Chapter 32
I awoke with my dream-self’s laughter twisting into a scream, then breaking into a pant.
My clothes were soaked with sweat and dew again, but I was freezing.
I couldn’t hear Farren’s voice at first over my screaming, and then I could barely hear it over my pulse.
“…Elle! You’re okay! It was just a dream.”
There was a hand on the back of my neck. Salah was beside me.
Voices outside shouted for us to open the door. Salah moved away toward the zipper.
I wasn’t in that dark, deadly throne room. That wasn’t real.
I was in the tent with Salah and Farren. We were at the NTG. This was real.
Before was a dream.
I didn’t destroy The Tower. I didn’t sit on a throne beside that man. I didn’t enjoy the death and destruction.
Farren knelt in front of me, holding both of my hands as she studied my eyes, trying to gauge where my mind had gone.
Salah returned and rubbed a hand over my back.
I used my arm to wipe away snot and sweat and tears just as Soren slipped into the tent.
“What happened?” Soren’s gravelly voice dragged the memory of the nightmare back into my skull.
“The Tower…” was all I could manage, my voice shaking violently. All of me trembling with a promise of falling apart.
“She had a nightmare,” Farren clarified.
Matthias crouched outside the doorway, but Soren had already invaded my space.
He slid between Farren and me and used one hand to lift my chin. The other rested on my arm, heavy. The cold of his fingers shocked me, but it was the fire in his eyes that shook me. His touch was gentle, but I recognized something in his gaze.
Something from the man in my dream.
They had the same black hue in the pools of their eyes.
I jerked my face away.
“It was a Charism,” Soren said, barely loud enough for everyone to hear.
I pulled back more until I was pressing myself into the tent wall, using the thin blanket to scrub at my face again.
“I’m fine,” I panted. “Just a nightmare. Sorry.”
I didn’t sound sorry.
And I wasn’t.
I was enraged.
Though I had no idea why.
I was also terrified. Understandably so.
“You can go back to sleep,” I said to everyone.
Soren surprised me by leaving the tent without another word. He nodded and turned to crawl back out and stand with Matthias. I could see his dark pants and boots through the half-open tent door. I hadn’t expected him to listen and leave like that.
Farren followed, and then her, Soren, and Matthias moved off somewhere together where I couldn’t see their shadows on the tent in the moonlight.
Only Salah and I remained. The others were probably outside talking about how insane I was.
Or maybe about Soren’s stupid Charism comment.
Not very likely that Soren had miraculously learned to respect someone’s boundaries and left out of respect for my wishes.
Much more likely that he was coming up with a plan of action to try to control even my dreams.
Nightmares.
That was a nightmare. Plain and simple.
No need to make it into some magical gift that the gods bestow on you all willy-nilly.
Fortunately, Salah didn’t say anything and let me roll over and try to sleep again.
Somehow, I did.
For the rest of our time in the NTG, no one talked about my nightmare. Each day, we were put through a plethora of grueling challenges. All of them were team-based.
Every time I got paired with Marigold, she mysteriously fell sick or suffered an injury. But whenever I was paired with Soren, she’d be magically fine again.
I, however, wouldn’t be.
Soren was harsh. He only commented to criticize my form or execution—if he bothered to speak at all. It was almost as if he were throwing a tantrum for my tossing him from my tent.
The one time I had to work with Adriel was the absolute worst, though. Every single thing I said or did became a punchline. His maniacal laughter grated on me for hours after.
Matthias was fun to work with, though I felt bad every time Salah glanced over and caught him being...well, himself. He was gentle and kind but with a mad streak of wit. The guy could flirt his way out of an Extermin’s crosshairs if he had to.
Of course, Salah and Farren were my favorite partners. We probably didn’t help each other improve much because we just complimented one another and giggled the whole time. At least we were winning on the teamwork front. Thick as thieves, the three of us fast became allies against the others.
Otherwise, I didn’t really gain any new skills. Honestly, Adriel was close to right. I sucked at almost everything.
My punches were weak. My ability to evade? Even worse. That’s why I was covered in bruises like a herd of Mods had run over me.
I clearly had the worst balance and couldn’t even finish the plank-walk challenge. Soren wouldn’t look at me the rest of the day after I made him lose that one.
I also had to forfeit the swimming challenge, because Adriel refused to “go dolphin” the way Soren did.
The only things I excelled at were running (as long as Soren didn’t participate) and shooting (as long as I used a bow).
I made sure not to pull out the black arrows again, even if I was very tempted when I had to shoot at a target placed directly over Marigold’s head.
It was our last night in the Neutral Training Grounds when I woke up to a white text illuminating my vision.
The small ping that had stirred me awake finally made sense.
Kind of.
Because how in the hell was this happening?
1,247 missed messages
131 missed calls
My breathing hitched and then accelerated.
Checking my Visex used to feel second nature. Now it was like sneaking into someone else’s house in the dead of night. I still wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or awake, but I couldn’t stop myself even if I’d wanted to. And I didn’t want to.
My Visex was on.
And I had a thread to my old life for the first time in what felt like forever. I was back in The Tower.
So close now.
I should’ve turned it off immediately.
Should’ve run to alert the others.
Should’ve been wary of how anyone could track me at that very moment.
Instead, I checked the messages.
The most recent was from Zade. My eyes stung at the sight of his name. And even though Salah and Farren couldn’t see the words in my head, I slid deeper under my blanket, letting the suffocating heat swallow me whole and drag me straight to hell along with my betrayal.
5.31 9:28
Where are you?! I told you to stay still. Why did you run off?!
5.31 9:47
Are you nuts?! Have you lost your mind?
The following 40 messages were a mess of expletives. Zade ping-ponged between yelling at me for being so much trouble and begging me to come back.
5.31 11:21
This isn’t funny anymore. You’re in danger. Come to the range and find me asap.
5.31 11:33
NEVERMIND DON’T COME BACK!
5.31 11:35
I’m with him
Stay hidden
6.01 9:03
What happened to you? Where are you? Come back and I’ll protect you.
I promise I’ll keep you safe. If you see this message, meet me at your least favorite place.
Or leave a message there. Just let me know you’re alive because right now I’m thinking you must be dead.
I only know you’re not because they’re still looking for you.
6.01 10:43
STAY OUT OF THE TOWER.
You were right and I was wrong
The tower isn’t in the void yet. That’s his endgame
Get as far away as possible
Don’t message me. Turn off your Visex if you’re seeing this.
6.02 6:02
I got your message. I left one and the same spot, but it’s still there. Hope you’ll get it soon.
I’m being recruited to the Upgrade program. I will be able to protect you better. But don’t respond to my messages on here. Don’t try and reach out anymore at all. Even in writing. I’ll find you soon.
6.05. 1:22
I miss you
I hope you’te sage
I beed to see you
Remember that title we if gave your the massage because type shoulder hurt
Zade unsent a message.
Zade unsent a message.
Zade unsent a message.
Zade unsent a message.
Zade unsent a message.
6.13 1:30
Please I hope you’re alive. You need to get as far away from the tower as possible
He will never stop until he finds you
He knows you’re with them, so you’re not safe there
And whoever that dude is that took you
He’s not a good guy
He’s on the dark one’s side
I read the last two lines three times at different speeds, but none of them made sense.
He’s not a good guy.
He’s on the Dark One’s side.
Soren was awful and not what should be considered a good guy, but there was no way he was on the Dark One’s side. He was training with me to fight against the Dark One.
Skin buzzing and chest thrumming, I sat up in the dark tent and checked to make sure Farren and Salah were both still asleep.
The eyes in the dream…
Soren’s eyes…
No.
He’s an ass, but he’s also the one who showed the threat to Ezra.
He would not have reported a threat left behind by the mole if he were indeed the mole. Zade had it wrong.
Unzipping the tent flap took forever, mostly because I was trying to do it silently. That last message from Zade was still on display. I didn’t look away from it—not even as I slipped out and crept barefoot toward the river.
None of it made sense.
Zade did have a history of not making much sense, and it was clear that half those messages were sent under the duress of alcohol. Still, something about their tone felt different.
I moved on to Astrid’s thread as I stepped over gnarled roots and dead leaves.
It was a lot more freaking out and a lot less informative.
Her apologies for posting that photo of Soren (who she was still calling Thaddeus) with me at Nian’s on her Pulse only ignited a spark of rage burning bright in my stomach.
She’d been my friend for so long, but how could I not be pissed at her for getting my citizenship revoked?
Halfway through her all-caps rant, the incoming call alert appeared in my vision.
Incoming call from: Astrid Rockefeller
Hell, no.
“Answer it,” the Hiss said.
Ugh.
She didn’t mean to upend my whole life. She was just an idiot.
I answered.
Astrid’s voice exploded in my head.
“You’re alive!” she shouted her relief. “Where have you been? Where are you right now? I’ll come to you. I can help you. My dad knows everything, and he can—”
I heard a small click mid-sentence.
“Astrid?”
Call ended.
I spun in a full circle, peering into the trees, heart hammering.
Before I could react, another alert lit up:
Incoming call from: Unknown
“Answer it,” came the same hissing voice.
Well, that’s a stupid idea.
Answer.
I recognized Zade’s breathing immediately. Always heavy and uneven, with a specific pattern I’d memorized over the years. A low voice crackled out, like he was trying to force words through static.
It’s Zade! It’s really him!
My hand clamped over my mouth to stop the sob that wanted to choke out of me.
Don’t sniffle.
No way could I let him hear me fall apart at the sound of his voice. I’d never hear the end of it.
After three deep breaths, his voice came through lower than I’d heard it in a long time.
“Belles?”
Sharp shocks radiated through my gums and jaw as I bit down hard on my teeth.
“Hey, creep,” I croaked.
He laughed, but barely.
“Don’t say too much. I’ll talk. You listen. For once in your life, just shut up.”
I laughed this time, but also felt the urge to start cursing him out.
“I turned your Visex on. Can’t leave it up long or they’ll track you. Hum if you’re safe.”
Something rustled in the bushes.
I hummed.
He exhaled so hard it crackled through whatever kind of tech he was using that required him to actually talk into it.
“Are you with them?”
I hummed again.
A pause.
“You’re in so much danger. I can’t explain all of it now. They don’t want to kill you, Belles. He wants to own you. He wants you to be with him. You can’t trust the nephilim!”
There was a clicking in the background—some feedback distortion.
“I don’t have long. I love you. I’ll find you soon. I just have to go thr—”
Nothing.
No disconnection notice. No final word.
I tapped the side of my temple.
Nothing.
It was over.
Fuck.
I stood alone in the trees, my face soaked in silent tears, unsure of what to do with any of it. The panic that had crushed me when I’d first lost my citizenship pressed down on me once again.
Astrid had said her dad knew everything. He could help. Was Frank Rockefeller part of The Way? The same Frank who’d made pancakes for Astrid, her younger sister, and me when we’d visited on weekends? The same Frank who ran the engineering department overseeing The Tower expansion?
What had she meant? What was I supposed to do now?
Then what Zade had said…
“You can’t trust the nephilim.”
I didn’t know how long I stayed out there. Eventually, my body moved on instinct, carrying me back toward camp. Or maybe I was possessed as I crawled back into my tent and curled up, massaging the side of my head while trying to remember every detail of what I’d read and heard.
I never did fell back asleep that night.