41
EMERSYN
Oh god, I’d almost done it.
I couldn’t seem to get myself under control.
I was so fucking angry and now that Griffin had me shoved against the wall with no outlet for my aggression, the grief consumed me.
I tried to steady my breathing, I tried to stop the tears that choked me, but their faces were still so vivid.
The smells, the touches—the hugs I’d wished years for—it all was still so raw, and Griffin wasn’t letting me hide.
I’d failed them.
“Leave me alone,” I gasped.
Why was he even here?
“Let me help you,” he said urgently.
“I don’t need help,” I snarled.
“You’re not alone anymore,” Griffin said gently.
“Oh fuck off—” My words stuttered as I scoffed.
“If nothing else, just breathe with me for a minute. Can you do that?”
He shifted his arm off my chest, but the hand in my hair was still firm. I took a deep breath that rattled my lungs, and my body trembled from shock.
“That’s it,” he murmured. “Again.”
His thumb brushed below my ear gently—once, then twice and I hated how it made me want to collapse into him—how it made me feel a sense of safety. I tried to move my head away, but he growled low like I was a skittish animal—
A skittish deer.
Sacha’s words came to me and I sighed. Not again. I said never again. I locked eyes with Griffin and took another deep breath.
“Good girl,” he rumbled. “Again.”
The sound of voices reached us from down the corridor and Griffin’s jaw clenched in irritation at the same time my entire body went rigid. I noticed the syringe still rested in his fist near my neck. The cap was still on and it seemed like he’d forgotten about it.
“Do it,” I hated that my voice wavered.
He flipped the cap off of the syringe and I stiffened in anticipation of the needle, except instead, I watched Griffin’s thumb depress the sedative against the wall. He gave me a pointed look.
He’d actually told the truth?
I wasn’t used to trusting the people around me, especially men. They usually said one thing and meant another. The past was so close, my memories conjured the face of the last man I’d trusted, and how that had ended up working out for me.
Griffin brought me back to the present when his hand slipped from my hair. But before he stepped away, he leaned close. My entire body froze as I watched him, but his mouth only hovered near my ear.
“Don’t give up,” he whispered.
A chill raced down my spine, but before I had a chance to react, Griffin moved away and picked up his gun. He reholstered it, just as Brooks and two other guards appeared in front of the cell.
“Griffin!” Brooks barked. “What are you doing down here? You’re not authorized for this area.”
“I was out for a walk, saw them dragging a dead guard out, thought they might need some help.” Griffin shoved the empty syringe at Brooks’ chest as he walked past him. “What’s she doing here anyway? I thought she was confined to the Menagerie?”
“That’s above your paygrade,” Brooks said and frowned down at the empty syringe. He looked unsure whether or not he believed Griffin, but since nothing was amiss he didn’t have a choice. He couldn’t see the disabled security camera from where he stood.
“Alright. I guess casualties are to be expected when handling the Hurricane,” Griffin said dryly.
“Speaking of which,” Brooks crossed his arms. “Seems a bit curious you come and go from her enclosures regularly…unscathed.”
Griffin chuckled, a dark tug of his lips that pulled at something deep inside that had been dormant for a long time.
“If you need some pointers with the ladies, Brooks, you just have to ask.”
The two guards on either side of Brooks snickered, only to be silenced by a glare from him.
“Get her back to the Menagerie,” he snapped at them.
The two men approached warily as they stepped through the cell door.
I made sure to make my eyes heavy—I don’t know why I didn’t feel inclined to give away Griffin’s deception.
Maybe because I knew, instinctively, that if someone tried anything right now, he’d intervene.
I let the guards grab ahold of each of my arms. I didn’t miss the way Griffin’s jaw tightened as his glare drifted to their hands on me.
He didn’t like that they were touching me at all.
That possessive look triggered me again with memories of another man who’d thrown around that look.
Griffin wasn’t like him—Riggs—but a part of me was still wary of any man who tried to tell me what I could, and couldn’t, do.
Griffin trailed behind like a silent sentinel on the short walk back to the Menagerie where the guards shoved me through the gates of the enclosure.
Once he saw I was safely behind the locked gate, he sauntered into the guard house and disappeared.
I retreated to my normal spot and found a folded up black sweatshirt there.
A strange warmth cut through the chill in my bones as I stared at it.
I was too tired to analyze why it’d been left, but I wasn’t about to ignore something that I could hide behind, so I picked it up and put it on.
The soft fabric settled against my skin and the scent of that same male cologne drifted into my senses.
A strange feeling of security washed over me, so brief it was like a shock of freezing water doused over my head.
What the fuck? Was I really that easy to condition?
That left a bitter taste in my mouth. I shoved my hands into the main pocket in irritation only to brush against something.
I pulled it out—another mini Three Musketeers bar.
I palmed it, my throat thick with emotions I’d attempted to keep at bay for hours.
I sat down heavily against a tree and carefully peeled the wrapper away with blood-covered hands that had a tremor to them.
I wanted a hot shower and to sleep for an age, but I knew neither of those things was likely.
Instead, I settled for the candy. I nibbled the edge of the chocolate and closed my eyes in delight as the sugar swept across my tongue. I savored each bite until it was gone.
Afterward, exhaustion settled, but I fought it. I couldn’t believe I’d been so broken that I’d put the gun to my own head. I was embarrassed that Mahoney had forced me to that point, and I was scared of what could have happened if it had been a different guard instead of Griffin.
Did I want to kill myself now?
No. No, I didn’t think I did.
But, I was tired. And not just the insomnia kind. The exhaustion was bone deep and over a decade of weight bore down on my shoulders. It was the kind of tiredness that made me want to throw it all away and just disappear for a while.
I hoped the guards wouldn’t visit me tonight.
I didn’t have the energy to fight them off.
Something small nudged my thoughts—Griffin and Seven—the two guards who always seemed to show up.
Not to hurt, not to take—but to protect.
It was as frustrating as it was confusing because I didn’t know what it meant—I didn’t know what they wanted. And, they had to want something, right?
It was always something.