Chapter 21
Esme
I wake up slowly, wrapped in a soft blanket and pressed up against Milo's chest. His sandalwood scent surrounds me like a cocoon, grounding me in the present moment.
I can hear the steady beat of his heart beneath my ear, a rhythmic thump that's oddly soothing.
For a moment, I just lie there, content to exist in this space between sleep and waking, not quite ready to face whatever reality awaits.
I feel movement behind Milo, the subtle shift of weight on the mattress, and I lift my head slightly to see Vesper gently kissing Milo's ear.
His lips brush against the sensitive skin with such tenderness that it makes my chest ache.
Vesper curls up behind Milo, his arm draping over both of us, creating a protective barrier, and I feel safe, cocooned between them like nothing in the world could touch me here.
Then I feel Duske behind me, pulling me closer, the possessive bastard enveloping me against his chest rather than Milo’s. I frown, my mind still foggy with sleep, as something doesn't feel quite right. They’re human again and we’re all in the bed. "Why aren't we in my nest?"
I sit up a little, pushing myself up on my elbow, and look around the room with growing confusion.
The nest I built in the corner of the room is still there, but it's a complete mess.
Pillows and blankets are scattered everywhere, some hanging off the bed at odd angles, others crumpled in heaps on the floor.
Everything is damp with sweat and other things I don't want to think too hard about.
The sheets are stained, the fabric clinging to the mattress in wet patches, and I can see the evidence of my heat everywhere—the destruction, the chaos, the physical proof of what happened.
My cheeks flush hot with embarrassment, and I quickly lie back down, burying my face in Milo's chest to hide. "I don't remember a lot of it," I mumble, my voice muffled against his skin. "What time is it? Why did my heat feel so short?"
Duske's hand slides up my side, the rumbling sound in his chest soothing my panic. "It's been about twelve hours, and I'm sure the stress of everything that has happened cut it short. You were absolutely gorgeous and pliant and wonderful."
I frown, turning my head to look at him over my shoulder, processing this information. "That just means my next heat will be even closer. Gross."
Milo shifts beside me, his hand coming up to play with my hair, running his fingers through the tangled strands. "You kept asking us to make you ours."
I blink, trying to pull up the memories from the fog in my mind.
They're hazy and fragmented, like trying to remember a dream that's already slipping away.
I vaguely remember begging, pleading, needing them to claim me in every way possible.
But the details are fuzzy, slipping through my fingers like water, the harder I try to grasp them.
"I don't… I vaguely remember that," I say slowly, carefully picking through the fragments. "And you kept saying no. Why?"
Duske's expression shifts to something more serious, his black eyes meeting mine with an intensity that makes my breath catch. "Because you weren't fully conscious. I know you want us, there's no doubt in my mind about that, but I also wanted to hear you fully say it to me."
I push myself up to sitting, suddenly needing to be upright for this conversation.
The blanket pools around my waist, exposing my torso.
I'm still naked, my body marked with hickeys and bite marks, evidence of everything that happened during my heat scattered across my skin like a map.
But I don't care about that right now, don't care about modesty or vulnerability.
I need to understand what Duske is saying.
"What do you mean?" I ask, keeping my voice quiet.
Duske sits up too, mirroring my position, and his hand comes up to cup my cheek with surprising gentleness.
"Bonding is very different than what you probably know with a bite in your shoulder.
A demon's bond is more like a brand. It'll still be visible, and you'll be ours, but you will be fully tethered to us, Esme. There's no going back."
My heart pounds in my chest, beating so hard I can feel it in my throat. I stare at him, trying to read his expression. "Do you want to go back?"
Duske shakes his head immediately, his thumb brushing across my cheek in a tender gesture. "No, but I wanted you to make the decision consciously and not just in the throes of passion or out of necessity."
He pauses, and I watch as his expression grows heavier, weighted with something I can't quite name.
"Esme, Lucifer gave us an out. He said he'll let you return to your human body if you wanted to, but we wouldn't be able to stay with you.
If we bond you, you can never be human again.
You would lose access to the life you had before, and even though you could blend in wherever we move to, you wouldn't be human. "
The weight of his words settles over me, pressing down on my chest. I could go back.
I could be human again, alive and breathing and normal.
Resume some version of my old life. But I wouldn't have them.
I'd be alone, and they'd be gone, back to whatever realm they came from, and I'd be left with nothing but memories of what could have been.
I look at Duske, then shift my gaze to Milo and Vesper, who are both watching me with quiet intensity, waiting for my answer.
These men, these demons, have become everything to me.
They've seen me at my worst, at my most vulnerable, and they've stayed.
They've loved me, protected me, chosen me when no one else did.
Even before I died and we were just friends, I knew that I wanted all of them.
And now they're giving me a choice.
But there’s really only one decision to make.
"Either way, I could never resume the life I had," I say, my voice coming out steady despite the emotions churning inside me. "Liora ruined all that. Give me you. That's all I want."
Duske's expression softens immediately, the tension in his shoulders easing, and he leans in to press a gentle kiss to my forehead. "It's not an immediate bond, but you will find it easier to stay here, I think."
I frown, tilting my head as I try to understand the mechanics of what he's describing. "Will I just show up wherever you guys are?"
Laughter fills the room, breaking the heavy tension that had settled over us. Duske shakes his head, amusement dancing in his dark eyes. "You shouldn't."
I feel a shudder run through me, a strange sensation like something is settling into place deep inside my chest. There's a tendril of darkness that wraps around my heart like a gentle embrace.
And suddenly I can feel them. Not just their physical presence, but their emotions, their thoughts, the very essence of who they are flowing into me through invisible threads.
It's overwhelming and comforting all at once, like being filled up with something I didn't know I was missing.
I sigh, leaning back against Duske and letting him support my weight. "I can feel you. All of you."
Vesper shifts, moving closer until he's pressed against my side, and presses a kiss to my shoulder. "That's the bond starting to form. It'll take time to fully settle, but you'll always be able to find us now."
Milo's hand slides down to rest on my hip, his touch warm and grounding, anchoring me to this moment. "And we'll always be able to find you."
I close my eyes, letting the sensation wash over me like waves.
I can feel Duske's steady calm, like the deep ocean.
Vesper's chaotic energy, like electricity crackling beneath my skin.
Milo's playful warmth, like sunlight. They're all there, intertwined with my own emotions, weaving together into something bigger than any of us alone. And it's perfect.
We settle back into the bed, becoming a tangle of limbs and warmth and contentment.
Duske pulls me back against his chest, his arms wrapping around me securely, and Milo presses closer, his forehead resting against mine in an intimate gesture.
Vesper curls around us, his presence a comforting weight that completes the circle.
For a long moment, we just lie there, soaking in the intimacy of the moment without words. Until of course, Milo ruins it. "Are you ready to attend your funeral?" Milo asks, and despite the heavy subject, there's humor tingeing his words.
I snort. "No, but I am ready for Liora to go away."
I pause, feeling my expression grow more serious as I think about what needs to happen. "Can you just promise me that before you do what you're going to do to Liora, I just need to talk to her one more time? I need her to say all those fucking things to my face."
Duske's arms tighten around me, and through the bond I can feel his hesitation warring with his desire to give me what I want. "I can promise that, but if she tries anything, that's it."
I nod, understanding the condition he's placing on this promise. "I'm already dead. There's not much else she can do."