Chapter 38
Not for the first time, Sarah considered making a run for it.
She desperately wanted to try to get away from Quincy, but she knew it wasn’t possible.
Sarah had never been extremely strong or athletic, and she was pretty sure that Quincy could catch her easily.
The other problem was that even if she did get away, she would have no idea where to go.
She didn’t have a horse; they only had the wagon, and she wouldn’t be able to take one of the horses attached to it.
They were in the middle of the desert, and she didn’t recognize anything.
If she were to run at that moment, she would be completely lost and would likely die before she found any civilization.
The idea of dying didn’t scare her as much as it used to.
If she was being honest with herself, she would rather die than live as Quincy’s wife for the rest of her life.
She knew that that would be no life for her, and she would be forced to have his babies.
Sarah had always dreamed of getting married and having children.
She wanted a big family, but she also wanted a loving husband.
She imagined many times how it would feel to be with child.
The idea had always excited her, but now that she was, she felt no love for the child growing inside her.
Sometimes she felt horribly guilty for not loving it, and at other times, she felt no guilt at all.
At the end of the day, she was starting to hate herself for the way she felt about the baby she was carrying.
She knew that this wasn’t fair to the baby. The baby didn’t choose who its mother or father was and was innocent in all of it. Sarah was desperately hoping that after she gave birth, her feelings for the baby would change. Maybe seeing the baby would make her feel something for it.
“What are you thinking?” Quincy asked.
Sarah shook her head. “Nothing really.”
“Oh, come on, tell me.” Quincy squeezed her hand. “I want to know what’s going on in that head of yours.”
Sarah did not try to pull her hand away. Quincy enjoyed holding her hand, and whenever she tried to move away from him, he got angry, so she had stopped. She hated being anywhere near him, and she hated him touching her, but as long as he believed that she was happy, he didn’t hurt her.
“I was just thinking about the baby,” she told him. It wasn’t a complete lie, and over the last couple of months, Sarah had learned to lie well. She used to hate people who spoke anything but the truth, but considering her circumstances, she didn’t feel bad about it at all.
“Are you excited to meet him?”
Quincy kept calling the baby him. There was no way to know whether it was a girl or a boy, and it angered Sarah horribly.
She knew she had to keep her anger to herself.
She knew she shouldn’t say anything to Quincy.
She knew she should simply call the baby a boy, too, and deal with the consequences of that if the baby turned out to be a girl.
Even knowing all of those things, Sarah couldn’t stop the words from slipping out of her mouth.
“I’ve told you before, it could be a girl.”
The smile vanished from Quincy’s face. “How dare you speak to me like that?”
Sarah’s stomach twisted, and her heart felt like it was going to rip right out of her chest. She had no idea what had overcome her, but now that she had spoken up, she couldn’t stop herself.
“I just don’t understand,” she said. “You know it could be a girl, but you insist on calling the baby a boy.”
Quincy let go of her hand as anger washed over his face. “You don’t speak to me like that. You respect me.”
“And why should I respect you? How could you even expect me to after everything you’ve done?”
The knowledge that she might be digging her own grave sat front and center in her brain.
Yet it felt good to be saying what she thought.
She was scared of Quincy, and she had no doubt that he would actually kill her if he felt it was necessary.
The only thing that had changed was how she felt about that.
“What I’ve done?” he asked, sounding exasperated. “I’ve treated you much better than you deserved. I kept my men from touching you, and now I’m going to give you a home and a family.”
“You assaulted my mother,” Sarah cried. “And then you assaulted me. How do you expect me to be grateful? You’re disgusting and evil.”
Quincy’s face turned red, and then without warning, he slapped her. “Your mother deserved that for convincing you to escape. What I did to her was not the same as what I do with you.”
“Of course it’s the same. There is no difference. I never wanted you. I never wanted any of this. I still don’t. I don’t want your baby, and I don’t want your house.”
Quincy reached forward, his fingers closing around her neck. This was it. He was going to strangle her. Sarah closed her eyes, welcoming whatever came next.
***
It took three days for the kid to heal. And during that time, Deadshot felt like he was losing his mind.
He had never before in his life been so worried.
That first night and the day that followed were the worst. He honestly wasn’t sure whether the kid would pull through or not.
He also had no idea how he would cope if the kid died on his watch.
Deadshot had come to feel responsible for the kid.
Luckily, by the second night, the kid’s fever had broken, and he started to eat small amounts of food without vomiting.
They could probably have gotten on their way the second day, but Deadshot was not willing to take any chances and wanted the kid to recover completely before they continued their mission.
It felt strange to care about somebody again after so many years.
The last people Deadshot ever cared about were his aunt, uncle, nephews, and nieces.
He had loved them, but still, he had left them.
The bond that he felt with the kid was different.
It reminded him of his love for his brother.
Deadshot wasn’t sure whether he was happy about that realization or not.
It was much easier not to care about anybody.
He had lived his life that way and was quite happy with it.
He didn’t need this new complication now.
Yet there was nothing he could do to change it.
On the fourth day, they finally got on their way, leaving the river and shade behind.
Both of them drank their bellies full of water and filled their canteens before they left.
Deadshot hated that they had to leave the water behind, but staying in one place wouldn’t help their cause.
They still had a mission to complete, and it was time to move on.
“That was horrible,” the kid stated as they rode south. “I think that is the sickest I’ve ever been.”
“I was scared you weren’t going to make it,” Deadshot admitted.
“What do you mean? You said the scorpion’s venom isn’t lethal.”
Deadshot shrugged. “I lied. People do it all the time.”
“Why would you lie to me about such a thing?” the kid complained. “That’s such a mean thing to do.”
“I did it to help you,” Deadshot replied. “You were panicking. If I told you the truth, it would have made things worse. The fact that you thought its venom wasn’t lethal allowed you to relax, and your body needed that.”
The kid looked deep in thought for a moment. “I guess that makes sense,” he said with a sigh. “But don’t lie to me again.”
“I’ll try not to, but I can’t promise anything. If your life depends on it, I’ll do what I have to.”
“I could have handled the truth.” The kid looked at him disapprovingly. “I’m not a child anymore.”
“Fine, next time I’ll tell you the truth. Just stop complaining,” Deadshot replied with a laugh, and to his relief, the kid joined in. The last thing he felt like doing was arguing with the kid. He had had a rough couple of days and was hoping to get through the day without having to worry.