Chapter 47 #2
The chatter eventually died down; everyone focused on our destination. We took down just over a dozen Mods before finding an alcove to rest.
“We’ll take turns on watch,” Winifred announced. “Everyone, get as much rest as possible. In a few hours, we’ll finish the trek toward the mansion.”
The space was built for five people. Ten of us were crammed inside, sweaty bodies pressed together, stale breath mingling. Half snored, a third fidgeted, and I didn’t sleep at all.
I lay between Salah and the wall, restless. Sometimes I propped myself on my elbows, scanning the dim green glow from the lanterns Marve had hung.
Soren stood guard, his silhouette blocking the tunnel like a wall no one could breach. Every so often, he turned to glare at me and mouth, “Sleep.”
Zade and Matthias took turns with him. Occasionally, one of them would scout ahead. Adriel never moved. Astrid’s head stayed in his lap as his fingers combed gently through her hair. She looked peaceful, as if she belonged there.
A pang rippled through me, not for Adriel, but for the ease of it. My mind wandered to what it would feel like if someone could be that gentle with me. Goosebumps ignited at the thought, just like they probably did for Astrid under that touch.
I caught Soren watching me again, but when I looked at him, I didn’t get the usual scolding. Instead, he crooked a finger, motioning for me.
A whole legion of goosebumps.
Scanning the alcove revealed that everyone at least had their eyes closed. Zade snored like he was trying to drown out a war siren. Matthias must have been out scouting.
I slipped from the blanket I shared with Salah, tiptoeing over limbs. Marigold grunted when I landed on her foot, but I kept moving until I reached the shadows where Soren waited.
His hands found my waist instantly, pulling me close. With his back to the room, I was mostly hidden, but not invisible. Anyone could see if they really looked.
“What are you doing?” I hissed.
He glanced back at Adriel and Astrid. “I wanna hold you like that.”
His whisper stole my breath. One hand pressed into my lower back, the other cupping my cheek, fingers curling into my hair. His silver eyes caught what little light there was, sharp enough to make the rest of the world blur.
He was seriously becoming bad for my health as well as my vendetta because, in that moment, I just wanted to be wrapped up in him like this and not worry about anything else.
An especially loud snore from the alcove made his brow twitch.
“Come here.”
Soren guided me down the tunnel, away from the others, until we were out of sight. Then he pulled me to the ground between his legs, my back pressed against his chest. His arms wrapped around me, long legs bracketing mine.
“Relax,” he said, no longer whispering. “You need to sleep, and I want to hold you. So just let me.”
Against every scrap of logic I clung to, my shoulders softened. The back of my head hovered just shy of resting on him.
“Your beloved is the one who gave his soul.”
Is Soren my beloved? Could he really be?
One of his hands traced slowly up and down my arm. Every inhale he took lifted me slightly, brushing my hair against his chest.
I thought of Astrid in Adriel’s lap, and how easily she’d given in to being cared for. I thought of how, if I died tomorrow, the sharpest regret might not be failing to kill Azazel, but never letting myself belong to someone who wanted to keep me, especially him.
Why couldn’t I do that? Why couldn’t I let anyone get close to me?
Why did I feel the necessity to do what Soren had said wasn’t a necessity at all?
To be alone.
“Why can’t you sleep, Little Shadow?”
I inhaled and then, somehow, on my exhale, my head finally lolled back against him.
“What if I’m like Peter Pan’s shadow and I figure out how to escape?” I asked with no idea where that came from.
Soren’s answer was immediate, as if he’d thought of that possibility many times before. “I’ll sew you back on just as he did.”
“What if you don’t?”
His lips pressed a kiss to the side of my head. “I will. Always. I have done some awful things and will probably do even worse in the future, but I’ll never be able to let you go. Never have been. Not since the moment I first saw you.”
“What did you see in that vision?” My whisper was barely audible, and he was silent for so long that I wasn’t entirely sure he’d heard it.
Then he finally mumbled into my hair, “I’ll show you. Soon.”
We sat there in silence after that. And my eyes drifted shut. The last thing I heard was Soren humming that same tune I’d been hearing in phantom spaces. Maybe I’d been hearing it all my life.
When I woke, I was back between Salah and the wall.
I couldn’t tell whether what had happened with Soren was a dream or not. My subconscious wanted it to be real. That made it harder to follow him as we wound our way through the sewers toward the next ladder because I wanted to ask him more.
How soon?
Will you hold me again?
Will you really never let me go?
But I had to focus because we were marching toward war.
The plan was simple: get up, run left, hide in an alley.
Soren climbed first. He hauled Adriel and Astrid up, then Salah and her father. I reached the top as Salah’s dad stepped aside, Soren’s arm reaching down. I took his hand without meeting his eyes.
The sirens started the moment I surfaced—deafening, rattling in my chest.
Soren’s grip tightened.
Down the street, two Extermins and at least twenty Mods rounded the corner.
The fragile safety we’d found in the alcove shattered instantly.
Soren didn’t hesitate. Didn’t look back. Didn’t think. He threw me over his shoulder, and the world blurred into motion.
When we stopped, I hit the pavement on my back. Pain flared, but I barely felt it. Rage roared louder. He’d once again run off with me and abandoned the others.
“Stop leav—” The words caught in my throat. Then they didn’t come at all. Something thick and coppery flooded my mouth.
I was supposed to tell him to stop leaving everyone else behind for me. I didn’t want anyone else to die because of me. I couldn’t say it, though.
A pool of blood drowned my words.
Every corner of Soren’s eyes shone as black as black could be, without any space for anything else. No silver and not even the whites dared to appear.
His mouth hung open, and his pained grimace made me wonder if it was his blood dripping into my mouth that I was choking on.
Only, I couldn’t see any blood on him. His face was spotless.
His neck clean. His shirt seemed intact.
Nothing appeared to be dripping off of him, especially not blood from him and into my throat.
Then I followed his eyes down to my stomach, where his hand was drenched in red.
My red.
My head flopped back to the mossy concrete under me. No shock of pain still. Whatever was happening under Soren’s hand didn’t even feel like pain.
My whole body fell cold.
I heard shouts and screams with weapons firing behind Soren.
What happened?
How did we get here?
I saw the Mods and Extermins when I got out of the sewer, but none of them had raised their weapon.
Was I shot?
Soren leaned over me, but his voice was so far away.
“You’re not getting away from me that easily.”
Then he was gone, and the world folded in on itself—muffled, then silent.
The wind whispered through the alley. Somewhere, a drumbeat echoed.
A hum began, low and familiar. My grandmother at her piano filled my mind.
Something pressed my chin, opening my mouth. Warm liquid hit my tongue. It was thick, metallic, and burning.
It slid down my throat like acid clawing through my veins. My blood turned molten. My body convulsed.
I wanted to scream, but no breath came.
If I died now, would my regret be leaving Azazel alive? Or would it be never letting myself stay in the embrace of someone who felt like family? Never testing if belonging could feel like safety instead of a trap?
Faces flashed before me. Those I had been running from. The place I belonged.
Zade, Astrid, Yu Ting, and Barrister.
The members of the Guild.
Soren.
I didn’t have room for regretting my failed revenge when the loss of time with these people weighed so much more.
“You’re killing her!” Zade’s voice broke through, raw and unmasked.
My eyes snapped open. Soren loomed over me but was looking past me, barking orders.
“Get her to the Mansion! I have to help the others.”
Then he was gone again.
Zade’s arms scooped me up, and my world stuttered between battle-lit streets and black Void. Screams bled into each other. My head throbbed like a war drum.
The singing returned. Soren’s voice twined with my grandmother’s. The dream tune, the prophecy tune.
Her voice layered over his:
If the night swallows you, my little dove,
Lift your gaze to the endless above.
The first light has fallen, the last will rise,
And power blooms on golden leaves from the branch that never dies.
You, my child, will see that dawn,
When the darkest shadow is finally gone.
Remember the greatest love is…