Chapter 43
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
I ’m met with the sound of arguing as I step through the portal back into camp. It’s late. The sky is still darkened by storm clouds, with no light from the moon or stars peeking through.
A few of the older Voyagers are gathered in the clearing, watching what looks like an argument between Dane and Mara.
“We have to go look for her! She’s always back before dark!”
“Give her a little more time. I trust her. She’ll make it back.”
“But what if she doesn’t, Dane? What if we lose two of us in two days?”
I step out of the darkness and both of their heads snap toward me.
“She’s here,” Mara says. She pushes through the crowd and runs toward me, hitting my body at full speed and wrapping me in a hug. “You’re alright,” she murmurs next to my ear as she squeezes me.
I wrap my arms loosely around her. “Yeah, I’m alright,” I say quietly. “But Fin is gone.”
Mara gasps, pulling away to look at me, trying to read the emotions that I’m sure are all over my face .
“Dead?” she asks.
Dane is beside me then, a concerned look across his face. He reaches up and cups my elbow, grounding me and giving me some comfort without overwhelming me.
I shake my head. “No, but the Castaways have him.”
A strained silence falls, broken by a gasp from one Voyager, followed by a pained cry.
I look past Mara and see Roley, hugging Lilly around the waist, fear across his face.
“No. They can’t take him!” Roley cries out. Lilly wraps her arm around his shoulders and squeezes him closer to her.
“How do you know?” Mara says, turning her attention back to me.
“I found his bow, my bow, broken in the sand on a beach. The arrows were everywhere. It was obvious there had been a scuffle.”
“But you didn’t find him?” she asks.
“No. There was no blood, no body. I didn’t see him, but I just know that’s where he is.”
“I’m glad you’re safe,” Dane grumbles. He leans over and plants a kiss on the top of my head.
“How do we get him back?” Roley cries between sniffs, tears streaming down his face.
Dane breaks away from me and crouches down in front of him. He speaks softly, like a father comforting a scared child.
“We can’t get him back right now. We have been trying to find them for a long time. Hopefully, we will soon.”
“But he’ll be one of them by then,” Roley says with a hiccup.
“Maybe, maybe not. The best thing we can do to help Fin is to stay alert, stay safe, and keep looking. We can’t help him if they get one of us, too.”
Roley nods, his gaze dropping to the floor.
“Come on,” Mara says, taking a few steps back toward the ladder. “Let’s get back inside. ”
“Be there in a minute,” I call after her. Everyone heads back to the ladder and the lowered platform and walks back toward the cabin.
Roley’s sadness hits me deep in my chest. It feels like I have known Fin for years, even though it has only been weeks or months. I am not really sure.
It feels like I have known all the Voyagers for years. That one of us is missing feels like an enormous gaping hole has formed in this unsuspecting family.
“Are you alright?” Dane asks.
“Not really.”
“I’m sorry,” he says. He closes the distance between us and wraps his arms around my waist.
“You weren’t going to come look for me?” I ask, confused. His and Mara’s argument finally registers. It sounded like he was trying to talk her out of searching for me.
“I was, but Mara wanted to send out search parties since there were two of you gone. I have to remain the strong one here. I needed to talk her down to make sure everyone stayed safe. If you had come back just a few minutes later, just like you did, we’d have no way of calling back everyone who had left.”
I nod. “That makes sense.”
He lifts my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “What she couldn’t see is that I was going crazy inside, wanting to run out and find you myself. I was going to give it a little more time before I allowed only Mara and myself to go search, just like you and I did for Fin.”
“You were worried?”
“Of course I was worried. I can’t let anything happen to you. You’re too important.”
My chest squeezes. Has anyone ever told me I am important before, when they weren’t referring to me ruling a kingdom?
I tilt my head up toward him, silently asking for a kiss. He obliges, meeting my lips tenderly, like he knows that what I need right now is comfort .
I break away and plant my face into his chest, just before I feel myself break. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me close, and I let go.
I cry.
One advantage to being alone your entire life is that you never have to experience loss. I don’t count my mother as a loss, because I never had her. Even grieving the loss of what could have been after reading her diary feels so different from this.
Fin is gone .
This little boy, a little brother I never had, has been erased from my life, and simultaneously erased from the lives of those back home waiting for him.
My tears soak Dane’s shirt as he clutches me. He says nothing, just lets me grieve. This loss isn’t new to him. It might not be new for any of the Voyagers except Lilly and me. But I feel like my heart has cracked, and will never truly heal.
Once my sobs have slowed and my breaths start to deepen, Dane leans back and pushes my hair off of my face.
“Let’s go get some rest. It has been a long two days.”
I nod silently, not meeting his eye.
My mind is blank as I go through the motions, following Dane back to our cushion. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I just want to fall into a deep sleep.
Dane is right, we need rest. I don’t want to deal with all the emotions swimming in my head, but every time I close my eyes and start to fade away into the relief of sleep, my mind finds its way back to that cave.
Haven’t you noticed that I’ve done nothing to hurt you?
It’s not me you need to protect yourself against.
Mind tricks. That’s all they are. Slowly trying to eat away at me and get me to doubt everything I know.
I am not going to let him win.
The lack of pressure from my dagger at my back gives me a sinking and lonely feeling. While that dagger has come with a lot of heartache, it also is my reminder of home.
Now it is gone.
He took it.
I close my eyes and focus on the noises and feelings that surround me; the rhythmic breathing of the sleeping Voyagers and the heat coming off of Dane as he holds me to his chest. I am not going to let the Castaways turn me against these people, people who are trying to save someone they love.
I won’t let this all distract me from my true goal, finding the cure. I am worried about Fin, but I don’t know what I can do at this point. Weston said he was safe, but can I believe him? Whether or not Weston is lying about Fin’s safety, I have no clue where to find him. Voyagers had been searching this island for years, maybe even decades, and couldn’t find where the Castaways hid themselves away.
What makes me think I can? I need to keep hope that the island knows Fin is worth protecting, and make sure that he doesn’t fall into worse danger.
I close my eyes and let the darkness consume me, hoping I won’t be plagued by nightmares tonight. Just as I am drifting off to sleep, one last thought crosses my mind.
I hadn’t told Dane about Weston.
Again.