Chapter 31
DIANA
Four days.
That once sounded like a short amount of time, whereas just now it felt like it took about ten weeks. Kitty leaves food at the door like little offerings, and there’s always protein, carbs, vegetables, and some kind of sweet.
Well, seeing as I have a sweet tooth, you can always bet that part is gone. Sometimes, it’s the only thing I eat. Maybe because it’s the only part that feels like Judge made sure I’d have my creature comforts, because maybe, just maybe, he actually cares.
The angled glass-wall ceiling fills with light until I can’t tell if it’s heaven or if I’m inside an oven; at night, the glass turns into mirrors that reflect my every movement.
The grounds below are my sole form of entertainment.
Alphas and betas cross between the bikes and supply trucks, sparks flying from what I have to assume is an actual forge that always glows orange, dogs barking from the fences as it’s clear it houses one of the kennels.
I’m the ghost above it all, just like Judge said. I loathe the waiting. The sitting around and wondering. There’s no purring or petting of my head.
I’m starting to physically feel antsy again, too. Is it still because of the transition from the suppressants? Judge’s presence really did seem to help, and with his absence coinciding with an increase in my symptoms, I have to believe that’s true.
So that means I can’t leave here until I either have suppressants secured or my body is fully weaned off of them.
Ugh. I dread the idea of actually planning to leave…
I sit at my table, looking at the stitching on my thumb. The thought of abandoning this place has lost nearly all appeal.
Am I really that worn down?
Would it hurt to give Judge a try? I mean, sure, it might, but I can always leave. I always find a way. So if that’s true, then what do I really have to fear? That I’m making a morally terrible decision?
Who’s even here to judge me about such things?
Footsteps echo on the stairwell from his door.
I assume it’s Kitty, who feels like the only real sense of grounding in all of this.
We don’t chat much, as she said Judge prefers if she didn’t.
But her presence reminds me that I’m not forgotten up here.
I straighten my back, my eyes widening when I see Judge.
The way my breathing hitches at the sight of him, especially since he’s only in pants and a black shirt. Which usually means he plans to stay up here for a while. I almost stand to greet him, but don’t want to seem too eager. “You’re back,” I say.
He inhales deeply, as if confirming the space has not been tampered with, before raking his gaze over me. “Hopefully I won’t have to leave again for a while.” He starts glancing around like he’s searching for something. “Where’s the black rose?”
My shoulders stiffen. “What?”
“I saw you making one.”
The corner of my mouth slightly upturns. He wouldn’t watch me like that if he didn’t miss me, right? Then my stomach slightly cramps in a way that usually only happens when I’m a week out from my heat. It’s been doing that since yesterday.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, clearly watching me.
“Nothing.” I shake my head. “The rose is on the mantle.”
He glances that way, but then focuses back on me. “Diana, we’re done with that. What’s wrong?”
My stomach cramps again, belonging to that sensation that only feels better with a lot of suppressants, or an alpha’s dick. “I feel like I’m going to heat. Like, not real heat, but, I don’t know, something similar,” I mutter, confused. “Maybe something is wrong with me.”
He looks me over very carefully, leaning down to sniff me, and then looks into my eyes, and examines me. “It doesn’t smell like heat. Just that your hormones are changing.”
His calmness makes me feel better. There’s something claiming about it, because most alphas would lose their minds, but he’s steady because he’s the only one in here; not a threat in sight. It’s a display of his full confidence that I really do belong to him.
“Maybe the suppressants are wearing off?” I suggest.
“More than likely. Is it uncomfortable?”
“I…” I start, just wanting this sensation of heat to go away. My whole life, this sensation has meant danger, and I’ve honestly come to loathe it.
“Yes?”
I stare him in the eyes and can’t bring myself to say it. “I don’t want to ask for it.”
He looks me over, slightly grinning. “Your alpha can’t help you if you don’t talk to him.”
“You have rocks in there. You know what I want.”
He grins more. “Tell me,” he purrs.
I don’t want to, but something feels so interestingly right about it. Like I’m dirty for it, but it makes me excited. “Whatever this is, just make it stop.”
“Why do you fear the sensation of this?” he asks. “You’re safe in here, and I’ll make sure none of it becomes unbearable.”
What does he mean? It’s always bad to get this sensation. “It’s never good. It means I have to hide—” I look around “—like I am right now. It’s just, it’s bad.”
When I look back at him, something overcomes his gaze like he understands. And like he’s mad? His purr vibrates more in his chest. “You don’t have to hide anymore, Diana. You have an alpha. Tell me what you want.”
Fuck me, but I melt, like I’ve barely even attempted to hold myself up while he was away. “I want you to make me feel better,” I say, skirting around the point.
His eyes trail down my face, his jaw slightly flexing. “Will you let me take care of you more than the physical?”
“What?”
He brushes the hair out of my face. “I can take care of your heart and your body.”
How on Earth has he managed to turn this around so much? As I look at those lips, the ones with a scar running through the bottom one, it’s damn near impossible to muster up any true opposition. “I don’t,” I start, my body weightless as I stare into his eyes.
I don’t even know what I was going to say.
Judge’s hand is on the back of my neck, the rough skin of his contrasting against my own.
I’m utterly frozen as he presses his lips into mine.
They’re warm and soft, breathing in his scent like this is heaven.
His tongue presses through my lips, his hand on the back of my head pressing harder, so I have to let him in all the way.
I moan into his mouth, his fingers curling into my hair as he grins into the kiss.
His lips move once more, kissing me with more passion.
My hands reach out, touching his body with an intimacy I’m starving for.
When his other hand snakes around my back, lifting me off my seat as I hold onto his shoulders, my legs wrapped around him, he takes us over to the nest.
His mouth hungrily trails down to my jaw, his breath warm against my skin as my vision slightly blurs like my body is overcome with hormones and heat.
That sensation never escalates, feeling entirely medicated, like perhaps this is my body finding balance after going off suppressants.
That brings me relief, because it also means that soon, I’ll be me. With no artificial thoughts.
Judge grinds into me, pressing his large body against my own. Even though he’s been balls deep inside my body, countless times, there’s something even more sensual to this.
He hasn’t had to growl.
A dying echo of reason is so faint in the background, making me feel like if this is how my body relaxes, then I’m just going to give in. It’s who I am as an omega. I’m so tired of fighting, and he smells so fucking good.
Judge grabs my chin and returns his mouth to mine, kissing me with enough intensity that our teeth graze at times, and I’m obsessed with this. I moan more, and he eventually releases a slow, low grumble of pleasure.
He’s very determined to get our clothes off after that, and honestly, so am I. Once his large cock is free, hard, and standing to attention, and I smell the headiness of it, I can feel that chemical switch in my brain where the omega fully takes over.
“You know this was so much easier when it was just me, myself, and I taking care of my needs,” I say, looking over a body I probably even dreamed about during some heats. “Trusting you is terrifying.”
His eyes flare, and it feels good to me for some reason. He grabs my thighs and pulls hard so I flop onto my back. “I am your alpha, Diana. If you want pleasure, it will always come from me. You’ll see that trusting me is the last thing you ever have to worry about.”
“Maybe I’ll just start messing with myself when you’re not here to prove a point,” I retort, slightly shocked at my brattiness. The last time I felt this aggressive with him, we were in that breeding house after those engagers. It’s like I want him to tame me, or some wild shit.
He tilts his head like he’s fascinated. “Is that what you want to do?”
“I don’t know!” I yell out. “I feel crazy, and out of control, and I just want to give all that worry to someone else!” I confess.
He growls immediately, and my body cramps.
Judge reaches between my thighs, two of his fingers plunging in with ease as he crooks a finger right where his knot would be.
My eyes roll. He grins with triumph. “Fucking you is the sweetest thing I’ve ever come across.
Feeling your body shake with pleasure as my knot fills you is a place no one will ever take. ”
The primal side of me soars with pleasure as he growls again.
Holy fuck, he’s messing with my mind, with the hormones I can’t deny or stop.
Just the notion that an alpha—my alpha—would love anything about me is like a plant finally receiving water after trying to be fed coffee its whole life.
The concept wraps around my soul, and I nearly want to cry.
No one is going to hurt me with him around.
My world is black as I keep my eyes closed, removing his face from my mind as I let my body rise to the orgasm that he coaxes with just his fingers. He growls again, finger fucking me. His thumb rubs my clit, and I reach out to grab him, his body divine.