Chapter 4
Esme
I move into my room, my ghostly form flickering through the doorway as guilt settles in my chest. I should have written something more useful on that mirror.
Something like "Liora killed me" or "Check the autopsy report" instead of drawing stupid smiley faces and writing "brains" like some kind of idiot.
But I had to make sure Duske knew it was me and not some random spirit haunting the house. Especially since I finally found a way up the stairs. It was more a thought than anything and I'm still not sure it's part of the ghost package I should have been given but it got me closer to Duske.
The last thing I need is for them to think I'm malevolent and try to exorcise me before I can tell them what really happened. That and the fact that my fingers were shaking so any attempt at something intelligent written in coffee would have been a shitshow.
My gaze lands on Vesper standing by my window, his silhouette dark against the afternoon light filtering through the curtains.
He's just staring out at the yard, and I remember all the times I stood in that exact spot waiting for him.
He'd climb up the side of the house in the middle of the night while my parents slept, his demonic abilities making it seem like he just glided up the siding.
He had even been there the night before, fucking me senseless before leaving me in a little heap of pleasure. I’m not sure how things would have changed had he stayed.
God, he was always so sweet despite the darkness that clung to him.
He'd slip through the window with that crooked grin, pulling me into his arms before we even said hello.
We'd spend hours tangled together in my bed, whispering secrets and laughing even after the orgasmic haze died away.
I never told him how much those moments meant to me, how much I craved the weight of his body against mine, the way his sweet darkness wrapped around me like a blanket.
I wish I could scent him again, even if just once.
Hell, I wish I could scent anything. Not having my own scent or even a heat made me feel defective and it ate at me every single day.
Vesper and the others never made me feel lesser for it, though.
They worshipped me in a way that I’m just now realizing was a bit more than friendship.
And now I'm dead, and I still don't know what it feels like to have my scent bloom.
Tears prick at my eyes before spilling down my cheeks as I reach for him without thinking, my hand stretching toward his back even though I know it'll pass right through him. A sob tears from my throat, the sound echoing in the space between our worlds.
But then my fingers land on his back.
Solid. Real. Warm beneath my touch.
His scent hits me all at once, that intoxicating mix of sweet darkness that I remember so vividly. It floods my senses, wrapping around me like a drug I didn't know I needed. A gasp tears from my throat and I dig my fingers into the fabric of his sweater as another sob breaks free.
Vesper whips around, his hazel eyes wide with shock before they lock onto mine.
I must be visible because he’s looking right at me, those hazel eyes running across my face before he tugs me against his chest. His arms band around me, holding me so tight I can barely breathe, but I don't care. I don't fucking care.
“You’re here, fuck, I thought—” Vesper cuts himself off as he pulls far enough to slot his lips over mine, his tongue licking across the seam of my mouth before pushing inside.
I melt against him and wrap my arms around his back, one of his hands moving into my hair to hold me there.
It’s only been a fucking week but it feels like forever.
And now, I can taste him. I can feel the way his heart pounds against my chest, and it's the most alive I've felt since I died.
"Fuck, I missed you," he breathes against my lips, his voice breaking on the words. He pulls back again, his hands cupping my face like he's afraid I'll disappear. "Esme, fuck, I missed you so much."
I can't speak. All I can do is hold onto him, my fingers moving beneath his sweater to feel the warmth of his back against my palms. Seven long fucking days with nothing to touch or hold or taste or feel.
Vesper is like a fucking drug as I stuff my face into his sweater, breathing in lung fulls of his scent until it makes me dizzy.
Vesper chuckles as he presses a kiss to the top of my head, his purr rumbling against my chest. "You've got a scent," he murmurs against my hair, his voice filled with wonder. "Esme, you've got a scent now."
I freeze, my breath catching in my throat. "What?" My brows furrow with confusion as I angle my face up to meet his gaze. “I do? But I…” The lingering question of how I’m even fucking here right now is on the tip of my tongue but honestly, I don’t really care.
"Vanilla and honey. It's faint, but it's there. You smell so fucking good, princess."
I don't know what to say. My entire life, I wanted a scent, wanted to feel like I belonged in this world of designations and dynamics.
And now that I'm dead, it finally happens?
The universe really does have a twisted sense of humor.
I open my mouth to respond, but the door bangs open behind us.
I shriek, the sound tearing from my throat as I stumble backward.
My foot catches on nothing, and I fall to the floor, my form visibly flickering right in front of my eyes before my body just disappears.
I’m still here but now I can see through myself again.
"No, no, no," I hear Vesper say, his voice frantic as he looks around the room. "Esme, come back. Please, baby, come back."
A growl of frustration falls from my lips as all of my senses dim to nothing, except for that annoying flicker of heat in my lower belly.
“This is bullshit,” I mutter, even though I know Vesper won’t hear it.
Twisting around, I look to see who rudely interrupted us, a bitter laugh following because of course, it’s my sister.
She stands in the doorway, her gaze moving across my room, her expression twisted into something that might be concern if I didn't know her better.
"Vesper, baby, come on," she purrs—well, tries to, her voice dripping with false sweetness.
"Let's just go have some breakfast, okay? The others can finish up the room."
Vesper shakes his head, his gaze still scanning the room like he's searching for me. "I swear I just saw her. She was right here, Liora. I held her."
Liora sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. "Jesus, she wasn't that precious, okay? You guys need to let her go."
I glare at her, anger surging through me so hot that I want to strangle her. If I could touch her the way I touched Vesper, I'd wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze until she stopped breathing. But I can't. I'm stuck here, watching my sister dismiss my entire existence like I was nothing.
Fuck, I don’t even get cool ghost powers to terrify the shit out of her or something?
Vesper's jaw tightens, his hazel eyes flashing with irritation. "I'll finish up in here. It won't take me that long."
Liora huffs, her bottom lip jutting out in that stupid pout she thinks is cute.
"First, Milo and Duske are whispering in the bathroom like idiots, and now, you won't leave her bedroom.
What's next? The three of you doing seances in the backyard?
" She throws her hands up in defeat. "You know what?
I'm going to the hotel. Call me when you guys are done doing the exorcism or whatever. I'll reserve a place for dinner."
She storms out a second later, my door falling shut on its own as the faulty lock clicks shut the way it used to when I’d come home late. I can't help but laugh, the sound bubbling up from my chest as relief washes over me.
Vesper grins, the expression lighting up his face as he turns around, even though I know he can’t see me.
"Esme, come here. Let me see if I can feel you again.
" He holds out his hand, his fingers flexing as he tries to grab onto something invisible.
"I think it's something about the coffee.
I don't even fucking know. Just come here, princess. "
I stand on shaky legs which is bullshit for a ghost as I move closer to him.
The moment I step into his space, I can feel him under my fingertips again.
The warmth of his body, the steady beat of his heart, the way his muscles flex beneath his sweater.
I sigh, a small content sound falling from my lips as I press myself against him.
“Can’t see you, sweetness but fuck I can still feel you.
” He drags his nose down my cheek and then stuffs his face into my neck.
“And smell you.” His tongue runs along the sensitive skin there, lapping across what I thought was a defective gland.
“And taste you. Shit, I should tell the others but I’m going to be selfish for a little bit. ”
I am A-okay with that.
Until, of course, that pesky bit of heat that keeps fucking with me decides to take over.
That’s when I can smell my scent too, but it’s thick and syrupy, my legs feeling like they’re suddenly made of jello.
A whine tears from my throat as I dig my fingers into his sweater.
“Oh my god, make it stop,” I cry out, the sound muffled by the fabric.
Vesper wraps his arms around my back, one of his hands trying to soothe whatever this is by running up and down my spine. It’s only making it worse. “Princess, what’s wrong? I can’t help you and I can’t see you. Esme, your scent… fuck.”
He can hear me?
That didn’t happen the first time around and I don’t understand why it’s working now. Not that it matters. What does matter is that I hate that whatever is happening to me is happening now. When I’m dead. When fate has already tried to tear us apart.
His cock thickens against my belly, which seems to make the heat inside of me worse until I’m shivering against him, clawing for something I don’t even understand.
"I don't know," I say, my voice shaking.
"It started happening after my fucking sister killed me.
I keep getting hot and cold, and I just.. . there it is again. Oh my god."
My entire body goes hot, the sensation so intense that I sag against Vesper’s chest. I go to say something else before my cheeks heat at the sudden wetness between my thighs, realization at what’s happening to me finally becoming clear. I’m going into heat.
And I’m going to spend it dead.
The shock is overshadowed by need as slick floods my sleep shorts, another whine tearing from my throat. The universe just wanted to fuck with me. That’s the only explanation for this.
"She did?" Vesper growls out. His aura darkens, the room a tint or two darker than before, his shadows claiming the corners. "Esme, did Liora kill you?"
I nod, even though I know he can't see me.
"I can't prove it, but there's no way I was that fucking tired and fell asleep at the top of the stairs like that.
It doesn't matter. Vesper, I need you. Right fucking now.
Fuck, I just..." Rational thought flies out the window as I start rocking myself against him, Vesper chuckling as I all but hump his leg.
“It’s a good thing I don't need to see you to remember how to use my cock, right?
" His purr rumbles through me again as one of his hands move to cup my ass, the other one dipping into my shorts. “Holy fuck, you’re soaked.” He thrusts a finger up inside of me, another moan falling from my lips.
“Let's just hope you don't disappear before I can give you my knot.”
"Don't fucking joke about that," I snap, the anger morphing into a whine. "I already died before I got Milo's coffee the first time."