32. Chapter 32
Chapter 32
Freya
B uzz, buzz, buzz.
I groan, rolling over, snuggling back into the pillow.
Shut that thing up .
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
“Get your fucking phone,” Gage grumbles from next to me, before wrapping his arms around my stomach, holding me in place.
I relax into his embrace, ready to fall back asleep.
The buzzing continues.
My eyes peel open, and I release a heavy breath before untangling myself from Gage and reaching for my phone on the table next to his bed.
The screen lights up, and I roll onto my back.
Seven missed calls from my mother.
My stomach drops.
I haven’t heard from her since I walked out and vowed to never come back after she relapsed and said all those nasty things to me.
I was done, but now, seeing all these missed calls, I can’t ignore her.
She might be in trouble.
Without thinking twice, I roll out of bed.
Gage’s soft snores fill the room, and I hope to fuck he stays asleep.
I’m too tired to argue with him about this.
I need to make sure she’s okay.
Even though I want to cut ties with her, leave her and let her ruin her life, there’s still part of me clinging to that tiny piece of her that I saw when she was off the drugs.
The kindness she showed me.
It was so nice to have her care about me and where I was.
Yeah, it was also annoying, but at least she gave a shit.
As quietly as I can, I grab my sweatpants and hoodie, put them on, and step into my new Crocs.
Lucas insisted that I needed a pair, and next thing I knew, they were on my bed, along with a bunch of other clothes.
Stepping away from the bed toward the door, I check my phone again.
I hit dial, and it rings and rings before she picks up.
“I need you, please.”
“Mom? What’s wrong?” I ask quietly.
“I just need help, I need—”
The line goes dead.
Shit.
Something is wrong, and I can’t ignore her.
If something happened and I did nothing, I couldn’t live with myself.
It’s three in the morning, and the guys will be up in a couple of hours.
I need to get moving.
Reaching Gage’s door, I open it as slowly as I can before shutting it behind me.
Small lights along the baseboard illuminate the hallway, allowing me to see where I’m going.
I make it down the stairs and to the front door.
“And where are you off to, little thorn?”
I jump at the sound of Lucas’s voice.
He’s leaning back against the living room door, watching me.
“Out,” I reply, reaching for the door again.
“I’m coming,” he says, stalking toward me.
“No,” I snap, trying to keep my voice down.
I don’t want to wake Hazen or Gage.
I can deal with Lucas—just not everyone.
I need to move.
“You’ve got two choices. I either come with you, or I yell and wake up the house and you’re not going anywhere. What will it be?”
I grumble a few choice words under my breath before opening the front door and walking out, leaving it open for Lucas to follow.
He catches up to me, wrapping me under his arm.
“Where are we going?”
“My mom needs me,” I say, and Lucas steers me in the direction of his car, but I stop.
“We won’t get over the tracks with your car. They’ll be on us in seconds.”
“Fuck, you’re right. Walking it is.”
I flip up my hood and blend into the dark night.
Lucas keeps me warm as I snuggle into his chest.
The guards wave us through the gates, and I hate to admit it, but it’s easier having him here with me.
Otherwise, I’d have to waste time sneaking out.
I need to get over the tracks.
I have to make sure she’s okay.
“Tell me about your mom?” Lucas asks, and my heart aches.
To some, this is a simple question, but for me, it’s complicated.
It opens so many wounds that I’ve buried deep inside, and I’m too scared to deal with all those emotions.
The truth is, I have no fucking idea how to answer him.
On top of that, the subject of mothers is still raw between us—something we haven’t talked about since our truce.
It’s going to take time for us to get back to where we were, but if we can get through this, then we’ll be stronger than ever.
I never believed in soulmates before I met the guys, and I never in a million years imagined they’d be mine or that I’d be giving them my whole broken heart, but I am—and I feel lucky that they treat it with such care.
We move through the second gate and out onto the open road.
I lift my head from Lucas’s chest, but he keeps his arm around me.
“You gonna answer? About your mom?” Lucas prompts.
I shrug.
“That’s a pretty loaded question. I have no idea where to even begin.”
“I met her a couple of times, and she was nice before,” Lucas says, and he doesn’t have to say the next words because it’s clear what he means.
“Before the poison hit her veins and she spiraled out of control?”
Lucas releases a loud exhale.
“Yeah.”
“I’ve been trying to erase her from my memory, to move on with my life, but it’s impossible. She’s my blood, my family. I chose to walk out on her when she relapsed because I just can’t fucking go through that again. I don’t want to be around her, afraid of what she’ll do next or if she’ll make it home every night.”
Lucas squeezes my shoulder, and it feels good.
I actually feel protected.
I didn’t want him coming with me, but it’s nice having him here, knowing I’m not going to face my mother on my own this time.
I’ve got him here—a way out.
“You know you’ve got us now. We’re your family, and sometimes family isn’t blood. It’s chosen, and that’s the best kind.”
I lean back into Lucas’s chest, resting my ear against his beating heart.
He’s right, but I still feel responsible for my mother.
Especially since Alec isn’t here.
She has no one to look out for her anymore.
I’ll never forgive her for what she’s done to me, to us, but I still have to help her.
“I just need to make sure she’s okay,” I say.
“I get it.”
We reach the crossroads a couple hundred yards from the security point that’s now a pile of ash.
It’s too risky crossing there.
The Daringhood crew have people patrolling on their side, and we do on ours.
They will see us the second we step out of the shadows.
I just want to get this over with quickly and come back again.
Battle lines have been drawn, and I’m not sure we’ll come out alive.
We’re close to the fence where I found my brother, and I don’t dare look to my right, afraid I’ll see him again.
The picture of him hanging from the fence is still clear as day in my mind, something I wish would go away.
I move out of Lucas’s embrace as we reach a little deserted outpost.
This is where I used to sneak over, when Amirah would wait for me on this side of the tracks.
On the other side, there’s no one in sight, which surprises me, but it doesn’t mean that no one is watching from the shadows.
Kai isn’t stupid.
He may not have as much financial support as The Brotherhood, but people in Daringhood don’t play games.
They get the job done, quick and fast, guerilla warfare style.
“Let’s go,” I say, stepping over the first track.
Lucas grabs my arm.
“Fuck this. Maybe we shouldn’t without the guys.”
I yank my arm out of his, stepping over the tracks toward the fence.
“I didn’t ask you to come,” I say over my shoulder, before breaking into a run.
Lucas curses from behind me, then the crunch of his shoes follows me.
I keep running through the field, the grass brushing against my ankles.
The cool early morning air pushes my hair out of my face.
Lucas pants from somewhere in the distance.
He curses and I laugh.
We could stop now that we are far away from the crossing, but hearing Lucas struggling is too good.
“Fuck, Freya, stop. I hate running.” He groans, and I slow down once we hit the small fence.
Grabbing on to the barbed wire, I kick my leg over and jump, then land on the soft grass on the other side.
Lucas trails closely behind me.
I stop at the dirt road, and a wave of sadness slams into me like a freight train, almost bringing me to my knees.
Last time I was here, I was with Alec.
It feels like a lifetime ago and like yesterday at the same time.
When he drove me down this road, we talked about his new girlfriend, Mia.
He warned me not to go over the tracks, but told me he still loved me unconditionally.
I’d do anything to bring him back, to have him here for one more day.
To hear him laugh, curse me out, and tell me about his plans for college.
If Nadine hadn’t interfered, he would have made it there, succeeded in doing what he loved.
Spread his wings without anything holding him back.
Arms wrap around me from behind, and I lean back into Lucas’s embrace.
“You okay?” he asks, and I wipe away my tears with my sleeve.
“This is where Alec used to drop me when I’d sneak over the tracks. Just remembering the last time we did.”
“I wish I knew him better and found out he was my half-brother before it was too late,” Lucas says, and a heaviness falls on my heart.
“You would have loved him.”
“Tell me about him?” Lucas asks, moving beside me and taking my hand in his.
We start walking down the road, and I tell Lucas everything I loved about my brother.
I, too, wish we were aware of our mother’s affair earlier.
Things might have been different.
Maybe Alec would still be here with us.
Before I know it, we’re in front of the trailer.
“You ready?” Lucas asks, and I shake my head.
I vowed to never see her again after the last time, but fate had other plans.
The front door opens, and my mother stumbles out, her eyes as wild as her hair.
Her skimpy dress flips up in the wind, but she doesn’t bother pushing it back down.
“Oh, thank fuck. Where the fuck have you been?” she yells, folding her arms over her chest.
“I told you I was leaving.”
She laughs.
“I’ve heard that a million times before, but you never go far or for this long. I needed you.”
“What do you want?”
She finally notices Lucas next to me and frowns.
“Who’s this?”
“I’m—”
I throw up my hand, stopping him.
“It doesn’t matter who he is. I’m here now. What do you want?” I snap.
I’m about ready to walk back.
She’s seen him before; she’s either out of her mind or doesn’t remember.
“Come inside—it’s freezing out here. Let’s talk. I need you with me,” she says, and I don’t move a muscle.
Lucas stays silent beside me, but I feel his shoulder brush up against mine.
“Are you clean?” I ask.
My mother moves from one foot to the other.
“Pretty much.”
I push my lips together.
There’s no “pretty much”—she either is or isn’t.
“I’m going,” I say, taking a step backward.
“No, Freya, please. I need you,” she pleads.
“Why?”
“I need money. Please, just to get on my feet again. I’m trying to get better, but I need you. I have no one else.”
“Are you serious? This is what you called me here for?” I ball my hands into fists and exhale a heavy breath.
“I thought you were in trouble.”
“Please, Freya,” she begs, and I shake my head.
“You should have thought of that before you treated me like shit for the last time,” I say, my voice breaking a little.
I’m trying so hard to hold back the tears and anger I want to throw in her face.
I want to tell her how much she’s hurt me over the years, hurt us both, but she won’t get it.
It’s too late.
“I’ve got something to give you.” She disappears inside.
“You good?” Lucas asks, wrapping an arm over my shoulder, and I shrug.
She comes back out, carrying a journal in her hand.
She passes it to me, and I take it, gazing down at the worn brown leather.
“I found it in Alec’s room. He would have wanted you to have it.”
I stare blankly at the journal, unable to move or talk.
I remember giving this to him for his sixteenth birthday.
I’d stolen it, wanting the perfect gift for him.
He’d cherished this, writing in it every night.
Fuck, this is too much.
“Thank you,” I rasp.
“Once you get clean and stay clean, call me, but until then, I can’t help you anymore,” I say, before turning away.
Fuck, I hope she gets better, but I can’t save her.
She needs to save herself first.
I cling on to Alec’s journal like I’m holding on to him, because this is part of him, and giving it to me is the best thing my mother’s ever done for me.