to the sad little girl. ‘Do you promise to look after Maddox if he stays with you.’
‘REALLY?!’ she said, all eyebrows up and looking towards her grannies who smiled down at her proudly. ‘Aww, yeah! Yes, please! Thank you!’
I made the arrangements with the old ladies who said it would be easier if he stayed with them rather than have Eliza take him home to her house as her mother was allergic to fur. ‘You have to make sure you brush him down and feed him all his favourite things every time you visit though.’
‘Aww, yeah, I will! Thank you!’
‘And he loves protein bars and strawberries best and a nice head massage behind his ears and on his belly before bed. He gets the zoomies first thing in the morning and he likes to sploot when he’s eating.
He sleeps a lot and I give him a manicure once a month.
Oh and he likes a foot rub when he’s watching Springwatch. He likes the birds tweeting.’
Eliza plopped Maddox down on the grass where he immediately hopped straight back to the pile of dandelion leaves and she hopped alongside him.
I left the old ladies on the promise that I would return in the morning with his food, bed and hutch and they tried offering me money but I refused. The last thing I needed was more money.
Jordy and I walked back to the house in silence, but for the early evening birdsong and the occasional car.
My heart thumped painfully as I choked down the sob I knew was coming. I pinched under my arm to give my brain something else to think about as we set off back down the lane.
‘You don’t wanna come to Australia, do you?’ asked Jordy as their walk fell into rhythm with mine.
‘I don’t have another choice do I? Except …’
‘What?’
‘Well, there’s a long shot.’ Then I remembered: nobody was supposed to know about Rafael. He had to be kept buried, dead and gone, according to the press, for his own good. And for my brother’s. ‘It’s just … someone else in my family might be able to take me. But they live quite far away.’
‘Where?’
‘I don’t know exactly. Like I said, it’s a long shot.’
Jordy stopped walking and plucked their phone from their back pocket of their board shorts. They opened up a Facebook page and clicked on a video clip – it was Dad, doing his song for Australia’s Got Talent.
‘Oh my God!’ I shrieked. ‘I’ve looked everywhere for that!’ I watched the whole clip with tears in my eyes.
‘Thought you’d like that,’ said Jordy. ‘He loved INXS. You can have that guitar of his if you come to Oz. He’d want you to have it. I’ve got the whole vid somewhere – I’ll send it to ya if you like.’
‘Oh yes, please, any videos you have of him. Anything at all.’
They took their phone back and opened up another page – his Twitter feed – the last post on which was in 2018. I’d never have found it – his @ name was Kangaroo_boy_2867236237 and it didn’t say his name anywhere.
Jordy handed it to me again and I scrolled, studying the posts intently.
Booked my ticket I’m off the charts excited and can’t wait to be out of here for the duration. First stop: UK! Gonna swing by my auntie, live off her for a bit, eat PBBs and befriend every dog I meet. Mood: terrified & curly
‘I love it,’ I said. ‘He does sound like that!’
Jordy smiled. ‘How do you mean?’