19. WATCHING TV
WATCHING TV
Isela watched the seven o'clock evening news as though she were going to solve the crimes in front of her. Olivia pictured a glaring spotlight whirring on and illuminating Isela’s face up close and personal as she’d point and shout at the TV, It’s the husband!
It’s always the husband! or When I was kidnapped, I fought for my life, why don’t these girls fight?
Then, the lights clicking off and Isela going into a stasis, only to speak again when the TV came back on.
The news gave Isela justification to act paranoid.
She claimed she came across multiple serial killers in her lifetime.
Your grandma could care less about where I was.
I could be out on the streets all day. Men like that could have had their way with me.
It didn’t matter. There was not a caring bone in that woman’s body.
Olivia was not allowed to sleepovers or parties.
She was not allowed to smile unless she was told to.
She was not allowed to speak when there were adults around.
Especially, if the adults were men. Olivia obeyed as her punishments often revolved around hygiene or hunger.
The punishment could be that Olivia was not allowed to shower for a few weeks or it could be that she had to figure out what to feed herself as Isela hid food in her room on purpose.
One time, Isela buried all of Olivia's clothes outside and Olivia was not allowed to wash it.
The most common punishment meant Isela trashing Olivia's room or spitting in her face, telling her not to play the victim. This is all because I care. In public, Olivia was to remain quiet. Shrink into a corner. Hide. Out of sight. Out of mind. Old men won’t find you interesting if you say nothing.
You can’t be prey if you never put a target on yourself.
Isela bawled in front of the TV while smoking her cigarettes and cracking open peanuts, chewing on them loud, with her mouth wide open.
She predicted plot twists in telenovelas.
She predicted talk show outcomes. Her impending sense of doom gave her insight into conflict and most of all, she could always point out a villain hiding in plain sight.
She explained histories of actors to Olivia, who was more of a spectator of her mother as opposed to what was on TV.
This actress came from nothing. Now, she looks like a corpse. What a waste. Wow, she looks terrible. There was a spark of delight in Isela’s voice when she talked about her TV shows.
Imagine living in a mansion like that. Imagine having the life of an actor. I tell you. I would be happy.
When Isela fell asleep in front of the TV, Olivia watched the infomercials and news segments from tabloid reporters.
She learned about the Mothman, alien abductions of entire towns, and tiny robots that controlled ant colonies in Roswell.
She watched her mother against the light of the TV, lightly snoring, and wondered if it was always loud inside Isela’s head or if sleep meant that all her destructive impulses went quiet.
When the TV timed out and turned off, Olivia observed the silhouettes of herself and her mother on the black screen.
She couldn’t tell who was who. They were two shadow creatures on the couch.
To any outsider, the closeness of the shadows could be confused with tenderness.
They could confuse the proximity with a mother and daughter who loved each other.