23. ExorSquad HQ
twenty-three
ExorSquad HQ
Liam
I’m halfway up the stairs at ExorSquad headquarters when I hear the raised voices, blunted by the closed door ahead. This can’t bode well.
I jog the final few steps, keen to see what today’s drama is. The moment the door cracks open, two heads turn my way, furious faces frowning like I’m somehow the fault of all of this.
But Raul’s expression quickly morphs into something else, some kind of hopeful, even if he still looks at me like I’m a wet sock he just found on the ground. “He’ll confirm it. A light fell right on my head!”
“I don’t care if fifty lights fell on your head,” Ted snaps back. “You signed the contract, and you’re not getting a penny from us.”
“I never signed that!” Raul shouts.
Ted’s finger slams down on a piece of paper on the desk. “Your signature’s right here!”
Raul snatches it up and says, “Liam, did you sign this?” He proceeds to read aloud, “I hereby indemnify ExorSquad Limited and the employer Gerald Pickett from any and all damages to or by the contracted Spirit Extraction Specialist?, including but not limited to lamps, chandeliers and other light fittings falling on heads, bookcases landing on bodies, cups, plates, saucers, cutlery, pots and pans and other kitchen goods being thrown at said employee, and any and all other damages that may be incurred on or near the premises of a haunting (near being, for the purposes of the contract, within one thousand miles).” He throws the paper down and turns to me.
“That’s a bit fucking specific, don’t you think? ”
“It’s very fucking specific,” I agree.
“Well, did you sign it?” he barks at me.
My eyes shift irresistibly to Ted, who nods slowly and meaningfully.
“I don’t know,” I tell them both, to a loud tsk of Ted’s tongue and a dramatically heavy sigh from Raul. “Well, I don’t! I think I… I only signed the advanced training module, didn’t I?”
I search Ted for help, only to see the slightest… Is that a smirk? “The advanced training module is part of the contract. You signed both.”
“What?” I probably should have read it, to be fair, but I hadn’t counted on lamps and bookshelves landing on me as part of ‘advanced training’ any more than Raul had, by the looks of it.
“You know what I think?” Raul asks, leaning over Ted’s desk in a manner clearly intended to be intimidating.
Ted’s lip rises in pure disgust, like a dog just shat on him. “Can you imagine I care what you think?”
“I think you doctored it,” Raul delivers anyway. He twists away from the desk, hands on his hips, shaking his head, then casts a filthy sidelong glance at Ted. “I reckon you added that clause after I signed it.”
A grin tilts Ted’s lips. “Good luck proving that in court.”
Face turning red, Raul explodes with, “That contract’s bullshit anyway! It looks like you typed it out on Word this morning!”
Calmer now, looking like he knows he already won, Ted replies, “I could write it on the wall in shit and it would still be a legally binding document. Bring your ambulance chasers around if you like. You haven’t got a snowball’s chance in hell.”
Raul’s fists ball tight. “Fuck you, Ted!”
“And fuck you twice as hard, Raul!”
On a loud scream-grunt, Raul flees the building, slamming his hand into the wall every two steps as he runs out of the building and into the street, where we hear the faint and faintly comical, “Fuck you, Ted!”
At which point Ted swipes up the contract and turns around to drop it into a filing cabinet. In the same movement, he grabs an envelope off the top and drops that onto the desk in front of me.
An envelope that looks exactly the same as the one he gave me yesterday.
I stare at it a moment. Surely not another bonus…
“Well, take it then!” he snaps, like I’m keeping him from his work.
Sure enough, the moment I do, I feel that it’s money. More wonderful money. “Another bonus?”
“Don’t ask me what the fuck’s going on. I just got called about that one ten minutes ago. Not sure where my bonus is. And here I am, pre-coffee, dealing with shit like that.” He throws a hand towards the door.
“Okay. Um. Can I go then?”
“No, Liam, Jesus!”
I cast my eyes around the empty office, wondering what I’ve missed that’s keeping me here. Keeping me away from Archer’s place. Keeping me away from sunshine and coffee and pastries. Keeping me away from those hands that I want all over me right now. “Can it wait until later? The ghosts are—”
“I need you to help me complete this incident report for what went down yesterday.”
My heart sinks. “Oh. Fabian.”
“Yeah. Fabian.”
“Is he okay?”
“Very okay,” Ted mutters. “Too okay. But as he was in the hospital last night, I need you to let me know what happened so I can avoid… another situation like you’ve just witnessed.
” He drops down into his chair and raises an eyebrow at me, like somehow Raul threatening to sue him was my fault.
When I say nothing, he vomits out, “Well, what happened then?”
“Tree,” I tell him.
“Tree?” he asks.
“Tree,” I confirm. “Tree, um, in Arch-er-er-Mr Gravely’s yard. Fabian just ran into it.”
Ted blinks. “He ran into it?”
“Yeah.”
He circles a hand in the air. “Like he wasn’t watching where he was going, or…”
“N-no, he saw it.”
“Like tripped and fell?” he tries.
“No, like… ran. Ran right into it. Got a run-up from across the yard and threw himself headfirst against the trunk.”
He barely reacts, only narrows his eyes a little more than they were already narrowed, which was quite a bit, actually. “Was he possessed?”
“Not that I know of.” I offer a shrug as proof of my ignorance.
“He just ran into the tree?”
“Yeah. That’s right. Just ran into it. Knocked himself out.”
“Riiiiight.” He pushes his fresh and unwritten-on sheet of paper away and turns to his keyboard. “Okay, you’re free to go. Have a great day.”
“Uh. Okay. Thank you. You too.”
My hand’s already on the door when he says, “Oh. And congratulations. You’ve been promoted. Again. You’re now Executive Senior Spirit Extraction Specialist.”
Senior to whom, I wonder, as I look around the empty space.
But all I feel is that money in my pocket, and the excitement of seeing Archer again, so I throw Ted another thanks then jog downstairs, relieved that this time it’s going to be just me and Archer and our nice morning together.
No Raul. No Fabian. Just a lovely morning with my hot client, who I’m determined to make my boyfriend today.
And the best way to do that?
I’m going to kill that thing in his attic.
I’m going to impress him with my spirit-killing skills, and then I’m going to ask him out on a proper date. I’ll take him somewhere nice with this bonus I just got.
I’m grinning ear to ear as I step into the sunshine, realising that this job might actually be one of the greatest things that’s ever happened to me.
I can feel it in every inch of me—today is going to be a wonderful day. The best day. The most exciting and fun day I’ve had in years.
Just as soon as I kill this monster.