8
ST. ANNABEL
Sitting under the shade of a near leafless tree at St. James’s park, where I glare at every duck that walks by me, I text my other sister.
I left home earlier and kept walking with no real destination in mind and found myself here.
Today is Saturday, hence no classes but I should be practicing or worse, sitting with my father going through files but instead here I sit on a bench in ballet flats and a short skirt letting the cold breeze hit my skin like a punishment.
Smothering. That is the only word I can use to describe how I have been with Harley over the past week. Don’t know what difference it’ll make, she never wants to be around me and I can’t blame her. I know I can be a nightmare.
My phone ringing brings me out of my dejection and Stassie’s name shows up and I answer right away.
“I only have twenty minutes until I have to get back. Phil is helping me distract mum for a bit,” she says in a rush, her voice a whisper.
Phil is our sort of butler, he’s been there for as long as I have been alive, longer even.
Him and Lydia, our house manager, have been married and looking after Stassie and I our whole lives.
“How’s she been?” I ask, feeling our mother is likely more full-on than normal.
“A little spaced out,” Stassie reveals with a sigh. “Staying in her room a lot, forgetting important schedules and so on. Her and dad haven’t really spoken much either, it’s been yelling or silence.”
I’m a little surprised at what she says. “Do you need me to come home for a bit? I will.”
“No, it’s fine. I can handle it, I’ll just make sure to keep an extra note of everything.
Phil and Tyler will help me,” she cheerfully says.
Tyler is her bodyguard, who is a little bit of a year older than her, mother thought he is too young for the job but with him being Joe’s son, Joe had been able to convince her that he’s good.
I take note of Stassie’s tone, trying to assess whether or not she is shielding me from the extent of how bad it has gotten at home.
“Forget that, how do we feel about Harley?”
“I’ve told you everything,” I state.
“Over text. It’s not the same as hearing it from your mouth, that way I can tell if you’re pretending to be okay or not.”
“I’m okay… I just don’t know if she’ll ever want anything more from me. She seems pretty okay in just doing her own thing but there’s a sense of obligation I feel to make things better for her. I don’t want her to ever feel stunted from the pressure of being a Bass.”
“Annie, it’s not your job to parent but to be her sister. You can’t carry someone else’s burden as your own. It’s only been a week, Harley will come to you when she’s ready.”
She’s right and I know she’s right. I guess it’s just hard to quieten the voice in your head that makes you feel like you have to fix everything or the world will end. “When did you get so wise?”
“Always,” she sing-songs, and we both laugh at the same time.
The sound of her euphonic giggles wraps around my heart, warm and familiar, but it reminds me that I have yet to ask her how she truly felt about all this happening so suddenly, “Are you sure you’re comfortable with Harley being here?”
This sombers her, “Of course I am, you get to spend time with your sister. It doesn’t matter that she’s not mine.”
“You’ll tell me if it isn’t though, right? I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re being cast aside.”
“You’re doing it again,” Stassie chides, “If I wasn’t okay with it, I’d tell you.”
“Good, because if there’s anyone’s burden I’ll carry, it’d be yours.” Referencing what she just said.
“Just remember you were my sister first,” she says, perhaps a hint of insecurity leaking out.
“I could never forget,” I firmly say to reassure her.
She talks my ear off for another fifteen minutes until we both hear our mother calling for her and she has no choice but to hang up with promises of a longer call for next time.
I stay seated where I am for a few more minutes when I receive a text message from MJ, whose name is saved under Mary-Jane because that’s what I assumed MJ stood for when we first met.
MARY-JANE
Where are you? Why is your location off?
ANNABEL
SJP
MARY-JANE
Turn it back on. I’ll be there soon.
???
Resting my back against the bench, I close my eyes in the hopes to ignore the stares of the tourists who likely recognise me.
However, I hear MJ grumbling before I even see her, I open them to her toddling towards me in her red bottoms wrapped in a dark fur coat as her hair falls down in perfect waves.
She dramatically perches herself in the empty space next to me.
“J’ai eu la pire semaine de ma vie,” she declares. I have had the worst week of my life.
Other than brief hi’s down the university corridors, we have barely had time to see each other.
Mostly, I have been cancelling catch-ups because the dormant state where I left my feelings for Arden is bubbling to the point where it has become harder to ignore and any day now it is going to erupt.
The guilt of this truth is eating at me.
“Brothers?” I ask, knowing it can’t be anything but as Arden hinted as much the other day.
“Brothers. I told you how they showed up in the middle of the night at Arden’s place, suitcases and bags in tow, demanding to be let in. Except now, they haven’t left all week.”
I laugh at the thought of it. Those three did everything possible to make Arden’s life miserable and I know this is grinding his gears right this second.
“This isn’t funny, it’s awful terrible news. They’re holed up at the house like leeches pretending they can’t afford a place of their own to stay. You have to help me, they’re trying to ruin my life.”
“You have the best brothers ever. Stop complaining.”
“Don’t act like that’s coming from the goodness of your heart. You only say this because you want to fuck Gabe, which let me tell you, can’t happen. Not just because if there was anyone I’d rather you be with it’d be Bash but because he’s seeing someone.”
Personally, I never saw it with Sebastian (or Bash, as he is known). I always tell her I think he is gay and repressing because of how stern and serious he is. The only time he is ever playful is when it comes to his brothers (Also, I can swear I have seen him check out a guy’s arse before).
I sit up straight from my slouch and gasp at the news of Gabe being off the market. “No fucking way. Who is it? I bet it’s that brunette he was pictured with last spring.”
“He won’t admit to it. I don’t think they’re officially anything yet but he’s been non-stop disappearing at odd hours and Nate says he’s been in London this whole time. So sketch.”
Shaking my head in disbelief, I say, “Fuck. I should’ve taken the chance when I had it.”
MJ glares at me and I give her my most dazzling grin and her glare fades into a grin off her own. But mine starts to wane when I remember why I have been hiding from her in the first place. To avoid her eyes, I rest my head on her shoulders.
“Not to say I don’t appreciate a change in scenery but why are we here? You hate animals, ducks especially,” MJ questions me as I feel her head looking around in confusion.
She is yet to know about Harley because I can’t bring myself to tell the rest of my friends. Not even her.
“I don’t hate animals. I just don’t want them around me,” I dispute.
Barking out a melodic laugh, she comments, “There’s a trip to the zoo in year ten that tells us quite the opposite.”
I shiver at the reminder of the cursed trip where I got chased by a family of ducks, it was single-handedly the most terrifying and defining experience of my life.
I refused to see the rest of the animals after that and was left on my own with the zoo staff who were initially annoyed to have to babysit until I charmed them.
“I had a really nice time with the bunnies, thank you very much,” I rebut . Then I answer her question. “I just wanted to clear my head, sit with nature.”
“You could’ve sat with nature where you live. Holland Park is a ten minute distance from your home and Hyde park is twenty minutes, you’re quite literally an hour away in the wrong direction and I don’t see your car anywhere…did you walk here?” she asks as she looks around, a frown on her face.
I shrug, “Maybe.”
“Does this have something to do with your dad? He’s the only reason for you to be acting this way.”
“I’m not acting in any way,” I argue. She stares at me like she doesn’t believe a single word that has left my mouth. I think up a partial truth, “Showcase results will be announced in a few days, I’m just worried.”
Her frown clears up but just about, “I know this might be hard for your mind to process but the world won’t end if you don’t get the lead.”
That is easy for her to say but not for me to believe. She continues, “You’re retreating into your head again, Annie. I can tell.”
“Or I just took a really nice long walk. Summer only just ended,” I counter.
“Tu peux tout me dire, tu sais?” she presses, not letting it go. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?
I don’t understand why I am adamant about not letting her know about Harley just yet, maybe it’s because I have barely come to terms with it myself, maybe I merely want it to be something I share only with Arden for now.
I hold her face with my hands and tell her, “Je sais, ma chérie.” I know that, my darling. Getting up from where I sat, wanting to put an end to the conversation, I offer my hand to help her stand. “Come on, we have brothers to torment.”