Chapter Twenty-Three
“Go fish,”
“But I see that you have a seven right there,” Grandma says and I pull my cards out of her sight.
“Oh, you said seven? I thought you said shmven. I don’t have a shmven card but oh look,” I pull out the card I was trying to hold onto, “a seven just for you.”
Grandma laughs, taking it from my hand. “Thank you, trickster.” She creates another pair, putting it down on the tray above her bed. The machine above her head beeps at a constant rate, but we ignore it as we continue our game.
“Got any fours?”
Grandma looks down at her hand, making a show of pursuing her cards, then she sticks out her tongue and says “go fish!” I roll my eyes, pulling another card from the top of the deck. Well, would you look at that. Another seven.
Just as I’m about to flaunt my seven, a team of doctors enter the room, their large white jackets sweeping behind them.
“Alright, Mrs. Millner, let’s take a look at your vitals this afternoon.”
The first doctor takes her chart from the edge of her bed and flips the page. His name is Dr. Simon.
“Hi, Dr. Simon.” My grandma has the cutest doctor in the whole hospital. I love when I get to see him during my visits.
Dr. Simon looks down at me with a smirk. “Hello, Danika.”
I made sure he learned my name on the first day when Grandma was admitted. “I’ll be here often so you might as well get used to it,” I’d said.
After pursuing the chart, he looks over at Grandma. “How are you feeling today, Mrs. Millner?”
Grandma sighs and for the first time, I can actually see the cancer catching up to her.
By the time Grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was already at a stage too late for much hope.
Plus, at her older age, her body wasn’t responding to treatments they were providing.
Basically, from what I’ve gathered through these interactions with doctors, she doesn’t have much time left.
But they’re still trying everything they can.
“I’m doing okay today. I’ve got my Dani girl with me.” She reaches over, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I smile and grasp her hand tightly with both of mine.
“That’s very nice,” Dr. Simon says. He glances down one more time at the chart, says some mumbo jumbo medical jargon to the staff of nurses behind him and then he puts the chart back.
“We’ll come check on you again in a little while.” He nods and turns to leave.
“Bye, Dr. Simon!”
Dr. Simon turns back around, his pretty green eyes full of mirth as the nurses giggle around him. “Goodbye, Danika.” They all leave and we’re alone again.
“He sure is something. Ain’t he something, Grandma?”
“He sure is,” Grandma laughs. “You know, sweetie, I hope you do everything in this life that you want to do. I hope you live to the fullest and have no regrets.”
“I hope so too, Grandma.”
I hate it when she talks like this. It makes me feel like she’s just trying to get her last words of wisdom out before she goes.
“And whatever man you end up with, make sure he treats you like a princess. You hear me?”
I laugh, shuffling the deck of cards. “Yes, grandma. I hear you.”
“You are very special, Danika. You are destined for greatness.”
I smile, not knowing what to say.
“Do you want to play another game?” It’s wishful thinking on my part. I can tell she’s getting pretty tired. More and more these days she’s feeling tired. She sleeps through most of the day now.
Grandma yawns. “Not today, sweetheart. I need to get some rest. Why don’t you call your mom to come pick you up?”
“Okay,” I say, trying to keep the sadness from my voice. I don’t want to go home. I hate being at home. It has to be saying something that as a thirteen year old girl, I’d rather be hanging out at a hospital than in my own house.
But besides that, I don’t want to leave my Grandma. I feel like every day I spend with her might be the last.
“I love you, Grandma,” I say as she settles into her pillow.
“I love you, Dani girl,” she says, her eyes closing before I even make it out the door.
I know this hospital like the back of my hand at this point and I easily make my way down to the lobby.
Pulling out my phone, I call Mom a few times but she doesn’t pick up.
I don’t even try to call my dad. Instead, I call the only other parental figure I have, besides my grandma.
“Memaw?”
“What’s up, sugar? You need me?”
“I’m at the hospital visiting Grandma but my mom won’t answer to come pick me up.”
“I’m on my way, sweetie.”
Sometimes I wish Margot’s grandma was my real mom. She treats me like a daughter or granddaughter to her. I would be completely lost without her and Margot. And Arden.
Psh. Arden. He doesn't do anything for me but annoy me.
Within a few minutes, Memaw has picked me up and driven me to her house. The drive from the hospital is about thirty minutes but we live only a few houses away so, after thanking her profusely, I walk home. When I get there, my mom is in tears clutching her phone on the living room couch.
“Where have you been?”
“I was visiting Grandma. What’s wrong?” I rush to her.
“You were at the hospital? Why did you call me?”
“I did call. You didn’t pick up. What’s going on? Why are you crying?”
Mom takes in a deep breath to try and settle her tears but it only barely works. “The hospital just called me. Grandma passed a few minutes ago.”
I fall backward on the floor. How? How! I was just there with her! She was just talking to me. Laughing with me. Being philosophical and wise.
“Mom,” I cry. She’s looking down at her phone, tears streaming down her face.
“I need to call your father,” she says, sniffling. Instead of comforting me, she stands and puts her phone to her ear, walking into the kitchen.
Pulling my legs up to my chin, I collapse into myself.
I am a shell. I am a shell on a beach and I can hear the ocean. No, that’s not the ocean, it’s the sound of my hyperventilations. The water I feel is my tears falling onto my shirt. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t.
I need to get out of here.
Without another thought, I jump from the floor and run out the front door. I think I vaguely hear the sound of my mother calling my name, but honestly, that could be wishful thinking.
I’m running and before I know where I’m going I get there. Margot’s house. I pound my fist on the door over and over until it opens and Arden is standing on the other side, looking pissed at first but then immediately concerned.
“Danika? What’s wrong?”
He pulls me inside and wraps his arms around me. He holds me and I cry into his grey shirt until Margot comes around the corner.
“Dani?” I reach for her, feeling a bit of reluctance in Arden’s arms to let me go but he does and I collapse onto her instead. My best friend. Through sobs I tell her what happened and she drags me up to her room where I spend the rest of the night sobbing against her chest.
One thing that I kept thinking was, at least she’s not in pain anymore.