Chapter 39 #2
She didn’t regret any moment they’d spent together. She didn’t regret the sex, which she was pretty sure was what he was really asking about. She didn’t regret this moment now, though she was pretty sure it was going to make it hurt more when they had to part ways.
“Do you?”
“You know that I do,” he said softly, so very gently. “I never should have taken you into the woods in the first place.”
“You wouldn’t have found your men without me,” she reminded him. “It would have taken you longer to find the nest and who knows how much longer the witch would’ve kept Asher alive.”
She looked up at him and he brushed her hair back from her face. “You used magic. The blood spell, the charm. I knew that your fae blood made you vulnerable, but I thought I could protect you. I failed. You got hurt, and you are the very last person in the world I would wish to hurt.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “And the rest? Do you regret that too?”
His fingers tightened in her hair before he forced himself to relax.
“I wanted you. I’ve wanted you from the moment I woke up in your bed and saw you watching over me.
I thought you were an angel then. So beautiful.
Like something conjured from a dream. Then I found out who you were and I thought I could help you, you and your mother.
Get you out of Toam, restore something of what you lost, what I caused you to lose.
I knew you hated me and I told myself I needed to keep my hands off you.
That night in the woods when we were attacked by those men…
You were so upset. It felt like taking advantage even though you asked for it. ”
“You didn’t take advantage of me.”
He didn’t look like he completely accepted that. He dropped his gaze momentarily to her lips before forcing it up again to her eyes. “I should have had the strength to wait until we were out of the woods. And then later… You were a virgin. That can’t be how you imagined taking your first lover.”
She shrugged. “I thought that once we found your patrol, I would never have the chance to touch you again, and I wanted you. I spent so many years hating you, thinking you were the worst kind of monster, but you weren’t that person at all.
You’re the best man I’ve ever met.” She pressed her good hand to his chest, over his heart.
“And you’re unfairly attractive. Even when I hated you, I could see that.
The sex was good.” Amazing. Life-changing.
Unforgettable. It was everything that came after that was awful. “I would do it again.”
He groaned and closed his eyes for a moment.
When he opened them, there was some emotion in there that she had no name for.
It was soft and intense at the same time, hungry in a way that drew an answering ache from deep inside her, tender as a new shoot sprouting up from the dark earth after a long winter.
“I’ve been worried that you’d wake up free of the witch’s influence and decide that you regretted everything that happened.”
She blinked. He’d been worried about that? “I was the one who asked you to touch me first.”
“We were in the Black Woods hunting a witch. I didn’t know. You couldn’t have known if it was only the witch’s influence making you feel that way. That’s why I shouldn’t have touched you. You could have been witch-touched. You could have woken up hating me.” He studied her face. “Do you hate me?”
“I just asked you to climb into bed with me.”
His eyes crinkled at the edges. “I admit it’s given me hope.”
“Would it help if I asked you for more?”
He went very, very still. “You’re wounded.”
“Maybe it will help my recovery process.”
He groaned and slid his hand down her back to her hips. He pulled her in closer. “I swear you’ll be the death of me.”
“That doesn’t sound like a no.”
“It has to be for now.”
That was a shame. They had this enormous bed and a locked door.
And she was afraid this dream would be gone in the morning.
That the witch hunter would come to his senses any minute now and remember his duty to the Church.
Remember that he was a witch hunter and she was a witch’s daughter.
Remember that he was a baron and she was…
nobody anyone had ever thought worth knowing.
He brushed a kiss to her temple. His thumb caught under her jaw and he tilted her face up.
His lips brushed hers lightly at first and then moved more firmly against her when she moaned.
His hand was on her face, her neck. His body shifted to move slightly over her.
He tasted her slowly, first with his lips and then his tongue, sliding into her mouth with gentle exploration.
It was a soft kiss, sweet and questioning and over much, much too soon.
She blinked open her eyes to find him staring down at her like she was a wonder. “I want to court you.”
“What?”
She wrinkled her nose and he kissed the tip of it.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I want to court you. Formally. Show you my estate. Introduce you to my friends. Buy you pretty trinkets. Learn what makes you happy. Let you get to know me. Will you allow it?”
“I’m not one of your fancy ladies, Captain. You don’t need to court me to get me to sleep with you.”
“My father disrespected my mother. He hid her away like a tawdry secret and I watched it destroy her. It ruined them both, poisoned everything around them. She deserved better and so do you.”
Her heart ached for him, for the boy he’d been, but she wasn’t his mother. He wasn’t his father.
“I want to show you how you deserve to be treated,” he said quietly. “I want you to know what you’re getting yourself into with me.”
What she was getting into… Was he talking about taking her back to the capital? Marrying her?
“You said you didn’t want a wife.”
“I want you.” He kissed her jaw, nibbling his way to her ear and then her throat. His breath drifted over her skin. “Say yes.”
She was having trouble thinking straight. “Are you sure you’re not witch-touched?”
He laughed. “Never more sure of anything.”
He made his way down to the sensitive juncture between her neck and shoulder. A shiver raced over her skin. Her hips arched slightly, brushed against him. He groaned. “Say yes, angel. Please, say yes.”
“Is this courting?”
“It can be. We can make our own rules as we go along.”
She smiled. Of course there would be rules.
She should say no. She didn’t want dresses and trinkets. She didn’t even want to go to the capital. And how could someone like her marry a baron? It was ridiculous.
But she did want Casrian.
He’d drawn a line with her old life on one side—Toam and charms and the woods—and him on the other. He was daring her to step over it.
“You think I’m a witch.”
His blue eyes were black in the dim light. “You’re not a witch.”
It didn’t feel like the truth. It felt like a secret they were agreeing to hide.
She let out a slow breath.
Their lives were very different. The chasm between them vast. She didn’t see how they could ever fit together.
But a courtship wasn’t a promise. It was a hope of the heart. An intention.
A way to delay the inevitable.
“You can court me, Casrian.” A smile twitched her lips. “Or is it ‘my lord’? I should probably start addressing you correctly. I’ll need to figure out where I put my manners after all.”
He growled and rolled over her, his arms sliding beneath her shoulders, his hands coming up to cradle her face, his narrow hips fitting so perfectly between her spread thighs. She thought for a moment he’d changed his mind and a thrill ran through her.
“Don’t you dare start my-lording me.”
“Or what?” she couldn’t help but ask.
The flash of his smile took her breath away. “I still have the irons.”
She scowled. “You will not—”
“I would never put you in irons,” he murmured. “Unless you wanted to be in them.”
Who would ever want to be in irons?
Before she could ask, he lowered his head to kiss her. Gently. Sweetly.
A kiss full of moonlight and promises.
Then he slid his body behind her and took her into his arms. He tucked her head beneath his chin and wrapped himself around her.
“Go to sleep. We’ll discuss the rest when you’re feeling better.”
“But…”
His arms tightened. “Sleep.”
She wasn’t working for him anymore. She didn’t have to do what he said.
But he was safe and warm and strong. In the end, she couldn’t resist the command.
Maybe he was the one who’d bewitched her.