Chapter 25 #2
Good.
Her undershirt was fine. It was gray and shabby, but she didn’t see any blood.
“Do you have a spare shirt? My other one is still wet from the rain.”
She glanced up and stopped. The witch hunter was standing there frozen, a strange expression on his face. He drew in a ragged breath.
“If you don’t, it’s fine. The shirt will dry faster than the coat.”
His gaze drifted down her neck, past the curve of her shoulder, to linger on her breasts.
Her undershirt was thin and he could probably see too much.
Her nipples were almost painfully tight in the cold air, but there was nothing she could do about that.
He didn’t need to look so unhappy. It wasn’t something she was doing on purpose.
“Rowan,” he said more firmly. “You’re not doing laundry right now. You need to sleep.”
“After I take care of this.”
She bent and grabbed her jacket off the ground.
She opened her mouth to say she’d be back in a minute, but the words died on her lips.
Casrian moved so fast she didn’t have time to react.
One arm slipped around her back. One swept under her thighs.
And he scooped her right off the ground.
She tried to twist out of his grasp, but his arms were like iron bands. They didn’t budge as she fought him.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
He glared down at her as he carried her back to the fire. “I’m helping you. Let me do it.”
“You’re helping me by keeping me from washing the blood out of my clothes?”
He sat down, his back to a fallen log, only feet from the fire, his arms clamped tightly around her.
“I’m not going to let you walk around naked at night in the Black Woods only hours after we were attacked.
It’s near freezing and you want to go splash around in the stream? You’re not thinking straight.”
“And you are?”
“At the moment, I’m unsure,” he murmured, shifting her across his lap. “But I know I’m not going to let you wander the woods right now, so settle in.”
He leaned over to grab the blanket she’d dropped on the ground. When he eased his hold on her, she tried to roll out of his lap, but he pulled her back, wrapping the wool around her body.
“Casrian… please. You don’t need to do this. I’m—”
“Fine?” He gave a harsh laugh. “You’re not fucking fine. I told you I’d look for signs that you were losing it. Don’t make me get out the holy water.”
“Is there enough of it to wash my jacket?”
“I’ve seen this before,” he said in an annoyingly even voice, even as he wrestled with her.
“It happens on hunts often enough even with soldiers who have been trained to resist it. These places fuck with your head. Everyone has a breaking point, and this apparently was yours. It’s not an easy thing to take a life, even if the alternative is your own death.
You will get through this. I’ll make sure you do. ”
“I’m not at my breaking point. I don’t even have a breaking point.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really, you big oaf. If I had a breaking point, I’d have reached it a long time ago. Let me go.”
“No.”
“You can’t just hold me all night.”
“You’ve fallen asleep in my arms the last several nights. What’s the difference now?”
She felt heat creep up her neck. “I only did that because it was cold.”
“It’s still cold, Rowan. You’re not even wearing a fucking shirt.”
“I’m wearing an undershirt,” she snapped. “You’re the one who likes to prance around half-naked.”
“I don’t prance.”
She jerked her arm free and he caught it, pinning it to her side.
“I could tie you up,” he said. “If you’d rather I do that, I can. You’re not going anywhere tonight. If you still want to wash your clothes in the morning when the witch is weakest, you can do it then.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m not going to let you tie me up.”
“Well, then…”
He settled back, repositioning his arms so one lay across her hips and the other supported her back. He tried to press her head against his chest like she was a fucking toddler, and she pulled away to glare up at him.
He glared back. He looked so stubborn with that hard jawline, his eyes blazing with determination. Was he gritting his teeth?
“Stop wriggling around like that,” he said stiffly.
“Just let me go.” She shifted her hip trying to get comfortable, but it was like lying on a boulder. The other nights she’d been sitting on the ground and had only leaned up against his warmth. She hadn’t been on his lap.
“You need to stop.”
“You’re not exactly a feather pillow, you know. Every part of you is hard.”
He made a sound of strangled agreement and she froze. She became suddenly, acutely aware of the feel of him. Not just the strength of his big body. The arms locked around her, the chest rising and falling a little too fast. That tight abdomen. The hard thighs beneath her.
He was so strong and capable. Disciplined. Heroic. She saw that every time she looked at him. It was irritatingly impossible to ignore. But there was something else in his face tonight. Twisting in the shadows cast by the fire. Burning in his eyes. Making the planes of his face seem harsher.
That was his cock pressed against her hip. It was just as hard and big as the rest of him.
Heat rushed to her face. She was suddenly hot everywhere. Her face. Her breasts. Her hips where his arm was weighing her down.
He looked down at her, his gaze softening ever so slightly. “I won’t hurt you.”
“I know.”
And God, it was true, wasn’t it? She knew that Casrian wouldn’t hurt her. Not intentionally.
“It’s been a long time for me, that’s all. You’re just warm and female. It doesn’t mean anything. Ignore it.”
A laugh bubbled up inside her. “I don’t know if I can do that.”
“You can,” he said. “If I can ignore the damn thing, then you can too.”
A shiver ran through her and he rubbed her arm, his thumb making small circles on her skin. It felt good, soothing in a weird way that didn’t so much calm her as redirect her restless, reckless energy in a different direction.
“I can’t let you run,” he said. “Not when I’m the only one out here to chase you. I’ve seen people do crazy things after a fight.” His forehead wrinkled as he lifted his brows. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so desperate to do laundry. That’s new.”
“What do they usually do?”
If there was something she could do to shake this edgy, miserable feeling she wanted to know it.
“Fight, mostly. Sometimes they run and we have to chase them down.” He hesitated. “Sometimes, when we’re in a town, they find someone to fuck.”
A thrill ran through her body and he must have felt that somehow because the muscles beneath her tightened.
She watched him swallow, the flex of the muscles in his neck, the bob of his throat. “We can’t do that.”
“Why not?” She didn’t know if she was asking him or herself. But now that the question was out there, she wanted to know the answer.
His smile was sad. “You don’t even like me, angel. You don’t want me inside you.”
Her breath rushed out at the image that came to her. “You don’t know what I want.”
She didn’t even know what she wanted.
No.
That was a lie. She did very much know what she wanted.
She’d known it for days. Even if it was a stupid thing to want.
She just didn’t know what to do about it.
She liked the way he made her feel, all breathless and alive.
She liked the way he treated her, with simple respect, even when they argued.
He never looked at her like she was dirty.
He looked at her like she was something strange and fascinating. He was looking at her like that now.
And it had been a God awful day. The familiar.
The attack. That darkness in the woods that was getting harder and harder to avoid.
It pressed in on her, made her want to run, made her want to climb out of her own skin.
She thought maybe Casrian could help her do that.
And that it would feel better than jumping in a river.
He groaned and tipped back his head to stare at the sky.
The firelight caught the glints of stubble on his jaw.
She smiled. She’d never seen him looking so scruffy before.
Not even when he was half dead in the woods.
It was unfair how perfectly put together he always seemed.
Like he could ride for days without sleeping, climb off his horse, and not look out of place at court before the king.
Except when he looked back down at her now there was a little bit of a wild look in his eyes.
“Maybe you were sent to punish me.”
“I’ve thought that about you before too,” she said honestly.
He laughed, a low rumble in his chest that shivered right through her body.
“You see why it would be a bad idea then.” He shifted, lifting his hand from her thighs to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His brows drew together. “What could you possibly need to be punished for?”
She thought of the expression on the wild man’s face, the catch and slide of the knife, the slurping sound the blade made when it pulled out. She started to tremble.
Casrian cursed. He caught her jaw and pulled her face up to look at him. “No. Don’t think about that.”
“You don’t know what I’m thinking.”
“I do, and you need to let it go. At least for tonight. Everything will seem better in the morning.”
She turned her head so his thumb rested against her mouth.
She sucked the tip between her lips and closed her teeth around it.
His eyes hooded. And that felt wonderfully delicious, that such a small thing could affect him.
She bit down and a shudder passed through him.
Her tongue soothed the spot and she released him.
His gaze locked on her mouth, moved to her eyes. “Okay, maybe I don’t know what you’re thinking. You should sleep. I’ll keep watch. I’m not going to fuck you. Not when you’re like this. Not after what just happened.”
“You want to though.”