Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
N oise and heat hit me like a wall as Dane opens the thick wooden door to the tavern a few blocks from the library. The boisterous voices of everyone enjoying their food and drinks ring throughout the large room.
Bodies are packed into the bar, and the tables are full two or three times over. Women are sitting on the laps of men, and there are card games with players sitting shoulder to shoulder. The servers behind the crowds of people call out for orders and chat with the customers. The occasional one weaves through the bodies to place food and drinks on tables.
I don’t move from the entrance as I take in the whole scene. I’ve never seen this many people in one place, the closest being the training fields, and those are all soldiers. The commotion surrounds me, making it a little hard to breathe. Maybe it was a bad idea to say yes.
Dane looks around the room, searching for a free seat. He leans down, speaking directly into my ear so I don’t have to strain to hear him over the sounds from the room. “There’s an open table in the back. ”
The brush of his breath on my ear sends a shiver through me, and I bite my lip, trying to hide it. I force my face to stay neutral and nod as he straightens and points toward the table.
Dane takes my hand and starts toward the back of the room, weaving us through the tables and full chairs, dodging servers as they pass in front of us with plates and mugs balanced in their hands. We reach the back corner, which has a small table and two well-worn seats. It is amazing that he saw it. I gently pull my hand from his before I unclasp my cloak and slide into a seat.
“I’m going to order us some food,” Dane says, gesturing toward the bar behind him. “Don’t go anywhere or someone will take the table. I’ll be right back.” He smiles, and I return it before he turns and strides away, weaving through the tables toward the bar.
I glance around the room, observing the variety of people. Everyone seems so happy and well acquainted. The women serving food and drinks are laughing and smiling at the customers, talking with them like they know them personally. Maybe they do. I don’t know anyone in this room other than Dane, but the more I sit and watch, the more I feel like I could strike up a conversation.
I won’t. I can’t risk it. But seeing more of the people makes me understand why my father had spent so much time outside of the castle.
I turn back to the table at the sound of Dane’s chair scraping across the floor.
“Food will be here shortly,” he says. “In the meantime, here’s something to drink.” He slides a large wooden mug in front of me, steam rising from the top.
“Thank you.” I smile and raise it to my lips, taking a small sip. Spices and a touch of sweetness roll over my tongue, followed by the kick of hard alcohol. I clear my throat, nearly choking on the strength of the drink, but instantly feel myself relax. I have no idea what this is, but it is delicious. I need to be careful. Too much and I’ll probably end up spilling all my secrets .
“So, a healer, huh?” Dane leans forward, crossing his arms on the table and gazes intently at my face. “Are you already an apprentice? Or do you do something else at the castle?”
“Not yet. I’m hoping to be soon though. I’m a maid currently,” I lie.
His face falls slightly. “Damn.”
“What?” I’m unsure how being a maid could cause him disappointment. Was a maid not a good enough profession? The castle treated our maids very well, and most of them stayed on for years once they were employed.
“Honestly, I was hoping you might be able to help me with your access to the healers and medicine at the castle.”
I look down into my mug and try to fight back a flinch at his words. Is he actually interested in being friends, or is he just looking to use me for my connections at the castle?
“Sorry to disappoint you,” I say, my voice flat as I play with the handle of the mug.
“Hey.” He reaches his hand across the table and stills the mug. “It’s not a disappointment. I just thought I’d ask.” He pulls his hands back and crosses his arms again.
Maybe he isn’t taking advantage of my connections. My lie just aligns with something he needs. With as much as I have read on healing across the kingdoms, I know a lot more than the average person.
I probably could help him.
“Well, I have read a lot.” I lean forward on the table, crossing my arms to match his. “Try me.” I don’t mean for that to come out sounding like a challenge, but it does anyway. I see a tiny glimmer in his eye like he thinks it too and accepts it.
“On second thought,” he says as he reaches out to take a swig of his drink. “I’m not sure I can trust you. Something tells me you’re not being completely honest with me.”
I hold his gaze and fix my face into a look of indifference. “And what makes you say that?”
His lips shift into a pout, and I glance down at them before looking back up again. He is trying to hold back a laugh. He seems…competitive. No one besides Brynne has ever been competitive with me, and I kind of like it. It feels normal.
Real.
“Call it intuition.” His eyes twinkle as the corners of his mouth turn up.
“Or maybe it’s because you don’t even know me.”
“Maybe.” Now he fully smirks, and I’m back to feeling that he is flirting with me.
“Well, I guess you aren’t getting my help then.” I pick up my drink, leaning back in my seat and taking another swig. I swallow hard and the burn forces me to let out a hot breath.
Dane chuckles, now the one to play with his mug, twirling it around in a circle, balancing the edge on the table. I keep watching, waiting for it to spill.
He keeps his eyes focused on his drink as he speaks. “I ran into you in the healing section of the library because I’m doing research, too. Not to become a healer, but for my sister. She’s sick, and no one can figure out why. She’s already made it much longer than anyone thought, but nothing is helping. I don’t know how much longer she is going to live.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, my tone suddenly serious. I’m not trying to make light of his situation, however easy it is to play games with him. It’s clear that his sister’s illness is taking a toll on him, which is why he is working to find an answer.
We have that in common.
I wish I could tell him.
“It’s alright,” he says, finally raising his eyes to meet mine. “There’s no way you could have known.”
I lean forward and set the mug back down on the table. “Tell me what she is suffering from. Maybe I’ve run across something in my studies that might help.” He doesn’t need to know the extent of my knowledge from Edmond. Maybe there’s something simple he is missing. “How long ago did it start? ”
“Oh, I don’t know.” He blows a breath through his lips as he leans back in his chair. “I think it’s been a few years now? Maybe longer since we started noticing things. She has good days and bad days, but she is younger than me, and looks so old and frail. She is weak and has trouble walking. No appetite most days, but she eats enough to stay alive. She is still as smart as ever, it’s just as if her body is failing her.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say again, feeling the need to comfort him. Even with my knowledge, I can’t pinpoint something specific based on his description, and can see why the healers are having difficulty treating her. It must be awful watching his sister deteriorate like that. “What have you tried?”
“It feels like everything. She never had a cough or any illness like that. We thought it may have been something she caught from a tradesperson coming to Blackwood from another kingdom, but it never went away and no one else ever got sick. I don’t know what more to do. I don’t want to lose my sister.”
His lips tighten into a line and a muscle in his jaw flickers. I can tell he loves her very much, and it is hard for him to think about losing her. I know the feeling.
“When was the last time she saw a healer?”
“Last month. They stop in to check on her at least once a month, but she has been unchanged. They’ve tried everything and said nothing more can be done.”
A knot forms in my throat, and I try to swallow it away. He really has no idea how similar our situations are, and it is taking everything I have not to tell him.
“There’s got to be some herbs or tonics at the castle we can try.” My voice cracks and I clear it quickly. While I know some of what he is feeling, I also wish I had someone who cares about me the way Dane cares about his sister. I never had siblings, and maybe I never would, even if my mother had lived. I can’t help but feel after reading her diary that she would have wanted more children. My life would have been completely different .
“Please, don’t worry.” He reaches forward and places his hand over mine on the table. “I don’t want you to jeopardize your chance to become a healer by trying to take something for me.”
“It will be fine,” I say, my fingers twitching under the pressure of his. No one would even question it.
“Sometimes I wish there was something that could just make her illness disappear.”
I sit up a little straighter, my mind immediately racing to Edmond’s story. Is he implying what I think he is? I nod quietly, waiting to see if I’m just imagining the reference.
Dane sits silently for a moment, his eyes glinting in the dim light. “Have you ever heard?—”
He stops suddenly and sits up straight as a server walks up to the side of our table and sets plates of steaming food in front of us.
“Here you go Dane,” she says, batting her eyelashes, her eyes never straying from his face.
“Thank you, Emilie.” He smiles at her, an air of familiarity between them. I ignore the uncomfortable feeling deep in my gut. Is that jealousy? I’ve never had anything or anyone to be jealous of before, and I don’t like it.
“You just come find me if you need anything else,” she says with a small squeeze of his shoulder. She eyes me up and down, narrowing her gaze before turning on her heel and striding away.
Yep, definitely don’t like her.
I scowl at the back of her head as she walks away. Dane’s low chuckle brings my attention back to him.
“Thank you for the food. I, uh, don’t have any money right now, but I can bring some next time I come into the city to pay you back.”
He waves a hand at me, brushing off my words before leaning forward on his crossed arms again. “It’s my pleasure.”
We fall into silence as the scents of the roasted chicken and potatoes waft over us. I pick up the cutlery Emilie dropped off with our plates and start cutting off a piece of chicken. “So, what was it you were saying before?” I pop the bite into my mouth and almost groan. I can see why Dane says this is his favorite tavern, at least, hopefully it is for the food and not for the enthusiastic servers.
He pushes his plate to the side as he leans farther over the table and beckons me closer with a flick of his fingers. I lean over my plate, our faces mere inches apart.
His voice is low and secretive, and I can barely hear him over the roar of the tavern.
“Have you ever heard of a land called Dawnlin?” His eyes search my face, but I try not to react.
“I’ve heard of it.” I tilt my head, showing my surprise at the question. “Don’t tell me that is what you are searching for in the library.”
He chuckles and leans back slightly. “No. I am actually reading the texts, hoping to find some way to help her. But the longer I go on without answers while my sister continues to suffer, I can’t help but wish for something else. Something that would save her.”
I shake my head, my voice lowered to match his. “It’s not real, Dane. Magic isn’t real. The story just gives people hope that something might help. It just makes it easier to watch them suffer, hoping that magic might fix it all in the end.” I pause. “But it hurts that much worse when it doesn’t happen.”
“Spoken like a true healer.”
“I’m just being logical!” I say with a laugh. “Don’t you think that if it were real, we’d know more about it? How to get there? Wouldn’t there be people lining up to get this magic potion to fix anything and everything?”
His face lights up with pure excitement, like he has been waiting to talk about this with someone. “What about all the stories of miraculous recoveries? No explanation, and no one in the family knew what happened. Not even the healers could explain it.”
“That’s what doesn’t make sense! Why wouldn’t the family know? Someone would have had to get this elixir for them. They can’t just keep it a secret from the entire kingdom, or world for that matter. ”
“Maybe they’re really good at keeping secrets.”
“Or maybe it’s just made up.”
“Then what is your explanation for all the cases where people have recovered with no help from the healers?”
“I don’t know, but it’s not magic. It has to be something our healers just haven’t discovered yet.”
“Oh, come on.” He scoffs and leans back in his seat. “Why don’t you believe?”
“Because it isn’t logical,” I say, shifting to sit back as well. “It doesn’t make sense that there is a magical land that has a magical drink that fixes any problem, no matter what. If this is true, why are there still sick people? Who determines who gets cured and who doesn’t? There are too many questionable issues for it to be real. How do you get it? How do you get there? What?—”
He interrupts me. “With the Guardian, of course.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, sure, ‘the Guardian.’” He cracks a smile at my singsong voice. I know I voiced my doubt with Edmond, but talking to Dane about it feels different. It feels like a fun and playful conversation with a friend, not a lesson.
“Fine, fine. Don’t believe.” He throws his hands up in the air in mock exasperation. “I was just asking.”
“Sorry, I’m not trying to make fun.” It is easy to be myself with him, to really feel like the true Lennox instead of the princess act I have to put on in the castle. He’s as easy to talk to as Brynne. I barely know him, but there’s something about him that makes me feel so comfortable that I forget he doesn’t really know me either.
I don’t want him to think I am rude or laughing at him for what he believes, so I continue. “I just prefer to focus on real solutions. I don’t want to sit around and just hope. I want to do something that will fix it.”
He raises an eyebrow. “What if it’s not just hope?”
I raise one back. “What if it is?”
“I thought you were just studying to be a healer? ”
“I am.”
His grin turns sly as he searches my face. “Then what is it you need to fix?”
Shit.
“It was a general it, not a specific it.” I keep my face trained. I may have let that slip, but that’s all he’s getting. My heart races with the lie and I breathe in slowly through my nose, trying to slow it down.
He eyes me, like he is trying to read what I am hiding. “Alright, alright, keep your secrets.” He glances across the room at the front windows of the tavern. “Looks like there’s still some light out. We can still get some work done if we hurry. Are you finished?” He gestures to my plate.
“Yes, thank you.” I take another sip of the drink and cough, and Dane’s loud laugh echoes in the room, mixing with the rest of the noise. I run my sleeve across my mouth, wiping up any of the drink I may have choked out.
Not very ladylike, Lennox.
“Don’t laugh. It’s good, just very strong.”
“I take it they don’t serve drinks like that at the castle?”
“No, they most definitely do not.” I stand and wrap my cloak around my shoulders, fastening it in front while Dane leaves a few coins on the table for the server, who has been watching us this entire time.
“After you,” he says, gesturing toward the door. I lead the way, weaving through the tables and chairs, and past Emilie waving from behind the bar. I look around the room one more time and feel the longing in my chest to truly be part of this one day. In a few days, once I am old enough to rule, Father won’t be able to stop me.