Chapter Thirty-Three
Sitting in an armchair in the living room, opposite Scott and Maren side by side on the couch, Eliza almost wished she hadn’t kicked Josh out. But she knew relying on him wasn’t a good idea either. Maren was biting her lip, twisting her hands together. What is she so anxious about?
Scott leaned forward. “This really takes the cake, Eliza. You took legal action against Carol without telling me?”
Eliza glanced at Maren. What was she supposed to do now? Tell Scott she was just obeying his wife’s instructions? “I... I didn’t want to bother you.” How lame did that sound?
He looked it her incredulously. “You’re kidding me, right? You didn’t want to bother me?”
“Well, I know it’s not what you wanted me to do... the last time we talked...” She trailed off. Her eyes darted to Maren. Was she just going to let her dangle here?
Scott ran his hand across his face. “Jesus, Eliza. I’m still your brother. You should have told me. If for no other reason than that I’m a beneficiary, too. Not to mention, it would have been nice for me to know the facts when Carol called me screaming.”
Eliza felt anger rising. “She called you screaming? First of all, she should have called me. I’m the one who filed the order. Second of all?—what right does she have to be mad? She’s the one who started this fight. What did she think, I was just going to roll over and play dead?”
“Come on, you had to know this was going to explode. It’s so like you, to just act and not think about the fallout.”
“Hey, that’s not fair. The only reason I didn’t come to you first...” She stopped abruptly.
Scott raised his eyebrows. “The only reason was...?”
Maren took a deep breath. “It was because of me.”
He turned to gaze at his wife. “What are you talking about?”
“I told Eliza that she needed to handle this on her own.” Eliza watched the emotions crossing Scott’s face as Maren spoke. “You’ve been having a hard time. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to manage this whole situation.” Maren’s eyes shone with tears. “I guess maybe I made it worse.”
Scott looked back and forth between the two women, seeming utterly flabbergasted. “I don’t even know what to say. To either one of you.” He stood. “I need a drink.”
Maren put her head in her hands after he left for the kitchen. “I was just trying to help,” she said, without looking up.
Eliza almost felt sorry for her. Almost. “I’ll go talk to him.”
Scott stared out the kitchen window into the darkness, drinking his beer.
“Beer after liquor, never been sicker?” Eliza said from behind him, just able to make out his reflection in the glass.
He snorted. “Is that what they say? Well, I just had wine before, so maybe I’m okay.”
She paused, recalling Aunt Claude describing Scott as the peacemaker. Had they swapped roles when she wasn’t paying attention? “I don’t think Maren was entirely wrong,” she offered.
“Oh yeah? What do you mean?” he asked, still facing away from her.
“I had to figure it all out on my own. And I managed it. Well, I’m still in the middle of it, but still, I’m managing. I don’t think I’ve been a total fuckup.”
He sighed. “Why would you be a total fuckup, Eliza?”
“Isn’t that what I usually am? Look what happened to me when Mom died. I totally fell apart.”
He swiveled his head to look at her. “And then you put yourself back together again. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
Now she snorted. “Yeah, well, just five minutes ago you said that I act and don’t think about the fallout. Hardly an endorsement of my ability to handle things.”
He sighed. “You’re emotional. It’s just how you are. That’s all I meant. And I was hurt. Hurt you didn’t talk to me. I didn’t know what Maren had told you.”
“We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?”
He turned and shrugged. “Yeah, but we’re all we have left.”
She felt a lump rise in her throat and tears burning her eyes. “That’s not true. You have Maren.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “You could have someone, too. You never let anyone get close to you.”
“Yeah, well, I haven’t had the best luck counting on people.”
He tilted his head as he looked at her. “Maybe that’s because you go out of your way to date bozos.”
She shoved him. “Hey?—they’re not all that bad.”
“How would I know? You almost never introduce me to any of them.”
Eliza suddenly felt exhausted. She slid onto the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees. Scott sat, too, his legs extended in front of him. He nudged her with his foot. “By the way, what was happening with you and Josh?”
Her pulse fluttered. “What are you talking about?”
“When I came into the kitchen before. Something was going on with you guys.”
She shook her head and hoped she looked convincing. “He was just offering to stick around. Like we’re friends or something.”
He cocked his head. “Why do you sound so pissed off?”
“Do I? I don’t know. He hasn’t exactly been the most reliable person, in my experience.”
Scott extended the beer bottle toward her. “Want some?”
“Why?” she asked suspiciously.
“Just thought you might want a drink.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “You encouraging me to drink isn’t exactly normal behavior.”
He sighed. “Yeah, well. I need to tell you something.”
Her stomach dropped. What was it lately with people needing to reveal their secrets? She waited, trying to slow her breathing and reminding herself that whatever he was about to tell her couldn’t possibly be as dramatic as her father not being her father.
Scott kept his eyes trained on the beer bottle, avoiding her gaze. “Back in high school. I told Josh to leave you alone.”
She didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but didn’t think that was it. She blinked and then squinted at him. “You did what ?” Her voice sounded shrill to her own ears.
“It was right after Mom stopped treatment. You guys thought I didn’t know he was driving you home every day, but I’m not an idiot. I was worried about you. Everything was such a disaster, and I thought the last thing you needed was him messing around with you.”
She suddenly stood, enjoying towering over him. “Messing around with me?” Her voice was dangerously low.
He looked up at her. “You’re my little sister. I was trying to take care of you. I don’t know. I thought I was doing the right thing. I told him I needed to look out for you.”
“Oh my God.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe this.” She struggled to make the puzzle pieces fit together with this new information. Josh hadn’t just blown her off. He’d been listening to his best friend. His best friend whose mother was dying. And Scott had told him it was for her own good. She opened the fridge and took out a beer, waggling the bottle at him. “I think I need a whole fresh one for this.”
Popping the top and taking a long swig, she wandered out of the kitchen, her thoughts swirling. She found Maren back at the dining table, sitting in the detritus of the dessert course. Her sister-in-law looked up at her. “I think I owe you an apology.”
The coincidence was remarkable. Scott had decided to interfere in her relationship with Josh, allegedly for her own good, and then ten years later, Maren stepped into Scott’s relationship with Eliza, allegedly for Scott’s own good. She didn’t know quite what to make of the parallel, but somehow, it seemed significant.
Scott appeared behind her, and she looked between the two. “How about moving forward we keep out of each other’s relationships?” she suggested.
Maren looked puzzled but nodded.
Eliza took a deep breath. “And as long as we’re putting everything on the table, I should tell you that I’ve met Ross. And I’ve told him he’s my biological dad.”
A muscle ticced in Scott’s jaw and Eliza waited for the explosion, but it didn’t come. He simply raised his eyebrows, inviting her to continue.
She opened her mouth, but as she tried to form the words that would describe Ross’s reaction, a wave of emotion clogged her throat.
Scott put a hand on her arm. “Eliza?”
She took a gasping breath and hugged her arms around herself.
Her brother’s grip tightened. “What is it? What happened? Are you okay?”
Nodding, she managed to choke out, “Yeah.” She sank into one of the dining room chairs, and Scott followed suit.
“I guess it didn’t go well?” he said after a moment.
Eliza bit her lip and shook her head. “It was awful.” She tried to remember what she’d told Scott and Maren already and realized that she had to start from the very beginning, about NOY and Ross’s talk at the Glenside School and the gala. Just coming up with the words was exhausting, and she was conscious of their eyes on her as she filled them in.
“So when he saw the photo and recognized Mom... he was so angry . I guess he thought I’d been playing some kind of game with him. I’ve tried to understand it from his side. I really have. Obviously this was a huge shock. But there’s just no part of him that’s at all happy about it. He doesn’t want anything to do with me. And as far as Mom goes... he’s just so pissed at her.”
There was a long silence while Eliza stared at the place setting in front of her, lining up the dessert plate, smeared with chocolate, with the edge of the table.
Scott cleared his throat. “Can you blame him, Eliza?”
She looked up at him so quickly, she felt a head rush. “What do you mean?”
“Look. He’s probably a creep. Sleeping with a married woman. But how’s he supposed to feel, finding out, what, twenty-seven years later, that he has a kid? The more I’ve thought about what Mom did, telling you like this... I mean, it’s bullshit. She never should have put you in this position. If she didn’t have the guts to tell Dad before?—to tell you before?—she should have kept her damn mouth shut.”
Eliza’s eyes stung, and she felt her nose clog. “But...” she started.
“Eliza. Listen. Mom wasn’t perfect...”
“I know that,” she interrupted quickly.
“Do you?” Scott’s voice was sharp, and Maren glanced at him. He softened his tone. “Mom was human. She made mistakes. Obviously some pretty big ones. I still love her. I still miss her. Every damn day. But I miss a real person. Not some idealized version of who she was.”
Eliza felt anger rising, and she pushed her chair away from the table, standing abruptly. “That’s not what I do. I don’t idealize her.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Was she? She walked away from the table, her arms wrapped around herself again. Her eyes were blurred with tears, and she blinked rapidly, finding herself facing the painting hanging above the sofa. It was an abstract array of oranges, greens, and blues that evoked trees reflected in water. She’d always thought it was just a riot of autumn colors, but now it looked like a forest fire encroaching on the edge of a lake. Funny how different lighting or an angle?—or maybe her own mood?—had changed the very heart of the landscape.
Scott sidled up beside her. “I had an extra two and a half years with Mom. More time that she wasn’t sick. Maybe it gives me a little clearer view of things. Or maybe I’m just more of an asshole. I don’t know. But all these years?—everything that happened with Dad, and Carol... I got it, why he moved on. I remember the way he and Mom fought. A lot, for a while. And how hard those two years were when she was sick. And now, I put it together with what we know now about what she did... We’ll never really know what went on inside their marriage, right? In the end, we all do the best we can, I guess. And sometimes it just sucks.”
Eliza looked at her brother, whose eyes were trained on the painting, too. She didn’t want to be angry at Laura. It hurt too much to have those feelings toward her mom. But she’d had them toward Jack. For years and years. And now he was gone, too.