Chapter 35 Gwen - It’s grand gesture time, people
Margot
Your fam just left the cottages. Go get em, girl
Damn fucking straight that’s my family. I shoot Margot a ridiculous amount of hearts in response and toss my phone in my purse to continue dashing around the apartment putting the final touches on everything.
I never should have let Miller give me the weekend to mull things over. What the hell does that even mean? There’s nothing to think about. It’s them and me. It’s us. It was always supposed to end up this way. I let my fears of the past fester the point where I almost lost it all for nothing.
Never again.
No one in my almost thirty years of life has seen me or loved me the way Miller does. No one has made me feel more whole than Penelope. They breathed life and purpose back into me when I thought those kinds of feelings were hopelessly gone forever.
Miller told me he’d follow me anywhere but there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than in Merrymount together. I’m here to show them, in my own way, that this is it. Not the end, but our very own beginning.
Ladybug parades through the mess I’ve made, and I swoop down to pick him up, whispering into his soft fur as if he gives a single shit about what I have to say.
“Do you think they’re gonna think I’m crazy, LB? Psh, you’re right. They already know I am.”
I readjust the blue bow collar Penelope picked out at the pet store for him so it sits right under his little chin like a sophisticated bowtie.
“We’re gonna be a big, happy family at the bungalow. Maybe we can convince Daddy to get you a friend.” The kitten nuzzles his face against mine, and I swear he’s responding to me. “I know, it’s going to be the best.”
I walk through the apartment admiring the work I’ve done to get everything looking exactly like it should. Miller has spent months showing and telling me all of the ways he loves me, and now I get to do the same.
I’m a ball of anxious jitters, pacing, readjusting, and just basically wearing myself out until I hear the distinct sound of my favorite tiny human climbing the stairs. I didn’t bother hiding my car, parking it in its usual spot in the back of the building, so she must know I’m here.
The confirmation of that comes almost immediately when I hear Miller calling from down below. “Penelope, slow down.”
“She’s here, Daddy! I gotta—” The door swings open, and I stand in the middle of the living room with my arms plastered to my sides not making a single move.
“Woah,” P exhales.
“Hi, baby,” I greet her with a small wave and a big-ass smile. I’ve missed her so fucking much. I don’t care that it’s been barely a few days and I’ve called her every night, I miss her every second we’re apart.
Miller enters next, and I swear it feels like all of the air in the room gets sucked out as he looks around at the absolute mess I’ve made of his apartment.
Small sticky notes—identical to the dozens he’s given me over the course of knowing him—cover almost every surface. Some have scribbles of words, others doodles. Each one was made with care and love and intention.
He picks up the first one, right next to the door.
Let’s line up our shoes next to each other's for the rest of always.
-Gwendolyn
I hold my breath and say nothing.
Penelope is, shocker to no one, the first to break the silence. “What the crap?”
Miller and I burst into laughter, and all feels right again.
“I missed that laugh.” The admission falls out of me.
Miller crosses the room, scoops Ladybug and plops him right on the floor.
He grabs me into his arms in the next second.
He picks me up and spins me around and suddenly his lips find mine.
It’s quick and hard and when we break apart Penelope is crashing into our legs, wrapping her arms around the both of us. “Cuddle puddle!” she yells.
“Gwennie girl, what the hell is going on?” Miller finally asks.
I clear my throat. I’m ready. I’m prepared. I can do this. I pull apart from both Miller and Penelope and stand straight, ready to show up for them the same way they always have shown up for me. “Alright, here goes. No interrupting, got it?”
Miller picks Penelope up and they both nod once in confusion. Good enough for me.
“Cool. So, P—” I direct my eyes to her and focus on her cute little button nose.
“Remember when you said you sometimes feel like I’m your mom?
” She nods more enthusiastically now. Good.
Good. This is good. “I feel the same way. I love you so much. More than I ever thought I could love someone. I’d do anything for you—”
“Like squash Brayden’s face in?” she asks. The no interruption rule lasted about as long as I thought it would.
I chuckle, saving me from crying. “Yes, exactly. And that’s taught me that’s what being a mom is all about.
You can call me whatever you want: Mom, Gwen, Red.
The title doesn't matter to me. I just want you to know I’m here for you, I’m always going to love you, and there’s absolutely no chance of getting rid of me. ”
I hear Miller suck a breath in, but I don’t look at him. Not yet. If I do, I won’t be able to get the rest of this out, and I need to.
“Really?! Well, duh, I love you, too!” P declares. “I’m gonna go check on Ladybug. I bet he missed me.” Miller lets her down, and she trots into her bedroom.
“He sure did, tiny human,” I tell her retreating back before finally looking up to Miller.
My sweet Miller who is shaking like a fucking leaf with tears in his eyes. I fucking hate that I’ve kept him waiting. I hate that he might have doubted us for even a millisecond.
He takes a few steps into the kitchen and picks up a pink square of paper.
The best (and last) first kiss of our lives happened here.
-Gwendolyn
He pulls the purple note off the sink’s faucet.
You wash, I dry forever, ok?
-Gwendolyn
Wordlessly he walks throughout the entire apartment picking up each note, reading them silently to himself. Sometimes he shakes his head, sometimes he laughs. Miller piles them on top of each other, clutching them in his hand.
I follow closely behind him, waiting on bated breath for any type of response. He saves the bedroom for last. There’s only one blue note in here, placed right in the middle of the bed.
He picks it up and finally faces me.
My bed is still bigger. Move in with me.
P.S. You can’t say no. Consider this an eviction notice.
-Gwendolyn
“Gwen, I’m trying really hard to hold it together. Today was kind of a big day, and I need you to spell this all out for me. Please.” He stands with his back towards me facing the bed.
“I want it all, Miller. The house, the babies, the vacations, everything. But only if you’re the one doing it with me.” I wrap my arms around his waist and breathe him in.
He twists around and cups my face with his hands. “You’re s-sure?”
“I was sure before you kissed me goodbye in the cafe three days ago. I just needed time to figure out how to show you. This”—I hold up his hand still grasping at the stack of sticky notes—“Was the most Miller and Gwen way I could show you. That first note you left for me, and every single one after, saved me. They—you—pulled me out of this dark hole I thought I was comfortable living in.”
His hands move further back, burying into my hair, as he keeps looking at me with more love than I thought possible. “Is this real?” He presses his forehead into mine.
I pinch his butt, and he jumps. “See? Very real. Not a dream.”
The next kiss starts softly. Miller’s lips barely graze mine. It’s slow, like we’re committing this moment to memory. I stroke my fingers up and down his back in rhythm. He hums into me when my tongue glides across his bottom lip, begging to be let in to tangle with his.
He tastes so good. Like the early rays of daylight and whispered plans of the most golden future. My body sinks into Miller’s, and I let myself forget the rest of the world exists.
Until Penelope bursts in and starts jumping on the bed. “Are you guys gonna do that all the time now that Gwen’s my mom?”
Miller and I look at each other trying to keep our shit together and a silent conversation passes between us. We both dive onto the bed, tickling Penelope in between us, her laughter trilling throughout the apartment.