Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
W e stay out on the rocks for what feels like hours, looking at the wildlife and enjoying the night, not a care about the Castaways crossing my mind. As the night draws on and the stars and moon brighten, a stronger breeze comes in off the ocean. Gooseflesh covers my skin, and the wet hair and clothes plastered to my body to make me shiver.
Dane notices my shaking and scoops me up, cradling my body against his chest, and heads back to shore. Despite the chill of the wind hitting my soaked clothing, I revel in his warmth and rest my head in the crook of his neck.
He sets me down on the blanket and feeds the fire, building it up so the roaring flames throw off enough heat to be comfortable despite the wind.
“Why don’t more of the Voyagers come down here?” I ask once he sits back down beside me.
He rests his forearms on his bent knees and scoots his body closer, his thigh brushing mine. “Everyone does at some point. Sometimes more often than others. Right now, I think everyone is really focused, not particularly paying attention to the joys of this place. That tends to happen when new people come.”
“Why?”
He stares into the fire, the light of the flames dancing across his cheekbones, casting shadows on his face. “I think it reminds them of why they’re here. It reminds them that there is still something they are searching for, and of the reason. Reliving the same day every day can feel monotonous. Every time someone new shows up, like you and Fin, it reminds them that the hope still exists.”
I nod slowly. “I’m glad I could give them that.” I hope I don’t need that reminder, eventually, but if I do, I hope someone shows up who can give it to me.
We stay silent for a few moments, listening to the gentle crashing of waves, the heaviness of the sentiment filling the air. I look out over the cove at the water, still glowing brilliant blues.
“Do you think I can find it?”
“Hmm?” Dane tears his gaze away from the fire to meet my gaze.
“The cure. Do you think I can find it?”
“I think,” he says as he shifts to face me. “I think, of anyone, you can definitely find it.”
“What have I done to give you that much confidence in me?”
“Just a feeling. You give me a feeling.”
My cheeks heat and am glad for the cover of darkness and shadows of the fire. I turn away from his stare and look into the flames. “You say that to all the girls that come onto the island, don’t you?”
He chuckles. “Definitely not.”
I chuckle. “Mara would be even more in love with you than she already is.”
“She’ll get over it.” A smile plays on his lips. “So,” he continues, “did I convince you to trust me?”
“Almost,” I say playfully .
He groans and slams his fist over his heart, pretending to stagger backward. “Ugh, you wound me!”
A laugh bursts out of me, and I try to stifle my giggles as I look over at him, watching me. The grin on his face pulls more giggles out of me, and I feel completely under his control.
I clear my throat. “Maybe if I got to know you a little better.”
I’m not sure how getting to know Dane better would make me like or trust him any less, but I do still have questions I want answered. There are things that still don’t sit right with me and haven’t since I found out he lied about everything when I first met him.
“Ask me anything. I’m an open book.”
I make a face at his comment. “Are you going to be honest this time?”
“I was honest last time! I just couldn’t be really honest.”
“Alright, fine. Are you going to be really honest this time?”
“Of course I will be. What’s your first question?”
“Are you going to ask me questions, too?”
“That’s your first question?”
“No it’s not. It’s a question, but not one of my questions.”
“Alright. No, I’m not.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Why not?”
“Because I already know everything I need.”
The fluttering in my stomach is distracting. I can’t focus out of pure delight that he feels he knows me and trusts me, but guilt quickly takes over. I have been hiding a huge part of myself from him, a part that explains a lot of who I am and why I am here.
Maybe it is better that he isn’t asking me questions. I don’t want to lie, but I just don’t know if I am ready to be treated like a princess again.
“Are you ready?”
He sits quietly, waiting for me to ask my first question.
“Is Dane your real name? ”
“Yes.”
“Do you have a last name?”
“I’m sure I do, but if I do, I don’t remember it.”
“Where are you from?”
“I’m from here.”
“No, I mean before Dawnlin. Where did you come from?”
“I grew up in Fonden a long time ago. But since being the Guardian, I’ve been to all the kingdoms, so it doesn’t really feel like any one place is home anymore. Except here. Have you ever been to Fonden?”
“No, I haven’t. I haven’t ever left Blackwood before coming here.”
“Really?” He looks confused, like something I said didn’t add up. “You seem like you know a lot about other kingdoms.”
“I do, but not because I’ve been there. I read a lot.” I leave it at that. I don’t want to give anything more away that might hint at my background.
“You should visit them someday.”
“Maybe,” I mutter. “Alright, next question.” I think for a moment before asking something I really want to know. “Was any of what you said in Blackwood true? The stuff about your sister?”
“Yes, it just isn’t true any longer. That all happened a really long time ago.”
“Is that why you found Dawnlin?”
“Yes. I wanted to help her, but…” he pauses. His throat bobs and his jaw tightens. I can see it in his eyes. He is looking for the right words. “I’m still here, and that was a long time ago. I’m sure you probably put together that a lot of us are in the same boat, not knowing if who we were here to save in the first place is still there to be saved.”
He looks down at his hands, emotion overcoming him. He probably has not had to deal with anyone asking about his past in quite some time. It touches me that he is willing to share it now, despite how painful it seems to be for him. I lift my hand and set it on his knee, squeezing it softly, and hope it is comforting. I didn’t intend to cause him any pain, I just need to know what is real and what isn’t. I don’t want to keep upsetting him, so I move on to something that is hopefully easier to answer.
“Have you enjoyed being the Guardian?”
“I have, for the most part. I wish we would have at least one person who found the cure so that more of our families could be helped, but besides that, it has brought great people into my life.” He looks at me pointedly.
“Did you want to do it?”
“Yes and no. I didn’t think anyone else that was here was ready for it, and I didn’t want it falling to Weston.”
“He was here? You didn’t bring him to the island?”
“Yes, he was here already.”
“So you know him?”
“Well enough to know that he is poison for this island and everyone on it.”
“Why hasn’t he been captured? Why not throw him in the cage and lose the key if he is just trying to get the cure for himself?”
Dane huffs haughtily. “Don’t you think I’ve tried? We all constantly are on the lookout for the Castaways. I’ve searched every inch of this island. It’s like they have vanished into thin air. We know they are still here, but…” He shakes his head. “It’s why I make sure that everyone is ready to be on their own before I send them out. No one can be unprepared. Not when it comes to Weston.”
“As if the dangers of Dawnlin weren’t enough, we have to worry about him too,” I murmur.
He shifts his head so his eyes met mine again. “You should always be prepared, but your focus should be on the cure. That is what you are here for.” His eyes are earnest, like he is imploring me to stay safe, but still accomplish my mission.
He has been so honest and answered everything so quickly, I don’t know if there was any more reason for me not to trust him. I understand why he couldn’t tell me who he was before, even if I didn’t like it at the time. I see now how important it is keeping this place hidden from anyone whose intentions weren’t pure.
I don’t want to end this night talking about Weston, so I decide to ask something a little lighter. I lift my arm to reach across his face.
“Where did you get this?” My fingers lightly brush the scar that cuts through his lip.
He lets out a low grunt and reaches up to touch the scar, his fingertips grazing mine. I pull my hand back, but he catches it in his and holds it between us. “Sorry I keep underwhelming you with stories, but this one isn’t exciting either. I was a little boy, chasing my sister through the house. I tripped and fell into the corner of the doorway. Mother yelled at us for a while. We didn’t have the money to go see a healer, so instead, I got the scar.”
“I like the scar,” I say.
“You do?”
“Yes,” I say. It comes out more breathless than I intend.
“Can I ask you a question now?”
I try to hide a smirk. “I thought you said you didn’t need to ask me any questions.”
“I don’t need to, but this one I want to.”
“Alright.”
“Do you have anybody waiting for you back in Blackwood?”
Of course I have people waiting for me. I have an entire kingdom waiting for me, and I hate thinking about what is going on in the castle, especially with my father. I hate wondering if he’s let her go, listening to the healer’s advice, or wondering if Edmond told him where I am, trying to give him hope to hold on to her longer.
I start to speak. My first reaction is to be honest, especially after how open he has been with me all evening. But the thought of giving up my identity stops me. I pause and think for a moment, trying to come up with an answer and finally settle on a response. “What do you mean by anybody? ”
“I mean, if this doesn’t work out, if you are here for longer than you intended like most of us…are you going to stay?”
Oh.
So he isn’t asking about who I am bringing the cure home to, or what responsibilities I have. He’s asking about me, about my relationships, about me staying here with him.
“I,” I stammer, “I don’t think so.” I feel a pain in my chest as soon as the words are out. This place has been everything I have ever dreamed of, and the thought of leaving it is devastating. I finally escaped the prison of the castle walls and found a place I feel I belong. This island is filled with the possibility of happiness, friendship, and love. I don’t want to leave it.
But the future queen of Blackwood doesn’t have that choice. My duty is back in my kingdom, whether or not I am successful.
A decision I have yet to make is how long I am willing to stay without finding the cure. But in the end, the answer will always be no, I will not stay.
He nods quietly, his face stoic.
“I’m sorry,” I say, trying to do anything to save the moment, save this amazing night from ending so badly.
“I understand. It was unfair for me to ask. I just—” He straightens and spins toward me, extending his legs on either side of me and sliding in closer. “I just felt like I knew. I knew the moment I saw you, you were everything I had been waiting for.”
His words tear through me. No one has ever said anything like that to me, and I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know what to feel.
How can I tell him that in such a short time, he has become important to me? That he isn’t the only one with feelings, and that I wish I could change my future and stay here with him. How can I tell him it isn’t only Dawnlin that gives me hope for a better life, but him as well?
Words escape me, so I do the only thing I think will help convey the emotions swirling inside of me .
I push up on my knees and lean over him, placing both my hands on either side of his hips before bringing my mouth to his. He sinks his hand into my hair and pulls me to him, and I crawl over his body until I’m straddling his lap.
Delicious heat licks through my body as he pulls me closer, the flames of the fire no longer necessary against the cold. His lips part mine and his tongue delves deep as I caress the stubble on his jaw.
I let out a gasp as he flips us over, his powerful body pressing me into the soft sand. He runs a hand down my side, tickling and teasing until he reaches my hip. His fingers wrap around it, squeezing for a moment before he slides it around to my backside, squeezing the soft flesh before continuing down the back of my thigh. He hitches my leg up over his hip, changing the angle so his hips press into mine.
I moan against his mouth, the sound fueling his movements and he leans into me harder, the feeling of his excitement pushing against me. His tongue continues to stroke mine relentlessly, and I drive my hands into his hair, clutching him tighter. Fingers graze the front of my thigh, working their way back up toward my waistband. He reaches the ties and slowly loosens them.
I don’t want him to stop. This feeling, tonight, the heat pulsing between my thighs. It’s all because of him, and I just want to feel him.
He breaks the kiss, his lips peppering my jaw with more, and slowly drifting down the column of my neck as his hand flattens against my abdomen. Slow strokes of his fingers on my skin send me reeling, anticipating his hand moving lower, where no one has ever touched me before. I push my hips into him, silently urging him on.
He pulls his head away and looks at the sky as a crack of lightning flashes above us. He groans loudly, dropping his forehead to my chest before cursing and looking up to meet my eyes. The warmth of his hand leaves my belly and moves to cup my face.
“We need to get off the beach. This is probably the most unsafe place for us to be. ”
“It’s fine,” I pant, still reeling from everything that just happened.
He groans again, this time filled with frustration. “Fucking storms.” He pulls back and kneels in front of me, reaching down to clasp my hands and sit me up. Lightning cracks again, and the following thunder feels like it is swallowing the beach. “We need to go. Now.”
I nod and scramble up, grabbing my boots and weapons while Dane covers the fire with wet sand. We scramble up the stairs and back to camp, my mind reeling from what almost happened between us. He is captivating and pushing me to be more of myself in ways I never thought possible. He is showing me what it is like to be cared for, and to live life the way I want to live it.
He’s showing me more.
As I lay in bed that night, trying to calm myself from the volley of emotions, I try to stay in that moment, and not let it go. I want to live there, those emotions, those feelings, those thoughts about the future, because I know that even though we discussed it, and we expect it, I know that when the day comes, it will be too hard to say goodbye.