Chapter 9 #3
I dropped everything—quite literally since my hands were full of beach toys—and ran to my bike.
I lost track of the number of traffic laws I broke as I made my way down the island to Waikīkī.
There was no thought, not even a second of hesitation, as I burst through his tattoo shop door, my bike now parked illegally behind the armored cage I bought for her.
I barely had the wherewithal to stop myself from barging into the room, not wanting to scare her.
Instead, I took a deep breath just outside the door before slipping silently inside.
She was in the room with Doodles and Saga.
On her stomach with her shirt pulled up to her bra strap, she clung to Saga like he was her lifeline.
I would murder him later.
As soon as Saga saw me, he shifted out of the way and I quickly took his place.
Sitting on the stool Saga vacated, I took both her hands and laced our fingers together.
She kept her face down in the cushion of the adjustable tattoo table, her loose hair a further shield between herself and the world.
Her hands squeezed me tight enough that I felt several knuckles crack.
I didn’t give a fuck. She could break my fingers if she needed to.
As much as I wished I could see her, a part of me was also glad I couldn’t. Would I have the strength to leave again if I did?
This was only a consultation. Doodles offered laser removal as well as tattoo coverups, but since there was unknown origins around this tattoo, he wasn’t willing to offer her options until he’d examined it.
She flinched every time he prodded it, and by the time Doodles snapped off his exam gloves, I was practically wrapped around her, the two of us locked together like magnets.
I lifted my head, but she didn’t, remaining burrowed into my cut at my shoulder. “What do you think?” I asked Doodles. Saga was standing awkwardly by the closed door with his back to us. Smart man.
“Well, I can tell you that it wasn’t done by a professional.
Amateur hour with a cheap gun and ink, probably bought off .
I am honestly surprised it didn’t get infected.
” He picked up an iPad from the counter behind him.
“So there’s good news and bad news, and I’m giving you my professional opinion when I say that it should be removed.
The ink isn’t as deep as it should be, and since we don’t know the type of ink used, I want to get it out of you, Caroline.
We can do the lasering here or at Bacon’s.
I have a portable machine that I use at the VA, hospitals, community centers, and such, so it’s not that big of a deal to do it at Bacon’s if that’s where you’re the most comfortable.
” I appreciated how he addressed her, even though her face was still buried.
“Now, after it’s removed, we can discuss skin care treatment to reduce scarring or I can do a coverup tattoo. ”
He turned the iPad around, and my eyebrows shot up.
Well, damn. On the screen was the sketch of a butterfly.
Its body was the shape of a Celtic symbol that I was sure meant survivor or represented strength and resilience.
The top part reminded me of the outline of a flame with two crossing diamonds at the bottom.
The wings were solid at the body, sprouting out on either side in a variety of colors.
The curve of the wing on the left spelled Beautifully Broken while the wing on the right spelled Survivor with a purple ribbon.
Though it was a flat picture, Doodles had somehow made it look like the butterfly was mid-flap.
A scattering of feathers fell from the butterfly until they collected into ash at the bottom, which I assumed would go over the old tattoo.
In the ash, like writing in the sand, were the words Still Fighting.
“It’s the Fire Rose Unity symbol,” Doodles explained. “I have other ideas if you’re interested. And no decision has to be made today, Caroline. We do this at your time and at your pace.”
When she didn’t move, I glanced up at them. “Can you give us a minute?”
They both nodded and headed out of the room. Caroline shook, and I felt her tears at my throat. My fingers were still laced through hers under our faces.
“What do you want to do?” I asked her quietly. She smelled crisp today, like the ocean. “You heard him, it’s entirely your choice. But I gotta say, that coverup tattoo that he did was fucking incredible. But it is whatever you want to do.”
Her voice sounded moist, and barely understandable, muffled by my shoulder. “I just want it gone. I can’t… I don’t want that word on me. It’s not me.”
I turned my face, just barely brushing my lips against her temple.
“It never was,” I assured her. “Do you want to start now or for Doodles to bring the laser machine to Bacon’s?
” We really need to come up for a better name for the mansion, but technically Bacon and Holly still owned the house.
It wasn’t the club’s, despite the number of us living there.
Or them, since I wasn’t allowed inside anymore.
“Can he start now? He said it would take several sessions, and we can do the rest at Bacon’s.”
That must have been something he told her earlier, because Doodles hadn’t said that since I had been in the room. She was right, though. “I’m sure he can.” I lifted my head higher, and made sure her ear was covered before I shouted, “Doodles!”
The door opened back up.
“She wants it removed. Start today and do the rest at Bacon’s. If she wants a coverup later, she’ll make that decision then.”
He nodded once. “I’ll get the paperwork—”
“Fuck the paperwork,” I snapped. “Tell her what she needs to know and I’ll deal with the paperwork later.” Her shaking was getting more intense, and I didn’t want her to be here longer than she needed to be.
Doodles hesitated, and then came back into the room.
He explained how this was not a quick wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am procedure.
Each session would take about fifteen minutes, and she would need to wait six to eight weeks between sessions.
Doodles estimated six sessions total, but he would be able to judge it better once they got a few sessions under their belt.
Caroline didn’t move or lift her head the entire time that Doodles set up the laser. Her shaking got more intense and her grip on me tightened as he got started. I tried to offer her what comforting words I could, reminding her to breathe and telling her how proud I was of her.
And when Doodles announced he was done for today, it was like a bucket of cold water was poured down on the both of us. She pulled her hands out of mine and turned on the cushioned table in the fetal position so she faced the wall.
Saga came into the room with a reusable ice pack. He glanced between Caroline and me uncertainly.
I stood, my back and legs stiff from being crouched over her for so long. I didn’t give a damn, though. I felt so numb that I was surprised I didn’t fall over upon standing. I approached Saga as I headed for the door, stopping when we were shoulder to shoulder.
“Don’t mention this to anyone,” I ordered him. “I can either guarantee your silence with a bullet or with your word. The choice is yours.”
He nodded once. “I won’t. As fucked up as it is, I’m glad you were here.”
“How—” I cut myself off from asking him how she’d been. It wasn’t any of my business, not anymore. “Where’s Samantha?”
“Tommy’s got her. They went to the Blaisdell Center for a dog show.”
I nodded once, and then left.
I drove aimlessly for hours before I ended up back at Kalea’s.
I had no idea why. Maybe I was just a glutton for punishment.
This wasn’t my home, but then what did I know about homes?
I’d lost two in the past several months.
One destroyed by a man who I had once called a friend and the other by my own selfish actions.
The sun had already set when I walked through the front door. I didn’t have a key, but it was unlocked. The numbness of the day hadn’t worn off yet, and despite the heat of the evening, I felt utterly cold.
Kalea was on the couch when I stepped inside. I didn’t see Pua anywhere, but a glance at the clock showed it was actually later than I thought. Kaela had waited up for me.
“We need to talk,” she said without preamble.
“I’m not in the mood,” I replied, making my way into the kitchen.
She followed me. “Tough shit! What happened today? You ran off like the Night Marchers were chasing after you, and now you show up like nothing happened? I thought…” I glanced over my shoulder as I opened the fridge to see her hanging her head.
“I thought when you’d stayed that you were trying to…
I thought there was a chance you were trying to patch things up with us. ”
I pulled a beer from the fridge. “If you hadn’t slept with someone else, there wouldn’t be anything to patch up.”
Kalea flinched. “I made a mistake—”
“Oh no.” I popped the top off and tossed it into the sink. “You made the mistake. You slept with another man and then tried to pass his child off as mine. And you think there’s a chance we can ‘patch things up’?”
“I… I…” Tears filled her eyes.
I took a sip of beer. “I truly don’t understand, Kalea. I gave you everything. I loved you with my whole body and soul. How could you do it?”
She kept her head down, arms wrapped around her middle. “I didn’t have a choice.”
I snorted, the sound echoed by the glass bottle held in front of my face. “Unless you tripped and fell vagina first onto his dick, I highly doubt that.”
Her cheeks flamed as her chin trembled. “I love my daughter, and I am sorry her existence hurt you. But I can’t have you staying here, Tangaloa. It’s too… It’s too confusing. For both her and me.”
I shrugged, not letting her words affect me. It wasn’t like this was another home I was losing. Technically, it was a home I’d lost a long time ago. “I’ll be out by morning.”