Chapter 3
SABLE
I hummed to myself as I applied my makeup. A little eyeliner here. Concealer there. I started to add a swipe of lipstick across my mouth when my phone rang beside my elbow.
I jumped, leaving a smear of red across my chin.
Fuck.
I grabbed a tissue, wiped it off and looked down at the screen. Smiling to myself, I pressed to accept the call and held the phone up in front of my face.
"Hey, Savannah." Blonde haired and blue eyed, Savannah grinned back at me.
"Sable Kohl, do you have a date?"
"What makes you think that?" I said, swiping at the lipstick still on my chin. Enough was left that I could see it in the bubble in the corner of my screen.
She tilted her head this way or that, as if she could see better through the phone. "You have that look about you."
"I don't have a look," I said. I glanced over at the mirror. Same old me. Pin straight brown hair that was almost black. Blue eyes that needed to shine more often. Petite nose, heart-shaped face, and yes, lipstick still on my chin.
"You definitely have a look," she said.
"Did you want anything?" I asked, keeping my tone light.
"Just seeing how you're doing," she said. "It's been a while."
"I guess it has," I said. "I'm sorry… I should be better at keeping in touch."
"Me too," she said with a laugh. "I've been busy. I should have called last week. I was going to and then… You know how things are."
"Yeah, always busy." I should have called her last week. She was occupied pursuing a career as a violinist. Me, I was still wallowing in the past. Tonight might change all that. If nothing else, it was a start.
"Who is he?" she asked. "Anyone I know?"
"Would I go out with anyone you know?" I asked, teasing.
"Ouch." She laughed again. "Probably not. You have higher standards than I do." Her jaw dropped open. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean…"
"It's okay," I said quickly. "I do have better standards when I'm allowed to make my own choices. He's just someone I know. From the same circles, you know? Charity things."
"Ah," she said slowly. "Rich people stuff."
"I suppose you could call it that," I said.
Yeah, I had money. Lots of it, but it's true what they say about money not making you happy. Money didn't keep me warm at night. Money didn't make the memories go away. Money bought really good wine that made them go away for a few hours.
In the morning, they were still there. Still raw.
Tomorrow, I'd call the therapist Forrest recommended. He might help the memories go away, or make them more comfortable to live with.
"Do you like him?" Savannah asked.
"I don't know him very well," I said slowly. "But from what I've seen, he seems interesting. He's intelligent."
"Is he hot?" she asked slyly.
"I'd say that," I agreed. "He's a bit older than me, but…"
"Ooh," she said, her eyes widening, along with her smile. "An older man. I bet he knows how to take care of a woman like you."
I didn't remind her Wolfgang was older as well, but Forrest was not Wolfgang. For one thing, he wasn't dead, his heart cut out of his chest. I was surprised as anyone to find he actually had one.
"Just remember," Savannah said, "that whole thing about not fucking on the first date is old fashioned. If you want to fuck his brains out, I say go for it."
"Is that what you'd do?" I asked.
She laughed. "Absolutely. Life is too short not to get it on, especially with a hot guy. You should enjoy yourself." She nodded firmly.
I sighed. "I wish I could let go and… I don't know… live like you."
"You could live even better than me," she said. "You're a beautiful woman inside and out. And an amazing musician."
We met when we were both studying music, before I was pulled out of school and forced to get married.
She'd always seemed like a bird or a butterfly.
Beautiful and free. Living her life, soaring from one day to the next.
I'd envied her, but I was happy for her.
She'd reminded me there was a better life out there for me.
Even on the darkest days when I didn't think it was possible, she'd call me and remind me things would get better.
"He might not want to fuck my brains out," I said.
She scoffed. "Does he have eyes?"
"Yes," I said, frowning slightly.
"Do they work?" She tilted her head.
"As far as I know, they do." I shrugged.
"Then of course he wants to fuck your brains out. Any man would. They'd be crazy not to. Hell, if I was a guy, I'd one hundred percent tap that."
I shook my head. "Please never say that again."
She laughed. "You know what I mean. You're gorgeous. You don't seem to realize that yourself. That's why I'm here to tell you."
"You're sweet," I said.
"No, I'm not." She waved the words away, her hand a flap in the corner of the screen. "I'm wild and crazy. But I've got your back, okay? If this guy hurts you, he can deal with me."
I tried to imagine Forrest's response to being accosted by someone like Savannah. She was probably a couple of feet shorter than him and feisty as hell. She'd give him as good as she got.
"He won't hurt me," I said. "I won't let him." Careful might as well be my middle name these days. Sable Careful Kohl. That would go well with my actual middle name, Ursula.
That made me remember the text messages. I hadn't received one for the last handful of hours. I thought about telling Savannah, but she'd only worry.
Chances were I wouldn't get another one. They were playing earlier. Now they were done with it. I should delete and forget about them. People and their stupid games. I'd laugh if they hadn't put me on edge.
"What is it?" Savannah asked. "You have that look again."
"I was just thinking what shoes I should wear with my dress," I lied.
"Heels. Always heels," Savannah said. "They're good for stepping on people's feet if they piss you off. And they look good if you're not wearing a stitch of clothing."
"You've thought of everything," I teased.
She tapped the side of her head with her fingertip. "I always do."
I laughed. "I'm glad you're my friend."
"Of course you are. I'd make a scary archenemy." She grinned.
"The last thing I need is an archenemy," I said dryly. "Although I don't think I have a high enough profile for that. Don't you need to be a superhero?"
"You already are a superhero," she said. "You're my hero, anyway, although you don't go out on the streets with underwear over a leotard. That I know of."
"I'm surprised that hasn't caught on as a fashion trend," I said.
She tipped her head back and laughed. "Don't encourage the fashion industry. That might be their next big thing. I can see it now, paraded on the runway as haute couture. Superhero couture."
I snorted. "Maybe I should design something myself. I could make a fortune."
I wouldn't. Firstly, that would look ridiculous, and secondly, I didn't need a fortune. I already had one I was trying to spend.
"I want to be front row center at your fashion show," she said.
"Absolutely not." I shook my head. "You're going to be right there on the runway, modeling."
She giggled at that but said, "You're the only person in the world I'd do that for, but please don't ask me to."
"The more you talk about it, the more I want to," I joked. "I could call it superhero chic."
"Does anyone else know how big a nerd you are?" she teased.
"Only you, and only because you're just as big a nerd as I am. Aren't you the one who wants to write music for Broadway? And then move on to movies?"
"That's not nerdy, that's epic," she said with a playful sniff. "Imagine it. My name on the screen at the end of a movie. Right up there with whichever Hemsworth or whoever it is…" Her smile was dreamy.
"I want that for you," I said honestly.
I could make that happen tomorrow, if she'd let me. I could hire her to produce a movie, write the music, do all the things she wanted to. I wouldn't. She'd hate it if I gave her a shortcut like that. She wanted to earn it and she would. There was no doubt in my mind. She deserved it and more.
"I know you do," she said. "I want you to be happy too. Do you think you'll ever get back on stage?"
"I don't know, I'm rusty," I said. "I haven't played much for the last few years.
Not for anyone else anyway." Every couple of days I'd sit down at the piano in the corner of my apartment and play and sing to myself.
Softly because I didn't want to disturb the neighbors.
Even though the walls were thick and they probably wouldn't hear a thing, I always felt like they would.
Like they'd bang on the walls and insist I be quiet.
At some point in my life, I got good at making myself small.
"You should come to rehearsal with me," she said. "Play along with us. For old times’ sake, if nothing else. I know you must miss music."
"I do," I said softly. "Maybe I will. I don't know."
She looked like she was going to suggest she turn up at my apartment and drag me there, but she didn't. She knew I'd be there when I was ready, if I was ready, not before. Sometimes I thought she was a better friend than I deserved.
"It's there for you whenever you want to turn up. Let me know and I'll tell you when and where," she said. "I guess I should let you go and finish getting ready for your date."
She gave me a sly smile and added, "Please tell me you're wearing matching underwear. Preferably something lacy, sexy and red. Or black. I'll accept black." She nodded as she spoke.
"You might not know this about me," I said slowly, "but I always wear matching underwear. You know what my mother would have said."
I raised my voice to a higher pitch. "You never know when you might have an accident. You wouldn't want the ambulance people to see you in mismatched underwear." As if somehow that was a great crime.
"Okay, but don't forget sexy," Savannah said. "You want something he can peel off you."
He wasn't going to be peeling anything off me tonight, but I wore underwear that made me feel cute. Maybe a little sexy.
"Noted," I said. "Don't worry, I have it covered."
"Not too covered." She grinned again.
I groaned. I'd walked right into that one, hadn't I?
I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Covered enough."
"You're going to have the best time," she said. "And if not, tell him goodnight and go home. Remember, you don't owe him anything. If he's boring, you're allowed to leave."
I'd do well to remember that. Staying out of politeness was easy. Leaving when you weren't comfortable? That was something I might have to work on.
I was about to reply when a knock sounded on the door.
"I have to go."
"Okay, I love you." She blew me a kiss.
"Love you too," I said before hanging up the call and putting my phone down to step over to the door.
I slid the chain off and unlocked it.
"Forr—"
Before I could open it, the door flew inward.