Chapter 5
Macie
I don't know for how long I'm in the shower.
It feels like minutes, but could be hours.
Every time I close my eyes, I see the guy coming toward me as I lay on the ground, curled into the fetal position.
For a few seconds I hadn't known what he was going to do.
It's like my body broke into three parts.
In my mind I knew there were three options this man could do.
Rape me. Beat me. Kill me.
In the grand scheme of things, I guess what I got is much better than what could've happened. None of them were great choices, but maybe this was the lesser of the evils.
Yay me. I might live with PTSD for the rest of my life, but at least I have a life to live.
The water runs cold, and I know I've been in here too long. It's not even lukewarm. It's moved from hot, to lukewarm, and now it's almost freezing. I know I have to get out. It takes everything I have to stand up, and shut the shower off.
"Are you still here?" I ask softly, half expecting Darren to be gone.
"I've got your towel waiting on you. I know you've got to be cold."
My teeth are chattering, and I'm not sure if it's because I am cold, or if I'm having a delayed reaction to everything that's happened tonight.
Opening the shower curtain, I put my arm in front of my breasts, and then place a hand in front of my womanhood, not sure I want him to be able to see all that right now.
But I shouldn't have worried. He holds the towel open, and his gaze never leaves my face as he wraps me up in it. "Thank you."
He holds me tight as he helps me out of the shower. "There are some clothes over there for you. Mom brought you some that you should be able to fit in with no problem. I brought one of my hoodies in here for you. Whatever you want to wear."
I nod. "Thank you," I say again, just because I don't know how else to react.
What do you say to the man you ran too because you didn't know where else to go?
What do you say to the man who didn't bat an eyelash twice when you showed up in the middle of the night with a broken face, and a bruised body?
Especially the man who has his toddler daughter inside, and never once made you feel like you were a problem?
"Stop thanking me." Now that he's got the towel wrapped around my body, he's not releasing me. "Just let me hold you for a second. Just so that I know you're okay."
I don't tell him how much I need that, too. Instead, I let him think that I'm doing it for him, and not the other way around. "Darren?"
"Yeah, babe?"
He's never called me anything other than Macie before, and I can't help but get a little clench in my stomach at the name. "Do you think they'll find him?"
"There's a good chance. I mean there's going to be video, along with the investigation on who the man is your patient got a restraining order against. I'd say it's pretty cut and dry. The problem will be if he doesn't live around here."
I don't say anything, I just hold onto him, my arms looped around his waist. "Is it bad that I'm nervous about going to work again?"
"No." He smears his lips against my forehead, palming my hair and brushing it back from my face.
"It's a perfectly normal reaction. In fact you should report this to the hospital.
They need to make a report on it, just in case he does this to someone again, or if he shows up wanting to hurt you for a second time. "
Shuddering, I dig my fingers into his shirt. "I don't want to think about that."
"Neither do I, but it's a fact of the matter that many people like that return to the scene of the crime. If he's hurt you once, he may want to do it again."
Fear clutches at my stomach. "I guess when I get up in the morning, I'll need to call my supervisor."
"Are you supposed to work tomorrow?"
"No, I'm off for the next two days." I don't think I've ever been more thankful than I am this moment for the gap in the schedule. I don't think I'd be able to go there today if I had to.
"Good, you can stay here if you want," he offers.
I don't know who is more surprised at that. Him or me. "Darren," I sigh. "You have your daughter here. What if the person who hurt me decides to come here? What if they followed me? I can't put you and her in danger. I shouldn't have come here in the first place."
"No, you should always come here," he says the words forcefully so that there's no doubt in them, so that I know he means them. "If you need someone to take care of you, I'm that guy."
I'm a woman who believes I can do almost anything a man can do, I believe that anything I put my mind to, I can achieve, but those words also make something inside of me warm and gooey. "Thank you, but if it looks like it's going to be not safe for Nicole, or you, please tell me, and I'll leave."
"You ain't leavin' here."
I almost want to laugh at the way his southern accent comes out. I've noticed it a few times. When he's particularly feeling passionate about something, or he's had a few drinks, it comes out way more than it normally does. "What if I want to?" I tease him.
"Well I mean, I'm not keeping you here against your will. I'm not a complete asshole, but you only have to leave if you want to, Macie. I'm not kicking you out. Regardless of what you have may have heard about me, I can protect you."
"I've heard nothing less than that." I swallow roughly as his dark eyes meet mine. "The reason I came here is because I feel safe with you. I didn't really think of any other place to go."
"Good, I don't want you to search out anyone else. If you need help, I want to be that person for you."
"You are."
It takes everything in me to be that vulnerable and admit the truth.
When we first met at the Lean To, I thought he was hot, that he looked like he needed a good time, and maybe we'd have a good time that night.
I didn't think that here a few weeks later, we'd be searching each other out when things got rough.
He runs a hand through my hair, making a noise in the back of his throat. "See to it that I stay that guy, Mace. I don't like to share."
"I don't either."
Our eyes meet in the steam of the bathroom, and my heart pounds within my chest. There's always been a ton of chemistry between us, and although this night has been one of the worst of my life, I appreciate that it brought me to him.
"Get dressed," he whispers.
And I realize he wrapped me in this towel, but he never looked at anything else.
His eyes stayed above board, and I didn't even have a chance to feel uncomfortable about any of it.
Quickly I grab the edges of the material, and hold it around my chest. The clothes that his mom brought are over on the counter.
I walk over to it, and sift through the comfortable looking pants and a couple of shirts.
"Do you know who these belong to?" I ask off-handed as I pick out an outfit to wear.
Underneath everything, I find a brand new package of underwear.
I don't know how she knew my size, but I appreciate it more than I can ever tell her.
Getting dressed makes me feel a little better, and more like myself.
"If I had to guess, probably my sister, or one of her friends. They were always at the house. Sometimes still are."
I nod, swallowing around my swollen throat. More than anything, I want to cry. Because this man didn't have to open his door for me, he didn't have to make sure that his mom came over and helped me, or the rest of his family. My hands start shaking, and my teeth start chattering.
"Macie, are you okay?" He gets up, and walks over. He turns me so that we're facing one another. "C'mon, you're here with me. Things are going to be okay."
"Are they?" I ask, letting some tears fall.
He picks me up, putting me on the edge of the sink. He taps my knees, and I spread so that he can settle in between them. Running his hands up my thighs, the sides of my stomach, and then stopping on either side of my neck.
“They are,” he runs his thumbs up and down the column of my throat.
“I want to believe you,” I whisper, hooking my legs around his waist, and holding on tight.
"You don't have to believe me. I believe enough for the both of us.
What I can tell you with certainty is that it's always darkest before light.
" He leans in so that our foreheads touch.
"This just happened to you. Of course it feels hard right now.
The hospital was a place where you felt safe, and that safety has been tested. We'll get you through it."
"How?" I hate questioning everything, it's not who I am. I've always known my own mind, been highly motivated, and thought good things come to those who are good people. This has rocked my entire world.
"I'm going to be right here with you."
"You can't be with me all the time," I argue, sliding my arms around his waist, and falling into the hug.
He holds me tight, and drops a kiss to the top of my head. "I'm going to be there with you when you need me."
I swallow roughly. "You have a daughter, a life, and so much that you're dealing with, Darren."
He clears his throat, pulls back, and cups my face in his hands.
"You're right. I've got a lot going on. None of that's going to change any time soon.
I'm busy, and I have a daughter, and a job, and if someone were to ask me before tonight, I would've said I don't really have time for anything else," he says the words low and slow, making sure I pay attention.
"But then you showed up on my doorstep and you needed my help, and all those feelings I thought I'd left behind with my ex-wife, rushed to my chest. I realized that in the past few months while we've been meeting at the Lean To, I've come to care about you. "
Those whispered words make me want to cry. "I care about you, too. I'm not asking for something you're not willing to give."
"I know, I'm offering, Mace. You need me? I'm gonna move heaven and earth to be there."
"I won't hold you to it, Darren, but I'm going to appreciate whatever you can do." I'm exhausted, and I yawn as I close my eyes.
"Tired?"
"Yeah, I'm coming down from the adrenaline. Exhausted is more like it."
He grabs me up off the sink, palming my ass. "C'mon, let's go to bed."
I hold onto him, burying my face in his neck. "Where am I sleeping?" I'm not sure what this looks like with his daughter.
"With me. I want you in my arms. Wanna make sure you're okay."
I want that too, so I nod, and hold on for dear life. While this night started out horrible, it's ending more peaceful than I ever could've imagined.