26. Chapter Twenty-Six
26
Luca
It's a strange sensation to be aware of your body and mind, but not quite connected to it. To feel the heaviness of your limbs, the weight of your own skull, but not to be able to control either. To hear the world around you, to know you exist, but to not be able to interact with it. I was a ghost trapped inside my own body, a passenger on a journey I had no say in.
That's how it felt. The voices I heard, the things I saw, they came and went. Sometimes, I could hear people talking to me, see their faces, but I couldn't respond. Couldn't move. And sometimes I couldn't hear anything at all. That was the scariest. The world was dark and quiet, and I was utterly alone. Those were the worst moments. In my nightmares, I'm right back there again, drifting untethered, lost at sea. There is nothing but darkness around me. I can't see anything, can't hear anything, can't feel anything. It's like I'm suspended in a void, and I don't know where I am or how to get out. I can't move, can't breathe, can't even scream. I'm just trapped, helpless and alone, in the darkness.
In my solitude, I panicked, adrenaline ratcheting up my heartrate and coursing through limbs I had no control of. The beeping of the machines spiked, but a voice broke through the fog: Sofia.
"Luca," she said, her voice soft and gentle. "Luca, it's okay. You are okay. You made it through the surgery. I'm here, I'm right here. Can you feel me? I'm holding your hand."
God...yes. I could feel her. I could smell her, that sweet, familiar scent of vanilla and peonies. I wanted so badly to open my eyes, to see her, to touch her, to tell her how much I loved her, how grateful I was for her. But I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything.
"You've got a tube in your throat helping you breathe, love, and the anesthesia is still wearing off, that's why it's hard for you to move right now," she said, and I could hear the tears in her voice. "Dr. Carter says the operation went beautifully, they were able to repair everything. You're going to be okay, Luca. You're going to live."
It took a few tries for her words to sink in, and when they did, I could feel the tension leave my body. Relief washed over me like a wave, and I felt my heart slow, the panic easing.
"That's it, Luca," she said, and I could hear her smile. "That's it, just relax. You're okay. You're okay. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I love you. I love you so much. You're going to be fine, I promise."
God, I love you too baby. I love you so much.
Around her slender fingers, my hand tightened.
***
Time is fluid in the hospital, and once I was able to keep my eyes open for more than a few hours at a time, I started to get antsy. I was always a kinetic person, always on the go, and the enforced bedrest was killing me. After going for so long expecting to die, I wanted nothing more than to get up out of this hospital bed and begin my life.
With Sofia.
She was a constant presence, a soothing, calming relief to my restless mind. Despite my best efforts, Sofia slept curled up in a recliner beside my bed, only leaving my side to shower, change, or eat. She was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen, and I spent hours just watching her sleep, her long lashes fanning over her cheekbones, her full lips parted slightly as she breathed softly. I would lay there, holding her hand, feeling her pulse beat under my thumb, and I would think about how lucky I was to have her. How much I loved her.
I had a second chance at life, and this time, I wasn't going to waste a second with her.
A week had gone by, and slowly but surely, my strength was returning. The doctors told me that the procedure had been a success, the lesion in my brain repaired, and my prognosis was good. I'd even allowed the good Dr. Carter to talk me into scheduling an appointment with a therapist once I was back home, and I was looking into the possibilities of plastic surgery to reduce the scarring on the left side of my face. Coming from Cassidy, a woman who'd been through her own battle with scarring and recovery as a result of mafia entanglements, it meant a lot more than just some random doctor squawking at me.
Look at me go.
The road to recovery would be a long one, again, but this time I was determined. I was going to get my life back. My future.
With Sofia.
I'd never been more sure of anything in my entire life.
"Knock, knock," Dante said, poking his head through the door. "How are you feeling, big guy?"
"I'm okay," I said, smiling. "Glad to still be here."
"I'm glad you're still here, too, buddy. You had us a little nervous there for a while." Dante grinned at me. "Well, Julian, that is. Me, I knew you'd pull through. You're too stubborn to die."
"Oh, very nice, Dante," Sofia said from the chair by the window where she was reading. "Luca's in the hospital recovering from brain surgery, and you're cracking jokes."
"Well, I'm a funny guy," Dante said, shrugging. "What can I say?"
"You can say you're a callous asshole," Sofia shot back, but she was smiling. "But I don't think I could have gotten through this without you."
"Aww, don't go all mushy on me now," Dante teased. "I like you better when you're mean."
"I like you better when you're not around," Sofia teased back, and they both laughed.
"I know, I know, you want some time alone with loverboy over there," Dante said. "Don't worry, I won't keep him long. Julian's on his way, and we've got to talk shop--"
"Oh, no you don't. Luca's still recovering. You can 'talk shop' another time," Sofia scolded, but she was still smiling.
Dante grinned. "You're right, of course. Sorry. How are the pain levels, buddy?" he asked me, sobering.
"Manageable," I said, returning his smile. "Drugs are good. I'm feeling pretty decent today."
"Good, that's good to hear," he said, nodding. "We're going to need you up and on your feet as soon as possible."
"No worries about that. I'll be outta this damn bed and back on the streets in no time."
Julian stepped into the room behind Dante. He was looking good, his hair trimmed, his suit sharp. Something about him had changed since the last time I saw him, though. He looked like a man with a purpose.
"Good to see you awake," he said, nodding at me. "You had us worried there for a while."
"I'm tough to kill," I said, trying to joke. But the truth was, I'd come close. Too close. I owed my life to the doctors here at Mass General. I would never forget that. "What happened at the compound? I'm surprised we're not all in jail right now."
Dante and Julian exchanged a glance. Then Julian turned to his sister. "Sofia, why don't you head home? Take a shower, get some rest. We'll sit with Luca for a while."
She looked at him, then at me. I could see the hesitation in her eyes, the worry that something might happen if she wasn't there. But I was getting stronger every day, and I knew she needed a break. She hadn't left my side since I'd been brought in here, and she was exhausted.
"It's okay," I told her. "Go home, take a shower, get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
"Okay," she said finally. "But call me if you need anything. Anything at all."
"I will," I promised. I squeezed her hand, then watched as she kissed me gently and left.
Once she was gone, Julian sat down in the chair beside my bed. Dante took the one by the window.
"So," I said, looking at them. "Tell me what happened. How did you two get away without the cops showing up?"
Dante smirked. "Well, you can thank Julian for that."
Julian nodded. "I have a lot of friends in this city. People who owe me favors. I made some calls, pulled some strings. It wasn't hard to convince the local PD that there was no need to investigate anything."
"Impressive," I said, raising my eyebrows. "But what about the FBI? What about the connection to Beth? Surely, the Feds aren't going to just let that go."
"Ah, well," Julian said. "That's a bit trickier. We had to do some damage control there, but I think we've managed to keep them at bay. For now, anyway. And we've got a new contact on the inside who's going to keep us updated on what the Bureau knows about our little operation here. They were more than willing to back off in exchange for some information on other cases. Namely from our Russian friends."
“ Former friends,” Dante corrected. “And don’t think I’m going to let that one go. If you ask me, they’ve got it coming for double-crossing us over the Irish.”
Julian nodded. “I haven’t forgotten either, but I wouldn’t worry about them. The Feds are going to keep them busy for a while.”
"Wow," I said, shaking my head. "That's helpful."
Julian smiled. "It helps to have high friends in low places."
I laughed, then groaned when my head throbbed. "Don't make me laugh, asshole. My head hurts enough already."
"Sorry," Julian said, but he was grinning. "So anyway, the other families down in Providence are on board. They're backing me as the new Don. Apparently, Sal’s crime wave was making headlines as far down as New York, and they’re just glad for the change. And mark my words, there are going to be some changes around here. Bring the family into the 21st century. We've got a lot of work to do, but I think we can turn this thing around."
"Damn," I said. "You're going to be a hell of a boss, Jules."
"Thanks, man." Julian reached out and clasped my hand. "I couldn't have done it without you. Actually, I’m pretty sure I owe it all to you."
“What do you mean?”
Julian shook his head, his mouth working in a rare show of emotion. “After what happened, you could have walked away from the family, Luca. Hell, you should have walked away from the family. You had every right to, but you didn’t. You didn’t give up. You stayed, and you fought, and you nearly died for us. Again. And watching that happen from the sidelines? Especially once I realized my sister was involved? It changed me. And then the way you both fought back, even after everything that's happened? It's inspiring. You're an example of what we need to stand for. Loyalty. Family. I want to bring that back. I want to build a legacy that we can all be proud of. That Sofia can be proud of. But that's not something I can accomplish sitting on my ass on the sidelines.”
“Fuck, man.” Tears sprang to my eyes, but I blinked them away. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”
“You don't have to say anything, Luca. It's the truth. We couldn't have done this without you. You're the reason we're here. You're the reason where I am right now. And I'm never going to forget that. The time of me letting other people get their hands dirty for me is over. This ends now. No more death. No more destruction. We're going to rebuild this family, and we're going to do it the right way. It's time for a new generation to take over. It's time for a new beginning. And I want you there at my side as my consigliere, Luca. It wouldn't be the same without you."
I was stunned. "Consigliere? Are you serious? I can barely hold a gun, Julian. I'm a has been."
"No," he said, shaking his head. "You're the smartest guy I know, and you're a hell of a leader. You've proven that time and again. Look, just think about it, okay? It's a lot of responsibility, I know that. But I need someone I can trust. Someone who's loyal. Someone who's not afraid to tell me when I'm being an idiot. Dante's chaos incarnate, and I'm going to need someone to balance him out."
"Hey, I heard that!" Dante shouted from the hall. "And I'll have you know, I can be a very responsible person when I want to be."
"Uh huh," Julian said, laughing. "Tell that to someone who doesn't know you as well as I do."
"Whatever," Dante called. "You love me."
Julian rolled his eyes, but I saw the smile tugging at his lips.
I couldn't help but smile too. These guys were the brothers I'd never had, and I loved them like family. And now, after all these years, it looked like we might finally have a chance to build something real together.
Something that would last.
"I don't know what to say, Jules," I said. "This is a lot to process. I've got to talk to Sofia about this."
"Of course. Talk to her. Let me know what she says, “Julian said, standing up. "Now get some rest. I'll see you later."
"See ya, boss," I said, saluting him with a weak wave.
"Take care of yourself, man," Dante said, standing up as well. "And let me know what you decide. I'm with you either way."
Dante turned to leave, but at the last second, he turned back and lurched over to the side of the bed, pulling me into an awkward yet gentle and entirely unprecedented hug. I laughed in shock and patted the man on the back. Dante pulled away with a huff and a scowl and pointed at me.
"Don't you fucking tell a single soul about this," he muttered. Then he sighed and his expression sobered. "I'm glad you're not dead."
"I'm glad I'm not dead, too," I said, smiling up at him. "Thanks for being here, man. And for watching over Sofia when I couldn’t."
"Anytime, Luca," Dante said, squeezing my shoulder. "I mean it."
Then he turned and left, and I was alone again. I leaned back against the pillows and closed my eyes, letting the events of the day wash over me. I had a lot to think about. A lot to consider. But one thing was for sure: I was alive, and I had a future ahead of me. With Sofia.
It might have been minutes, maybe hours later, but the scent of vanilla and peonies hit my nose, and I opened my eyes to see Sofia standing in the doorway, her hair wet and her cheeks flushed from her shower.
"Hey," I said, my voice rusty.
"Morning, sleepyhead," she said, stretching in the chair beside my bed. I watched the fabric of her t-shirt tighten over her perfect breasts, and I couldn't help but shift in the bed, hiding my arousal. Her hair was a tangled mess and she had crease marks from the chair on her face, but she'd never looked more beautiful to me.
"Morning, beautiful." I grinned at her, reaching out to take her hand. "How did you sleep?"
"Like a rock," she said, rubbing her eyes. "You? How are you feeling? Any headaches? Nausea?"
"No, none of that," I said, shaking my head. I'd been having headaches and nausea for as long as I could remember, and now that they were gone, I felt like a new man. I felt better than I had in months. There was still the lingering pain from surgery and the exhaustion that comes from it, but other than that, I felt good. Better than good, in fact. I felt alive. I was going to live. "I feel good, actually. Better than I have in a long time." I paused, looking at her. "And it's all because of you."
"Luca," she said, her voice soft. "I didn't do anything."
"Yes, you did," I said. "You saved my life. In more ways than one."
She blushed, ducking her head, and I reached out, cupping her chin and lifting it so I could see her eyes. "I mean it, Sofia. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You saved my life."
Her blush deepened, and she looked away. "I love you, Luca. More than anything. And I'm so glad you're going to be okay." She looked up at me then, her eyes shining with tears. "I was so scared. So scared I was going to lose you."
"Hey. Come here." I patted the bed next to me.
"I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't." I pulled her down beside me and she came willingly, crawling up onto the bed and curling up beside me after a brief struggle with the wires and tubes I was still attached to. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close. "I'm not going anywhere," I said softly. "I'm here. I'm okay. We're going to be okay."
"I love you," she whispered, her breath warm on my neck. "I love you so much."
"I know. And you know what else? There's something I've been meaning to tell you, I just haven't found the right moment, yet."
She pulled back and looked at me, her eyes wide. "Yeah?"
I nodded. "I've never said it before, not to anyone. And when you first said it to me, I could tell that I hurt you by not saying it back. It wasn't that I didn't want to, or that I didn't mean it. I was just scared. Dante was right. I was a coward—"
"Don't say that," she whispered. "Please don't say that."
"It's true," I insisted. "I was a coward, in more ways than one. I thought I was dying, and I thought that I could spare you the pain by not letting you know how deeply my feelings for you had gotten, by not letting myself love you, but I was wrong. So fucking wrong. Because I couldn't not love you, Sofia. I've loved you from the moment I woke up in that hospital bed and realized you were the one who had been there beside me, all along. The only one who never gave up on me, who always believed the best for me. The only reason my heart is still beating today."
I took Sofia's hand and pressed it against the organ the doctors had told me had stopped not once, but twice. "I love you, Sofia. With all my heart and soul, I love you. I've never been happier than when I'm with you, and I never want to be without you again. I'm sorry it took me so long to say it. I'm sorry I wasted so much time being afraid."
"Luca," she said, her voice thick. She was crying, fat tears rolling down her cheeks, and I reached up to brush them away with my thumb. "I love you, too. So much."
I leaned in and kissed her softly, sweetly. Her lips were soft and pliant, yielding to me as I deepened the kiss. I could taste the salt of her tears on her tongue, and I pulled her closer, wanting to feel her against me. Needing her. I was alive, and I had Sofia, and everything was going to be okay.
"I love you, too," I said, pulling her close and deepening the kiss. "Forever."
The door opened, and Dante stuck his head in. "Oh, sorry to interrupt, love birds, but the respective doctors McTiernan and Carter are here, and they've got news. Good news." He grinned at us. "Real good news."
I raised an eyebrow. "Well, don't keep me in suspense, man. What is it?"
"They're releasing you tomorrow."
Sofia and I looked at each other, and then we both grinned.
"That's great!" she exclaimed. "Oh, my God. That's amazing."
"Congratulations," Dante said, smiling at us. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find some nurses to flirt with."
"Go on, then," I said, waving him away. "Have fun."
"I always do," he said, winking at us before he left.
"Tomorrow," I said, looking at Sofia. "We're getting out of here."
She laughed. "Yes, we are. And then, we can start our life together."
"Sounds perfect to me," I said, kissing her again.