36. Zoe
Zoe
It's been weeks since I've heard from Ilota, and I am starting to get antsy. I have no idea what I need to do for her. I feel like I am in a holding pattern, and if I weren't acutely aware of my dragon, I'd be convinced that this has all been a bad dream.
Cliff nudges my foot under the table. "You're not eating."
I look down at my plate, the pasta having lost its appeal three bites ago. "I'm not hungry."
"You need to eat. You use more calories now that you're—" Cliff cuts himself off, eyes darting to where Ray and Viv sit on either side of us, before clearing his throat. "Studying so hard."
"Ugh, studying really takes it out of me, too. If the library allowed food, I'd do nothing but snack while working in there." Viv stabs a piece of her chicken breast and pops it into her mouth. Her voice is slightly muffled as she speaks around it. "Not that the snacks are any good here."
Ray nudges my plate closer to me. I don't know why he chose to sit beside me, but Viv gave him the stinkeye for it. "Cliff is right, you've barely touched your dinner."
"You two are mother hens," I complain, but I still shovel in a bite.
"We just care about you."
Cliff looks at Ray with narrow eyes. "Yeah… What he said." I can tell that, like me, Cliff is confused about the Alpha's change of heart regarding me.
"Are you going to the party tonight?" Viv asks after finishing her plate. I've made it through about half of mine now, but I can't force myself to eat any more. My appetite has been shit lately.
I shake my head. "Wasn't planning on it." The more parties I go to with her, the more I realize it isn't my scene. Sure, I hooked up with Cameron at one, but I doubt he'll be there tonight. If we're going to hook up again, there are better places to go.
"Me neither," Cliff agrees. I was hoping to spend some time with him tonight, so I'm glad he seems to be on the same wavelength as me.
Viv pouts, her eyes growing wide and round like a puppy. "Please? I don't want to go on my own."
"You always find someone there to talk to," Ray says. "I think you can manage without Zoe for a night."
Ray is right, but why is he speaking for me? Doesn't he usually go to these parties, too?
When I ask him as much, he shrugs. "I'm not feeling up to it tonight. Was thinking a chill night in would be better."
Viv stands with a grumble and gathers her plate. "Fine. I guess Oren is my wingperson tonight. You guys are no fun." She stomps away before I can say anything else.
"Shit, maybe I should go with her. I feel bad, like I'm neglecting our friendship."
Cliff reaches across the table and places his hand on top of mine. "You get lunch and dinner with her every day, and breakfast most days too. And you went to a party with her last Friday. You're not neglecting her."
I know he's right, but it doesn't make it any better. Warren and I haven't spoken since that day he got a glimpse of my Omega, and I can't lose another friend by not being there for Viv when she needs me.
"Still, maybe I should go…"
"Have you had a night for yourself recently?" I don't know why I expected Ray to leave with Viv, but he didn't. "Not studying, or following Viv to a party. Have you had a night where you did whatever you wanted to do?"
Have I?
Hunting down Cameron was for me, in a way. It wasn't leisure or fun, not really, but it was something I wanted to do. And I got some good information out of it, not to mention starting to develop a real relationship with the Alpha.
Outside of that…
"I'm sure I have."
Cliff snorts. "I'm not." I glare at him, and he raises his hands. "Don't shoot the messenger. You've got to relax, Zoe. The amount of stress you're holding is untenable."
Ray's nod is solemn, as if Cliff were speaking holy words. "He's right. A party isn't how you relax, and that's fine, but what's something you did before you came here?"
"Uh, mainly just hung out with Warren. We'd have a drink or two and shoot the shit. Nothing very exciting."
"Then let's start with drinks." Ray stands and starts gathering our dishes. "I have some in my room, if you two want to come back with me."
I look at Cliff out of the side of my eye, and he shrugs. He's going to let me decide if we join the Alpha, for better or worse.
Ray's room is a stark contrast to mine and Cliff's. The dorm itself is much nicer, with a first-floor sitting room that resembles the Hub's third floor, and it's huge.
And of course, he has no roommate.
The Alpha has decorated in cool greys and dark blue, and the place is surprisingly tidy for someone who didn't wake up this morning expecting us to come over tonight.
"You can put your shoes by the door," he instructs. This is more of a suite than a room, with a living area, a bedroom, and, I think, a bathroom behind a closed door. He has a dry bar against the living room wall. "What's your poison?"
I toe my shoes off and pad across the carpeted floor to stand beside him. "Wine sounds good."
The cork makes a soft popping sound as he opens the bottle. "Cliff?"
"Wine works for me."
We settle in, Cliff beside me on the couch, and Ray in an armchair across from us.
"Do they expect you to entertain much?" I gesture toward all the seating and the room's overall size. "You've got a lot of space."
"Pack bonds can form from the first interaction, but mostly it requires spending a good amount of time together. They encourage us to spend time with one another to see if something sparks." He crosses one long leg over the other and shrugs. "Not that I've been looking too hard."
"Why haven't you?" Cliff's question skips the one I want to ask, but I don't interrupt.
"I figured I'd form my pack around my Omega."
I haven't told anyone what I overheard when Cameron met with the Archon, but he said that he was going to start some rumors. Nothing has gotten back to me yet.
It's on the tip of my tongue to mention it, but instead I ask what I really want to know. "How do pack bonds form?"
Ray smiles indulgently. "Didn't they teach you that at school?"
"I wasn't paying attention if they did."
He laughs, and it's so bright that I nearly forget to breathe for a moment.
"Fair enough. In the same way that we don't know what causes a scent match, we don't know how a pack bond forms. After two Alphas spend time together, there is a feeling that some of the packed up ones I've met have described as unlocking a door. "
"How do you feel like an unlocked door?"
Cliff snorts into his wine at my ignorance, but Ray just smiles. "No idea. I haven't met any packmates yet. I'll let you know when I do." He gestures for me to take a sip of the wine that I've been clutching like a lifeline. "What about Betas? Do you feel anything when an Omega claims you?"
I look out of the corner of my eye at Cliff and find him stiff. He looks like he's about to spill everything to Ray. I don't think he would, not really, but I can tell he's having to hold himself back.
"No idea. Never met an Omega," I decide to answer. It's not a lie.
Ray takes a sip of his wine and hums to himself. "They're pretty incredible."
"Viv said the same. That you're drawn to them in a way you can't describe."
"Yeah, that's true. It was bad before I was Blessed, but now it's nearly overwhelming."
That makes my spine straighten. "Have you met one of the Omegas here, then?"
For a moment, his eyes widen, and he shifts in his seat as if the question makes him uncomfortable. "Uh, yeah. One."
"Really? How? I thought they never left their building."
Cliff crosses his arms over his broad chest, the wine glass discarded onto the table in front of us. "Yeah, Ray. How'd you meet an Omega?"
Ray drains his glass before getting up and making his way to the bar.
He doesn't turn around when he answers our questions.
"It was by chance. Just random happenstance.
" When he sits back down, he's replaced his wine glass with a tumbler of clear liquor.
"So, Cliff. Has it been weird rooming with Warren since he and Zoe had that fight? "
I, of course, told Cliff all about the fight and how Ray showed up at the end. He was not happy about the way Warren spoke to me, but I told him not to confront Warren about it. No need to make it more uncomfortable than it already is.
"We don't speak. He's hardly there anymore."
My heart aches for my friend. Despite the way he treated me, the history between us is so storied that I am struggling to adjust to no longer seeing and speaking to him daily.
I've cooled off enough to talk with him about what happened, but I don't think he has.
Otherwise, I'd have seen him by now, right?
I want to be able to prod him, to see if he's convinced himself that the pieces of my beast he saw were a trick of his eye. What if he mentions it to someone? Nothing bad has happened so far, but that doesn't mean it won't.
The more people who know, the higher the likelihood that something will slip, and whoever Ilota doesn't want to know I exist will find out.
It's been a while since I attempted to speak to Ilota directly. After so many times of not being answered, I gave up, figuring she'd come to me when she could. Ray and Cliff have moved on, talking about a sport that Ray played in university. They won't notice if I tune out for a moment.
"Is it the Archon that can't find out my secret?"
By the time I've finished my glass of wine, I assume she's not going to answer.
"Yes."
The single word, whispered into my mind, startles me so much that I drop my glass trying to refill it. It shatters on the floor at my feet, and Ray is beside me in a blink.
"Did you cut yourself? Are you okay? Don't move, I don't want you to step on glass." He wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me, carrying me across the room and dropping me onto the couch. "Stay here, let me get that cleaned up."
In the commotion, I almost forgot that Ilota spoke to me.
"That may be a problem, considering his son is my scent match and knows."
Her response is immediate, a groan that rattles me from the inside out. "Do you trust him?"
I think back to the times he's hurt me, bullied me, and the disdain he looks at me with.
I'd be a fool to trust him, right?
"I don't know."
"You'd better hope you can. If Theodore Bradly finds out you exist…" Her sharp inhale has me mirroring her breath. "If he finds out you exist, you won't for long."