Chapter 12 #4
“He must. And how kind of the Source that you are the one who it brought to me now. I’m glad it’s you, Azrael.”
“Why?”
A smile weighted with all the sorrow of a life led spread across her lips. “You know better than most that sacrifices must be made to protect those we love.”
“I don’t understand.”
A tremor shot through Sancha’s body, those tendrils of darkness latching onto her arm once more to pull it back to the ritual motions, but she fought to hold onto the cord with all of her might.
“What comes next is as it was always meant to be. Whatever happens, you must not let go of this tether. Hold it together, for if it unravels, then it will be the end of us all. Do you understand?”
How could I possibly? But I didn’t need to comprehend her warning to trust that it was the truth. This was the most powerful Magi alive, and she was entrusting me to keep the person she loved safe.
Grounding myself, I twisted my soles into the stone beneath me, bracing myself as best I could. The ripple of magic released into my muscles moved in a shimmering wave across my body, suffusing every part with the magic I’d held in reserve.
“I’m ready,” I told Sancha, wrapping whatever slack I could manage in the tether around my forearm.
She nodded, her uncovered eye glistening at the edges. “He won’t understand right away. But he will, one day.”
I didn’t get a chance to question her meaning as the blinding glow of the crystal structure filled my senses all at once, white-hot light washing the entire chamber in its brilliance.
Turning away from the painful glow, I watched as the dark ichor dripped from Sancha’s body, spilling out at the base of the crystalline mass.
It quickly latched onto it, the thick liquid somehow permeating the thick, rock-like material and spreading along the interior surfaces.
Sancha groaned in effort as she pulled her other arm free from the control of the Umbral’s grasp, latching onto the tether with both hands now.
At once, I could feel her presence there in my mind, just as the others had been able to when connected with the tether.
“What comes next was always meant to be,” she repeated, words echoing through my mind.
The brilliant light inside the structure began to dim, and for a moment, my heart sank at the thought that it had been eclipsed by the darkness, but then my attention was drawn back to the woman who knelt at the base of the structure, as her body began to glow with the same blinding light.
Sancha was almost too brilliant to behold, and I had to glance down at the ground for fear that I might be blinded.
“The Source’s blessing will keep him safe. Hold strong, rebel.”
The cord in my hand burned white-hot all at once, and I had to grit my teeth to keep from crying out. That light from Sancha had burned its way up the tether, coiling around my arms, and entering my body where it pooled in my gut like molten metal, searing me from the inside.
The pain would have washed me away if I allowed it. It was worse than anything that had come before. Shattered bones and ignored heats were nothing compared to what coursed through my body at that moment.
But pain had been the one constant in my life. From the rod of correction when I was a child at Chateau Greene, to the hunger pangs of being an Urchin, to the instructive pain of Rudderkin’s training fields, and the constant bloodshed of fighting a rebellion—I had endured it all.
So, I did not allow this pain to wash me away. Instead, I embraced it as my oldest friend, allowing it inside as it tore through my veins, and I repeated Sancha’s words over and over.
What comes next was always meant to be.
The light that had burned so brightly inside the crystal spires had dimmed completely, Sancha’s body dimming as well, as all of that searing heat pressed from the inside of me, threatening to burst through at a moment’s notice.
It took every molecule of my being to hold it in place, to keep it from rupturing my entire existence. I was going to fracture at any moment, ceasing to be Azrael and becoming whatever this horrible, beautiful light was.
“Give it over to Cirian,” Sancha’s whisper called to me. “He’s ready.”
That was impossible. To separate this searing heat from myself would unmake me. It had become one with the pain that coiled deep within myself. If I gave it away….
“I’d have to give him my pain,” I managed through gritted teeth.
“Let it go, Azrael.”
She was asking for the impossible. To go against my very reason for existing. I was the one who bore the weight of pain. I was the one who kept others from the cruelest that this world had to offer. I was the shield for those I loved, and now she would ask that I give it up?
I couldn’t do it.
“No, I can handle it.”
“You cannot. It’s not yours to hold.”
This is what I trained for. This is why I suffered through the tortures of Rudderkin’s gauntlet. I would carry the weight of the world on my back if it meant saving others from it.
“I’m strong enough.”
“I’m not asking you to be. My acolyte has been preparing for this moment his entire life. You cannot carry it for him.”
But if I didn’t carry it… if I didn’t pull my weight, then I was worthless. That much I knew to be true. Life had taught me the lesson over and over again. To ask me to change now…
“Azrael!”
My name cut through the internal noise, drawing me away from the blinding pain. Cirian stood a dozen yards away, blood streaking his sweat-drenched face. Behind him, I could spot Bastien keeping the teeming shadows at bay, but it was clear that they were outmatched.
They were going to die. I was going to die. If I carried on this way, then we would never escape the Cradle. I could not wield this power coiled in my gut, but Cirian could, if he could overcome the pain. The pain that I clung to so desperately.
Reaching out, I gripped the cord that ran between Cirian and me, the heat in my gut reacting to the touch instantly, pressing against my insides in the same direction. All I had to do was release it, and it would flow like a dam breaking.
“He’s ready,” Sancha said once more, her arms giving out as she collapsed onto the ground.
He was. But was I?
Was I ready to let go of my oldest friend?
“No!” A voice shouted from some place far away.
Pain was with me through every moment, big or small. It had shown me the value of carrying it with me, to hold it deep inside where others wouldn’t notice. To take it from the ones I loved because I could carry it far further than they ever could.
I was a beast of burden, and if I was that no longer, what would I be?
The possibilities both frightened and enthralled me.
Grasping the tether with both hands, a decision had to be made.
I chose to let go of the pain.