Chapter 20
“Idon’t like this,” Deb said, stroking Buttercup’s muzzle as she looked across the room at Vin and Sean, who were checking their weapons.
There wasn’t much time to stop and debate plans. The prison train was coming and if they had any hope of stopping it and rescuing Jimmy before he was taken off to God knows where they’d have to move quickly.
Buttercup stirred under Deb’s touch and locked eyes with her. The big soulful eyes of this longtime horse brought feelings of comfort and home to Deb at a time when she needed them more than ever.
Looking over at the two men in her life, who were about to go galivanting off in a grand, heroic mission, stirred much different feelings.
She hated sending the two of them out into this.
Into a firefight where they were outnumbered, outgunned, and with so much on the line.
And the sight of them together was stirring conflicting feelings within her heart and mind.
Both of these men held a large piece of her heart, and they always would.
Since marrying Sean, she had not stood in a space with the two of them at the same time, and she was starting to feel thankful for that.
The two of them were very businesslike with one another, and that was another thing to feel thankful for.
Sean could be pigheaded and jealous, and the subject of Vin had caused more than a few fights between them.
At the moment, Sean walking in on her weeping into Vin’s chest hadn’t really registered as something that might have hurt Sean.
She was too far into her emotions at the moment for that to really set in.
But now that she’d had time to focus, to really think about the reality of the situation, she felt incredibly guilty.
Nothing had happened, obviously, but she still felt guilty for just how comfortable she’d felt in Vin’s arms. It was like coming home again after a long and arduous journey.
And being held by him again made the pain and horror that ate her alive from the inside since Jimmy’s abduction loosen its vice-like grip on her heart for just a fraction of a second.
“I don’t like it, either,” Sean said, “but there’s no alternative here.”
“Agreed,” Vin replied, keeping his answers short and sweet, as was his way.
“I wish I was going, too,” she said with an air of sadness. “I’m the best rider of the three of us.”
“No doubt about that, darlin’,” Sean said, nodding in agreement. “But when we get onto that train, there’s gonna be one helluva fight. We’re talkin’ guns, killing, hand-to-hand combat most likely. I think we both know you’re not up for that.”
“Maybe not,” Deb said, opening and closing her hands.
While she had always been a pacifist, and the thought of so much as swatting a fly had turned her stomach, when she envisioned the faces of those soldiers who had torn her baby away, she was consumed with a rage and a killer instinct that made her body shudder.
She wanted to rip out their throats, to make them pay for the anguish they had put both her and Jimmy through. She had never considered herself capable of such horrible violence before, but now she was a mother in protection mode. There was a furious drive and power that came with that.
“I can see in your eyes that you wanna hurt these folks,” Vin said, tilting his hat and taking her in with his soulful blue eyes.
“I get that. Hell, I respect it. They took…your baby, and for that, they deserve to pay. But anger in a fight burns hot, and it burns fast. And these are trained killers. You would fight fiercely and bravely. And then you’d die very quickly. ”
Vin’s words bore down on her from all sides, and she realized with an embarrassed shrug that he was 100% right, as always.
But his words had validated her concerns.
They had lifted her up a bit and made her feel both seen and heard.
Sean, while meaning well, had made her feel small as his dismissive comment batter her opinions aside.
Vin was a hard man, a stoic and quiet individual for sure. But he was also insightful and observant. He was empathic and compassionate in a way she had nearly forgotten. Right at that moment, she appreciated him more than she could ever convey.
“All right,” Deb said, nodding to both of them. “I get it. But I just wish it wasn’t the case.”
She moved from Buttercup over to Vin’s captured horse.
He had called him Bolt, and the horse’s demeanor seemed calm and kind.
She was glad for that. It meant the remnant soldiers hadn’t been mistreating their animals.
While she hated them with every fiber of her being, she was at least happy to see they couldn’t add animal abuse to their list of atrocities.
“You and me both, babe,” Sean said, walking up to her to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her in close. “But there’s a lot at stake here, and we need to make sure we succeed. For Jimmy.”
He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.
Deb allowed her arms to snake around her husband's strong and thick torso and buried her head in his chest for a brief moment. She wanted to feel comfort at the moment like she had with Vin within the pen when he had come to her rescue. However, she didn’t.
It wasn’t a lack of love or fondness for her husband.
She had that for him in droves. But the idea that she was sending the two of them off, not knowing if she’d ever see either of them again, turned her stomach in an endless series of acrobatics that made her concerned for a moment that she was about to vomit all over Sean’s blood-stained plaid shirt.
She pulled away from him and walked over to the table.
They were squatting in a warehouse space that sat completely empty save for an old card table and some trash that dotted the floor.
The streets had been relatively quiet since Chainz and his men had secured the area, and she knew they weren’t going to cause them any trouble.
She’d be safe here. She had no doubt of it. But it wasn’t her safety that was the issue at hand. It was the safety of Sean, Vin, and Jimmy, the three men in her life who held pieces of her heart and soul.
“Just promise me y’all are coming back with my baby in your arms,” she said, scratching her fingernails nervously against the table.
“We can’t promise anything like that,” Vin said, ever the realist, even in times where lying would soothe someone’s nerves.
She nodded in understanding and noticed that Sean was looking at Vin, staring long and hard at him. She knew Sean well enough to know that he was likely annoyed by Vin’s response.
Sean would have assured her everything was going to be fine, that they were coming back, and she’d have Jimmy back in her arms in a matter of hours. Those would have been hollow words, but they were words she needed right now.
Her husband crossed over to her and placed his strong hands on her shoulders. He leaned down and placed his cheek against her cheek. She appreciated the contact and the closeness and leaned against him, feeling the scruff of his beard irritate her chin.
“Bring him back,” she whispered to him, her voice quaking as she imagined a life without Jimmy and Sean.
“I promise,” he replied, kissing her slowly on the cheek. “But we gotta go now.”
“I know,” she said, sniffling as she held back tears that were dying to spill down her cheeks.
Sean pulled away from her and crossed over toward Vin, who was busy checking Bolt’s saddle.
“We ready?” Vin asked, looking seriously at Sean with a grim darkness around his words that spoke to the violence that was about to be committed.
“Yup,” came her husband’s simple reply. The two of them looked at one another for a moment as if making a silent promise to one another that they were going to do whatever it took to bring Jimmy home.
As if remembering the ticking clock on this mission, Vin broke the stare and swung himself up onto Bolt. Sean followed just a moment later onto Buttercup and gave Deb a long and meaningful look.
“See you soon,” Sean said, “with Jimmy.”
“I know you will,” Deb said, blowing him a kiss.
Sean turned toward the open bay door, trotting out slowly onto the street.
Vin and Deb locked eyes for one final moment.
She could tell there was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to do.
She could see regret and sadness in his eyes and also a grim determination that spoke to his willingness to die to bring their son back home to his momma.
Deb gave him a nod as if to tell him everything was all right between them, that all was forgiven.
She wasn’t entirely sure if that was true or not, but she needed Vin to believe that going into what could be a life-or-death moment.
She didn’t need him carrying any guilt or weight on his shoulders that might make him slow on the draw.
Vin may not have believed in bending the truth for a person’s feelings, but Deb understood that sometimes, in dire situations, it was necessary. And this was the most dire situation any of them had ever been in.
They kept their eyes locked for another long moment. Deb pressed her hands to her chest, pushing against her heart as if the tell her ex-husband that he would always have a place right there. He gave her a sad half-smile and a nod that seemed to thank her for that gesture.
He then turned Bolt around and trotted out to meet Sean. Deb crossed to the open door. She needed to close it and lock it once they were out of sight. Vin pulled his horse up to Sean, and the two men sat in the saddle side by side.
“You ready?” Sean asked, and Deb felt the tension of the moment.
This could be the last moment she’d ever lay eyes on either of them. She wanted to freeze that moment in time, to remember it always and call back on it in the event that it was never to be again.
“Let’s ride,” Vin said, and the two of them kicked their horses into motion, riding off into the late night.