Chapter 35 Helena
Helena
Helena lets out a long breath she might have been holding for the last sixteen years. Her biggest fear is being realised: it’s all starting to come back to him.
She knows a different Damon from the man who is preparing to leave her house.
She remembers the troubled boy who couldn’t be loved by his mother in the way he wanted to be.
The one who felt abandoned by his father.
The broken child who, despite herself, Helena briefly found herself caring for much more than she should have.
The one she took a huge risk – not only professionally, but also with his well-being – to save.
Everything could have fallen apart if she’d got it wrong.
Of all her charges, Damon made the greatest impression on her.
Many followed, yet he remained rooted deep inside her, without him ever understanding why.
The difference in him between that first day they met and the boy who left her home weeks later was immeasurable.
They could have been two entirely different children.
No good can come of his digging, but she cannot convey to him why she’s so sure of this without revealing her hand.
He is not that twelve-year-old boy anymore, and she doesn’t know how he will respond to the truth.
She can’t tell him what to do or how to live his life.
She can’t force him to leave the past where it is, buried with the shovel she provided.
And she cannot go too far in her desire to dissuade him without him becoming suspicious of her motives.
The last thing she wants is for him to believe that she has a hidden agenda, because he trusts so few and she’s always had his best interests at heart. And she wasn’t alone in that.
They both did.
Helena’s chest tightens when she thinks of the opportunities that have been taken away from all involved.
And, for a moment, she allows herself to imagine an alternative reality and how differently it could have been for her personally, had she written the script from the opening scene.
She can’t blame Damon for all of what happened, but there’s no getting away from the significant but unwitting part he played.
And that’s why it’s so important to her now that he doesn’t learn everything.
Because if he does, all the sacrifices they made will be for nothing.
Damon leaves soon after and she gathers herself for her next visitor, for they are due soon.
She cannot appear flustered in front of them; they can read her like a book, and they’ll know if something is troubling her.
She doesn’t want to lie to them, but they can never know the lengths she has gone to keep so many worlds from colliding.