Chapter 10 Miller - We’re late for school. Again. #2
Gwen’s eyes meet mine and the rest of the day can go to shit for all I care because the smile on this beautiful woman’s face is aimed at me, and she’s not trying to hide it even a little bit for the first time.
“Yep!” she answers. “Always has been. Do you guys celebrate?”
“‘Course we do! With cake and ice cream!” Penelope yells.
Gwen tilts her head slightly, and God, it’s cute as fuck. “Well…I was thinking more along the lines of tricks and/or treats. But cake and ice cream, that’s cool, too. I can get down with that.”
“Oh! We trick-or-treat, too! Do you? Because if you do…” Penelope hesitates, something she rarely does.
Usually, mostly always, Penelope Caswell is one hundred percent sure of herself in everything she does.
But to her, there’s no one cooler than Gwen.
And I can tell my girl is nervous as hell she’s about to be turned down.
“If you do like to trick-or-treat, Penelope and I were wondering if you would like to join us this year,” I finish for her, pushing my own nerves aside.
P lets out the biggest sigh her tiny body can hold. “Yeah. Yeah, we were wondering that.”
“Are you fucking kidding?!” Gwen shrieks and jumps up.
Not the response I was expecting.
I was aiming for a forced sure to not disappoint Penelope, and I would have told her to not worry about it when I came back from dropping P off at school. We could have come up with a plan or something. I don’t know.
But Gwen grabs Penelope up into her arms, knocking the witch’s hat clear off P’s head, and clutches my daughter into her chest. “Yesyesyesyes!” she chants. “Obviously yes.”
I hear Sawyer laugh as he says, “You just made her year, Miller. Red is the queen of Halloween around here. All this?” Sawyer gestures around the cafe at all of the decorations. “Normally starts at the end of August, sometimes sooner. This is nothing.”
“I follow Disney’s decorating schedule. They’re in charge,” Gwen declares.
“It’s true,” Gus chimes in between bites of his bagel. There’s another on his plate waiting for him, too. “Red hands out the good candy.”
“Full size candy bars, of course,” Gwen says proudly.
You can’t tell me it’s not some sort of fate that her favorite holiday happens to be my birthday. I mean, you could tell me that. I wouldn’t believe you though.
“I’d expect nothing less from you, Gwen. So, do birthday boys and girls get extra candy on Halloween?”
There’s that head tilt again, but Penelope has no issues clearing things up for her.
“Because it’s our birthday!” she cheers. She flails, throwing herself back, and Gwen has to fight like hell to keep Penelope from crashing to the tiled floors.
“Wait.” Gwen whips her head between me and Penelope. “What? You two have the same birthday?”
I nod and take the coffee Margot hands me. I take a sip of that new s'mores flavor Gwen just started serving up, burning the absolute shit out of my mouth. It’s so good though. She really needs to keep this in the regular rotation. “Mhm.”
“That is…”
Penelope cuts her off as Gwen places her back on her feet, “So fucking cool, right?!”
The cafe goes silent just to immediately burst into laughter. Gwen has a hand slapped over her mouth, clearly trying to stand in solidarity with me as I gape at Penelope with a face that I’m more than sure gives off the what the fuck message I’m trying to send to my kid.
Margot is doubled over, hiding behind the counter and swiping tears from her eyes. Sawyer is holding his stomach cracking up, while Gus hits him on the back sputtering out, “So fucking cool, lil P!”
My sailor-mouthed child turns to me. She has the right idea to at least pretend to look ashamed as she shrugs her shoulders, mouthing, “Sorry.”
I run both hands through my hair, pulling. I think about how if this is my biggest issue, it’s smooth sailing. We’ve gone over the rules—we don’t use curse words to insult someone and there’s always a time and place. Normally these rules are easily abided by.
But then again, that means she’s comfortable. Here. In Red’s Place with these people.
I finally laugh, bringing my child that I love more than anything into me. “Dude.”
“Whoops,” she says, hugging me back.
Conversations resume around us. Penelope hops up on Sawyer’s lap, immediately jumping into a story for him, Gus, and Margot to hear. I try another sip of my coffee and deem it safe to drink.
Gwen walks towards me and reaches over the counter to grab her phone. Her eyes widen when it lights up in her hands, and she pulls the phone closer to her face to read the screen. All of the glowing happiness that was just pouring out of her melts away instantly.
Her smile morphes into a scowl, and she starts furiously tapping the screen with her thumbs.
She then smashes her right thumb on one key over and over again.
I’m assuming the delete button? She swipes out of whatever she was in, hits the lock button, and tosses her phone, letting it crash into the counter along the wall.
I watch Gwen keep her head down and take a deep breath. She puts on a mask of cheer before looking up. When her eyes lock on mine, she immediately realizes I just witnessed all of that. I want so badly for this to be the time when I ask her what’s going on and she finally tells me.
Finally, maybe wants to let me in. At least get a foot in the door.
But we’re standing in the middle of a coffee shop. The coffee shop she owns, surrounded by retro blow molds of ghosts and pumpkins and fake cobwebs. Our friends, my sister, my daughter around us. She has to be Red right now.
And—Shit. We are so fucking late for school.
“Gwen?” I whisper. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who noticed, and I don’t want to draw attention when it’s obvious that’s the exact opposite of what she needs right now. But she also needs to know I’m here.
Gwen shakes her head. “I’m good, I’m fine.”
I gently wrap my hand around her elbow. She doesn’t flinch away. Instead, she leans into me, just a little bit. “You don’t have to be fine all the time, you know.”
Her voice doesn’t reach above a whisper. “But if I say it enough times, maybe it’ll be true.”
The moment’s over before I can respond. She shakes me off and walks back over to her box of decorations, that fake halfass smile plastered on her face.
I don’t know why I’m so pissed. Maybe I do, though. Maybe I know deep down there’s only one person who’s going to shake Gwen up that bad when she was just riding a high.
I keep my eyes on Gwen and call out, “Penelope, we’re late for school. Let’s go.”
Once Penelope finishes her goodbyes, and we’re about to head through the back to the car, I stop in front of Gwen. She doesn’t look up from a string of orange lights she’s untangling, but she pauses so I know she’s listening when I lean into her ear. “Meet me upstairs when I get back. Please.”
I wait for her to tell me no and push me away. I wait to be crushed even though I’m expecting the blow.
She nods once and softly says, “Okay.”
I’m fixing this. If it includes my fist connecting with Dean’s stupid fucking face again, so be it.