Chapter 29
Harlan
“ S o, what’s the big emergency?” Damian asks.
“Yeah. You seem so calm,” Jameson says suspiciously, eying me. “Where’s the body?”
“If he wanted us to help him hide a body,” Damian quips, “I doubt we’d be doing it in his house.”
My siblings have gathered around me in my family room. A room I never invite them into. Savannah’s wandering around, looking at the family photos on the otherwise empty bookshelves. It’s making me uncomfortable.
I’ve called them all over to my house for “an emergency meeting,” which I’ve never done before. The last time I invited them all over, I lied to them.
I cheated in Granddad’s game.
But when Quinn left here today, after telling me our relationship would never work if she couldn’t trust me, and I realized she was right, I came to the conclusion that I need to come clean.
I need to tell my family the truth.
Granddad wouldn’t want me to win his game based on a lie.
My grandma once told me, Losing people you love makes you break or it makes you hard. And maybe she was right. But the part I didn’t know then was that she was the hard one. She’d let herself grow hard, over many years of marriage to a man who was in love with another woman.
And by the time she said those words to me, just before she died, I was already broken.
I’ve been broken for a long time.
I never wanted to end up as soft as my mom, because I saw firsthand how badly it ruined her when my dad died. How it changed her, made her desperate and needy for her new husband’s approval.
But I also don’t want to end up so hard that I settle for a loveless life.
Maybe the only way to start putting my broken pieces back together is to be honest with the people I love about what I’ve done—and let them love me as I am.
Or leave me if they can’t forgive me.
Maybe it’s not up to me to decide for them. And it’s wrong of me to deceive them just to try to keep them in a relationship based on lies.
I guess I don’t want to be like Granddad anymore, either.
“You might want to sit down for this,” I tell my siblings.
None of them sit down.
“Could you be more dramatic?” Jamie says irritably. “What is it?”
“I have something to tell you all.” I take a breath and dive right in. “The truth is that when I had you all over for dinner and introduced you to Darla, I lied to you. The woman I brought to dinner, Quinn, was never Darla. That was a lie.”
The silence in the room is beyond uncomfortable. I’m just waiting for someone to start yelling.
“Harlan.” Savannah speaks first, but she’s not yelling. “How could you do that?”
I guess I’m flattered that she actually seems shocked. And disappointed.
I suppose she thought better of me.
“Because I felt I had to. I’d already lied to you all, repeatedly, when I told you there was a woman named Darla I was after. So, when I received my challenge, I asked an employee, Quinn, to pretend to be Darla. Actually, I didn’t ask her. I made her do it. Basically… I blackmailed her.”
“Jesus Christ,” Graysen mutters.
“So now we have to worry about this woman coming back and suing us?” Damian says. “Not smart, Harlan.”
“No. I promise you, you don’t have to worry about that.”
“Yeah, because your promises are so trustworthy,” Jamie mutters.
“You’re missing the point. This is not about her. The point is I made her lie for me to cover up my lie.”
“So, you didn’t complete your challenge three months ago like we thought you did,” Graysen concludes.
“You just lied to us, over and over?” Savannah still looks disappointed.
“That’s what he just said,” Jamie says. “And are we really pretending to be surprised? This is so Harlan.”
“I don’t understand,” Savi says. “Was there ever any Darla? Or did you just make her up?”
I clear my throat. I’m actually shocked no one’s yelling. Graysen isn’t even freaking out. Yet.
“There is a Darla, actually,” I say. “She’s sitting in the sunroom, if you want to meet her.”
Damian and Graysen, who can see into the sunroom from where they’re standing, look that way. There’s a moment of confused silence before I see it on their faces, when they put two and two together.
“It’s a cat,” Graysen says, unimpressed.
Damian chuckles under his breath.
Jameson has joined them, and now Savannah, frowning, goes over to look.
“You have serious issues, brother,” Jamie says.
“Since when do you have a cat?” Savi demands. “And what’s wrong with its leg?”
“Her.”
They all look at me like they’ve never met me before.
“She fell off the roof.”
“Oh. Poor girl.” Savannah drifts into the sunroom to look closer.
Jamie rolls his eyes. “Please tell me we’re not forgetting that Harlan’s lied to us for months just because we suddenly found proof that he’s human.”
“He can be human and still fucking with us,” Damian points out. “Witches have cats, don’t they?” He smirks at me.
Great. More people who think I’m a witch. This cat just had to be black.
“This one’s way too cute to be a witch’s cat,” Savi provides helpfully.
“Let’s stay on track here,” Graysen grouches.
“There’s really nothing left to say about it,” I tell them. “I’ve told you the truth now. You guys can go ahead and decide if I failed my challenge. That’s how the game works.”
Honestly, I’m more concerned about losing Quinn right now. Keeping my inheritance isn’t nearly as important as keeping her and the baby she’s carrying.
I’m so afraid that maybe I’m going to lose them, that maybe I’ve already lost them, I’m feeling somewhat numb to this whole moment—putting my fate in my siblings’ hands.
I’m really not sure what they’ll decide. I’ve spent hours upon hours over the past several weeks obsessively analyzing, from every possible angle, trying to figure out how I can fix this whole mess, dig myself out of this hole, if the shit hits the fan. How I can get rehired by Vance Industries and make it all okay, and continue to take care of Quinn and the baby. Even if she never forgives me.
There has to be a way I can earn my siblings’ trust back, if not their love, even if it takes the rest of my life.
But living without her is not an option.
Quinn and the baby are what really matters.
“What’s to decide?” Damian says. “This shit is hilarious. We all know Granddad would be loving this.”
Graysen frowns deeply.
“Come on,” Damian prompts, looking around at our siblings. “Old Stodd would be laughing if he were here right now, and we all know it. As far as he’d be concerned, Harlan completed his challenge.”
“You’re right about Granddad,” Savi says tentatively. “He’d be loving this twist. He’d probably adopt the cat.”
“The cat isn’t up for adoption,” I mutter.
“It’s true that Granddad would find this amusing,” Jamie admits, grudgingly. “But the fact is, Harlan lied to us.”
“What Harlan did,” Damian counters, “technically, was introduce us to two Darlas. A woman and a cat.”
“He introduced us to a fake Darla and lied to us,” Jamie says. “He cheated at Granddad’s game. And the deadline on his challenge passed months ago.”
“Be fair, Jamie,” Savannah says. “We have a year in total for all of us to complete our challenges. That’s the official rule of the game. We were the ones who decided Harlan had one month. He took longer than that to come around, but now he’s introduced us to the real Darla. His challenge was ‘Introduce us to Darla,’ and he’s done that. For real this time.”
“But it’s a fucking cat.”
“I don’t care if Darla is a cockroach,” Damian says dryly. “We’re done here.”
They all look at Graysen, who’s been staring at the cat with a frown and listening to the rest of us argue.
He slowly shakes his head, then sets his gray eyes on me. I see disappointment, disapproval, and extreme annoyance in his gaze.
But I think I see grudging acceptance, too.
“If it helps,” I offer, “I have a large veterinarian’s bill with the name of the cat on it, should you need some evidence. The vet will corroborate that the cat has been named Darla all her life, and that her birth predates the challenge. She is the real Darla.”
Graysen rolls his eyes.
“Congratulations.” Damian shakes my hand with a smirk. “Well played. I have places to be.”
Jameson shakes my hand next, reluctantly. “Congratulations, Harlan. You’re even more of a freak than I took you for. But I hope your cat heals.”
“Thank you.”
“Harlan.” Graysen comes to give me a stiff handshake. I know he’s pissed at me. “Next time, save us all the trouble and just tell us the truth.”
“I’ll work on that.”
“Don’t make me any promises you won’t keep.”
“I won’t.”
Irritated but apparently satisfied, he nods.
I pull him in for a hug. “Thank you.”
He takes a moment to recover from the surprise, but he pats me on the back.
My brothers leave all at once, Jameson complaining that he’s late for a date with Megan because of me.
Then it’s just me and Savannah and the cat in the sunroom, staring at each other. Savannah’s wearing Chanel, but she’s down on the floor, stroking the cat. It kind of warms my heart.
I try to absorb this moment, and the feeling of being safe and warm, with family. It’s a feeling I wish I had more of in my life.
My siblings may let me get away with this grand fuck-up, but I know it’s going to be a long road rebuilding what I’ve broken.
It wasn’t one or two lies that did it.
It’s been years of shutting them out that I’ll have to atone for. And repair. One truth at a time.
My twin sister eyes me, and I know she’s a little pissed at me, too.
“She’s sweet,” she says. Her tone says, Maybe too sweet for you.
“I know. I think I’m going to keep her.”
She gives me a dry look. “I meant Quinn.”
“Oh.” I clear my throat, uncomfortable. I hate disappointing Savannah the most. And lying to her.
“I think you like her more than you let on before,” she says.
“How do you know that?”
“It was obvious when you mentioned her just now. I don’t know. Something in your eyes. It’s like you’re not as shut down as before.”
“Yeah. Maybe.”
“Maybe it’s time for some sweetness in your life. You’ve been bitter for so long.”
I sigh.
“You know,” she says, “when you lie to people, you rob them of the opportunity to really know you.”
“That sounds like a quote. Grandma?”
“That one was Mom, believe it or not. She said that to me when I was about ten and I stole something of yours. Candy of some sort. It was Halloween. I lied because I already ate the whole thing, so I couldn’t give it back, and I felt so guilty. And maybe she wasn’t used to me lying. She called me ‘Miss Savannah Vance’ in that tone that told you you’d better listen. She didn’t get stern with me like that very often.”
I snort. “Must’ve been nice.”
She tilts her head, studying me. It reminds me of me, actually, when she looks at me like that. “You look like me when you do that,” I inform her.
“Because I’m calculating right now,” she says. “I think that’s why our brothers feel cheated. It’s not that you cheated the game. It’s that you robbed them of the chance to know the truth. You didn’t trust them with it.”
“Since when do they want to know me?” I push back. “We’ve never been close like you are with them. I don’t give a fuck about hockey, or Damian’s sex kinks, or whatever the fuck Graysen’s into.”
“Who says you have to be? I spend more time with them than you do, sure, but I’m not into those things, either. I just make an effort. I find the common ground. It isn’t always easy, you know.”
I decide to go pour her a drink, because apparently she’s not leaving anytime soon, and she shakes her head at me.
“Seriously, Harlan.” Her voice follows me into the family room. “Why didn’t you just tell us the truth when you first received your challenge? That there was no woman named Darla? That you made her up? We would’ve been annoyed with you, but what else is new?”
“How could I know that you’d have my back?”
“Jesus Christ, Harlan. Because we’re family.”
I step back into the sunroom and put a glass of Merlot in her hand. “I didn’t know that. I had no idea how you guys would react.”
“Then maybe you should pay better attention. You’re good at that, when you want to be.” She takes a sip of her wine, considering me. “We’re not out to get you.”
I sit down in an armchair, facing her and the cat.
“If you lost your challenge,” she says, “or if any of us lost our challenge, we’d all suffer. It would affect our business and our family. And maybe we could all just make a deal that we all completed our challenges whether we actually did or not, but that would be cheating Granddad’s game. And there has to be some integrity to it. That’s the whole point.”
“I know.”
“We’re in this together. But you have to do your part.”
“Okay.”
“Then why did you cheat?”
“Because. Fuck. I was scared.”
Savannah sighs. Maybe she’s taking pity on me. “I do believe that is literally the first time I’ve ever heard those words out of your mouth in my entire life.”
“Yeah.” I toss back most of my Manhattan. “First time for everything.”
Savannah eyes me, maybe pulling together all the pieces in her head. “And what about Quinn? Did she know about… all this?” She waves her manicured fingers in the direction of the cat.
“She does now.”
“I see.”
“And also…” I take a breath. “She’s pregnant.”
My sister blinks at me, looking about as confused as she should.
“I really should’ve prefaced that,” I add, “by telling you that I’ve been seeing her ever since I told you that I broke up with her.”
I wait for her to tell me I’m an asshole for lying to her yet again. But instead, she gasps a little. “I’m going to be an aunt?”
“Yes. I believe that’s how it works.”
“Oh, shit. I love that for me!” She gets up and comes to give me a hug.
I pat her awkwardly on the back. “Yeah. Congratulations.”
“Congratulations, you!” She pushes me away. “Why aren’t you excited?” she demands.
“I’m just trying to figure this out, day by day.”
“Oh, god. The mental computing you must be doing. The hard drives must be overheating up there.” She knocks a knuckle lightly on my skull.
“Funny.”
“But true.” She settles into the armchair next to mine. “I demand, as your twin and the auntie of your unborn child, that you tell me everything. Right now.”
“Unfortunately for you, that kind of demand doesn’t work on me. But anyway, there’s nothing to tell. Quinn is amazing. End of story.”
“Amazing, how? I want words, brother.”
I groan. Honesty is a bitch.
“Fine. In a nutshell… she’s been working her ass off for years to take care of her mom, Lorraine, who’s battling cancer and raised her as a single mom. They live in a shitty old rental house, and Quinn is literally holding that place together with duct tape and a positive attitude. She’s been through so much. I’m just trying to make the pregnancy as easy on her as possible. But honestly, I’ve never felt so powerless.”
Savannah waves her hand in the air dismissively. “You have money, though. You get a bunch of nannies, and you take care of her mom. You’ll be fine.”
“I don’t think I want that. I mean, sure we can get a nanny, to help us. But I don’t want my children to be raised by strangers.”
“Children?” Savannah raises an eyebrow.
I ignore it. “You know what I mean. I don’t want them to be raised the way we were. I want to be accessible to my children.”
“You said children again.”
I frown at her.
She’s looking at me with a kind of awe. This is new to me, and I don’t know how to take it. “Well, then. If you’ve already thought about stuff like that, you’re a giant step ahead of Mom and Dad already.”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“So why didn’t you just tell everyone about the baby when they were here? Graysen’s going to be so excited.”
“Graysen doesn’t get excited.”
“Over this, he will. Why didn’t you tell us all together?”
“Because I don’t know what I’m doing, Savannah,” I admit, frustrated. “Quinn is pissed at me every other day, and she has reason to be.”
“I take it she isn’t living here with you?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because she doesn’t want to.”
“But why?”
“Because,” I growl, “look at me. How do I be a good father when my relationship with my own father was so messed up?”
I twitch uncomfortably in the long silence that follows that, as my sister studies me. I’m spelling with my fingernail on the arm of the chair, incessantly. That old standby, BEAUTIFUL . I don’t even know when I started doing it.
Finally, Savannah says, “So that’s it. You’re afraid of being a father. Or rather, being a shitty one.”
“That’s a big ‘it,’ Savi.”
She does that dismissive thing in the air with her hand. “None of that matters. I know you, Harlan. Possibly better than any other human on earth. We already lost Dad. And I know that in some ways, you lost him most, before he even died. Are you seriously going to allow yourself to lose the chance to be the father you always wanted?”
“I’m trying not to lose anything,” I argue.
“Then succeed. You’re capable of way more than you think when it comes to this stuff.”
“But how do you know that? I’ve never had someone who needed me before. Chelsea didn’t need me. She needed something I couldn’t give her, so she went and got it from someone else. That’s the truth.”
“No, what she did was she cheated on you and got knocked up by someone else. Don’t make that your fault.”
“Maybe it was. At least partly.”
“Well, Quinn is having your baby, right? And maybe she loves you, or will love you. Don’t you think you’re ready for that? I mean, isn’t it about time?”
I don’t even know what to say to that, except “I don’t know.”
“Well, when is the baby due?”
“Six months,” I say tightly.
“Okay. So, in six months, ready or not, you’re going to be a father. Which means you need to step up. Like, yesterday.”
“I am stepping up. Quinn and the baby will have everything they need.”
“Sure.” She reaches over and presses a hand gently to my chest, right over my heart. “Except this .”
I’m up late that night, lying on the sofa. Drinking Manhattans and watching Darla the cat sleep in the next room.
When I finally nod off, I dream.
I’m having sex with Quinn on the sofa.
Then I hear my dad calling, in the distance. By the time I get to my feet, Quinn is gone.
I walk into the foyer, and it’s the foyer of my own house. I hear a sound in the distance, coming from upstairs—a door closing.
I call out to my dad.
No one answers.
As I climb the stairs to the second floor, I hear helicopter blades.
When I get to the top of the stairs, it’s not my house anymore. It’s my childhood home. I see the door to the room where the terrible thing is going to happen, and I hear my dad’s voice, calling to me.
I start to tremble and cry.
I hear the whump whump whump of the helicopter blades as I walk toward the door.
The black cat is lying on the floor against the wall, her hind leg in a cast.
She’s wounded, and it’s all my fault.
When I finally reach the door, I’m shaking. I start to open it.
It opens all the way—into nothing. I plummet into the roar of the helicopter, and wake up in terror, my heart pounding.
The cat lies on her bed, watching me, green eyes alert. I think I startled her awake.
I’m still lying on the sofa.
I get up to make myself another drink, and I don’t sleep again that night.
I just think about all the things I need to say to Quinn, if I’m going to be honest with her.
And if I have the courage to say them.