Chapter 14. MISSING LETTERS
(Sienna)
The police had just left my building.
Noah stayed with me last night, and I called them as soon as we woke up. My wrists were still sore from the prank Delta Kappa had pulled last night.
I told the cops everything. I informed them about the flowers and the notes, that someone had broken into my apartment, and about the stranger with the mask and a knife chasing me at Devil’s Night Festival. I couldn’t give them a very detailed description because I hadn’t seen their face or their hair, just that they wore black sweatpants, a black hoodie, and a mask. They asked me to show them a picture on Google because they had no idea what a ‘Purge’ mask was. When they saw my wrists, they asked what had happened and if they had been physical with me, so I told them about the Kappa Delta initiation. The moment I opened my stupid big mouth, they blamed the fraternity, of course. “It was probably part of the joke,” they said, but I insisted that Nathaniel Martin had already confirmed it was not part of the hazing. They completely ignored my comments because they’d clearly made up their minds.
I was lying on my bed, hugging my pillow between my arms, when my phone pinged.
Zayn
Sorry about last night. I had a couple of drinks before you arrived, and I fucked up. Also, about the Delta Kappa stuff. Can we meet?
I left Zayn on read.
“I cannot deal with this shit now,” I muttered.
My mind kept going back to the stranger who chased me, how close they felt, and how I thought I was going to die. Part of me wanted to believe it was all a joke, but there was something about how that moment felt that, deep down, I knew it wasn’t a prank. That the knife was a hundred percent real.
I needed to change my locks again. I didn’t feel safe enough.
Last night was a mess not only because of the life-and-death experience but because of Zayn’s kiss and how it felt to be so close to Ander again for the briefest moment. Once upon a time, I always felt like that. Cared for and protected. He was always a great friend, and it hit me hard when I realized that things would never be as they used to be. It felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest. Part of me wanted to confront Ander and ask him why he was so angry with me, but the way he’d been ignoring me in the lab told me that he wouldn’t give me a straight answer. I was going to confront him, just not yet.
My phone pinged again.
Maggie
Hey, babe. How are you? Have the cops left?
Me
I’m still on edge. Yes, they left.
Me
Wanna come over and watch a movie?
Maggie
I’ll be there in 5.
I needed a distraction, and a movie with Maggie sounded like a great plan.
* * *
During the next couple of weeks, my routine kept me distracted and busy. I hadn’t received any more flowers or notes from my “secret admirer.” Since our little Halloween moment, Ander and I had begun to work almost like a team in the lab.
Almost.
Reed was pleased with our work, and our results were promising. His words, not mine.
However, Ander was in a bad mood today. I could feel it. He’d been huffing and puffing every five minutes, and I feared opening my mouth around him for anything that didn’t have to do with the task Reed had given us.
“If you wanna say something, say it. I can see you watching me from the corner of my eye,” Ander blurted.
I’d tried starting a conversation with him several times, like every single day, but he’d completely ignored every one of my foolish attempts, so for the past twenty minutes, I’d been burning the side of his face with my stare while Reed explained a protocol to the entire lab.
“Nothing in particular. You look upset, but I guess that is your go-to mood.” I was getting a bit annoyed with his attitude today. He wouldn’t talk to me unless it was to provide instructions or to point out when I was doing something wrong.
Everyone had already exited the lab when Ander turned around.
“I don’t know why you care now. You never did.”
“I don’t know what you mean. I always cared for you, and you know it. You were my best friend,” I said.
“Yeah, sure thing, Sienna. You always did.” The sarcasm filled his voice, shooting me like an arrow.
“Fucking say it. Whatever is eating you alive. Say it!” I yelled at him.
He dropped his backpack and stampeded across the room until he faced me. Ander looked furious with fire in his eyes.
“You fucking ditched me! You ignored me for a fucking year! For fuck’s sake, Sienna. I wrote to you every single month for a year. Do you know how many fucking letters? Twelve fucking letters. Twelve! All of them telling you how much I missed you, asking you why you didn’t write back. I wondered every time I checked the mailbox why you would give me the cold shoulder. It drove me insane! But you know what was the worst thing? You sending your father’s errand boy asking me to put an end to it. You didn’t have the balls to even tell me yourself!”
My mouth dropped.
“What the fuck are you talking about? I never received a fucking letter from you! I was the one who actually wrote to you twice. I even sneaked out from my house to come over and see you during the first summer break, even though my father had expressly forbidden me to see you. But the moment I walked around your yard, there you were, in the swimming pool with Silvia’s arms around your neck and a smile from ear to ear. She was thrilled from being in your arms.” I was out of breath, tears burning behind my eyes. “You had clearly moved on, and I wasn’t gonna stay and humiliate myself over a guy who had forgotten me. I felt betrayed. I thought we had something special, and you ruined it!”
We didn’t say a word for a minute. Our breathing accelerated from the heated argument. Ander closed the small distance between us. I could feel his body almost pressed to mine, his breath caressing my lips, and my eyes dropped to his mouth. His eyes kept darting back and forth between my mouth and my eyes. Was he going to kiss me? He hesitated and took a step back. My heart shattered once more.
“Tell yourself all the lies you need to hear, love, but the truth is, you didn’t care. And now I don’t.” Ander turned and stormed out of the lab, slamming the door behind him.
I couldn’t breathe. I needed air.
So then, did he write to me after all? He says he did, but I didn’t receive any letters. Or was he just lying?
You sending your father’s errand boy asking me to put an end to it.
Then it clicked.
I took my phone out of my back pocket and dialed the only person who would know about this.
Could it be true? I had to know.
“Hi, Sienna. Good to hear from you. Everything alright?” Jerry greeted me as soon as he answered the phone.
“Hi, Jerry. All good, thanks. Something very weird just happened, and you might be the only person who might know what happened.” I tried calming my breathing to avoid sounding like an angry pit bull.
“Hmm, okay.”
“Alexander Scott is studying at Stanford. You remember him, right? William Scott’s son. He just said he wrote to me while I was in Switzerland and that you knew something about it. But I never received any letters from him, so I’m a bit confused…care to explain?”
Silence stretched for a few seconds, but I heard him sigh at the other end of the line.
“It was for your own good. Your father gave me clear instructions to intercept any communications from the Scotts, so I obliged.”
So it was true. Ander wrote to me as he promised. He never forgot about me.
“How could you?” A single tear trickled down my cheek. “You know how much I cared about him. How could you?” Before he could respond, I hung up the phone. I wasn’t willing to hear any apologies from his mouth although I doubted he would apologize. He did what my father had asked of him, and like Ander said, he was always the most loyal assistant to my father. More tears streamed down my face as I struggled to take shallow breaths, feeling a heavy pressure on my chest. I felt humiliated and betrayed. No wonder Ander was so mad at me. I had disappointed him; I’d broken his heart, and my dad had broken mine. I loved him, more than a friend, and now I wondered what would have happened if I had received those letters.
What had he written in them? Did he feel the same way I felt when I left him at the bus stop? But then I remembered what I saw: him and Silvia Tucker almost kissing each other in the swimming pool. No, he never loved me. He might have missed me, but only as a friend. Otherwise, he would have reached out after he had found my letters. He would have found a way.
I was upset, mostly with myself, for entertaining the thought of kissing him back if he had kissed me and for how I felt when he comforted me after the house of mirrors incident. The reality of my feelings scared me because what I had come to realize in the past few weeks was that I still had feelings for Ander. And I knew I had to put an end to it.
I took my things and headed home, but one thing he said kept creeping into my mind.
I wrote to you every single month for a year.