Chapter 10 #3
“I’m here,” I told him, because it was the only thing that felt right. “I’ll help you carry the weight.”
He watched me, dark eyes shining with the currency of his pain.
“What if we can’t find him?” he whispered.
“We will. And you’ll be able to speak your piece.”
“What if it’s my fault? What if I’ve already poisoned things between us? You didn’t see his face, Az.”
“Those are questions for another time. Now is the time for action. Bastien is depending on us.”
Cirian nodded, dragging his hand across his cheeks. “You’re right. Thank you, Azrael.”
“Think nothing of it. My heart hurts for the both of you. Especially to lose contact so soon after a mating—”
“Whoa, who said anything about mating?” Cirian interrupted, color blooming under his cheeks.
My own pulse spiked at his response. “Apologies, I assumed that is what had changed between the two of you. Have I misread the situation?”
“No,” he admitted, his gaze falling once more to his hands. “It’s just—it happened right before this madness, and I haven’t exactly had the time to sort through that emotional baggage as it were.”
“I understand. Mating can bring up many emotions.”
“Can you please stop calling it mating?”
“Is that the improper term? We Unseen refer to it as such, so I just assumed—”
“We definitely don’t call it that.”
“What is the proper word, then?”
“Uh, fucking? Love making? Sex? Ugh, now all of them sound weird.”
“Fucking. I think that’s the term Tobias used when we mated back in the Sanctuary City.”
Cirian snapped his fingers. “I knew it. I told Bast that there was no way the two of you took a shower together without some sort of hanky panky going on.”
“Hanky panky? Is this another fuck word? I did mount Tobias, yes.”
He doubled over in laughter, his arms wrapping around his sides. “Stop, please, just stop. I’m going to piss myself.”
I leaned back into the bench, allowing Cirian a moment to regain his composure.
A glimmer of color caught my eye against the dark background, and I recognized the shimmer of thread protruding from Cirian’s chest. It swirled through the air in front of him, the raced off in the opposite direction, disappearing into the wall of shadow that surrounded the sanctuary.
“That’s how we’ll find him.”
Cirian looked up at me, his face still flushed as confusion twisted his features. “What is it?”
The thread faded quickly from my sight, and I pressed a hand against Cirian’s chest.
“The connection. Did you not see it just now?”
He shook his head. “You must forgive me, my mind was elsewhere.”
“With Bastien?” I queried.
A nod was his response.
“That proves it. The connection you have to Bastien will serve as our guide to him. You need only conjure it again.”
“Right,” Cirian agreed, focusing his attention forward towards the wall of shadows opposite us. His eyes narrowed, and he stared at the same spot for a time far longer than I anticipated. But no thread appeared. A moment later, he broke his stare with the distance, swearing under his breath.
“What troubles you?”
“The damn thing pops up whenever it feels, yet when I actually want it to appear—” he slapped a hand over his chest, “Nothing. I don’t know if this is the best course of action, Azrael.”
“I’m not unconvinced. There was something that triggered the thread’s appearance earlier. We need only recreate that moment. Tell me what it was that filled your mind.”
Cirian’s mouth fell open, then shut just as quickly, his words swallowed in a quick gulp.
“Cirian?”
“I don’t remember.”
My brow raised at that. “It was moments ago. Surely you couldn’t have forgotten so quickly.”
Deeper color bloomed under his cheeks as he shook his head once more. “Yes, lost completely. Just let me try again. Perhaps I’m thinking about it too hard.”
It was obvious he was hiding the contents of his thoughts from me, but I could not parse out the reason.
Cirian had never struck me as a bashful person.
There were few topics off limits in the content of his conversations.
In fact, I recalled several hushed exchanges with Tobias that made the flesh on the back of my neck swelter.
What could he be hiding so desperately?
“Damn it,” he muttered, his gaze once more fixed forward and a hand clasped over his chest. “Stupid Bastien and his stupid face. This is his doing. Always making things so complicated.”
“That doesn’t sound like the kind of sentiment that would help in this task.”
“Well, I don’t see you doing any better,” sniped Cirian, his baleful gaze shifting to me. “Why don’t you try it yourself? Tobias wove these blasted threads between the lot of us.”
“I’ve not had one materialize for Bastien,” I answered him, my tone even despite his frustration. “But if you’d like for me to try, then I will do so.”
Cirian deflated with a sigh. “Forgive me, Azrael. That was needlessly cruel. My anger isn’t directed at you. It’s turned inward, I’m afraid.”
I rested a hand atop his knee, applying gentle pressure. “I understand. There’s no need to hide from me, Cirian. You can be honest about the goings-on of your mind. I’ve been told I have a talent for listening.”
He watched me for a moment, a battle raging within the storm of his eyes.
“There is nothing you can say that will make me think any less of you, Cirian. Tobias trusted you with his life. That is enough proof that you are a man of integrity. Speak your mind.”
“I was thinking about Bastien fucking me.”
The words struck my ears like blunt objects. A grin spread across my face as I choked back a laugh.
“You can’t laugh!” Cirian bellowed, his eyes going wide as he covered his mouth quickly, throwing a glance over his shoulder.
I only laughed harder, no longer able to contain the jovial outburst.
“Be quiet this instant,” Cirian hissed. “I don’t want the whole bloody sanctuary to hear.”
“Are you taking a piss?” I asked, leaning in closer and lowering my voice. “Because good on you, I needed that laugh.”
“I’m not joking,” he replied, cheeks the same scarlet color as the hair that framed his face. “When the stupid thread appeared, I was remembering what it was like to be with him. That must have been what triggered it.”
“Then why don’t you do it again?” I asked.
“Because I’m not trying to go around dreaming about lewd moments all day. I at least have a modicum of decency.”
Another bout of laughter bubbled in my chest, but I held it down. “What a curious time you’ve picked to think about your scruples. We need to find Bastien, and this is the best chance we have at that.”
Cirian huffed a sigh, folding his arms across his chest. It made him look years younger, like a youngling pouting to get his way. He was going to require more prodding, it seemed.
“It must have been some powerful hanky panky to garner such a reaction.”
Cirian’s barking laugh caught both of us by surprise.
“For someone who can disappear at will, you certainly lack subtlety.”
“You’re not wrong. I find it too difficult to hide my intentions.
It’s easier to let them land where they fall.
” I knocked my shoulder into his, my hand still resting on his knee.
“We need to find Bastien. And if getting you to remember all the ways it made you feel to have him touch you is how we do it, then I will see to it that you are reminded of every hanky panky moment.”
“Please stop saying that. You’re not even using it correctly.”
“Try again,” I spurred him on. “There is nothing lewd about the act of mating. Especially with one you care for. It’s one of life’s great beauties.”
Cirian slowly closed his eyes, letting out a measured breath.
It was obvious that he wasn’t in support of the idea, yet after just a few seconds, I knew that something was changing.
The rhythm of his heartbeat increased at a steady pace.
His breathing deepened too, a sudden ragged quality infusing each exhale.
Another moment, and the flicker of light from his chest made my own pulse skip. Unfurling, the thread passed through his hand, rushing toward the wall of shadow, same as before.
“You’ve done it. Look, Cirian. Look how well you’ve done.”
His dark eyes cracked open, reflecting the tether of cerulean light.
“It worked,” he breathed.
I was already on my feet, watching as the shadows at the edge of the sanctuary seemed to withdraw from the tether’s presence. “Come. We’ve not a moment to waste.”
Before Cirian could respond, the light of the tether dimmed, retracting quickly back towards where he sat on the bench and disappearing altogether.
“What happened?” I asked, returning to his side.
Cirian faltered, his gaze darting back and forth at the space in front of him.
“Cirian, are you okay?”
“A moment,” he responded, closing his eyes once more, his lips moving soundlessly as he did so.
I watched as the smoothness of his brow was disrupted with concentration, his fingers gripping the edge of the bench with such force that his skin blanched.
What could be causing him such distress?
Before long, the thread appeared again, uncoiling from his chest and taking the same path away from him. Cirian let out a long exhale, eyes fluttering open as his shoulder sagged.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“It’s nothing,” he said, voice thick. “Just working out a theory. Unfortunately, it appears that I was correct.”
“About?”
He looked at me finally, the thread listing lazily around his chest.