Chapter 22 #2
A cheer resounded through the cabin as the kids realized that they were saved and that they’d be returning to their parents soon.
However, the jostling of the car coming to a stop was enough to unsettle Jimmy, and his cries increased.
Vin bounced him a bit and tried to talk to him in a calm and gentle voice.
“Hey, now,” Vin said, trying to sound soothing to the child. “None of that. You’re all right. You’re safe now.”
Suddenly the baby stopped crying, and Vin felt a sense of relief. His heart then leaped when he heard Jimmy speak for the first time.
“Da….Da…..Dada!” the baby cried out, and Vin’s heart nearly burst with love and pride at that moment.
Could it be that the child had recognized him after all this time? That he somehow instinctively knew this was his father standing there with him, coming to his rescue in this hour of need?
“Jimmy,” Vin heard Sean’s voice ring out from behind him.
His heart sank when he realized the baby wasn’t speaking about him. He was looking back over Vin’s shoulder, where he now saw Sean standing in the doorway.
The mere sight of Sean had made Jimmy stop crying. His presence alone was enough to light up the baby’s face. Vin looked dumbfounded at Sean, his mouth actually hanging open as the realization settled in. He was not Jimmy’s father. Sean was. And the baby boy knew that.
Sean crossed over toward them in relief, holding his arms out to receive the baby.
For a moment, Vin felt to urge to clutch Jimmy closer to him, to turn his back and cover him up possessively.
However, he did none of that. He simply passed the baby along to his true father and watched as Jimmy happily squealed and snuggled into Sean’s chest as he hugged him protectively.
“Oh, kiddo, you’re all right!” he exclaimed, pressing the child into his chest.
Vin watched this heartwarming reunion of father and son as a total outsider. He felt the eyes of the children in the car passing between him and Sean, clearly confused after Vin had claimed to be Jimmy’s father.
Sean didn’t so much as look in Vin’s direction. He didn’t thank him or give him any feedback on a job well done. He simply enjoyed the moment, being reunited with his son after spending so much time apart, likely imagining that he’d never see him again.
Vin’s soul felt shattered at that moment, and he turned, dejected, and walked toward the exit of the car.
He needed a moment the breathe, a moment to mourn the loss of his family officially.
He had always known that his choices led to being absent from the lives of Deb and Jimmy, and he had accepted that as being in their best interests.
However, watching as his son screamed in his arms, treating him as a total stranger, while calling another man his father had really hammered the reality of the situation home for Vin.
He passed into the space between the cars and dropped down onto the rocky desert ground, walking away from the locomotive while rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand.
The true weight of his decision to walk away from his life was pressing down on him from all sides, pushing him through the ground and burying him under the weight of the consequences he himself had wrought.
It was a hell of the highest order. And now, in this new powerless world, where money was about to become completely useless, he had nothing to offer Deb and Jimmy.
He realized at that moment that the best thing he could do for them was to stay away, living out the rest of his days in seclusion—surviving rather than living.
Would it hurt? Of course, it would. Every day he would feel the panging loss that he identified today.
But that was his cross to bear, the sacrifice he was going to make to keep any difficult drama from the lives of the people he loved.
He could already tell that his presence around Deb had stirred differing emotions in himself, his ex-wife, and Sean.
That would only get worse with time if he were to set up shop on the ranch and live out his days close to them.
And, selfishly, Vin realized that staying away would also be easier for him. The heartbreak he had just experienced in the train car would be an everyday occurrence were he to keep close proximity, and Vin didn’t think he would be able to bear it.
This wasn’t a pain that would scab over and heal with time. This was a deep loss that would only open larger and deeper wounds in his heart the more he experienced it. He had to leave. For Sean’s sake, Deb’s sake, Jimmy’s sake, and for the sake of his continued mental and emotional state.
If he kept a distance, eventually, the pain would turn into a numbness that he could deal with day in and day out. He could freeze his heart in place, surviving off the land and being there should they ever need him for anything ever again.
But he didn’t think that they would.
They had Sean, and he appeared to be a loving partner, a caring father, and more than a capable protector. They’d be happy, healthy, and safe under his care, and that was all that mattered to Vin.
That was all that mattered…. He kept telling himself this over and over again, trying to convince himself that it was true.
But try as he might, all Vin could feel was a deep and horrifying loss.
It was a loss that he would mourn for the rest of his life, as he carried on alone and was eventually forgotten by those he loved.
“Vin,” he heard Sean say from the direction of the train.
Looking back, he saw Sean drop down from the train car onto the ground, casually approaching him. He must have left Jimmy in the care of one of the older kids to come out here and check on him.
“Sean,” Vin said by way of greeting, tipping his hat to the man and then turning to gaze up at the morning sun.
“Hell of a thing we just did,” Sean said, staring up at the sky with him. “A real goddamn train heist.”
Vin tried to chuckle in response, but he didn’t have it in him at the moment. “Yup,” he replied simply. “A true western adventure, I guess.”
“I appreciate everything you did in there,” Sean said. “And everything in the camp. You really stepped up majorly, and none of this could have happened without you.”
Vin was surprised at Sean’s words. This was a total about-face from the cold indifference laced with open hostility he had been showing since they had rescued Deb from the remnant camp.
“Thank you,” Vin said simply, and silence hung in the air between them. Vin realized he should say more, that Sean was waiting for him to say more. He tried to muster up the energy to respond, to level with Sean on an emotional level, but it just wasn’t in him to do so at the moment.
“You’ve done a great thing here, for Deb and for Jimmy,” Sean said. “I know how much you care about them, and I know how much Deb still cares about you.”
Vin felt the conversation taking a turn. Sean was beating around the bush now, clearly trying to avoid pulling the trigger on an awkward conversation.
“You don’t have nothin’ to worry about,” Vin said, shaking his head as he looked away from Sean. He squinted in the morning sun, the light burning his eyes. The pain was worth it if only to keep him from having to look at the other man in his family’s life as they had this difficult conversation.
“I know,” Sean said. “I got no doubts about that.”
“I plan on staying away,” Vin said. “They ain’t gonna hear from me. They got you, and that’s all they need. It’s what’s best for them.”
“On that, we agree,” Sean said, and the finality of his tone was hurtful to Vin, but he accepted it and let it pass from his mind.
Before he took off on his own, though, there was one nagging thought that kept eating away at his brain, and he wouldn’t be able to truly rest or be at peace in his solitude unless he knew.
“Sean,” Vin said, trying to find the best way to express this question.
He struggled with it for a moment before deciding to just come out with it.
“What the hell did you promise Chainz to get him to help us?”
There was silence from Sean, and Vin could sense twisting, dueling emotions of both guilt and personal shame permeating the air around them like a dense fog.
Whatever Sean had promised the crime lord, it was something he was ashamed of, and Vin couldn’t rest without knowing that whatever this was, it wouldn’t put Deb and Jimmy in danger.
He could feel Sean wrestling with the weight of his actions and decided to stay quiet, letting Sean form the words in his mind and convey them on his own time. He wasn’t going to force the issue to come out in a confrontational or combative way.
He heard Sean take a long and slow intake of breath, wrestling with something mentally. Finally, he spoke.
“He wanted two things,” Sean said slowly, his voice heavy with sadness and shame. “The first was the ranch.”
Vin whirled around as though he had been personally attacked. “What do you mean, he wanted the ranch?” he demanded, sure in his heart that Sean couldn’t be saying what he thought he was saying.
“He wants to expand out into the rest of the state after securing the city,” Sean explained, looking down at the ground.
“He wants to set up shop in the ranch since it’s centrally located.
He had a whole plan drawn up on how he wanted to expand his reach into the area, going out in all directions from the ranch. ”
Vin was dumbfounded, and the desert around him was spinning with the weight of Sean’s horrifying revelation. “You gave him the ranch?” Vin demanded, his hands balling into fists.
“He was gonna take it anyway,” Sean spat back in Vin’s face defensively. “All I did was make sure that when he does, ain’t no innocents gonna get caught in the crossfire.”
“The old man’s ranch,” Vin said, shaking his head in disbelief. “Deb’s ranch. Her birthright. The thing she values most in this world!”