Chapter 17. DON’T HOLD BACK
(Sienna)
I was on the phone with Maggie all morning while preparing my luggage. She would be helping the local homeless shelter during Thanksgiving, so her plan was to stay at Stanford and watch as many horror movies as she could. I told her to get some ideas on how to avoid being an easy prey to my stalker, to which she replied that my sense of humor was fucked up. I knew it was not funny, but I tended to make jokes during stressful times.
The guys would pick me up in five minutes, and we would head directly to the San Francisco airport to catch our flight. Before leaving the apartment, I quickly went through all my things to ensure I didn’t forget anything.
In true gentlemanly fashion, Noah held the car door open for me, so when the driver put my luggage in the trunk, I jumped in the back of the car. I sat in the middle, between Zayn and Noah. Ander sat in the passenger’s seat. Silence filled the Uber on our way to the airport, and it stretched until we were at the gate.
“What seat did you get?” Zayn asked me.
“I have 9B,” I answered.
Zayn showed me his ticket. “I have 9A. We’re sitting together.”
Noah and Ander, who slept for most of the flight, were behind us in row 10. Zayn and I didn’t talk much, but he asked me some questions about college and my time in the lab with Ander.
I found it awkward to think that I had sex with two of them. I enjoyed spending time with Noah, but there was this rush of excitement every time Zayn would brush my hand with his or every time I would catch him staring at me from his seat. I remember the word he used when he cornered me in the haunted house. Mine . I also wondered why that simple word would drive the most insane and dangerous thoughts every time I was near him. My mind would drift to that evening we spent together in Manhattan, and it drove me mad to think about his body between my legs.
“I need to go to the bathroom.” Rather than walk toward the front of the plane, I chose the one at the back.
When I closed the door, I immediately reached for the tap. I cooled down my hot cheeks with water until the tightness in my chest eased. I remained in the toilet for a few minutes, gathering all my strength because God knew how much I needed for the weekend that lay ahead.
I opened the door, but Zayn blocked the exit.
“What…” Before I could finish the sentence, Zayn pushed us inside the small aircraft lavatory and clicked the door shut behind him.
“What is it with you and restrooms?”
He grabbed my chin to face him, taking my mouth in a sensual but filthy kiss that drove me slowly fucking insane. His kiss took me off guard, but I kissed him back. I twisted my fingers into his black T-shirt and pulled him closer. I knew how wrong it was to kiss this beautiful man while Noah sat only a few feet away from us. But I couldn’t help it.
He pulled away, giving me a soft grin, and then he turned and stepped outside but not before saying, “It’s gonna be an interesting weekend.”
My face was heated, but I recovered quickly enough so no one would notice that I’d been out of my seat for a long time. When I returned to 9B, Noah and Ander were still sleeping, so I thanked my guardian angel for not making the situation more difficult than it already was.
We landed in New York half an hour later. Mr. Scott had sent his driver to pick us up from the airport, so after collecting our luggage from the belt, we headed toward the parking lot.
It had only been a couple of months since I left New York, but I was mesmerized by the orange and red colors that filled the city. Autumn was one of my favorite seasons. The colors that covered the trees felt bold and homey, and a sense of peace filled my heart. I always loved the chilly wind on my face first thing in the morning. I remembered those days when I would sit at the back of Moore Manor reading a Harry Potter book or playing cards with Ander while the sun set and vibrant hues of red layered the sky. I loved this city in autumn.
It took approximately an hour to get to Rye, and I felt anxious as we approached the Scotts’ driveway. It had been over six years since the last time I set foot in this house, and all the memories that this place held were stuck in my throat. I tried to swallow the feelings that rushed over me as soon as the car stopped.
Ander came over to where I stood, grabbed my wrist, and turned me to look at him with a harsh movement.
“I don’t think it is necessary for me to tell you that my father won’t be pleased that you’re here. I’ve invited you over because Noah told me about the notes, so don’t get the wrong idea.”
I stood still for a few seconds, thinking about how to answer him. It seemed he didn’t want me here, and neither did his father, which wasn’t a surprise.
“Don’t worry, Alexander. I’m fully aware of how little you care about me. You were very clear last time we spoke.” I yanked my wrist out of his hold and grabbed my bag. Before we reached the main entrance, the door opened. A woman came toward us, holding her arms open with a kind smile.
“Zayn, oh my boy. I’ve missed you!” she said. Her movements were graceful and delicate, like those of a ballerina who knew only how to float with ethereal steps. Her black midi hair, pale skin, and plump red lips only heightened her beautiful features. Her long-sleeve DVF wrap dress beautifully accentuated her body’s curves. I could recognize that pattern and design anywhere.
Once she finished hugging Zayn and placed a kiss on his cheek, she moved on to greet Ander and Noah. Then she turned to face me.
“You must be Sienna. I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s a pleasure to meet you finally, darling. I’m Claudia, Zayn’s mom.” Claudia held my waist and pushed me closer to her, giving me a delicate side hug. I couldn’t do anything but smile at the kind gesture.
“Let me show you to your room so you can freshen up before we have dinner. Traveling is always exhausting, so take your time. Dinner won’t be served until seven,” Claudia informed us.
She walked me to one of the rooms on the first floor, which I quickly recognized. It was in front of Ander’s room when we were kids, but I wasn’t sure if it still was his room or if he’d moved to the other side of the house, perhaps the third floor.
After I hung up all my clothes, I lay on the king-size bed and stared at the ceiling. I wondered if Ander remembered all the nights I had stayed over to watch movies and eat ice cream. Or about those nights when we would grab our lanterns and explore the garden hunting for monsters.
Curiosity hit me. I stood and walked toward the door. I held the doorknob and slowly opened the door to make sure the hallway was empty. I stood in front of Ander’s room, trying to hear anything from the other side of the door before I knocked twice and waited for a response. Nothing. I opened the door and entered the room, closing the door behind me. Everything remained the same as I remembered. A king-size bed placed in the middle of the room with only one bedside table, a desk with tightly organized stationery—far away from the messy chaos that reigned when he lived here—a chaise lounge couch with a cinema-like TV, and wall-to-wall shelves filled with books and DVDs. I stared at some of the DVDs and how something so simple as a movie could bring up memories of some of the best days of my life.
“I knew you couldn’t resist.”
I turned around to face Ander, who leaned against the doorframe with his hands inside his pockets. I didn’t hear him coming in.
“I was just curious. I wondered if you kept it the same,” I responded.
“I only changed a few things, like the TV and the bedding. Marvel theme sheets are not cool anymore when you start to bring girls over.”
I snorted a laugh.
“I did like them, and as far as I remember, I was the first one.”
“Not that kind of sleepover.”
I stood there in awkward silence for a moment, gathering all my strength to start the pending conversation between us.
“You know…I spoke with Jerry. Did you know my dad asked him to intercept any calls and letters from you while I was at boarding school?”
Ander didn’t respond, keeping the same expressionless face, so I continued, “I’m sorry, Ander. You will never know how sorry I am. You must have thought I didn’t care about you, but that’s far from the truth. When we kissed—” Before I could finish, Ander interrupted me.
“Don’t dwell in the past, Sienna. I try not to. What’s done is done, and we can’t change the past. And I don’t need your apologies. You could have called when you didn’t receive any of my letters. I promised you I’d write to you. But you didn’t try contacting me, and that was a choice you made.”
My blood boiled.
“But that’s not true!” I yelled while storming toward Ander. “I wrote to you too, and I came to see you as soon as I was back in Port Chester the next summer. I’ve already told you what happened when I went to your place.
“And what about my letters, Ander? Because I wrote to you too. You’re a hypocrite and a piece of shit.” Suddenly, Ander grabbed me and pulled me against his chest, his face just a few inches from mine.
“Watch your mouth, Sienna. You blame me, but you were the one who left and never came back. You weren’t there when my parents got divorced, and I needed you. You have no idea what I went through, and you weren’t there. I lov…” His gaze dropped to my mouth. “You didn’t try hard enough.”
Guilt took over my body, thinking about his parents’ divorce and how it could have affected him. I wasn’t there to comfort him as a friend, and I felt guilty for not trying harder.
Ander loosened his grip on my arm with an apology.
“I’m sorry you had to go through all that, but you weren’t the only one who struggled. I missed you too, Ander. Every fucking day.”
I walked toward my room, tears burning at the back of my eyes. I knew the situation was fucked up, and the lack of communication between us was not making things easier. He was clearly affected by me coming back into his life, but he shouldn’t blame me for all the things that had happened because I’d also been kept in the dark. Now, he knew the truth. If he wanted to continue hating me because he needed to hold on to that anger, he could be my guest. I was done.
I took a shower to clean away all my built-up emotions and dressed in a pair of black leggings and an oversized dark gray sweater. Nobody had told me it was going to be a fancy dinner, so I didn’t expect anyone to comment on my sense of fashion.
I headed downstairs a few minutes before seven and strolled through the corridors until I stumbled upon the entrance to the dining room. Voices echoed from the inside, so I assumed everyone was probably already there. When I pushed the double doors, everyone stopped talking, and one particular pair of eyes landed on me. William.
“Good evening, Mr. Scott. Thank you for having me; your house looks just as beautiful as I remember.”
“Good evening, Miss Moore; it’s lovely to see you again after all these years.” His words were kind, but his facial expression made it evident that he wasn’t exactly excited about my presence.
“Let’s eat, shall we?” Claudia exclaimed with false excitement, her eyes darting between us.
The service delivered a wonderful dinner, I must say. It had been quite a while since I’d enjoyed homemade food around a table. Everyone jumped into casual conversation, Zayn and Noah talking about their work in college and how the year was unfolding at Stanford. They talked about a few of the parties they had attended, and Ander shared some anecdotes from our days in the lab with Professor Reed. It almost seemed like a normal family dinner, yet every now and then, I could feel a lingering tension in the air that kept me on guard throughout the entire evening.
“Sienna, I recently heard that you have been named the major shareholder at Cos Pharmaceuticals. Is that right? Aren’t you a bit young and inexperienced to lead the company?” William posed the question in a nonchalant manner, but I couldn’t help but detect a touch of disdain in his voice. I didn’t appreciate the hostility.
“Yes, that’s correct, William .” If he was going to address me on a first-name basis, I sure could play that game. “We still are in the process of appointing a new CEO, but hopefully, that means I can focus on my studies and leave someone with experience to take care of the business while I’m at Stanford.”
“It was an amazing journey to set up the company with your father. I have very fond memories of my time at Cos Pharma.”
“Why did you leave then?” I asked. It was a simple question, yet my tone was cold and distant. “Or was that not a choice you actually made?”
William’s expression darkened, and his hands clutched the cutlery as if he intended to melt them in his grasp.
“Your father and I disagreed on how things were dealt with in the last year before I left the company. We could not reach an agreement on how to move forward, so I left.”
“Is that so?” I challenged him as I lifted my fork and slowly drove a carrot into my mouth.
“Make it as you wish. Some things are better left in the past because it would be very painful to see the image you have of your father turn into something too twisted for you to handle after his death. I don’t wish to taint the memory of the dead, especially because the truth wouldn’t do any good at this point,” he stated with the iciest tone.
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.
“I mean what I mean.” He paused. “I’ve had enough of this shit show. I’m going to my office. Claudia, don’t wait up for me.” Everyone stilled, and as soon as William left the room, Noah tried to crack a joke to lighten the mood with little success. I looked around the table. Everyone visibly felt uncomfortable after our exchange, but my head kept spinning about what he’d said.
It would be very painful to see the image you have of your father turn into something too twisted for you to handle after his death.
Was there something awful that my father kept hidden from me, something that drove William to resign? After all, he was one of the founders, and I believed that knowing how stubborn he’d always been, it wouldn’t have been easy for him to leave Cos Pharmaceuticals.
“I’m going to bed,” I announced. “Claudia, thank you for the dinner. Would you like me to help you tomorrow with the Thanksgiving preparations?” Offering my help was the minimum I could do for a woman who was clearly delusional for marrying that jerk.
“Oh, that’d be lovely. Thank you, my dear!”
* * *
I excused myself to my room and swapped my leggings and sweater for a comfortable set of silk pajamas. I kind of regretted coming to this place, which was plagued with bittersweet memories.
I dozed off pretty fast, but I instinctively woke up during my sleep. I switched my bedside table lamp on and checked my phone; it was 3:46 a.m.
Curiosity got the best of me, so I left my room and explored the house. Maybe I could eat some of that dessert I didn’t get the chance to taste during dinner. I headed downstairs, but as soon as I reached the ground floor, I noticed a faint light coming out of the kitchen. I walked toward it, wondering who might be struggling to sleep. Maybe they also had the same idea about getting a bite of that wonderful chocolate cake.
When the fridge door shut, Zayn’s figure emerged from behind it. The dim light above the stove cast shadows on his well-toned body. He stood there, holding a piece of chocolate cake on a plate while sporting only a pair of pajama pants and nothing else. My eyes hungrily traced each chiseled muscle, from his arms and shoulders down to his abs. He had one arm and part of his right chest covered with black ink, and it looked like there was a spider tattoo on his hip, just peeking out from his pants.
Jesus Christ.
“Trouble sleeping?” I said as soon as he spotted me by the door.
“Yes. I was tired of tossing and turning when I remembered we hadn’t finished all the cake. Wanna have some? I can share,” he offered.
I made my way over to the kitchen island and perched myself on top of it. Zayn stood in front of me, setting his body between my legs. He grabbed a small piece of the cake and placed it between my lips. I took a bite, and a borderline sexual moan escaped my mouth.
“What is the verdict?” Zayn asked mischievously.
“Excellent.”
“I like your pajamas.”
“Thank you,” I replied. “I like your tattoos. What’s your favorite one?” My eyes roamed his chest and arm, studying every design. I quickly recognized the face of a wolf, a compass, and a human skull.
“This one,” he said, pointing at a tiny lion on his chest.
“Is that Simba from The Lion King ?”
“Yes.” He laughed. “My dad used to call me ‘cub.’ He often said I had the fierceness of a lion.”
“I like it,” I replied, running my fingers along the lines of the tattoo. “Can I have more cake? I’m still hungry.”
Zayn licked his lips.
“Beg.”
“You’re delusional,” I answered. I reached out for a piece from the counter, but Zayn swiftly caught my hands and pinned them behind my back.
“I know how much you want it, but I want to hear you say it.”
“Please,” I said without breaking eye contact.
Were we still talking about the cake?
He picked a small portion, but he ate the whole piece before he offered it to me.
“Hey! That was mine,” I cried.
“Come for it.”
I hesitated for a second, if not for a millisecond, and I planted a kiss on his lips. The instant our lips met, a surge of electricity coursed through my spine. Our attraction seemed inevitable, and the only thing that clouded my mind was how good it felt to be under his spell. He parted his lips, his tongue colliding with mine while his hands tightened their grip on my hips. It was consuming. This man was going to be the end of me. Our kiss deepened, and my hands started roaming his chest and his hair. It wasn’t enough. I wanted his cock buried inside me and his name on my lips as I came.
“I want to fuck you so badly. It’s the only thing I can think about lately,” he said between kisses.
“Then stop wishing and do it.”
Zayn ripped my blouse in one swift movement, baring my breasts to him. He took one of my nipples in his mouth, and the entire world disappeared around me. My body was burning, and all my senses came alive as he switched to my other nipple. I lifted my body so Zayn could remove both my pants and underwear. Then he took his pajama bottoms off. I was so lost in the moment that I didn’t care about using a condom. He grabbed my legs, parted them wider, and pushed my body toward him. He pushed the tip of his cock against my soaking pussy and started pushing and pulling in small movements until his full length was inside me. A groan escaped his lips as he slowly picked up the pace until we were both sweating and moving at the same rhythm.
“Oh my God, Zayn. Please don’t stop,” I begged quietly, not wanting to wake up the entire household. The only sound in the kitchen was the one our bodies made every time they came together. Zayn continued fucking me and biting my shoulder and my neck.
“Fuck. Your cock feels so good. Right there…yes…keep doing that. Oh God.”
Zayn covered my mouth with his hand to muffle my moans, which were getting increasingly louder.
“Come for me, babe, don’t hold back.”
He slammed into me a few more times until I couldn’t control my body anymore, and my orgasm detonated. Waves of pleasure ebbed and flowed throughout my body. Zayn followed me a few thrusts after, spilling his seed inside me. We remained in that position, our bodies intertwined, for a few moments. However, when I glanced up, I noticed Noah standing at the kitchen door, his arms rigidly positioned on either side, his fists clenched, and his gaze piercing mine. I had no idea how long he’d been standing there, but it was long enough for him to realize that I’d just fucked his best friend.
“Noah…” I breathed. Zayn quickly turned around, picking our clothes from the floor and handing them back to me.
As Noah turned away, I leaped off the kitchen island, intending to go after him. However, Zayn caught hold of my arm and whispered, “Leave him be. He won’t be in the mood to talk to us right now.”
I was so caught up in my feelings toward Zayn that I hadn’t considered Noah’s feelings. We had never discussed being exclusive, but hooking up with his best friend felt like a betrayal.
“What have I done…?”
“You mean ‘what have WE done.’ And it wasn’t the first time. We met first,” he responded.
“You and your fucking habit of calling dibs. This has nothing to do with it. I’m seeing Noah. This was clearly a mistake.”
“Is that what I am? A mistake?” His voice was full of hurt.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“What did you mean, Sienna? Because as far as I know, this thing we started in New York didn’t end there, and I don’t want to end it now either. Noah is my friend, but I can’t fucking get you out of my head. Is that what you want to hear? That you’ve become an obsession, and all I can think about is you?” Zayn raised his voice quietly.
“I like you too, Zayn. Very much. You must know that by now…but I also like Noah. So please don’t make me choose between the two of you because I can’t. I need time to process this. This is too much.”
Zayn stayed silent for a few seconds.
“I’ll give you space to figure things out.”
He left me there in the kitchen, the walls closing in on me and making it very difficult for me to breathe.
I dressed and walked to my room—the walk of shame. I paused outside Noah’s room, contemplating whether to knock. However, I had a gut feeling that if I didn’t give him some time to cool off, whatever was happening between us would end abruptly tonight, and that was something I didn’t want to let happen.