26. Zoe
Zoe
Cliff hasn't said a word about the tension between Warren and me, but his actions make it clear that he's taken my side.
It's something I never would've asked of him, but I am grateful for it all the same.
I know they aren't close close, but I assumed he'd be at most neutral.
Neutral isn't how I would describe the amount of time Cliff and I are spending together now.
There is a beautiful normalcy to the way we gravitate to one another each morning before heading to breakfast, and find ourselves sitting together at dinner. Without meaning to, our schedules have shifted so we are together when we are not in class.
Not that I'm complaining about that. Spending time with Cliff feels natural, like we were always meant to be around one another. He feels like a memory I can't recall the details of, but I know all the same.
He bumps me with his shoulder as we enter the library. "Can't believe you're back again. You spend as much time here as I do. At least I'm getting paid, even if it's a pittance."
"Wanna know a secret? I was a terrible student at university. I've got a lot to catch up on if I don't want to be stuck with shitty job prospects because my grades are awful."
Some jobs can only be done by specific designations. The main goal of the Institute is to identify where we fit best to help each province run smoothly.
I'm living under no assumption that I will be able to keep my designation hidden forever, but a large part of me hopes that if I'm a good student and prove that I can give back to society in a Beta role, they won't force me to be an Omega paperweight.
Cliff hums low as he stuffs his bag under the information desk and grabs a return cart. "I'm happy to help you with any subject I can. I know you do a study group for Menagerie, but I could set some time aside each week so we can get you caught up on the other subjects."
I follow him like a lost puppy through the stacks as he puts books away. "I'd like that, yeah. I'm sure I'm not utilizing the library to its full extent. I keep getting distracted while I'm here, researching stuff that has nothing to do with my classes."
"Oh yeah, like what?"
I pick a random book off the shelf and read the back before sliding it back into place. "Ilota, mainly."
He looks over his shoulder at me. "Why?"
Now's my chance to find out what Cliff knows about the Goddess and if there are any books tucked away that I may not be able to find. "Because don't you think it's weird that there is so little information about her? It pretty much stops and ends with Fate of the Fire."
"There are some other books that mention her." Cliff holds the book he was about to shelve loosely in his hand and gestures to his left. "The archives have a bit of history on her, but it's old, so we don't let students in there."
"I thought there were no records of her Blessing anyone?"
"There aren't, not directly. But that doesn't mean there isn't anything to learn.
Just because the book isn't about her doesn't mean there's not something important inside.
I learned that a long time ago." He places the book where it's supposed to go and continues on, speaking lower than even a library requires. "I can get you in, if you want."
My heart leaps in excitement. "Really? You'd do that for me?"
That comforting, warm wine feeling courses through me when Cliff places his hand on my arm. "Zoe, there isn't much I wouldn't do for you."
With his words, something inside me cracks open. It's not unpleasant, but it does feel incomplete, like a part of me is missing and I have to find it to fill it.
"Cliff." My voice is low, with a purr to the word that I've never heard before.
His breath hitches, and he crowds me until my back is up against a shelf full of books, until our bodies are just shy of touching. "Zoe."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean that since I met you, everything feels too good to be true. A dream that I don't want to wake up from. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I need you in my life, and I'd do anything to make sure that happens."
"Anything?"
His hands are shaking as he brushes my hair from my face, and my breath catches in my throat.
"It started small, and I thought it was just wanting to be around you, but there is something inside me that needs you.
I noticed it when I found you on the floor, and it's only grown since then.
There is a piece of me that belongs to you, and it's too crowded in my chest to ignore anymore.
" He takes a step back, shaking his head.
"This is weird. I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on with me. "
I snag his forearm, halting his steps. "It's not weird."
"It's not?"
"I don't feel what you do, not exactly, but there is something." I rub my sternum. "The first time I shook your hand, I felt it. I still feel it. Spending time with you is easy in a way it's never been with Warren, or even Viv. This doesn't feel like a friendship. It's more than that."
My dragon stirs inside me and pushes against the walls of my mind, like she's trying to tell me something.
I've read a few books that said you become one with your beast after spending time in shifted form, but I'm not there yet.
She still seems entirely separate from me, but maybe she represents the part of me that I shove down most of the time, and now I don't have to hide it to exist in polite society.
There's a pause, where I worry that I've said something wrong, before he grabs my chin and tilts my face up. His eyes are searching for something, and whatever it is, I hope he finds it.
He brushes his lips across mine in a move that is so soft I could almost convince myself it didn't happen. That is, until he presses his mouth against mine again. This time, there is no mistaking the attention he's giving me, and I am soaking it up like water in a drought.
My mouth opens with a gasp, and he wastes no time deepening our kiss, stroking my tongue with his. My body grows heated, overwhelming me and making my knees weak. Cliff wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me upright and against him.
The kiss is sweet, not frantic, and exploratory. I feel safe in his arms, his bulk soft and pleasantly warm, despite the fire rolling under my skin. My dragon is quiet, and I can feel her pleasure mingling with mine.
I don't feel the need to do anything other than exist here in this moment.
But it's over too soon.
Cliff pulls away, resting his forehead against mine. "Warren was right."
"What?" The words don't make sense when my mind is still fogged with pleasure from our kiss.
"He was right to tell me to stay away from you, because now that I've gotten a taste of you, I'm never giving you up. You're stuck with me forever."
My heart flips, and my dragon roars with happiness inside me. I can feel that chasm in my chest swelling and filling with his declaration.
"Forever is a long time, Cliff."
"Yeah, it is. That's why I said it."
A foreign feeling swells inside me, and before I can make sense of it, my dragon pushes to the forefront of my mind, demanding to be seen. I can feel my teeth growing sharper. I bring my hand to my mouth to try to hide them, earning me an odd look from my Beta.
My Beta.
My Beta.
The words echo in my mind, growing louder and louder until it is practically a scream.
I've been learning in some of my classes that Alphas and Omegas are in tune with their instincts in a way Betas wouldn't understand, which is why classes like Menagerie Management exist. The Blessed can't always control their beasts or their actions.
I never understood how losing complete control of my actions could be possible. Now I do, because it is not me who lowers my hand from my mouth.
Cliff spots the changes in my teeth and steps back from me.
"Zoe, what's going on with your teeth?"
"I can explain," I try to say, but these massive fangs aren't made for conversation, and the words come out garbled.
He looks scared of me, and I hate it. I hate that there is a part of him that sees me as a predator and worries he may be prey.
I would never hurt him. Could never hurt him.
He's my Beta.
My Beta.
An ugly swirl of jealousy rolls through me when I think about anyone else trying to claim him. What is stopping them from trying? How are they going to know he's mine? He said I'm stuck with him forever, and he needs to know that it goes both ways.
Everyone needs to know.
Cliff is in my arms before I can blink, and then my teeth are at his throat, pressing against the soft flesh as gently as possible until I break the skin.
He squirms, but isn't trying to get away from me.
A soft moan escapes his parted lips as I can feel that part of me that was empty fill with him.
I pull away with the taste of copper on my tongue, and my teeth shift back. He rubs his chest, eyes fuzzy and dazed for a moment until he looks up at me with reverence. "It's gone. That extra piece… It's gone."
"It's mine." I hardly recognize my voice as the quiet words roll out of me. "You're mine."
"Yours." He repeats the word to himself a dozen times before wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me close to him. "You have some explaining to do, don't you?"
I duck my head to avoid his probing eyes. "Yeah, I suppose I do. Where do you want me to start?"