14. Chapter 14
Chapter 14
Freya
M y feet dangle over the edge of the building, and the sun kisses my skin.
Rows of trailers line the horizon and the peaks of the roller coaster from the old, abandoned amusement park create shadows in the distance.
I close my eyes and breathe in and out.
Pictures of Lucas fill my mind.
The way he wrapped his fingers around my neck yesterday, cutting off my air supply.
The way he held that bottle to my neck.
The disgust in his gaze.
The cut that will probably scar and leave me with the reminder of his hatred toward me.
Space isn’t the answer.
He may hate me now, but he won’t forever.
He can’t.
There’s this magnetic pull between us that will never fade.
The more he withdraws, the closer I’ll move toward him.
I won’t let go.
There’s enough room, and once he lets me back in, we’ll deal with our heartache together.
“You going to sit up there and sulk all day or kick my ass in basketball?” Kai’s voice bellows from below the building.
I open my eyes, peering down.
Kai’s in a basketball jersey and shorts, bouncing a ball on the old basketball court.
His mousy-brown hair fans out from his black cap as he waves me down.
“You know I’ll kick your ass,” I yell, and he grins.
I pick up my phone from the ledge and shove it into the back pocket of my denim shorts, then move toward the fire escape.
The wind picks up, and the whole structure sways slightly.
My grip on the rail tightens and my heart races.
I’m tempted to stay here, to be stuck in this feeling forever, the way my heart races and my mind screams at me to move.
Everything is heightened, and I fucking love it.
It takes away the pain, the heartache, and replaces it with adrenaline.
“Hurry the fuck up,” Kai yells, and I laugh.
With a heavy exhale, I climb down, and my feet hit the gravel.
Kai wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me in before shoving me away playfully.
I grab his arm.
A new tattoo snakes along it—a moth with a skull as its head.
“Nice,” I say.
His arms are covered in gray-scale tattoos of random things, like guns, knives, and reapers.
Almost every time I see him, he’s got another one.
Soon, he’ll be covered from head to toe.
“You itching for more ink?” he asks, moving toward the basketball court.
“Yeah, I want something for Alec,” I say, and Kai’s shoulders tense.
He tosses the ball back and forth between his hands.
“I fucking love you, Freya. We’re family, but I just don’t understand why you’re with them. They killed your brother.”
“How many times do I have to tell you? They didn’t kill him; it was Nadine, Lucas’s mother.” I sigh, grabbing the ball from his hand, bouncing it, and taking a shot from the three-point line.
It goes in and I grin.
“Do you blame the soldier who pulled the trigger, or do you blame Hitler in World War II? They’re the leaders. They’re responsible,” he says.
“It’s still them, and there will come a time when you have to choose what side you are on.”
“Don’t be a dick.”
We shoot hoops in silence for a while longer.
It’s nice to spend time with one of my closest friends again.
I wish life was easier, that we could all get along .
.
.
Although, that reminds me.
A message went out on social media last night about a meeting today for residents of Daringville and Daringhood—together.
The boys are going to share the news of my plan!
“Are you coming to the meeting today?” I ask, and Kai scoffs, bouncing the ball and switching it between his hands.
“Fuck no.”
“Come on, please. This was my idea to help us,” I say, standing in front of Kai and blocking him from the basket.
He dribbles around me, and I swipe out, trying to grab the ball, but he’s too quick.
He barges past me, knocking my shoulder before launching into the air and dunking the ball.
“Money isn’t going to change much, and you know it,” he snaps, retrieving the ball and passing it to me.
“You can’t trust them. They all need to be killed.”
I swallow hard.
He’s wrong.
“But it’s a start. Please come?” I push out my bottom lip, and the corner of Kai’s mouth lifts before the smile disappears again.
“Over my dead body will you see me at one of their events. Now, drop it and shoot.”
I release a heavy breath but decide not to push it.
Kai is my best friend, my chosen family, and if I push too hard, I might lose him too.
He’s right about one thing, even though I wish he wasn’t—there may come a time when I have to choose between my best friend and the guys I love, and I won’t be able to.
I shoot the ball, and there’s the satisfying swish of nothing but net.
We keep playing until sweat drips down my back and my legs start to wobble.
“I’ve gotta get home and get ready. Last chance to come with me?” I ask, and Kai rolls his eyes, snatching the ball from my grip.
“See you soon, Freya.”
I flip him off over my shoulder and his laugh follows me.
Trash litters the sidewalks, along with several tents, and homeless sleeping on the streets—this is exactly why I want to help.
Everyone deserves a second chance at life.
Yeah, some might fuck it up, but if they aren’t given an opportunity for a better life, then they’ll continue as they are now.
There’s a girl around my age bent over her knees, her eyes closed, her legs tucked under her, and I want to help her.
To make sure she’s okay.
I kneel in front of her and push her arm, but she doesn’t move.
Her body slumps over, and I shove her more forcefully.
I check her pulse and there’s a light thud.
“Leave her alone,” a deep male voice snaps from behind me, and I jump up.
An older guy wearing a black beanie and pushing a trolley stands in front of me, half of his arm wrapped up in a garbage bag, and a shiver runs down my spine.
He glares at me, wrinkles creasing his forehead.
I raise my hands up and take a couple of steps back.
If I’ve learned anything from my mother, it’s that if someone’s on anything laced with ice, they can be unpredictable, ready to snap with one wrong move.
“I was just checking on her,” I say, taking a couple more steps back to the road.
He scoffs.
“I’ve seen you before, hanging around with those evil cockroaches. Now, piss off.”
The girl slowly raises her head, a manic smile on her face.
She looks first at me, squinting, then at the man.
“You can’t tell Kai’s girl what to do.”
I blink.
“I’m not Kai’s girl. We’re friends.”
“Whatever. She’s not to be messed with—he said.” The girl shrugs and goes back to hunching over her knees, but her words have power.
Angry homeless guy ambles off.
My mind’s a blur.
Kai’s always had people who follow him, and he’s had Bear and Zion by his side to help enforce things when needed.
But when did Kai get so much respect from the homeless around here?
A thought lurks in the corner of my mind.
What if he isn’t just against The Brotherhood—what if he’s leading the uprising?
I turn away and walk the rest of the way back to the park, constantly glancing over my shoulder.
News travels fast around here, and the more time I spend back in Daringhood, the more I feel like it’s not home to me anymore.
Without Alec here, everything’s different.
When I’m with Hazen, Gage, and Lucas, they make me feel protected, even though I’ve always protected myself.
Kai is my best friend, and I want to protect him, too, but now I’m torn between him and my lovers.
I won’t choose sides—I can’t.
I’ve already lost one loved one, and I’m not losing anyone else.
Kai will just have to, one day, realize that me spending time with my boys doesn’t mean I care for him any less, and it won’t change who I am.
I’m still here to shoot hoops and shoot the breeze whenever he’d like.
I just hope that one day comes sooner rather than later.
The door to our trailer is ajar, and I push it open and step inside.
Cool air brushes against my skin, and I curse under my breath; Mom’s left the air conditioner on again.
I move into the living room, grabbing the remote off the kitchen counter before spinning around and aiming it at the unit.
Movement catches my gaze, and my whole body locks up as though someone is squeezing me so tight that I can’t breathe.
My heart angrily pushes against my chest.
My mother’s sitting on the couch, her hands resting on her knees, staring at the little table in front of her.
No.
She didn’t.
Fuck, I knew this was all too good to be true.
“Mom?” I ask and she looks up.
“I didn’t—I want to, but I haven’t yet.” She releases a heavy sob.
“Freya, it’s all too much.” Her voice breaks, and I drop the remote and move toward her, ignoring the needles and drugs scattered on the table.
I want to yell, scream, and kick the table over, but it won’t help.
It’ll make things worse, push her over the edge.
I sit next to her and grab her hands.
She doesn’t look at me, her gaze moving back to the table.
“This isn’t going to bring Alec back. Please don’t do this again,” I plead, and her hands squeeze mine.
“But I can’t feel all this anymore, Freya. I’m not strong enough,” she sobs out, and I swallow past the razor blades in my throat.
“You are. But I’m not going to ask you to stop for me or Alec, because you have to want to do this for yourself. Do you really want to continue living like this?” I ask, letting go of one of her hands and reaching out.
My thumb brushes over her cheek, taking away her tears.
Her body trembles, and she wraps her arms around my waist, clinging to me.
My stomach drops, and I freeze, unsure of what to do.
Her hand comes to rest on my chest as she holds me like I’m her lifeline.
She hasn’t hugged me like this in years.
I can’t even remember the last time.
My arms eventually drop, and I run my hands over her back.
“I wish I was strong like you,” she whispers into my chest, and I have no idea what to say back.
I don’t feel strong.
I may act like nothing affects me, but inside, I’m a mess.
Like a ticking bomb ready to blow at any second.
I don’t know how to deal with all my emotions, other than by jumping off cliffs or putting myself in reckless situations.
Instead of dealing with all my trauma, I’ve put Band-Aids over it again and again.
I’m too afraid to rip them off because, if I do, I’ll drown.
There will be no saving me from the tidal waves.
For the first time in my life, I understand why she does this.
My mother uses these drugs to numb the pain because it’s all too much.
She’s grown used to numbing everything, to constantly chasing that high and freezing everything else out.
Now, it’s all coming back to her, and she’s drowning.
I get it, I really do, but I can’t help her unless she wants to help herself first.
I just hope she’s strong enough to face her demons.
This is the first challenge.