28. Zoe
Zoe
I haven't heard from Cameron since he gave me the dress for the masquerade, and it's worrying me.
If someone had told me that I'd miss my stalker one day, I would have laughed in their faces, but there is no laughing now.
I had grown accustomed to seeing his pointed script, and some part of me felt comforted knowing he was watching me.
But there have been no letters, and I'm surprised to find that I am actually upset about it.
Man, I am messed up in the head if I am pushing away my best friend for being too overbearing and controlling, but relishing the attention from my stalker.
I need to tell Cliff about this. I know I do.
After I bonded him in the library yesterday and the heavy conversation we had, we went our separate ways, which, in retrospect, must have been confusing to him.
We shared a heart-to-heart, I literally tied our souls together with my teeth, and then I left.
We didn't even have dinner together, which is unlike us.
But a bond is a massive life change, and he deserves some time to process it without me around.
"Anything to say, Ilota? Got any wisdom on why everything about you has been scrubbed clean, and I'm considered a myth?
" Even though I can talk to her in my mind, it's cathartic to speak aloud, even if someone may overhear and think I'm losing it.
As I expected, she stays silent, leaving me with my thoughts bouncing between Cliff and Cameron.
My Beta and my stalker.
Gods, my life is not where I expected it to be right now. So much for a quiet Beta life back in Agria. That ship sailed the moment Ilota whispered in my mind.
Cliff will be here to walk me to breakfast any moment, but my brain is still stuck on why I haven't heard from Cameron. Does he have nothing to say, or has he moved on from me?
And why have I not seen him around the campus since that first chance meeting in the library?
I flip through all my notebooks and pull the sheets from my bed, but nothing falls out.
It's probably a stupid decision to leave a note for my stalker, but I do, because I don't think I can settle without answers on where he went.
Find someone else to keep your attention?
The note flutters down to the top of my desk. If he's still checking up on me, he'll see it. If he's not, and I come back to my note still there, then I'll have to figure out how to find this Alpha in person.
I have too many questions for him to disappear, and besides, I owe him dinner.
I regret the note the minute I stepped out my door, yet I don't run back and put it away. It has to be a bad idea to poke at my stalker, but I guess that's where I am now.
What is going on with me? Who misses their stalker?
And one that tried to choke out Cliff, to boot.
"So uh," I clear my throat, trying to figure out how to start this conversation. "Remember that note you got to check on me in the library?"
Cliff met me at my door this morning, same as he has for weeks, and walked with me to breakfast. Things feel as easy as ever, and it loosens a bit of the knot in my chest that worried he was going to be angry at me for the bond.
His bite is hidden beneath a high collar, and I want to rip it off so everyone can see my claim, but I keep my cool. He's not hiding it because he's ashamed of me, but because we have to.
Cliff looks up from his pancakes, fork halfway to his mouth. "Yeah? You said it was from Cameron, right?"
I tear up my napkin to keep from having to look at him. "I think so. It wasn't the only note he'd left. I have a lot of them."
There is a long, weighted silence as Cliff chews the bite of food he has slower than he needs to. He swallows, takes a sip of his coffee, and then finally speaks.
"What have they been about?" There isn't jealousy in his voice, not really, but his tone is reserved, and his face gives away nothing.
"He's left me a few dresses, some ginger water when he knew I had been sick. But there are also ones that imply that he…knows."
"He knows?"
I pitch my voice so low that I worry even Cliff won't be able to hear it. "He knows." My eyebrows meet my hairline, and I try to communicate with my eyes what I'm afraid to say out loud for fear of being overheard.
He catches on. "And you're concerned he'll tell someone?"
Try as I might, I can't picture Cameron revealing my designation to anyone. He knows that it's a secret, and everything he's done since that first day has been to look out for me.
"No, that's not it. But he hasn't left me notes in days, and I'm worried about him."
Cliff places his napkin on his plate and relaxes back in his chair. "You're worried. About your stalker."
"It's weird, I know, but…"
"But you're a friendly person, and you can form attachments to people like him."
I don't consider myself especially friendly, and I think he's trying to speak in code, but I'm not sure I get what he's trying to say. It takes me a minute, and some pointed looks, to figure out what he meant.
That Omegas can form attachments to Alphas.
"Isn't that only if I… like his cologne?"
That was not as smooth or subtle as Cliff's coded language, and his eyes sparkle with a concealed laugh.
"And you didn't consider that might be the case? Do you like his cologne?"
"I don't know, I only met him that once weeks ago, and I wasn't really friendly at that time." Gods, this is obnoxious. I wish we could have a normal conversation. "I left him a note, and if he doesn't answer, I want to find him. But he did attack you, and I don't want to make you uncomfortable…"
Cliff shakes his head. "Don't worry about me. You and I are together now, and that should stop him from seeing me as a threat."
A giggle bubbles out of me. "I think you can just say we're together."
I'm glad I talked to Cliff about this. The guilt I felt about wanting to find Cameron has lessened significantly, but I can't stop myself from dwelling on what my Beta said.
Is it possible that Cameron and I are scent sympathetic? How would I know? I couldn't tell with Dominic. Do I just not recognize what it feels like?
I don't spend a lot of time with Alphas. Ray, Dominic, and Cameron are the only ones with whom I have been in close quarters. Aside from the Alpha in the woods that Ray made sniff me, but the fire masked whatever scent he had.
Maybe I need to meet some other Alphas to see what it's like being around them.
Cliff and I toss our trash on the way out of the dining hall, and he walks with me to Designation Hierarchy. Despite the new development in our relationship, things feel natural with him. There's no awkwardness, just stolen glances and our hands brushing together as we walk.
We stop outside the door, and his eyes dart to my lips. "Can I give you a goodbye kiss?"
The question is so timid it makes my heart stutter a little.
"I'd like that."
I feel small in Cliff's massive arms as he wraps them around my waist and pulls me close. He slides his lips across mine, sweet and soft, appropriately chaste when people are around, even if I wish it were a little deeper.
When he pulls away, his eyes widen with shock as he looks over my shoulder.
Warren pushes past us, knocking into Cliff as he goes.
"Well, it's going to be awkward going to bed tonight. Do I have to worry he's going to knife me in my sleep?"
I cringe, knowing that I am going to get an earful as soon as I walk into that classroom.
"I'll talk to him. It'll be fine."
Gods, I hope it'll be fine. Warren is my friend, and I don't want to lose that, even though he's been an asshole lately. There's too much history there to walk away.
We can work through this. We have to. I have a sinking feeling that I need him working with me, not against.