2. Cognitive Psychology #2
“But he doesn’t know our names,” Sorcha said simply.
“He knows some of them. Ciarán Grimguard—”
“Grimguard is a title,” Sorcha clipped. “In Skalterra, we keep our true names secret because of the power they hold.”
“Oh.”
“Enough of this! To bed!” Aoife forced authority into her tone and batted Sorcha around her gray fly-aways to usher her towards the door. “We’ve got work to do as soon as the sun sets. Best to rest up. You too, Lady Quill.”
Orla’s reaction to the title was a fraction delayed. She still wasn’t used to it. I understood the feeling all too well.
“Right.” She turned to retreat after the women with her eyes still downcast.
“Orla?” I said. She turned back to me, eyes wide. “It’s okay. You don’t need to worry. We’ll talk when we wake up, alright?”
She nodded, and then disappeared after Sorcha and Aoife into the hall. I took a moment, relishing the dark and quiet of my room now that the others had finally left me alone, and I fell back against my pillows as forcefully as my ailing ribs would allow.
We had a plan. Kind of. Find a Lyrian. Get to Keldori. Make everything normal again. Gams would be angry with me, but it would be better than her being dead. The others didn’t need to know her actual orders were to let her get taken out by a volcano.
“What are you hiding, Blue?”
I yelped in panic and then in pain as I bolted upright again. Ciarán stepped out of where he’d been lurking in my bedroom’s corner.
“You’re an absolute ghoul,” I seethed. “You know that, right?”
The dim glow of his irises offered the only light in the room, and gentle shadows rolled and shifted over my quilts as he approached my bedside.
“You lied to Sorcha.”
I hoped his orange light hid the blush that rose in my cheeks.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I grunted.
He reached around my shoulders to help me lie back against my pillows, and the pain in my ribs forced me to comply.
At least half of them were broken to some degree according to Sorcha, splintered after releasing too much magick at once. Even with her skills in healing, she said it would take weeks before they mended properly.
And then there were the ulcers, but those were getting better.
I hadn’t vomited blood since first waking up in our hide-out a week ago, but everything still upset my stomach.
Food, water, the way Ciarán was staring at me with those glowing orange irises set against dark sclera—it all made me want to vomit.
“You know you can’t keep secrets from me, Blue.” Ciarán sat down on the edge of my bed, and Jonquil rose from her resting place in the folds of my quilts to pad into his lap, purring. “I’ve been in your head. I’ve seen how you work.”
“Like you’ve been in my head all week without telling me?” I accused.
“Do you want me to keep Ferrin out or not?”
“We don’t know that he’ll try.”
“He has. Twice.”
A chill passed over me, and I hoped Ciarán didn’t notice my neck bob as I swallowed hard.
“And Tamora?” I tried to sound nonchalant.
“No, the Baron has been quiet.”
Jonquil’s purrs filled the silence that followed.
“You could’ve at least told me you’ve been in my head,” I finally said.
“You’re nicer when you don’t know.”
“Are you in my head right now then?”
“Yes.” I heard the word as clearly as if he’d said it out loud, but his lips didn’t move.
“So you’ve been spying on my thoughts?”
“I can’t read your thoughts unless you direct them at me,” he said. “But I know you well enough to know you are lying about whatever it is the Saergrim told you.”
“What Gams told me doesn’t matter.” I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to look at him anymore. “I’m a Saergrim, too, so you have to do what I say. And I say we’re going to do what we can to make everything go back to normal.”
To make you go back to normal, I wanted to say.
I squashed the thought. This was Ciarán’s normal. Liam, the boy I’d known in Keel Watch Harbor, was dead. Worse than that, he’d never existed. He was nothing more than dust and Magick personified into everything Ciarán wished he was.
He’d been a Nightmare, just like everyone else living in Keel Watch Harbor before Ferrin had ruined everything.
“Whether I’m in your head or not, I suppose I can’t force you to give up your secrets, my Lady,” Ciarán sighed.
“I told you not to call me that.”
“And I’m telling you now that I’d like you to be honest with at least me.”
“You?” I snorted so hard that I sent another ripple of pain through my ribs. Ciarán had spent the better part of the last two months chasing me across Skalterra. He’d tried to hurt my friends. He’d held me captive.
“Yes. Me.”
I opened my eyes to find him staring at me.
“You killed me,” I reminded him.
“I also saved you. Several times. Here in Skalterra, and in Keldori too.”
I held my breath, trying to read his passive orange gaze, but the stoic set of his brow gave away nothing. This was the first time he’d alluded to his life as Liam since that first day when I’d woken up here.
“I went into the woods for you,” he continued in a low murmur. “I saved you from Ferrin. I gave my life for yours.”
“Not much of a trade off if you aren’t really dead.”
“You aren’t dead either, Blue. If my sacrifice doesn’t count for anything, then neither does me killing you.”
I stared at him, as if doing so might unravel his secrets and make him make more sense.
“Is your name really not Ciarán Grimguard, then?” I asked. “You have a secret last name?”
“Everyone in Skalterra does.”
“Not me.”
“Not you,” he agreed.
“Can you tell it to me?” I asked. “You know mine. It only seems fair.”
“Everyone knows yours,” Ciarán chuckled. “And our names are secrets reserved for marriage. Seeing as that isn’t an option for a Saergrim and a Grimguard, no, Wren. I will not be telling you my name.”
“Right.” Heat burned in my cheeks.
Jonquil jumped from his lap as Ciarán stood and stretched.
“Sleep,” he said. “If your Gams really does want us seeking out a Lyrian, then you’ve got work to do in the evening.”
I watched the silhouette of his back all the way to the hallway to make sure he left my room. His orange eyes swept over me one last time as he shut the door behind him.
I waited for the sound of footsteps retreating back to Ciarán’s own room, but silence buzzed in my ears.
“Are you really going to sleep right outside my door?” I hissed.
Ciarán’s reply sounded directly inside my head. “If that’s what it takes to keep you safe, Blue. Now sleep.”