10
EMERSYN
That evening, I sat on the porch in anticipation of Sacha’s return.
Any moment I expected Fang to bound through the trees, ready to give me sloppy kisses, and get ear scratches.
But as darkness fell, I was forced inside.
I lit the fire, prepared a meal, and still they didn’t come.
The hours marched by and I dozed fitfully in the armchair as my worry grew.
Sometime in the early morning, I heard a gunshot.
I jolted awake. At first I thought maybe it had been in my dream.
Except a moment later, two gunshots rang out back to back.
They were faint and sounded far away. I ran out onto the porch.
In my gut, I knew something was wrong—but still I hesitated. I didn’t know what to do.
Should I go investigate? What if Sacha was hurt? But, what if it was a hunter I didn’t know? What if it was men coming for me? Sunrise was still an hour or two away. Did I want to venture into the dark woods I wasn’t familiar with? What if I got lost?
I clutched my hair and paced the porch, wrought with indecision and fear of making a mistake.
Despite my anxiety, the fear of Sacha being hurt overrode everything.
I went back into the cabin and pulled an extra backpack from the closet.
I loaded it with a few water bottles, the first aid kit and a few other items just in case.
I wasn’t sure whether sound was reliable in the woods, but before I could second-guess myself, I headed in the direction I’d watched him leave.
The forest seemed to shrink in on me the farther I got from the cabin.
My voice wavered as I called out to Fang periodically.
Every crack of a twig, or rustle in the branches had my heart in my throat.
I began to think I’d made up the sound with my lack of sleep and paranoia, when I heard a dog bark.
“Fang?”
A moment later, a blur of fur appeared on the path ahead, and Fang was there. I knelt down and hugged him in relief.
“Hey boy. Where’s Sacha?”
His fur felt damp, but the grey of dawn was only just beginning to lighten the sky and I couldn’t tell if it was water or worse.
I really hoped it wasn’t blood, but he smelled feral and slightly coppery.
I’d barely greeted him when he took off back down the path.
I ran after him and the forest abruptly gave way to a small clearing where the shadowed shape of Sacha leaned heavily against a tree.
“Sacha!”
His head jerked up.
“No! Get out of here!” He barked.
Confused, I opened my mouth to reply, when I heard a shuffling in the bushes that pulled my attention.
I gasped—and that was all the time I had before a massive bear charged towards me.
I stood rooted in place until Sacha shoved me forcefully out of the bear’s path.
I fell into some bushes and heard Sacha grunt as he took the hit and fell with the bear on top of him.
I struggled out of the bushes and watched helplessly as he lay pinned under the bear.
“The knife!” Sacha yelled.
His hand flailed wildly in the dirt, but there was no way he could reach the blade that lay a few feet away.
My reluctance and fear of weapons tickled the back of my mind, but I ruthlessly shoved those thoughts aside as I lunged for the knife.
I wrapped my hand around the hilt and vaguely registered Sacha’s shouts.
“Give it to me!” Sacha barked. “Emersyn, give the knife to me, now!”
But there was suddenly anger where reason should have lived. How fucking dare this beast try and take Sacha away from me—I lunged toward it and raised the knife.
“No!” I screamed.
I brought it down with both hands into the bear’s shoulder.
The blade sunk in and hit bone. I yelped in pain and dropped the knife as a jarring sensation jolted up my hand and my entire lower arm went numb.
The bear snarled and abandoned Sacha in favor of me.
I frantically scrambled backward, away from the lumbering shadow.
My back hit a tree. A blur of movement and Fang was there.
He jumped and snarled, and snapped his jaws savagely in the bear’s face. I rolled out of harm’s way—
There was a yelp and Sacha yelled for Fang. The bear whirled away to go after Sacha again. The hilt of the knife buried in the bear’s shoulder caught the meager light. It was within my reach—I launched myself at the animal.
“Emersyn! No!”
I grabbed a fistful of musky-smelling fur and frantically flailed my hands toward the knife.
My fingers brushed it. I tried again. This time I grabbed it with both hands and yanked it out.
I didn’t try to aim. I slammed the blade down with as much force as I could muster.
I knew I’d hit the neck by the way the beast shuddered beneath me.
I didn’t stop. I pulled the blade out and did it again.
The bear stumbled backward and attempted to throw me off, but I must have hit something vital because he faltered.
I stabbed him again. And, again. I couldn’t stop.
My mind went blissfully blank as I buried the knife into the bear over and over and over—
My ears rang, and the world went from black to a murky red. I heard my name called faintly, then louder. Sacha yanked me off the animal and everything rushed in. He pulled me into his lap and held me against his chest. I could feel his heart as it hammered against my back, nearly as hard as mine.
My fists opened and closed on my thighs and I realized I was hyperventilating. Sacha kept saying something in my ear, but I couldn’t focus on it. All I could focus on was the gruesome scene that the light of dawn slowly revealed as it seeped through the trees.
The bear was slumped over, its shoulders in a tattered mess, with the knife stuck in its carcass like a gruesome marker. My hands were covered in blood up to my elbows. My stomach lurched—
What. The. Fuck. Was. That?
“It’s okay,” Sacha rumbled in my ear as he rubbed my arms. “It’s okay. You did good.”
Awareness flooded back. He was hurt. I pulled away from him and turned around on my knees.
“Where are you hurt?”
“I’m fine.”
I looked him over anyway. He had some wicked claw marks that raked him from his shoulder across his chest, and the wounds bled gently.
“You’re not fine. You need—we need to—” I could barely get the words out around my panting exhales. I didn’t know what we needed. Hell, I was surprised I was even here, with him, right now.
I killed a bear. I killed a fucking bear.
My stomach revolted again except this time, I couldn’t stop it—I crawled over into the bushes and threw up. I frantically tried to wipe the blood off on my sweatpants, but they were covered in it too. I unloaded my stomach again, dry-heaving between gasps.
I’d held a knife. I’d killed a bear.
I’d killed something—
“Emersyn.”
I turned and risked another glance at the dead bear. Sacha had yanked the knife out. He held it by the bloody blade and extended it hilt first.
“It’s your kill. You’re going to process it.”
He looked utterly feral in the dim light with blood splattered all over his face. I knew I probably looked the same, or worse even. I stood up on shaky legs and inhaled deeply. I smelled only death, and I fought the nausea as I stepped toward him.
I couldn’t overthink this. I forced myself to reach for it.
My hand shook as I wrapped my fingers around the hilt.
Even though I’d just used it to kill the bear, the deliberate choice to hold a knife weighed heavily on me.
It definitely didn’t feel as comfortable as it had during the frenzy of the fight.
Sweat beaded on my brow and ran down my back. The scar on my face grew tight as my awareness of it sharpened—I pushed the anxiety aside. I could feel all of the scary emotions, and still not give up.
Sasha didn’t let go of the blade until I looked up at him.
“Show me what to do,” I said.