Chapter 9 #3
I didn’t realize I was crying until he put his arms around me and pulled me close, letting me bury my face in his shoulder.
I didn’t like the way it was now, this strange disconnect between us.
Before Eric came back, there’d been no barriers.
At least not until that first demon had broken through the window.
I wanted to get back to that easy comfort.
That total familiarity. But the truth was, even then it wasn’t real.
It wasn’t real because he never really knew who I was.
Who I am. I may not have been active, but I hadn’t told him the truth about myself.
About what I’d done, what I’d experienced, what I knew about the world.
And now I could only hope that knowing all of those things—seeing all of those things—we could work this out.
I pushed back, the certainty that I did want to work it out giving me the energy to face him. “We’re going to make this work, Stuart,” I said. “We may have to fight it out, but we’ll figure it out. And I’m not going to give up on us.”
For a moment he just studied me, then he nodded. “I believe you.” He reached out and cupped my cheek. “I want the same.” He paused, then added, “so when you go patrolling, you’ll let me know? Even if for no other reason than I want to know that my wife is out fighting demons?”
“I promise. And I’ll let you know if I’m with Eric. Not only so you’ll know that I have someone watching my back, but so that you’ll know who it is.”
“I’m not jealous that way,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“I trust you, Kate. Don’t you know that?
It’s not that I think anything will happen between the two of you.
I don’t believe you’d do anything even if you wanted to.
And honestly, I couldn’t blame you if you did.
I know that you love him, that he was your husband before me and that this is one of those situations that I can’t even imagine a marriage counselor would know how to deal with. ”
“Then what?”
“He can be there in a way for you that I can’t.”
I took his hand. “Maybe,” I said. “But you’re getting pretty badass at throwing that knife.”
He laughed. “I’ve gotten lucky a few times.”
We shared a grin. “Yeah. You have. But you still need practice. At that, and pretty much everything else.”
“Thanks a lot.”
I shrugged. “Just calling it like I see it.”
“But the bottom line is no more secrets, right?”
“Yes. On my end. And on your end, if you’re pissed off or mad, don’t just walk away. Don’t use the real estate projects as an excuse to get away and not talk about it.”
“Fair enough.”
“Wow. Look at us being all practical and working things out.”
He lifted my hand and gently kissed it. “We’ve always been able to work things out. You could have told me everything before we even got married, and we would have worked it out.”
“I guess I know that now, but at the time, I wanted you to know a different Kate. I didn’t understand that there is no different Kate. I’m just me, and I should have realized it would all catch up with us eventually.”
I drew in a breath, then held his gaze. “I’m sorry.”
The corner of his mouth curved up as he shook his head. “Don’t be. All I’m sorry for is the lost time. You could have told me whenever you wanted to, and I would have still loved the real Kate. I do love the real Kate.”
He pulled me close, and for a moment we just sat like that on the couch, me leaning against him and enjoying the masculine way he smelled, a hint of sweat mixed with his cologne and topped of with a tinge of paint and plaster.
“Kate?”
“Yes?”
“Do you remember what I said about how it’s time to stop with the secrets?”
“Of course. That was four minutes ago.”
His chest vibrated as he chuckled. “In that case, is there anything else you want to tell me?”
“Um?” I said, trying to think of what other secrets I still had.
To be honest, I was surprised to find that I actually couldn’t think of any.
“I always use the cheaper canned tuna in the casseroles?” I thought a bit longer.
“And even sometimes when I tell you that I’m just really good at marinating steaks, it’s because I bought the more expensive cuts? ”
“What did Eddie mean when he said he couldn’t love Allie any more even if he really was her great-grandfather?”
Oh.
I cleared my throat. “Oh, right. There’s that.”
I pulled away from him, shifting and straightening, afraid that there might be an explosion any moment. But when I looked at his face, he seemed remarkably calm.
“That’s a little complicated, but the bottom line is that as far as I know, Eddie’s not related to anyone in this family. But also as far as I know, he could be.”
“And this all started because you needed to rescue him from that nursing home, and you needed a place for him to live where you could keep an eye on him, and you thought I wouldn’t understand unless he was Eric’s grandfather?”
“Did Eddie tell you that, or did you figure it all out?”
“I didn’t graduate at the top of my law school class for nothing,” he said.
“You’re not mad? I really would have told you sooner, but the only times I think about it are when it’s come up in conversation, and that never seems to be the ideal time.
And honestly, for all intents and purposes that is who he is.
He’s a member of the family. Please, Stuart, don’t make a thing about it. ”
“Just tell me this—do you love him? Does Allie love him?”
“You know that we do.”
“Well, I guess that answers it, doesn’t it? Of course he can stay.”
Love and relief washed over me. “Thank you.” I gave his hand a squeeze then stood. “I don’t think I ever started the dishwasher, and I’m sure Eddie didn’t.”
He tugged me back down. “You said that Allie is at Laura’s house all night?”
I nodded.
He pulled me closer and brushed my lower lip with his thumb. “Sweetheart,” he said, “I think the kitchen can wait.”