Chapter Twenty-Five
The Kips Bay venue where Maren had summoned her for Scott’s birthday was much more crowded than the Irish pub she’d just left. Eliza wove her way through swarms of people to find the back room where she’d been told to go. She slipped past the small sign that read Private Party and immediately spotted her sister-in-law. Red hair was useful that way. Maren was holding what looked like a martini and laughing with the man and woman standing with her.
Scott wasn’t far from them, a beer in his hand. He appeared to be in a more serious conversation with some people who looked vaguely familiar. She made her way over to him and caught his eye. He didn’t seem surprised to see her; nor did he seem overly delighted.
She leaned in to give him a half hug. “Happy birthday, Scott.”
“Thanks, Liza.”
“I know it’s probably a pretty sucky one.”
“You could say that again,” he replied, and took a long swallow of his drink. “You can get yourself a drink; Maren ordered apps for everyone.” He waved toward the bar, and Eliza felt she’d been summarily dismissed.
Obediently, she headed in the direction that Scott had indicated, her eyes sweeping the room for any familiar faces. She felt a jolt when she saw Josh. He was sitting at a high-top table, his head tilted to listen to a sleek, well-pressed woman who kept touching his arm as she spoke. She wondered if anyone would notice if she just slipped out and went home. Or, more importantly, if anyone would care.
Instead, she caught the bartender’s eye and ordered a chardonnay. As she sipped it, she couldn’t keep her eyes from wandering over to Josh, still seemingly engrossed in whatever his companion was telling him.
At some point during Josh’s senior year of high school, his parents had gotten a new car and given him their old Toyota Camry. It wasn’t sexy, but it had wheels and an engine, and that was really all that mattered. Eliza typically walked home; Scott didn’t have a car and usually stayed late at school anyway. If it wasn’t tennis season, there always seemed to be some sort of club meeting or activity that kept him from going home straightaway.
The first day that Josh had pulled up alongside her as she walked and offered her a ride, she’d initially said no.
“I’m practically home already,” she objected, shifting her backpack higher up on her shoulder.
“Look at you, you’re like a Sherpa with that thing. Just get in.”
So she did. And it became a routine. Sometimes it was just a quick ride with Eliza immediately hopping out of the car. Other times, they sat side by side in the bucket seats and talked for a while. She discovered that Josh could do spot-on imitations of nearly everyone at school?—from the principal with his honking laugh to the lunchroom lady who so strictly apportioned the pasta that you’d think there was a global ziti shortage.
And she discovered that she hadn’t lost her sense of humor, despite all that was going on with Laura. Not only could he make her laugh until the tears rolled down her cheeks, but her random thoughts, which she normally kept to herself, made him guffaw. Like her observation one afternoon that Madonna’s “Open Your Heart” seemed like it was about a stalker.
“I mean, come on. Is that supposed to be romantic? How would you like it if someone said they were going to force you to love them?”
Josh laughed. “Well, I suppose it would depend on who it was.”
“Right. Even if it was someone you liked?—you’d probably change your mind and decide she was crazy!”
No matter how long they sat and talked, it wasn’t long enough for Eliza. She had come to look forward to that part of her day more than anything else. It was the buffer between school and Laura, who was getting weaker all the time. But even when she wanted to stay longer on that vinyl seat, she was always sure to go inside before Scott came home. She and Josh never talked about him, but they both seemed to sense that their friendship was something they should keep to themselves.
Now, Eliza twirled the stem of her wineglass and watched Scott shift from one cluster of friends to another. Quite a few of the faces were at least somewhat familiar?—from parties over the years, their wedding, or the shiva. The shiva. Thinking about the fact that many of these people had been present for her outburst made her even less inclined to try to make small talk. Unsurprisingly, she had only the blurriest memory of who had been there?—except, of course, for Carol’s nephew Adam, who didn’t seem to be at the bar this evening. Perhaps he wasn’t invited. It would be nice to believe that Scott and Maren had deleted him from their list out of respect for her, given what Adam had started. But she suspected it was just as likely that he simply hadn’t yet arrived.
She felt a hand on her arm and turned. It was Josh.
He smiled at her, and she wondered where his lady friend had gotten to. “Hey, I was hoping you’d be here,” he said. “How are you doing?”
“You know. One foot in front of the other.”
“Sometimes that’s all you can do.” He glanced at her wineglass. “Can I get you another?”
“No, I’m good for now.” Just what she didn’t need?—to end up making another scene in front of Scott’s friends.
Josh caught the bartender’s attention to order another beer. Just one, Eliza noted.
He turned back to her. “No Chester?”
She rolled her eyes at him. “Carter. No. We’re not together anymore.”
He looked surprised. “But the other day at the coffee place...”
She cut him off. “Nope,” she said firmly.
“I’m really sorry, Eliza. This is such a rough time for you, and then to have a relationship end, too...”
He clearly didn’t have a very accurate picture of what she and Carter had. Did he think she’d been dumped? She shook her head. “It’s all fine. It ran its course. That’s it.” Her eyes scanned the room for Josh’s friend. Maybe she’d gone to the ladies’ room. “Who’s your friend?” It was out of her mouth before she could stop it.
His eyebrows drew together. “My friend?”
She wanted to kick herself. Hard. “The woman you were talking to.” She inclined her head in the direction of where they’d been sitting. “Thought you were together.”
He shook his head. “Nope. Just met her. Her name is Shaina or Shonna or something. Tough to hear in here.”
With how close your heads were to each other, it’s hard to imagine you missed a word she said.
“She works with Maren, I think,” he added before taking a swallow from his beer.
Of course she does. Why did that irritate her so much? Eliza found herself draining her wineglass.
Josh chuckled and pointed at her glass. “Now can I get you another?”
“Sure, why not?”
When she had her fresh glass of chardonnay in hand, Josh shifted her a bit away from the bar to make room for the people crowding behind them. They ended up in a corner a few steps from the swarm.
He bent toward her. “I don’t want to be nosy if you don’t want to talk about it, but anything new on the whole ‘new birth father’ front?”
Eliza was surprised his phrasing didn’t irk her?—but somehow, it didn’t. It was just the degree of lightness about the subject she needed. And, she couldn’t help but notice, it felt so different from Mo’s question.
“A lot, actually.” She told him about her meeting with Ross and that they were likely going to have an ongoing working relationship.
“Yikes. What a mess.”
“Right. Here I am stuck working with him and pretending we have no connection.”
“What are you going to do?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. On the one hand I feel like I should just come clean now, because the more time that goes by, the harder it will get.”
“But you don’t know if you’re ready.”
It was like he could read her mind. “Exactly.”
Josh picked at the label on his beer bottle with his thumbnail. “Do you have any sense of what he’s like?”
“Not really. Honestly, he seems a little obnoxious. But it’s hard to tell. We’ve spent so little time together, and it’s been in work settings.”
“And you’re probably analyzing everything about him much more than you would any random stranger.”
She hadn’t thought about that. “You’re right. So maybe I’m seeing stuff that isn’t there.” She put down her wineglass and covered her face with her hands. “This is such a mess,” she said from behind her self-created shield.
He gently pulled her hands away from her face and pushed back the strands of hair that had escaped from her braid and gotten caught in her fingers. His skin was warm. “Whatever happens, it will be okay. You’re in an impossible situation. No one is going to be able to tell you what to do, but you have people who care about you and support you?—and will, no matter what.”
Eliza’s breath caught, and it took her a minute to remind herself that whatever this looked like, it was just big-brotherly. She slipped her hands out of his and forced herself to meet his eyes.
“That’s a nice idea, but not exactly true.”
His forehead wrinkled. “What do you mean? You’ve got Scott and Maren. And your friend?—her name’s Mo, right?”
“Yeah, well, Scott and Maren don’t really want to deal with this. Or me. You saw how Scott was the other day. I’m sure he won’t be happy to hear that I’m hiring a lawyer.” Until that moment, she hadn’t been sure that was what she was going to do, but she realized, as she said it, that it was the only avenue she could take and live with herself.
Josh’s gaze traveled over her shoulder and she followed it, alighting on her brother. “He’ll get over it,” he said, returning his eyes to her. “Like I said to you the other day, he doesn’t always know what’s best.”
“Maybe?—but he certainly thinks he does.” She lifted her glass to her mouth and found that it was empty. “And as far as Mo goes?—she’s great. She’s always been great. But lately, I don’t know... she doesn’t seem to get what I’m going through.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “It’s a lot for anyone to understand. Hell, I don’t understand it either. But if she listens to you and is there for you, that’s good, right?”
She nodded.
“Have you eaten? There’s some snacks and stuff.” He pointed toward the other side of the room.
She looked down at her empty glass. “Yeah, probably a good idea. I haven’t been eating much.”
“I can tell.” His eyes swept down her, and she felt acutely uncomfortable. She didn’t know how much weight she’d lost but had started to think of herself as “bones and boobs.” Had his eyes lingered on the latter? No, of course not.
As they made their way toward the food, Scott intercepted them. “Hey, what have you guys had your heads together about?” He looked from one to the other, and though he wore a smile, it didn’t reach his eyes.
Josh grinned. “Oh, I was just telling Eliza about some of your other birthday celebrations. She was trying to guess at which one you got the most shit-faced.”
“Very funny,” Scott replied, barely amused, and Eliza smiled to herself. Then Scott changed the subject. “Hey, I saw you talking to Shira earlier...”
Josh glanced at Eliza, and she spoke before he could reply to her brother. “I’m getting something to eat,” she said, sidling away through the crowd to find the decimated charcuterie boards. The last thing she needed to hear was how hot Josh thought Shira was.