10. Chapter Ten
10
Luca
Damnit. Damnit! She saw. Sofia had to have seen that I was sporting a boner stiff enough to drive nails. There was no way she couldn't have.
By the time I made it back to my bedroom, I was still hard as a fucking rock. I collapsed on the bed and gripped my dick hard enough to hurt, hoping it would go away, but surprise, asshole , it only seemed to get worse. I closed my eyes and tried to think of something, anything else, but all I could see was Sofia's face as she leaned in close, her hand on my chin, her breath against my skin as she tended to me with a gentleness that brought me to my knees.
Fuck.
I groaned in frustration and my hand moved with a mind of its own, stroking my shaft hard and fast to a flipbook of Sofia. Her luscious curves. The sway of her ass in those tight blue jeans. The precise curvature of her perfect breasts, nipples pebbling her tee shirt. Her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.
Her mouth around my cock.
My balls tightened and I came hard and fast into my hand, biting back a loud moan. I slumped forward, trying to catch my breath as the aftershocks rolled through me, my heart still trying to pound its way out of my chest.
Fuck.
I was in so much trouble.
I cleaned myself up quickly, feeling like an asshole.
Sofia was my friend. My friend. I shouldn't be thinking of her that way.
But Christ, the way she'd touched me. I hadn't felt anything beyond the cold, clinical touch of medical professionals in a very, very long time. She'd been so gentle, so soft, so fucking tender.
It had made me feel things I hadn't felt since before I’d been shot, and if I was honest, long before that. It made me feel...human.
The way she looked at me, too. It wasn't with pity or disgust, like everyone else did. It was with something else. Something that I could get very confused about if I allowed myself too, but I knew better than that. Shit—she was just a kid, for fuck's sake. Sofia was eight years younger than me, and even if she hadn't been, there was no way in hell that she'd be interested in someone like me.
All right. Get it together. Scraping together whatever dignity I could, I exchanged my soiled sweatpants for a clean pair and walked back into the bathroom. Sofia was gone. Not surprising, since I'd ran from her and my raging sex drive like a complete coward.
That was when I finally turned and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and for a moment, I was stunned speechless. I looked like a different person. I mean, it wasn't like I'd seen myself in the mirror much over the past couple months. I avoided looking at myself as much as I could. I knew what was there. I didn't need the visual reminder.
But now...
I ran a hand over the smooth skin of my jaw. Sofia had done a good job. I hadn't even realized how far I'd let myself go until I let her back into my life, and all I'd done since then is throw tantrum after tantrum like a petulant two-year-old. She deserved better than that.
Sofia was sitting on the couch with her laptop open in front of her. Over her shoulder, I could see job search results. My stomach twisted into a knot of guilt. She wasn't here by choice. She was just trying to help in her own way, and I had done nothing but give her a hard time.
"Hey," I said softly.
"Hey," she replied, turning towards me. She smiled, her eyes warm. "Everything okay?"
She was carefully avoiding looking at my crotch, her eyes riveted on my face. Usually, that bothered me, but right now I was grateful for it.
"Yeah." I scratched at the back of my neck and brushed my hair forward over the left side of my face. Habit. "Sorry about earlier, I...I didn't thank you. For everything."
"It's fine. I get it. Sometimes I can be a little too much."
"No, that's not it. I just..." I sighed and sat next to her. "I haven't been very welcoming to you. You're just trying to help, and I'm being a dick. I'm sorry."
Sofia closed her laptop and put it on the coffee table. "You've been through a lot. I get it. I don't want to make things harder for you."
"You're not."
I sank down onto the couch next to her and put my hand on top of hers, my heart pounding. It felt good to touch her. Really good. Her skin was warm and soft, and it felt right somehow. Touch. I was so out of practice that I was just now realizing how much I missed it. How much I craved it.
Sofia looked down at our joined hands, then back up at me. A smile played across her lips. "I like you better without the beard."
"Me too." My mouth twitched in an answering smile, the feeling foreign. Wanting to change the subject, I pointed at her computer. "Interviews today?"
"Yeah. I have a couple lined up. Aria is going to pick me up in a little bit."
I frowned. "Where's your car?"
"I had to sell it. And before you say anything, it's okay. Maybe I'll land one of these jobs, and I'll be able to buy a new one. Then I can finally get out of your hair."
She nudged me playfully when she said it, but my heart gave a painful thump.
"I don't mind," I said quietly.
"What was that?" Sofia's eyes were dancing with mirth. "I didn't hear you."
I huffed out a laugh. "I said that I don't mind you staying here. It's...nice."
"Wow, that's quite a change of attitude from last night." She cocked an eyebrow. "That must have been one hell of a shave."
Fuck. Okay, we were talking about this. "I think you know it was."
Sofia bit her lip. "Yeah."
"It's been a long time since I've had anyone touch me like that," I confessed. "It was a lot to process. Sorry."
Her fingers brushed the side of my face, and I let her. They skimmed over my scars, leaving a trail of fire behind. I shuddered at her touch, my eyes closing.
"Don't be sorry. I'm glad I could do something to help you feel better." Her thumb traced the bow of my upper lip, her fingers tangling in my hair.
My eyes opened, meeting hers. Lids lowered over dark eyes framed with long lashes, I must have imagined the poignant yearning in them that I could almost taste. It would be so easy to lean forward and kiss her, and I wanted to so badly that my lips tingled with it, but I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t…
Thankfully, I was saved from that moral dilemma by the buzz of the intercom.
"Shit," Sofia whispered, her eyes wide. She pulled her hand away and stood, smoothing her hair back. "Aria's here."
"Good luck," I said, hoping the disappointment I felt didn't show on my face.
"Thanks," she replied, flashing a smile. "I'll see you later."
When she was gone, I sighed and sank back into the couch. What was I doing? Sofia was my friend. A good friend, one who had seen me at my worst and stuck around. The last thing she needed was me trying to make a move on her, especially when I wasn't sure that I'd be able to give her what she deserved.
Not that I knew what the hell she saw in me anyway. I was a broken shell of my former self, both inside and out. Sofia was young and beautiful and full of life. She should be with someone who could give her all the things I couldn't, not waste her time taking care of an old, bitter, angry man like me.
No. What I needed to do was—
***
Gradually, my vision filtered back into focus, and I became aware of two things. One, my ass and legs were totally numb like I'd been sitting for far too long. Two, the sunlight had shifted around the room to a different angle than it had been when I'd...
When I'd what? I was still upright and my eyes were open, but it was...shit. Two in the afternoon.
Somehow, I'd lost four hours.
This had happened before. Losing time. There wasn't any rhyme or reason to it. I didn't pass out or anything like that. It was as if I just...drifted. Spaced out. Couldn't remember a thing.
My stomach cramped, and I made it to the bathroom on shaking legs just in time to lose the contents of my stomach into the toilet. The smell of bile and vomit made me dry heave and gag until tears stung my eyes and my throat burned. Another headache pounded merrily away, my old friend.
I was so fucking tired of this.
Doubling up on meds, I gripped the side of the sink until the world stopped swaying. This was getting worse. I couldn't ignore it anymore. I had to get right before Sofia came home, because if she saw, she'd pester me to go back to the doctor, but what the hell were they going to do for me? More therapy? More specialists? More surgery?
The thought made me want to throw up again.
After I was sure that I wasn't going to fall on my face, I dragged my sorry ass into the shower to wash away the stench of sickness and sweat. I didn't have the energy to stay under the warm water for very long, but even a short shower felt good.
The shower wore me out, and I fell asleep on the bed. I woke up to the front door opening several hours later.
"Luca?" Sofia's voice rang out.
I forced my eyes open and rolled off the bed, staggering and fumbling for clean clothes. I didn't want her to see me like this.
"I'm here," I called back.
My voice sounded scratchy and weak, but she didn't seem to notice as she walked into the room. She smiled when she saw me.
"How'd it go?" I asked.
Sofia shrugged. "Eh. Interviewed for a few positions today, I'm waiting to hear back. Overall, I think it went well, though. How was your day?"
I shrugged and looked down. "Nothing exciting."
She eyed me curiously. "Did you do something to your hair? It looks different."
"I washed it, then fell asleep for a few hours. I'm surprised it's not sticking straight up."
Sofia's musical laugh rocked me all the way down to my bones, and when she reached out to finger comb my hair back from my face, I let her. Her hands were warm and gentle, and I had to fight the urge to lean into her touch.
"There," she said, looking pleased. "That's better."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome. So, I know I said no takeout, but I felt like a little bit of a celebration tonight after my interviews...and in honor of your newly unearthed handsome face, I ordered a pizza. I thought we could have a movie night and just chill?"
"Sounds good to me."
Apparently, Sofia had a very different idea of what movie night entailed than I did, because she brought out nearly every pillow and blanket in the apartment and made a sort of fort/nest on the couch. Then she disappeared for nearly an hour during which I heard the shower turn on and off…
…and when she came out, I had a heart attack and died.
The woman was wearing the smallest fucking shorts I'd ever seen in my life. The bottom of her ass curved perfectly through the thin material, her thighs soft and inviting. I wanted to sink my teeth into them. When she bent over to spread the blankets across the floor, I nearly groaned aloud as the shorts rode up teasingly. The oversized tee shirt she was wearing was made of fabric only in the strictest sense of the word, worn enough to give me a near-perfect outline of two perfectly curved breasts swelling into pert, peaked nipples. My cock swelled, and I forced my eyes away from her.
Was she actually trying to fucking kill me?
The pizza arrived, and Sofia served us slices on paper plates before flopping down next to me on the couch. I pulled one of the bazillion pillows onto my lap with a growl. It was going to be a long night.
"What do you want to watch?" she asked, pulling up Netflix on the TV.
I shrugged. "You pick." I didn't really care what we watched, as long as it kept my attention so I didn't have to think too hard.
Sofia hummed under her breath as she scrolled, finally settling on a movie that had just been released. It looked like a chick flick, but I didn't mind. The movie started, and Sofia leaned back into the pillows and grabbed her plate of pizza. She bit into it with a groan that shot straight to my crotch. I shifted uncomfortably.
"This is so good," she mumbled around a mouthful.
"Yeah, it's great," I said, even though I hadn't touched my own pizza yet.
"You should eat," she chided, pointing at my plate. "You'll feel better."
She was right, but I couldn't summon the energy to do much more than stare at the pizza. I didn't want to eat, anyway. My stomach was cramping and queasy, and I felt like if I put anything in it, I'd puke again.
Sofia seemed to sense my hesitation, because she slid my plate onto the coffee table and then reached for my hand. She tugged until I gave it to her, and then she laced our fingers together and squeezed. Then she saw the pillow in my lap and bit back a smirk.
"You okay?" she asked, eyes wide with faux innocence.
"I'm fine," I ground out through clenched teeth.
"You sure?" Her lips twitched, and I knew she was fucking with me.
"You have to know what you look like wearing that, Sof." The words were out before I could stop them. "Girls like you have got to know what that does to a man."
A little crease appeared between Sofia's brows, and she actually looked confused. "Girls like me?"
"Yeah. Girls like you with curves like that."
Sofia's eyes narrowed, and she drew back a little, pulling her hand away from mine. "Is that some sort of fat joke? Because I'm not in the mood, Luca."
The color drained from my face. "What? How could you think that? I mean, Jesus, Sofia, look at you. You're gorgeous."
I reached for her hand again, but she shook her head and moved farther away.
"It's fine," she said in a brittle voice. "I get it."
I blinked at her, not understanding her at first. Sofia had always been a party girl, promiscuous and wild. At least, that was what I thought, but maybe...
Maybe she was masking some things, too.
Gently but firmly, I tilted her chin towards me. "Hey. Listen to me. What I meant when I said girls like you is that you're comfortable enough in your skin to be you, and that is so goddamn sexy. I know better than most how bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and women's bodies are no exception. Tall, petite, curvy, thin, there's beauty in every single one of them. But yours? I meant every word. You are gorgeous. You've got the perfect amount of curves to drive any man absolutely out of my mind, so if you don't believe it, then you're just going to have to take my body's word for it."
Sofia's eyes dipped down to the telltale pillow over my crotch, and her blush deepened. Her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. Okay, yeah. She was definitely trying to kill me.
"You think I'm sexy?”
"I will personally beat the shit out of anyone that says different," I growled.
Sofia's smile lit up the room, and she snuggled closer to me. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pretended not to notice the way her breasts pushed against my chest. "Thank you, Luca."
"For what?"
She just shook her head and kissed me on the cheek.
***
By morning, I felt well enough to go in to work. I woke early and was in the kitchen, eating cereal, when Sofia came out, her eyes sleepy and her hair rumpled. She looked so damn cute I had to grip the counted to keep myself from lunging at her.
"You're up," she said, sounding surprised.
I shrugged. "Yeah, I'm feeling better today. I'm heading over to the Compound in a little while."
Sofia frowned. "Are you sure that's a good idea? You were really out of it yesterday, Luca. Maybe you should take another day or two off."
I shook my head and took another bite of my cereal. "I'm good. Really. Besides, Julian needs me, and I need to get back to normal."
Sofia sighed. "If you're sure."
"I am."
"Okay then."
She fixed herself a cup of coffee, and we sat at the kitchen counter together, silent as we ate our breakfast. I snuck glances at her, watching the way her mouth moved when she sipped from her coffee cup. She was chewing on her bottom lip while she scrolled through her phone. Her hand drifted absentmindedly up to her collarbone. I wanted to trace it's path with my tongue.
I cleared my throat. "Hear anything about the interviews? Did they call?"
Sofia smirked at me. "It's only been one day. I think you have to wait a little longer for the interviewers to get back to you."
"Of course."
Sofia's phone rang, and she frowned when she saw the caller. To my surprise, she stepped out onto the balcony and closed the door to take it. I tried not to be hurt by that. Sofia was entitled to her privacy. Just because we'd gotten closer the past few days didn't mean she had to share everything with me.
That was a lesson I'd learned the hard way with Emilia. Not that I was trying to push for the same thing with Sofia. Just the opposite, exactly. I was trying to keep my distance. I needed to keep my distance. When I fall for a woman, I fall hard, and from that point on, I'm all in. But here, the ground around my feet was already crumbling, and it was only a matter of time before I followed the rest of it down into the abyss.
Give her some space.
A couple minutes later, Sofia came back inside with a funny look on her face. She set her coffee cup in the sink. "I'm going to get ready."
"Is everything okay?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Yeah, fine. I'm going to go to the Compound with you today, I need to talk to Aria. I'll be ready in a few."
She disappeared into her bedroom, and I heard the water in the bathroom turn on. I finished my cereal and set my bowl in the sink. I really did feel a lot better this morning. My head didn't feel as heavy and foggy, and my stomach didn't roll like it had the day before. The dizziness and nausea had gone away too, and I felt more like myself. Maybe this was just a passing thing, a bug going around or something.
I was perfectly fine. I was probably getting worked up over nothing.
Everything was fine.