Chapter 52
I wake to the contrast of excruciating pain on my left side but pure perfection on the other.
Amelia is curled up into my side, her hand above my heart like she alone controls the rhythm of it.
I have vivid memories of kissing her last night like I’d never get enough. I want to wake her with kisses. I almost lost her last night. And I’ll never risk that again.
When I left her in her room yesterday morning, I promised her a conversation. I”m not sure what we did last night but I don’t think much talking happened. I need to tell her all the things – all my fears, all my hopes for a future with her.
I want her. I want a shot at the life I never thought would be possible.
As soon as she wakes up I’ll tell her that.
I shift my legs, but there’s a bedpan on my lap. Please tell me I didn’t use that in front of Amelia last night.
And why are there fifteen empty Jell-O cups littering the floor? I hate Jell-O.
But apparently, I ate some because there”s a big red stain on the wrap around my chest.
I close my eyes, relaxing back into the pillows. I wonder if it’s time for more pain medicine. I could ring the nurses, but I don’t want to wake up Amelia when she’s peaceful…and safe.
“Why is there a girl in Uncle Caleb’s bed?” I jolt at the voice, which causes me to wince in pain hard enough that I accidentally fling Amelia and the bedpan out of the bed.
Amelia yelps as she lands on the floor butt-first. The bedpan is the final cymbal of our circus.
“That wasn’t nice.”
I turn towards Crew’s voice. Ward is standing there trying very hard not to lose it.
“No, it wasn’t,” Amelia says and stands up. “I’m used to it though.” She looks down at her gown. “Why am I wearing this?”
“You were poisoned, remember?” I say, nodding toward her IV stand.
“I’m talking about this.” She lifts her foot, wiggling the blood pressure cuff wrapped around her calf.
I bite down hard on my bottom lip, remembering something from last night. She thought the poison was similar to a snake bite and wanted to cut it off before it reached her foot because it was her favorite foot.
“Aunt Millie!” Crew rushes forward and hugs Amelia. His little arms tug at the ties holding her gown together and I avert my gaze.
“Crew, what are you doing here?” Amelia asks.
“Ward and I are friends,” I say. “How do you know them?” I ask, but the answer is pretty obvious. Maddie.
A nurse enters the room, glaring at us. “Oh good. You two are awake. It’s not hospital procedure to allow you two to stay in the room, but the little one,” she motions to Amelia, “said you were on your honeymoon. And refused to get off the bed.”
I look at Amelia to see her fighting a grin.
The nurse looks at me. “And sir, if you want to take that bedpan home it’s going to be fifty dollars.”
“Excuse me?” I choke on air. “Why would I want a bedpan?”
“My question exactly. But you insisted it looked like your best friend.”
Ward clears his throat.
“And you.” She looks at Amelia who is laughing so hard she’s crying. “You have a sugar problem. We’ve never run out of Jell-O before. You should get that checked.”
What on earth happened last night?
She unhooks Amelia from her IV then she removes mine, and checks the bandage around my chest, the whole time muttering how grateful she is we will both be released today.
When she finally leaves, Ward comes over to the bed. “I look like a bedpan?”
I glance at the bedpan in question. “That could be anyone.”
He shakes his head. “How are you?”
“Better than Iraq.” Something laces my voice; Amelia must pick up on it too.
“Hey Crew, want to come see my room?” she asks him.
“You’re at the hospital too? First Mom, then you and Caleb. Can I get a room at the hospital, Dad?”
“Wait, what?” I look at Ward. “Lyndi is here?”
“Lyndi had the baby yesterday.” He beams.
“And she’s the cuuutesst!” Crew chimes in.
“Well, what are we doing here?” Amelia throws her hands to the sky. “Let’s go see that cute baby, then you can see my room.”
“Okay!” Crew cheers and skips out of the room with her on his heels.
Ward takes the empty chair beside my bed. “Sorry, I wasn’t here last night. I did stop by, but you were um…” He fights a smile but loses. “Busy.”
I knew someone had walked in last night. “It’s fine.”
“Really?”
I heave a sigh, playing with the edge of the gauze. “When I was hit in Iraq, I worried I wouldn”t make it home and I”d die, proving to my mom I was like my father. I think I”ve always been a scared little boy hoping someone will stay, and after Mom died, I gave up hope of anyone staying at all.”
“Dude, what am I? A bedpan?” He snorts.
“You know what I mean. I thought it would be easier if I pushed people away first before my heart got involved.”
“I get it. You’re scared. We’re all scared of something, man. I didn’t want to weigh Lyndi down with my past. But sharing it with her made me free. Those women are stronger than you think. So are you.”
I purse my lips. “But how did you put the past and your fears behind you for good?”
“I didn’t. I dealt with some in therapy, which I highly recommend, but some worries will always be there. I just decided I’m strong enough to deal with them when they pop up instead of letting them control me. And Lyndi helps with the rest.”
It sounds too good to be true.
“You like her,” Ward says.
“More than like her.”
“My best advice: let yourself feel it. The good and the bad. Deal with things as they come. Not as you imagine they will be.”
“I want to.” Even if it ends in complete disaster. I have a feeling being hurt by Amelia would be a privilege. It’s time to be like my mother and stay. My mom was broken by my dad time and time again, but she picked up the pieces and took them one day at a time, always choosing me.
I can take it one day at a time.
“Do you want to see baby Annie? I brought a wheelchair.”
“I can walk.” I shift my body out of bed, but even that requires more energy than I currently have. “On second thought, that would be great.”
Ward wheels me to the labor and delivery department, and I can hear Amelia and Crew’s squeals of delight from down the hall. But seeing her with Crew and the baby gives me a glimpse into a possible future. Maybe things won’t work out between us, but I’ll risk the heartbreak. I’ll risk everything for a chance at a future like this.
“Caleb, look!” Amelia brings the tiny infant closer to me. “I told Lyndi we can babysit whenever.”
We. I like the sound of that.
“Sounds good to me.” She sounds good to me.
Fifteen minutes later, Lyndi lets out her twentieth yawn, and Amelia and I say our goodbyes. Amelia wheels me this time even though I protested and said I could walk.
I catch our reflection in the elevator door. Her in a hospital gown and fuzzy socks, me in a wheelchair and bandages across my torso. “We make quite the pair, don’t we?” I whisper.
“We do.” She gazes at me through the mirrored image. The elevator opens and she pushes me inside, heaving with all her body weight to get me over the crack. I find her exertion humorous but don’t get up. She’s stronger than I think.
“So, now what?” she asks.
“Now, you try not to put yourself in danger again.”
She drums her fingers on my shoulder. “But I told you, when you finally realized you wanted me, I was going to make you work for it.”
She did. I punch the button to stop the elevator and stand up. It’s a little awkward and a lot painful, but I make it. Then I step around the wheelchair and pin her against the wall.
“Caleb! You’re going to hurt yourself!”
“Amelia, I need you to be safe. Because I need you in my life.” I brush my knuckles along her cheek. ”I could barely function when I thought something had happened to you. I couldn’t see anything but my rage and pain. I was a lost boy praying I’d find you in time. Please tell me you’ll be safe. I need you safe.”
She grins up at me. “All you had to do was ask.”
I bite back a smile. “If only you would make it that easy.”
“Caleb, I know you’re afraid to promise forever, so promise me now. Stop pulling away. Just stay.”
This whole time I wanted others to stay, but it was me who needed to exercise the underdeveloped muscles in my heart that aren’t used to sticking around and working through the hard stuff.
“I can’t promise I won’t make mistakes,” I warn.
“I’m the Queen of Mistakes,” she whispers. “And it’s fine because I know how to find you.”
I pull back. “Did you access my location again?”
“No, even better. I bought a tracker.” She wiggles her eyebrows.
Why that’s suggestive, I have no idea.
I tighten my hold on her waist. She’s pure chaos. And I love it. “I’ve been tracking you too.”
She wiggles her brows. “I think that’s the hottest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“Should I say it again with an accent?” I press a kiss under her ear and she shivers.
“You don’t need to change, Caleb.” She drops her head on my shoulder and at this moment I feel perfectly content to stay. Happy to stay.
“I want you, Amelia. All of you. The crazy included.” I press a kiss to her forehead. “The crazier the better.”
Her hand finds mine and she squeezes. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear.”
“I don’t plan on just saying it. I plan on proving it.” I bring our connected hands up to my lips and kiss hers.
“So does this make me your girlfriend?” she asks, biting her bottom lip.
Another kiss. “Yes,” I say.
“Not even going to ask?”
“Do I need to?”
“Nope.” She arches up on her toes. “Because I’m Tom.”
“What?” I jerk back, laughing.
“You’re Jerry. I’m the predator, you’re the prey.” She nips at my jaw.
“We’ll see about that.” I capture her lips.