31. Dead Vengeance #2
My fingers close over the top, an automatic reaction, as if there’s a drain nearby I might accidentally drop them down. “You’re definitely joking.”
“I’m not. It’s big business. It bought this house, paid for the refurb, keeps my mum and dad in the best retirement style they could have dreamed of.
I’ve been making a killing, so to speak, until…
” He trails off there, with a glance towards the door, and we both quietly think over the elephant in the attic.
“Until that thing came through one day.”
I take a moment, studying the beautiful diamonds in my hands to avoid the look of worry that’s back in his eyes, asking for me to understand something I still don’t. But that I’d like to. But that I feel bad asking him. “Did you… let it through? Call it up?”
“I’m really scared that I did,” he admits, his voice deep and earnest, a harrowed note underneath it all that confirms my fear he’s been stewing over this alone this whole time.
“If I did, it was an accident. I would never have done that on purpose. And I don’t know how it happened. But I think I must have…”
He breathes out a fast sigh, melancholy infiltrating what was so lovely and exciting just a few seconds ago.
“It’s not like bad things haven’t turned up here before.
All these bits and pieces you see…” He eyes the shelves of books and crystals and herbs and god knows what else.
“I can use these things to get rid of them. In the past, I’ve always been able to banish whatever I needed to.
Close the gate. But recently everything’s changed. ”
A chill runs down my back, almost as awful as when the thing in question touched me for the first time. “What’s happened?”
“Ghosts,” he drops, calm and sure. “More and more ghosts coming through from the other side. Ghosts that shouldn’t be here.
You’ve seen it—that little boy, Fred, the other day.
” He shifts a hand to my forearm, a brief touch that I’d really like more of.
“I want to be clear with you, yes, I call them up, yes, I contact them. Then, sure, they hang around here until the job is done. But more and more of them are coming through now. And I’m not calling them.
And this creature… Helena told me it’s opened a new gateway.
It’s letting all these things through. And it’s powerful.
And I don’t know what it wants from me. From us?
From this place? All I know is…” A storm shifts in his eyes, so dark and tumultuous I’d give anything to lighten it.
“Liam, even if I didn’t mean to do it, if this is all my fault…
and I got you involved in something… I’m sorry.
I couldn’t have imagined it would haunt you the way it has. ”
‘The way it has.’ The sad thing is, he really doesn’t know what it’s done to me. What it’s shown me. That it’s kept me up all night, turning this job over in my mind. Whether to come see Archer at all. Whether to tell him the truth. Even now he’s told me his.
He stares down at the jewels in my hands, the shimmering reflection sparking in his amber eyes.
“I wouldn’t have done it, you know? If I’d thought it would be like this.
If I’d known they’d send you, and what it would show you, I’d never have called ExorSquad.
I had hoped whoever they sent would know more than I did.
That you’d be an expert of some sort. And then you were here and—”
“You told me to quit,” I protest, trying to stop this horrible mess turning inward on him. “You tried to get me to leave before it could do anything to me.”
His nod is a short and sharp agreement, but speaks nothing of what he was really trying to do. What I see now. So I state it plainly. “You tried to keep me away from it to keep me safe.”
“And I also tried to keep you away from the truth. About me.” His eyes are downturned.
I hate that he’s feeling ashamed after everything he’s been through.
“That wasn’t fair. You had a right to know all the details going into this.
What I’d done. Who I am. What we’re really up against. Which is why…
” He turns his face away for a moment before meeting my eyes with a vulnerability that’s all new in him.
“You’re the first person I’ve ever told about this.
My business. What I do. And for the last…
I don’t know, for a really long time… you’re the only person I’ve told about my ability. What I see.”
The weight of that lands like an avalanche, tumbling all around and over me. “You never told… a friend?”
“No friends, Liam.” He gives me a sad smile. “Not living ones. Not anymore. Not real ones, that I could ever have over to visit or anything.”
“No one? Not even a… a… um…”
He laughs, catching my meaning. “No boyfriends. No one. When people find out who I am, it goes one of two ways. It’s either finding a way to profit from me, or it’s…
I become a show. Something to entertain, to answer questions, someone to do them favours.
I become Archer the Necromancer. Not Archer.
I’m never just Archer anymore. From the second they realise, and I understand what they want from me…
I feel like I’m performing. I feel like I’m playing a role, and waiting for them to get tired of the show.
Because they don’t ever get to know me. Not really.
Not without all of that. I thought, with you… ”
My heart catches in my throat. With me? What with me? Was this ever, in his mind, the strange and sweeping romance it’s already turned into for me?
“With you,” he says slowly, too slowly, so that I’m hanging on every word like they’re breadcrumbs for a starved heart, “I thought, you know ghosts. A bit. Even if you’re not an expert.
You know enough to… I don’t know. To see that’s a part of life?
That there are two worlds I’m standing between.
And that they’re both real. And they’re both okay.
And that… that there’s a man, a real flesh and blood man behind it all.
Who just wanted to… to decorate his house. And to bake nice things. And to…”
His hand rises to his temple, and he breaks a soft, bashful smile, which is exactly how he makes me feel.
“Liam, I just wanted to ask you out. I wanted to take you out to a nice restaurant. Or-or on a picnic. If the weather was nice. And I know it could never really be normal. Because everywhere we went, I’d still be seeing ghosts.
I’d be pretending I couldn’t see them the whole time.
But I thought, for a minute, with you… it might be different. ”
My heart expands against my ribs as I wait for what he’s going to say next.
“Because for the first time in… ever, you just… you were okay with the weirdness. With my weirdness. My weird life and my weird raven. And because my ghosts all really like you.”
I laugh. He laughs, then he looks at me with a fondness in his eyes that makes my chest ache.
“Please forgive me. I want to apologise to you, completely and unreservedly. I wish I’d never lied to you. I wish I’d been able to trust that you were… this incredible man I’ve come to know you are over the past few days. I’m so sorry.”
I shake my head, a lock of hair falling against my cheek, which I’m happy to hide behind.
“There’s nothing to forgive. You were as honest with me as you thought you could be.
I can’t blame you for wanting to feel safe.
For trying to protect yourself. I’m just…
” I stare down at my feet, trying to hide my cheeks, which are almost definitely bright pink.
“I’m just glad you felt like I’m someone you could tell. ”
When I meet his eyes again, it’s like the whole room fades into him.
It feels like madness, all these years of both of us not dating anyone, of resigning ourselves to our lonely lives.
Then I walked through his door and found him, and he’s like this beautiful beacon of light. He feels like the way out.
It’s so intense that it’s almost overwhelming. I try to cut it with, “For what it’s worth, I don’t see you that way at all. Whenever I picture you, you’re wearing that apron.”
But somehow, that doesn’t calm anything. Archer’s lips part, his brow tightens, and he asks, “Can you please come here?”
Words I’ve been wishing he’d say since I set foot in the door.