Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sidian didn’t know if the Mambas had sworn a pact with each other to stay out of the dorm’s communal shower as long as he was in there, but as he sat with his back against the tiles, letting the hot water soak the exhaustion from his muscles, no one walked in or knocked.
He kept expecting it, kept waiting for someone to poke their head in to ask if he was all right, but no one came.
He wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse. He wasn’t sure he wanted someone to check on him.
Though he’d asked Roman to give him some space this morning, he was cursing himself for doing it. What he wanted was for his alpha to come to him, comfort him, push through his boundaries and take care of him… At least, it was a pretty thought to have in the moment. He’d probably hate it happening.
Was that his prime omega side so desperate for affection and love after a lifetime of pain? Was it his human side that pushed back against needing that sort of care with everything he had?
In the shower's privacy, Sidian pressed both of his hands to his stomach, sure he could detect the slightest hint of a curve taking shape beneath his skin. It had taken him significant time to show with Amethyst, too, as if his body refused to carry more than the most minimal amount of weight necessary in order to keep his child alive and well. That Amey had been born a healthy eight pounds and five ounces was something he reminded himself of often. Despite how much of a fucking failure he was at being an omega, he’d still birthed a healthy baby girl. That was worth something.
And he could do it again. Would do it again to give her the little brother she deserved to have.
You can’t stay in here all day, he reminded himself, his eyes fluttering shut as he pressed his head against the wall behind him, focusing on the pulse of the water through the showerhead, the rivulets that dripped over his bare skin.
Roman will worry even if he doesn’t come check on you, and you need to get your shit together if you’re going to go with him tonight.
He had to go. Sidian refused to back down now that he was so close to getting his much-deserved revenge and to saving his daughter. Amey was so close he could almost delude himself into imagining her weight in his arms, leaning against his chest, soft and just oh-so-faintly floral like him.
Would Roman love her? Or would he decide Sidian’s lies were too much for him?
What about the omega who had been raising her? What if she had bonded with him? It wasn’t something Sidian wanted to think about because he knew he wouldn’t be able to make peace with it. He was Amethyst’s mother. He wanted her back too much to let her go to anyone else.
He needed her in his life. To care for her and provide for her in the way his parents never could and never would for him. To ensure she grew up healthy, happy, and safe.
Sidian dragged himself off the floor of the shower and shut the water off.
A hook on the outside of the stall held the towel and robe Roman had given him, and he took his time drying off as thoroughly as possible before slipping the robe on.
It was much larger than he was, but then, most of the clothing in the Pit was likely sized for the alphas who lived there, not for a scrawny omega that none of them had asked to be responsible for.
A bitter laugh rose in his throat, but he choked it down as he combed his hair back out of his face, hoping Roman was somewhere nearby.
It was sickening how codependent he was becoming.
To his relief, Roman waited in the living room. A spiral notebook and the folder about the Kincaids were spread out on the coffee table while Roman sat on the floor, one hand over his mouth and the other scribbling notes as he muttered to himself.
It was so much like the boy who used to pore over his homework while waiting for Sidian to come down to the common room to see him it made Sidian’s heart ache.
Before he could sink any further into his own guilt, Roman turned to look at him, green-silver eyes flicking up and down before he beckoned Sidian closer.
Sidian went to him, crawling into his lap so he could get a better look at the notes Roman was working on.
He didn’t want to talk about what was wrong.
Frankly, he didn’t even want to think about it anymore.
And Roman seemed to sense it because he wrapped an arm around Sidian’s waist, his hand settling on Sidian’s stomach in a way that made Sidian tense up.
All he has to do is miss the pregnancy for a little while longer, and then he’ll miss it for good.
“None of them have backgrounds in combat that would concern me. There’s no evidence they have any personal trainers.
If they’re a bunch of gym rats, that’s preferable.
They’ll be slower than I am, which should give me an advantage. ”
“That’s good to hear.” Sidian noted that Lilac’s profile, slimmer than the others, had been set on the far corner of the table. “What are we going to do about their omega?”
Roman sighed, then pressed a kiss to Sidian’s hair right over the nape of his neck, which made him tense just. No, it was fine.
Roman wouldn’t bite him without permission.
“I don’t know. If he’s on our side, we shouldn’t have to do anything whatsoever.
If he’s on their side… I mean, the obvious is that we’d have to kill him, which I would do for our purposes there. ”
Sidian’s stomach twisted at the thought. “I don’t want to kill him. He wouldn’t choose them if he could; you can see it in his eyes. Can you command him to stay out of our way?”
“I should be able to,” Roman admitted after a moment, with a detectable amount of strain in his voice. “We have strict rules about not using alpha commands during missions, though.”
“This isn’t a standard mission, and if it keeps Lilac alive, then you’ll do it whether or not you want to. I don’t want him to get hurt for no reason.” It was just too hard to believe he was dangerous at a glance, and Sidian knew firsthand just how much damage Pack Kincaid was capable of.
He wouldn’t see another victim turned into a monster if he could avoid it.
“Okay,” Roman conceded. “I’ll do what I can to ensure he lives. When night falls, we’re going to drive out there. I have a map, though their house is very remote.”
“Old money packs often have countryside houses.” It was almost the norm.
“Which is good and bad. Means it’s less likely that a neighbor is going to overhear and call the police, but also more likely they’ll know the terrain far better than we do.
” Roman flipped through his notes, then spread the notebook out again, slipping his other arm around Sidian’s waist and giving him a brief squeeze.
“They may also have cameras, but I should be able to hear them once we get so close. We should conceal our appearances as much as possible in case we’re caught, anyway. ”
That was an upsetting thought to consider. “They might come after us.”
“I doubt it,” Roman murmured. “The risk is high if they’re not sure who we are.”
That was fair, though Sidian didn’t want to risk it just the same. “If you think you hear cameras, we stay back as far as possible. There are eight alphas in that pack. There are no guarantees.”
“Okay. I’ll keep us back as far as we can.” Roman kissed the back of his head this time, and against his will, Sidian melted into him with a relieved little sigh.
“You’re too good at doing that,” he muttered, settling his hands on top of Roman’s.
“I try.” Roman chuckled, then sobered. “Is there anything about them you know?”
Sidian knew plenty about Pack Kincaid, but not anything he thought would be useful to use against them in a fight.
What he knew was that they were cruel, and that an omega in pain was not a deterrent to any of their actions.
He wondered if they knew he was a prime omega, if they’d seen that somewhere in his private files and wanted him for that and that alone.
Maybe Lilac was, too. Rich alphas could have anything they wanted, after all.
Roman nipped his ear. “You don’t have to talk about them. It’s okay.”
“I feel like I’m not useful enough for this. I can fight, I think, but I’m not smart like you are.” And he never had been. Would have flunked out of high school if he’d gotten to finish it.
It seemed so fucking stupid to think about the fact he didn’t get the chance to.
A squeak tripped over his lips as Roman stood, pivoting to set Sidian down on the couch before sinking to his knees.
He rested his chin on Sidian’s lap like a dog, his expression almost wounded, and it was difficult to look him in the eye.
Roman was good; Sidian knew that. There were things he couldn’t tell him and things he might never talk to him about, but that didn’t make Roman less of a good man, of a good alpha.
The person who cared about his mate’s well-being even in the face of something that could destroy them both.
“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” he said, and, Goddess, he sounded sad.
Sidian sighed, giving Roman’s curls a gentle ruffle. “I know, I know, it’s not doing me any good. I just feel like I don’t know what the fuck I’m even doing here right now.”
“Sid.” Roman tilted his head so he could kiss the inside of Sidian’s wrist. “You survived something that would have killed another omega. Do you understand that?”
“I do. I understand that. It’s just not enough to kill them, and that’s what I’m worried about.” And worried that the earplugs would fail, and he’d be on his knees in front of Dax Kincaid, in front of Roman, and that his mate would see just how far he’d fallen because of those bastards.
Roman wrapped his arms around Sidian’s legs, hugging him tight. “You are more than enough,” he insisted, and Sidian’s heart throbbed. “You came this far, and we’ll get the rest of the way there together. I’ll make it happen for you. All you have to do is trust me.”
Trust. Did he trust Roman? Fuck, he wasn’t sure.
He knew Roman trusted him, knew he had to because otherwise why allow any of the things Sidian had done to him?
Why allow the bleeding, the cutting, the collaring, the muzzling, the choking?
Roman trusted Sidian more than anyone else ever had, but Sidian wasn’t sure if that trust went both ways. Did he trust Roman like that?
You won’t even tell him about the baby, he reminded himself, petting Roman’s hair. You won’t tell him about Amey. You don’t trust him to have your back if he knows the truth. You don’t trust him.
“I’ve got you.” Roman kissed his forearm this time before letting Sidian go, and Sidian bit down on the inside of his cheek until the skin broke and he tasted blood. “Once we get a good look at the house, I should be able to figure out what we need to do to get in.”
“And if you can’t?” Sidian pressed, because they needed to be ready for disappointment.
As much as he hated to think about it, the possibility of failure refused to stop rearing its ugly head.
“Then we use guns.” Roman shrugged, returning to his notebook. “The Mambas have sniper rifles. I’ll pick them off through the windows until all eight of them are dead.”
That wasn’t what Sidian wanted, but he would deal with it if it meant every member of Pack Kincaid was dead and cold and he had his daughter back. He wanted them to suffer, but if he had to choose between their pain and Amey, he would choose Amey every single time.
He just hoped that when it came time, Roman would do the same.
“You should get something to eat.” Roman threw the words over his shoulder, half-bent over his work again. “We’ll start driving when the sun sets so we get there when it’s dark. Make sure you wear all black too for the camo.”
Sidian slid off of the couch without a word. He needed to eat for the baby, anyway.